WALKING THE FINE LINE

"I did not expect this failure you know how much I hate failure."

Ritsuko folded her arm leaning against her desk as she lit a cigarette. "We should just face facts we are never going to have pilots who are able to swap between Evangelion's." Gendo put his hands behind his back. "Did the fourth child survive?" Ritsuko looked up slightly. "Yes she'll be discharged from the hospital wing today." She breathed in her cigarette before breathing out watching as the dark smoke floated through the air. "All the data will come back today and I'll be able to go through everything together."

She looked up. "Personally you should have known better, Kyoko Zeppelin was never going to let anyone sit in the seat of unit 02 other than her undeserving selfish daughter and this has now caused a huge problem for us. Because everyone saw unit 02 acting far too human for its own good after it ejected the fourth child." Gendo pushed up his glasses. "They can never know the truth this program is supported by all of the governments because they think the Evangelion's are just cybernetic hybrids and that they are run by a low level AI personality inside the core who's only job is to help the pilots move the limbs by reading there brain waves through the entry plug. If they ever knew that we purposely put people souls in to each of the cores they would see it as breach of human rights and they would try to shut us down."

Ritsuko sat down at the table in the office which looked out over Nerv centrals underground. "Yes well that was your doing if I remember right I mean you put your wife and your sister in law in both unit 00 and unit 01 one in each." She breathed in deeply. "Did Yui or her older sister Kiko know what they were in for that day during testing?"

Gendo looked up showing no emotion as he spoke evenly. "No but they sacrificed themselves for the greater good of the program and now Rei and Shinji can do the job they were meant to." A sneer formed on his lips. "My real concern has always been Asuka nothing has changed in that respect I don't like pieces I can't always control."

Ritsuko shrugged as she pushed her blonde hair back. "Her mother was no different but Asuka will probably no longer be a concern for you, she'll probably wash out of the program soon enough. Her sync ratio has been slowly dropping over the past three years. It's just no one has cared to notice or if they do they just don't want to tell her but this incident should end her career even if she gets back up on her feet I don't see it improving anytime soon. We don't need her we can replace her with Mari who is better at following rules also once we get rid of her and we have destroyed unit 02 we can close the German division down permanently they know far too much and it's always bothered me." Gendo put his gloved hands together. "Perhaps the fact that they know too much won't be an issue, any division that does know the truth about the Evangelion's core won't go public with it, they know that we can kill them if they talk."

Ritsuko sat back in her chair. "You know your son and daughter will fight you over Asuka, because she is a veteran and the public love her but mostly because she's a stupid angry force of nature. Its one of the reasons we've always hated her being on television because she hit one of the interviewers six years ago and it caused utter chaos. Plus her personal life has made her an utter embarrassment and a disgrace to Nerv. Need I not mention the event with the tourist woman named Hikari which caused a massive public uproar and tarnished Nerv's good reputation because it was so public? We had to pay out a massive amount of compensation money and all because she had a violent lapse in judgement. Also she won't go to live events like the others and in the last three years she has not been on television with the other pilots she has in very much vanished from public life, granted we've never had issues with selling her toys and merchandise but compared to the others she's just a waste of fucking space."

Gendo felt a sneer form as he turned to look at her. "I don't care for my children's opinions the fact is unless Asuka becomes useful to me in some manner I see no reason for her to be here. We are no longer fighting this battle with three pilots were now have six and loosing one will not hurt the program and I don't care for the outside world's opinions on that."

Ritsuko felt a coy smile form. "I have to ask you did you make an offside deal with Mari to make it that she crippled Asuka on purpose?" Gendo pushed up his glasses. "I don't make deals with pilots what happened was not my concern though it was inevitable having that amount of tension between two pilots who can't get along was going to end badly it was due to poor management from Misato." Ritsuko finished her cigarette stamping it out. "You know once Asuka gets back on her feet there will a press conference and she will have to attend it this time also the grand unveil of Toji's unit 05 is very close now it will be a matter of weeks."

Gendo put a hand on his thick beard. "None of that matters to me, that is Misato's arena and what happens is out of my hands." Ritsuko folded her arms. "Well Asuka will screw it up she always does its just one more nail in her coffin, she just doesn't know when to shut up when it actuality matters and when she does we can make her disappear and this time it will be for good." Gendo breathed in deeply. "Seele may want six pilots but I do not see there reasoning behind it and they have never opened up to us on the subject but I don't intend to fulfill their wish I've given so much to this program and I'm tired of their meddling."

8

Maya tightened the brace to the harness around Asuka's legs this was a very special bionic device that attached to the legs and pelvis and helped a person walk. It was normally used for paralyzed patients but she thought it might be helpful for Asuka she eased put her hand turning on the device while looking up at Asuka who was in the wheel chair dressed in a fresh set of hospital clothes with a new hospital shirt and trouser she was faced the walking bars.

She turned the device onto its highest setting as she had no intention of making this easy for her, she wanted Asuka to work the machine not the other around as it would help build her strength back up. She stood up going to the end of the walking bar where Geraldina was seated at the end looking uncertain. "Okay Asuka I know you can pull yourself up, because you got in to that wheel chair on your own." She raised her hands. "So pull yourself on to the walking bar."

Asuka breathed in deeply nothing about her was looking forward to this she had been dreading this all day. She took in a deep breath steering herself before pulling herself up hearing the bionic's shift as they helped her but only at the minimum. She couldn't help but cry out in pain as her legs started to burn just from being up right, she could only grit her teeth and bear it. Maya eased up her hand signalling her to come forward. "Walk to me Asuka just raise your foot slowly and easy."

Geraldina moved to end of the bar. "Come on little one come to me, you can do this." Asuka breathed in deeply trying to ignore the pain which was pure hell. She raised her foot slowly which only made it worse she could feel every muscle in her arms tensing as she held onto the bars. She eased up her foot bringing it forward only to feel her self stumble as her other foot refused to move the next moments turned to pain as she collided with the floor, painfully hitting it on her side. She sat up seeing that Maya was coming over to help her she raised her hand stopping her. "No don't help me up I can stand on my own!"

She grabbed the bar trying to pull herself up only for the intense pain to come again as she forced herself back on her feet hearing the bionics wind helping her to stand again. "I'm not going to beaten by this verfickte walking bar!" She tried to move her feet feeling her right leg move only for her left to once again freeze up. Maya watched as the left foot started to rise but it was talking so much effort. "Look Asuka you shouldn't force it, you have to take your time." Geraldina sat up the concern in her face. "She's right Asuka you can't force this, you need to be patient."

"I'm sorry is this a bad time?"

Maya turned around seeing that Rei had entered the room the concern in her green eyes. "No Rei please come on in we were just helping Asuka, you might want to give her some moral support." Rei adjusted her decorated short sleeve white shirt as she walked in only to watch as Asuka fell forward again the agony in her face as she pulled herself in to a sitting position the frustration in her face. She raised the milk shake in her hand. "Hey Asuka."

Asuka looked up speaking in a sharper tone that she meant to. "What?" Rei slowly leaned over the bar putting the milkshake near the red haired woman's face. "I got you something from down the Arcade, you said full dairy with caramel right?" Asuka turned sharply blinking in shock she slowly took it from her hands not thinking as she put her mouth to the straw feeling her taste buds explode. She'd missed this so much she closed her eyes enjoying the moment of pure bliss before opening them to give a Rei and a very silent thank you which she received giving her a wide smile in return.

Maya moved forward. "Hey! You're not meant to have that, give that to me Asuka." Asuka sneered at her not caring how cold her next words sounded. "You want this you can pry it from my dead fingers, because I'm not going to give it to you." Maya put a hand on her face groaning she turned to Rei who was leaning on the bar as Asuka carried on drinking oblivious to everyone. "She's not meant to have sugar right now." She looked at Geraldina who raised he hands as she spoke. "Don't look at me, her mother was never like this, I don't know where it comes from all I do know is you're not going to get that drink out of her hands now."

Rei stood up fully. "No offence Maya but if I'd been in here for as long as Asuka has I think the food and the room might send me stir crazy." She felt her eyes dart. "I think there's a phrase for that." Asuka didn't turn as she spoke calmly. "Yeah it's called cabin fever." Rei looked down at her. "Yes that's the phrase I was looking for." Maya raised her hand. "Please you don't have cabin fever Asuka."

Asuka took a sip from her milkshake. "How would you know you're not in side my head?" Maya moved over to her leaning against the bar. "Would you prefer that I brought Ritsuko down here, because for years she's wanted to get inside your head and not in a good way?" Asuka raised her hand. "Don't let that woman anywhere near me I can't stand her." Maya raised an eyebrow. "Yeah I thought you wouldn't be game for that, be happy it's me down here and not her because she really doesn't like you that much." Asuka lowered her gaze sadly. "Yeah well it's not like anyone really likes me that much around here anyway, so she can just take a number."

Rei put her hands in her trouser pockets. "Contrary to popular belief I like you." Asuka turned looking up at her for a long moment she was just being nice to make her feel better of that she was sure. She looked down realizing that she had just insulted her step mother. "Sorry that came out wrong with regards to Ritsuko." Rei pushed her short hair back. "Please don't apologise for that Asuka, she's not my mother Yui was my only real mother."

Geraldina watched the both of them careful as she spoke. "It must be hard having the director as your father." Rei looked up slightly. "No its not, he barely takes any notice of me." She put a hand on her chest. "You see I have the great misfortune of looking just like my mother so he can't bear to be around me let alone in the same room as me so we very rarely talk, he does talk to my brother Shinji but they never have great conversations." Asuka took a long sip from her milkshake before speaking. "Your father is an idiot since your mother was really beautiful and so are you."

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Rei turned as she leaned over the bar getting somewhat in to Asuka's personal space. "Really you think I'm as beautiful as my mother?" Asuka breathed in feeling slightly uncomfortable at how close Rei was because it wasn't like she could crawl away at any great speed. She looked up as spoke very quietly. "Yes I do." Rei gave her a wide grin as she moved away. "You see this is why I like you Asuka unlike everyone else around here you always says just what you feel." She turned down as her watches alarm went off. "Damn it." She looked up. "I'm sorry to cut you all short but I have to go and practice out on the field." She leaned over putting a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I'll come back and visit you later I'll bring a book with me okay?"

Asuka watched as she vanished from sight in truth she felt sad that she had, had to leave this was the first time in her whole time of being in the hospital wing that she'd felt the slightest bit happy. It wasn't just because the milkshake but the company. Geraldina eyed her granddaughter seeing the little lost kitten look in her good eye. "You should ask that girl out, she clearly likes you." Asuka rolled her eyes though her grandmothers had never had any issues with her sexuality ever since she had come out years ago she still found it difficult when she got involved in her relationships. "Seriously grandma, don't get involved in my love life."

Geraldina leaned forward. "But she likes you." Asuka narrowed gaze. "No she doesn't you're confusing her kindness as something which it isn't." Maya leaned on the walking bar again breathing in deeply. "No offence Asuka but sometimes you can be really dense towards other people's emotions and your grandmothers right Rei likes you, she's always liked you I see it in her face even though you two have not talked that much until recently." Asuka felt a sneer form. "Do not take my grandma's side Maya." Geraldina turned to the Japanese woman. "Have you been telling her this as well?"

Maya shook her head. "Trying to but she never listens to me." Asuka put her hand on the bar. "Look you're both missing the point she doesn't swing that way." Maya folded her arm. "Yet I bet you've never bothered to ask her what she does and doesn't like because you and I both know that sexuality can be fluid." Asuka sneered as she eyed her. "You sound like a pamphlet." Maya walked over to her. "Yes and wasn't it a pamphlet that made you come and see me ages ago because you were struggling deeply with your feelings in school?" Asuka folded her arms looked up at her. "I hate you so much right now."

Maya leaned over knowing that she didn't mean that at all it was just her not liking that she'd completely lost the argument and had not gotten in the last word. "Then how's about you drum up some of that anger and use it to get your feet moving." She tapped the bar. "Let's do this again Asuka on your feet lets see if you can get that left foot moving."

Asuka breathed in deeply as she once more struggled to her feet despite the pain it took, the only part that felt better was her stomach which was a least filled with something she enjoyed. She took a slow step forward trying to take the pain once more she didn't care how long it took she was going to force her left foot to move no matter how long it took. As for what the others were saying she didn't believe it one bit, they were just trying to give voice to something that didn't exist just to make her feel better because she couldn't walk. Rei didn't like her that way why would she ever like her that way?

The only real memory she had of pursuing Rei was in no sense a positive one she'd come onto her in a vile disgusting manner and been slapped for it. It was a slap she had rightly deserved and it was probably one of those memories that had stuck in Rei's mind because people always remembered you at your worst and never your best.

8

Misato looked at Shinji who was sitting at her table along with Rei she had invited them both over for lunch and general chat and to share a meal. She watched as Pen Pen eat his fish over in the corner. "So I need a favour from you guys." Shinji looked up instantly not liking where this was going. "What kind of favour?" Misato eased up a bunch of gold letter invitations. "I need you to give these to Toji, Kaworu, Mari and Asuka you're also invited as well." Rei took the event card opening it. "It's a beach barbeque." Misato felt a wide smile form. "There will be plenty of alcohol and food and you can all go swimming and diving, you know like you all used to when we were kids."

Shinji looked at his card. "You mean me Rei and Kaworu did, Asuka doesn't swim she doesn't like deep water she's really afraid of it. In school she had a panic attack when someone pushed her in the deep end as a joke, though they weren't laughing after she punched them and broke their nose." He looked up slightly. "She's never said that much only that her step parents really didn't take care of her when she lived there for two years and she nearly drowned in a lake she said her foot got tangled below and she couldn't surface she was six at time. She can swim on the surface in very shallow water but once it gets so deep that she can't touch the bottom she wants out." Misato leaned on her elbow. "She never tells me these things." She took a long drink from her beer can looking at the night sky outside her window. "I feel like even Maya knows more than me, when it comes to Asuka."

She looked up. "Have either of you seen her eye yet the damaged one?" Rei leaned forward taking some food from the central food bowl. "I saw her yesterday the eye isn't that good all cloudy and white in the pupil and she has a scar running down it as well and I saw her twice today she was trying to walk though not successfully. When I came back in the afternoon she was asleep and Maya said she still wasn't able to walk though it's not for a lack of trying, it's her left leg it's giving her real problems." Misato turned rummaging around in her bag. "Where is it? I know I put it in here some where." She pulled the item out "There you are?"

She eased up a packet which had a black patch which was made of velvet. "Since you've been going up there a lot Rei next time you go up there, you can give this to her." Rei took it from her hand turning it between her fingers. "Seriously an eye patch?" Misato leaned over the table. "Oh come on its cool, like a pirate or something and she won't want the scar showing." Rei breathed in deeply. "She's going to really hate this."

Misato took another long gulp of her beer can before turning to her. "Not from you she won't, you know I heard she accepted a food gift from you, she doesn't normally accept food gifts from anyone because she's far too proud about her own money." Rei tensed as her brother turned raising an eyebrow. "It wasn't a date, I wasn't buying her dinner…you get so hung up over small things that don't mean anything. She's been really ill she told me that she'd kill for an ice cream and caramel milkshake so I brought her one it was that simple and she's bored out of her mind up in the hospital wing." Misato felt her smile widen. "But you know it's the little things that go places."

Rei narrowed her gaze. "I'm not having this conversation with you Misato, not again." Misato leaned back. "Yeah but you know there was that one time in the past you when you two-" Rei slammed her hand down hard on the table causing them both to look at her more out of shock than anything else because it wasn't that often that she got angry. "Don't bring that up! You know it wasn't a good thing for me back then and Asuka had her own issues and she was going of the rails in terms of her sexuality. It was frightening and scary for me because I said no and she wasn't listening so I had to hit her really hard to get the point across."

She felt her body tense. "You don't know how scary it is to say no to someone who's that full of rage and confusion and how you have to wait for what feels like an eternity and pray that you don't hit you back and she could have very easily hit me back that day she just didn't." She sat back leaning on her elbow. "Have you ever looked in to Asuka's face when it's all rage and desire it's terrifying you get this feeling that she might just rip off your limbs and eat them."

Shinji looked at the floor sadly. "Rei is right on this one, it's scary because your not in control and you know it and she knows it and it can be very unpleasant granted with us its all consenting but I never felt like I knew Asuka, even in bed she never let her guard down when we were together. The relationship we had was so one sided and nether of us got better through it, we weren't right for one another I know that now but it took me years to see it." He looked at his drink. "She saw it though that was why she ended it." Misato leaned back as she spoke in a more serious tone. "People change, you've both changed she's changed." Rei put down her bowl. "It doesn't mean I don't still fear that side of her just because it's been resting for three years." Misato looked at her for a long moment. "Then why go visit her in the hospital, is it pity or guilt?"

Rei put the eye patch in her pocket. "It's neither, look I get it I'm probably setting myself up for a world of hurt but every time I look at her she just seems so lost in herself. Its like the world could be crumbling around her and she wouldn't ever notice and I think she very deeply depressed, it's just no ones bothered to notice and she just assumes that no one cares and it's not their problem to care."

She looked down sadly. "She literally assumes that almost everyone at Nerv hates her and she just accepts it, its so saddening." Shinji turned sharply. "She said that to you?" Rei met her brother's dark gaze. "Yes and the worst part is she's acted like she deserves it or something." She looked up at Misato whose face was unreadable. "We all know that her sync ratio has been down, it's dropping very slowly for three years, she's only just been with in with in tolerance maybe it's a weird twist of fate that she has this accident because we all know once she steps back into the entry plug that it's going to be even worse and its probably going to come up and she's not going to take it well. That is assuming she doesn't already know but hasn't said anything because she just doesn't care." Misato looked up slightly. "You're really worried about her aren't you?" Rei looked at her hands. "Yes."

Misato took a slow sip of beer. "You've always admired Asuka though maybe that's why you feel this way." Rei looked at her empty bowl of food. "Yes I always have, even when I didn't like her personally when we were at school, I respected her skills as a pilot and that's never changed to this day. There are days when I wish I could have that level of confidence and utter lack of fear. She also says just what she feels there's no smoke or mirrors what you see is what you get. She'll always tell you the truth and very few people at Nerv have ever been that honest with me other than you and Shinji."

She picked up a chopstick spinning it between her fingers. "I just wish I could have that sense of power and that I wasn't afraid to get angry some times I just want to let go and let the anger I'm feeling out but I don't know how and even if I did know how I think I'd be afraid of where it would take me." Misato leaned over watching as Shinji put his arm around his sister. "Do you want that anger so you can confront our father?"

Rei nodded but deep down she knew it was a half truth she wanted the anger so everyone would finally see that she didn't need protecting anymore, because they all did that. They protected her because she was the youngest. When she had been younger it had been fine but now it just annoyed her, it felt like constant hand holding.

Truth was even in the media she'd always been Shinji's little sister, never Rei Ayanami, which was the surname she had chosen to take, because she hated her father so she'd dropped his surname and taken on her mothers back. As it was a way to distance her self from him as he had refused to take notice of her. She wasn't even ranked high in terms of pilot favourites and the media loved to remind her of that everyday and every year at the annual press conference which was always streamed live to the world, she just felt like some lesser stage show which was behind the main event and it annoyed her no end.

She was just a good as the others she had worked just as hard and yet she never seemed to get the benefit and be recognised for her own accomplishments. Just once she wanted to get out of Shinji's shadow. Even when she'd caught Asuka's falling entry plug it had been ignored and all of the credit had gone to Shinji for punching Mari's unit in the mouth. She couldn't blame Asuka for disappearing from the limelight three years ago, the media had practically crucified her in the worst possible way and painted her as something truly demonic and unsavoury.

She looked down granted Asuka was very popular she was always in the top three next to Shinji and Kaworu but in the media never said nice things about her, even three years on. Maybe that was why she could relate to her on some level in that they were the same. In that they were both victims of the media and may be that was why she kept on visiting her, because she felt that they had that in common connection which she just didn't get with the others.

End of part 10

Silvermoonlight