TOUCHING THE PILLARS OF THE GODS
Rei eased up Asuka's graphic novel which she'd just started reading yesterday and was now only a third of the way through thus far and it was a surprisingly enjoyable reading. So far she was the only ones to come in none of others were here yet including her brother. It would be an interesting day as they would all be out on the training field for the first time since Asuka had, had the accident and she was really looking forward to it.
It would give her a sense of normality she looked up as Toji came in through the double doors closely followed by Mari he waked up to her the concern showing in his eyes. "Hey Rei did you hear about Asuka?" Rei looked up sharply feeling something in the pit of her stomach turn she had been wondering yesterday where Asuka was as she had not seen her once. It was like she had completely vanished from sight yet when she'd been about to make her way home she'd seen her work motorbike still in the garage parked some way from hers which seemed so odd at the time she had assumed that she might have been feeling unwell and had taken the train home instead. "No what about Asuka." Mari pushed up her glasses as she smirked. "Princess fell asleep in one of the lifts yesterday."
She raised her hand. "The work man and women were telling us all about it apparently she took the Arcade's lift to the lowest level possible tripped the power breaker so it couldn't go back up and then smashed up the video camera. She had been sleeping down there for six hours solid before the workers pulled up the lift, safe to say they were really surprised to pry open the lift doors and find her there all curled up in the corner. Apparently no matter how much they shook her she didn't wake up and in the end they literally had to bang a spanner against the wall to get her to come around and even then she was really slow after she came back to her senses they sent her home."
She folded her arms. "She wouldn't tell them why she was there hence why they asked us because they were so confused about the whole thing because it's such strange behaviour, I mean okay she's a weirdo anyway but this is weird even for her." Rei looked up slightly. "You know it takes one to know one." Mari eyed her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke. "Please we are nothing alike!" Rei turned another page of the graphic novel reconsidered her statement. "No I guess your not I mean I always know where I stand with Asuka but never with you."
Mari raised her finger. "You know I'm getting really tired of your sassy bullshit! Why can't you go back to being the quite little nobody who doesn't talk that much you know like you were before Asuka got her body broken?" Toji put a hand on his face. "Not this again it's too early for this crap!" He shook his head. "Why must you all fight can't we all just get along for once for the sake of the team?" He rolled his eyes. "My little sisters twelve and even she doesn't act this way." He turned watched as Shinji came in closely followed by Kaworu. "Oh there you both are, your sister and Mari are fighting again."
Shinji breathed in deeply great not this again he knew it wasn't Rei it was Mari she just never knew when to quit and saw just about everyone other than Toji as a rival in some manner. "Okay can we all just take a moment to calm down it's going to be Asuka's first day back on the training field? She needs moral support from all of us because believe me it's much harder when you have not been in the Evangelion for a while because stepping back in can be very daunting." Kaworu leaned over putting his arm around Shinji's shoulder. "Shinji's right this is a big moment for Asuka." Mari felt a cold smile form. "That's assuming that she even turns up today who knows she might fall asleep in the lift shaft again." Shinji turned in looking at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?!"
Rei put her graphic novel away as she stood up. "Asuka fell asleep in the Arcade lift shaft yesterday she knocked its power breaker out and broke the camera and slept down there for six hours solid the workmen and -women found her later on and woke her up." She looked up meeting her brothers shocked gaze. "I'm getting really worried about her Shinji she just hasn't been right for days it's not just in her injuries she seems deeply depressed I've never seen her like this before and when I look into her eyes I know that somethings just not right but she just won't open up about it."
Mari adjusted her white shirt collar. "Don't you mean eye since she only has one?" Rei turned sharply feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. "I don't recall you being part of this conversation now get lost!" She was about to speak only for her next word to be cut off as Asuka came running in through the double doors not even stopping as she ran in to bathroom out of sight only for the sound of one of the toilet doors being slammed shut to echo through the air. She ignored Mari's cold gaze as she walked in to the bathroom hearing the awful sounds as Asuka threw up there was a long pause before the flush was heard. She moved over to her cubical knocking gently on the door. "Asuka, can I come in?"
She waited hearing the bolt unlock as Asuka came out walking slowly over to the sink which she leaned her head over as she ran the cold water splashing it all over her face while drinking some which she spat out clearly trying to get the awful taste out of her mouth. She looked at her sadly as she leaned over putting a hand on her back rubbing gently. "Are you okay?" Asuka eased herself up taking in a deep breath knowing her next words were partly a lie because what had made her feel ill was the thought of getting back in to unit 02 because she was so nervous. "Bad quark and eggs..."
Rei raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you should just stick to muesli or natural yogurt rather than curd cheese for breakfast." Asuka leaned her head against the glass. "I'll remember that in future." Rei kept her hand on her back. "I heard you had an interesting day yesterday." Asuka looked up meeting her green eyes as she pulled her patch off putting it in her pocket. "Yeah I couldn't get in a single shot out on the range my aim was awful." Rei breathed in deeply. "I was actuality refereeing to the lift which you slept in for six hours."
Asuka tensed as she felt her hand form a fist she wasn't mad that Rei knew this but more annoyed that the workmen and -women had clearly told other people which probably meant that everyone at Nerv knew by now. "I just wanted to get away from everyone."
Rei looked at her for a long moment. "You could have to come to me, there are quite places at Nerv I know about that don't involve breaking cameras and turning of power breakers where you could have slept." Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply Bardiel had not appeared to her since she'd fallen asleep in the lift shaft and once she'd gone home she'd fed and played with her cat and then had fallen straight back to sleep. She knew he wasn't gone she could feel it in her heart clearly he was just giving her some kind of emotional rest bite, before he came back and tormented her again.
Like he'd said he was in her brain itself that was where he was hiding. It was the reason the scanners in the Orion decontamination tank had never found him as it scanned blood and bone not the brain's grey matter. Despite her uncertain feelings she was just grateful to have some real sleep and though she didn't feel as drained as yesterday and did feel better physically, mentality her mind was still in a dark place where it was very hard to reach certain emotions.
She put her hand on her left eye rubbing it. "My emotional scheiss is not your problem." Rei looked at her for a long moment watching as she stood up fully stretching her back. "It's not wrong to want to have someone to talk to Asuka to share the burden with you know I've been worried about you. You've not been yourself at all I've seen it in how you talk speak and act you're so distant and you are not talking like you used to."
Asuka eased her patch on again somehow she knew that this would happen clearly for all the emotions she'd been trying to hide and hope that no one would notice or even care had clearly been slipping though much to her discomfort. "I just don't feel well Rei I'm having problems sleeping." She mentality kicked herself yeah that was pathetic like Rei would really believe that? Rei inched a little closer putting her hand on her leather jackets arm looking straight into Asuka's good eye as the taller woman turned to face her.
"No Asuka I've seen you when your sick, this is something else I know it I see it every time I look into your eye I see that something is getting to you and you can't talk to anyone about it." She eased up her hands straightening the other woman's leather jackets collar. "I just want to help you so please stop trying to shut me out." Asuka felt herself start to shiver as the anxiety came hard and fast, she wanted to tell her the truth but if she did she'd put her at risk there were security cameras everywhere at Nerv they'd see and they'd know.
If it ever got out that she was contaminated she'd be locked up and experimented on she'd die like a lab rat. They'd probably cut her up in chunks and stick her parts in jars or they'd pump her full of drugs like her mother and she'd end up in a mental ward and would never see the sun again as long as she lived and no one would be able to save her not even her grandmother.
Rei could feel her shaking it was subtle but she could feel it. "Asuka you're shaking." Asuka knew her next action were so wrong everything about it was wrong but she just wanted contact so badly because she couldn't voice her fears openly and deep down she just felt so painfully lonely right now. For once she wanted that feeling of belonging so much that it hurt.
She knew Rei would probably push her away or reject her whenever they'd gotten this close in the past the other woman had made it known that she didn't like or even want her around. Not that she could blame her as she'd just been an awful person to be around and she'd always hated rejection it hurt more than anything. It was probably one of the things that she never handled well due to her mother rejecting her during her insanity when she was a child. It was why in school she'd wanted everyone to like her so much even if her actions were cruel or negative because for her any attention had been fine so long as all eyes were upon her.
She leaned her head into the other woman's shoulder feeling the fresh cotton of her embroiled shirt which smelt so much like fresh alpine forest which brought back so many school memories all at once some so strangely distant now in the back of her mind. Rei breathed in deeply as she moved her hand up running it gently through the other woman's red hair as she wrapped her arm around Asuka's back. Clearly she wasn't going to get answers but it didn't matter to her right now maybe because this was the first time Asuka hadn't pushed her away or tried to run away and she clearly just wanted to be held.
Asuka arms weren't moving she was so hesitant and clearly afraid even though this was an open invitation she moved her hand away from her back taking hold of her arms moving them so they were around her waist near her jeans, before moving her arms back in place around her back as she spoke in a quite and gentle voice. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me right now Asuka just know that if you do I'm always here if you change your mind." She felt the other woman's arms wrap fully around her it was a very gentle embrace on Asuka's part she kept still it was so surreal being here now.
Asuka had once tried to do this to her at school but in a much more dominating and aggressive way and she'd literally shoved her off making it clear she didn't want her near her and she couldn't stand the sight of her. The reply had been a barrage of swearing in German none of which she had understood at the time but looking back though on that memory there was something she had seen but not cared to see which was the pain in Asuka's eyes staring back at her before she walked back and sat her wooden school desk where she'd sat down and started to scratch into it with a pen knife. They were both such different people back then but things were so different now they were both different and they had both grown up and had changed in so many ways.
She felt Asuka move as she slowly freed herself from the embrace much to her sadness as deep down she had wanted it to last longer because there was something about it that was so nice it's that she really couldn't put her finger on it other than that it was so different to when other people hugged her there was a sense of warmth.
Asuka looked down sadly as she spoke she had held Rei far to long and she knew it was inappropriate on her part. Though a part of her had just wanted to hold her forever but she knew better and she knew the smaller woman would have just gotten angry with her and shoved her off like she had done in school if she'd held on any longer. "I have to get ready."
She looked at her new plug suit which Rei had fixed which was now hanging behind the glass next to the lockers outside the bathroom. "Everyone's expecting me to perform today…I should at least give them a show even if it's an awful one." Rei moved a little closer to her. "You'll be fine." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "Tell me something Rei because I need to know the truth."
She spoke knowing that the pain was in her voice. "When you talk to me are you doing it out of guilt or pity for my illness or is this genuine?" She felt her body tense painfully. "Because if its first one you don't have do it anymore because it's not fair on either of us and I won't hold anything against you for walking away. You have your own friends and your own life and you don't need me to messing it up for you because I have a habit of ruining everything I touch."
Rei shook her head okay so she wouldn't deny that she had come to Asuka at the start because she'd felt a sense of sadness and guilt because none of the others were spending that much time with her, now though it was different now she was being here because she wanted to be her friend and she cared about her "At the beginning it was guilt yes."
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
Asuka felt the twist of pain turn in her stomach like a knife she was unable to keep the intense pain out of her voice as she spoke. "I suspected that so please stop doing this it hurts too much." Rei moved forward taking hold of her arm as she raised her other hand. "No just hear me out Asuka I said at the beginning, I don't feel that way anymore I care about you and I just want us to be friends, real friends." She breathed in deeply. "I think deep down you want that too."
She was about to say more only for Toji to poke his head around the corner fully dressed in his plug suit. "You guys need to get ready they want us all on the field in ten minutes." Rei watched as Asuka turned away. "Look I promise we'll talk about this once the training is over." Asuka looked down sadly. "I won't hold you to that promise if you choose otherwise."
8
Misato looked over both huge fields where all of the Evangelion's were slowly being brought up she eyed Kaji and Maya, Shigeru and Makoto who were in the training room all at there separate holographic desks. "Okay tell all of the pilots to activate minus Asuka we'll do her last." She looked up as huge holographic training screen came on, she could see both training fields and a large number of press helicopters flying around at some distance.
Though Nerv's military vertical take off fighters were floating at a threatening distance to keep them at bay sometimes she really hated the whole freedom of the press bullshit. Because it meant that they were nothing but a pain on days like this and of cause the media team who did the whole crappy social media side up in the media centre and who gave guided tours to sponsor's and delegates loved this stuff.
To them it was one big candy bar and just another way to sell more products and merchandise and trend shitty speeches all over media sites to make Nerv look good. Also every six months they did the pilots photos shoots which they sold to the news papers and magazines world wide at the highest price then there were the seated one to one interviews and the press interview every year and she hated it. The media loved to stick the knife in a twist and make out that Nerv was screwing up in some way and they loved trying to put the blame on her shoulders or the pilots in some way.
The only control they had over them was that they were strictly forbidden from going near any of the pilots homes and they were not allowed to take photos of them near there homes and they also weren't allowed to harass them when they were out enjoying themselves in Tokyo Three. The price for doing so was a loss of all the good photos and interviews and footage of the training grounds which they were gagging for and nobody had overstepped the line yet.
She looked up again at the press helicopters it wasn't surprising that the press were here as they were awaiting Asuka's return to the field and they all wanted to record her activation and broad cast it to the world no doubt even Asuka's grandmother would be watching this feed over in Germany. She watched as unit 00 and 01 started there slow march as they were freed from the shoulder restraint. She looked up as 04 on the training fields other side plugged in the cable to the Omega unit so it could move around better while on the other side unit 03 activated as it marched out.
Maya eyed her holographic desk looking at the feeds. "All pilots within high perimeters, all of the mental syncs seem fine and healthy." She eyed Rei's bar. "Apart from Rei's she's a little lower than normal though." Misato leaned over typed in her personal panel. "Rei are you okay? Your sync seems a little lower than normal." Rei's face appeared on central screen. "I'm fine, look you should be telling Asuka to activate she's under a lot of pressure and the waiting is just going to make it worse." Mari's face suddenly appeared on screen along side Rei's. "Yeah wake her up I've always wanted to see what happens when unit 02 falls flat on its face."
Kaji eyed her in disgust. "Get off this channel Mari." Shigeru typed in to the holographic desk watching as Mari's image vanished. "Another day in paradise…." Makoto didn't look as he carried on typing. "I don't get paid enough for this shit." Maya rolled her eyes as she looked at him. "Shut up I need to concentrate." She watched as they all went quite as she beamed the screen in close on unit 02 which was looking sorry for itself in the corner. "Did they get the new software installed in the 02 entry plug?" Kaji looked up. "I installed it personally last night."
Misato leaned over his chair. "What new software?" Kaji turned to her. "You know how you're always saying that sometimes the pilot's holographic screens get messy and you're sick of Mari pissing off Asuka and you wish the pilots had more control over their screens?" Misato gave him a wide grin. "Yes I did so what did you make me Oh great one?"
Kaji eased up a special top of the range red data card watching as she took it. "This will give the pilots full control of there inner floating hologram screens but it also allows them to literally swipe off some one's face they don't want to see or hear. Also they can turn on video, music and play little 2d games between units and even play games together. You know during those boring quite times when they have nothing to do and they just have to stand around and look menacing for worldwide public events, they can even write and draw with there fingers there's an art program installed." He raised his hand. "Also don't worry about Mari she's getting a version that's a little harder to put her claws into because we both know that her hacking is an issue."
He felt a smile form. "For Asuka this will add a special surround to her head which will help calculate and compensate for the missing eye if it works we can install the software across all of the pilots entry plugs." Misato looked up. "This is brilliant how long have you been working on this?" Kaji folded his arms. "Six months with the guys here along with Maya's input concerning the old software." He leaned back in his chair. "Never realized all that coding shit I used for spying could come in handy for making useful software."
He eyed unit 02 "Asuka is the perfect test subject for the holographic head surround plus she might enjoy playing mini computer games while she's healing. It might cheer her up as I've heard she's been acting really miserable and out of character lately." Shigeru shook his head. "Yeah who knew that she liked to pull out the power breaker in a lift and then break its camera and sleep in there for six hours straight?"
Misato blinked in surprise "What the hell she slept in a lift shaft, why did no one mention this to me?" Maya turned to look at her. "It happened yesterday and I told everyone not to mention it to you because you might have stopped her from doing the test and she really needs this right now, pulling her will only make her emotional state worse. It's becoming clear to a lot of the staff that she just isn't right she's out of sorts lacks appetite, can be very distant and sort of walks around in her own world and doesn't seem to fight back much and is very tired, it's really disturbing."
She looked up as she carried on typing. "There are lot of people on the staff who are getting a lot amusement out of the lift incident and I have not had chance yet to put them in place it's the next thing on my job list after this. Not to mention I'm doing everything in my power to keep this event secret from Ritsuko because she might use it to really hurt Asuka's career as she hates her with such a passion and she might pull out her whole crappy card about Asuka turning in to her mother and use it to justify her actions and punish her." She watched the screen as the other pilots began there drills. "So let's start this because so long as she moves she'll be okay that's all the world needs to see while I work on fixing her mental state."
Misato moved over to her desk. "Next time you tell me about this okay I knew none of this I thought she was just ill." Maya looked up. "You're meant to be her commander why don't you take the time out of your busy day to actuality talk with her and I don't mean small talk or order talk, because if you had you'd have seen this?" She turned back to her holographic screen. "The reason this has gotten so bad is because people just accept that she's a wayward loner or made of iron but in truth she's not, she's a scared young woman who's lonely and afraid and who struggles to talk to people." She watched as unit 00 stopped training on screen as Rei's image came up again filled with uncertainty. "Would you please get Asuka moving?" Misato looked up sharply. "Okay Rei we are on that now, stand by."
Asuka breathed in feeling her self getting more and more tense why was no one activating her she was literally staring into the darkness with nothing going on? She turned as the com came on as Maya's voice hit the air filled with concern. "Okay Asuka sorry to keep you waiting please activate 02." Asuka let out the breath she'd been holding, finally she couldn't take the waiting anymore.
She moved over taking the controls closing her eyes feeling the LCL as it started to spill up filling up the entry plug. She took in a deep breath letting it enter her lungs taking in slow deep breathes feeling a moment of utter bliss as that familiar feeling of warmth surrounded her. She could smell sunflowers beautiful sunflower she watched as the red code ran up on the screens before they turned to white and the outside world came in to view she felt herself freeze as an unfamiliar smell hit her nose. "Whose been in my verfickten unit I can smell rosemary?!"
Misato's voice came over the com though it sounded nervous. "When you get out I'll explain everything to you." Asuka felt a sneer form. "You put Mari in here didn't you?" Maya's voice came again though it sounded happier this time. "Asuka you have some new software I'm going to boot it up for you don't be alarmed by the head hologram when it appears."
Asuka watched as the screens went black again this time lighting up with blue code before the outside screens reappeared and a yellow surround appeared around her head she turned her head seeing it move with her. "What is this thing?" Maya's face appeared on her holographic screen. "We've updated your entry plug software give thanks to Kaji and the others as they worked for six months on this it's really good. We are testing it on you as you lost your eye and the yellow surround allows you move better in tune with your unit and it will help compensate for the left side blind spot." Asuka moved back getting used the surround. "I'm confused why not test this on four eyes since she's blind?"
Mari's face suddenly appeared on her screen filled with rage "Fuck off princess!" Maya breathed in deeply. "Oh yes and as a new feature you can swipe people who are annoying off your screen and silence them." Asuka eased up her hand throwing Mari image of screen. "Oh I like that." Maya looked up. "The software compensates for blind spots only not for a lack of sight so it wouldn't really help Mari plus her glasses fix the problems with her eyes."
Misato leaned over Maya's chair. "Yeah I can see why you and Kaji went with the whole software thing now, good distraction." Maya turned looking up at Asuka's sync which was just above borderline but still much lower than all of the others. "Yeah well I'm not telling her about Mari getting in her unit that's your job after she gets better mentality." She breathed in deeply. "She's still dangerously low but she is syncing unlike in the other test." She looked down at her desk. "Freeing unit 02's shoulder restraints..." She pressed the buttons watching as 02's restraints came free on the big screen. "Okay Asuka please walk forward."
Misato looked up seeing that nothing was happening. "Come on Asuka move your damn foot." Maya raised her hand. "Just give her time." She breathed in sharply seeing that Asuka still wasn't moving. "Come on Asuka." Kaji turned the concern in his eyes. "If she doesn't move do you want me to cancel the test?" Maya folded her arms. "No she will do this! I know her she will move."
She watched as unit 02's head started to move as the right foot lifted very slowly before coming down hard as it began to move forward the left foot followed which wasn't so steady as it came down hard and with a lot of effort. "That's it keep moving." She watched as the red unit slowly carried on walking though the limp in the left leg was showing though.
Misato folded her arms. "She has that bionic on right?" Maya nodded. "Yes and it's turned on." Misato blinked in confusion. "Why is 02 limping then?" Maya carried on typing. "The bionic only fools her body it doesn't fool her brain and 02 is reading her brain waves." Misato put a hand through her hair in frustration. "Can you compensate for it I'm mean the press are going to mock this no end?" Maya shook her head. "No I can't." She looked at 02's image knowing that Misato was right the press would find this all very amusing. "Okay Asuka I need you to stop and raise your hands and move your fingers very slowly."
She watched as the red unit with its high red spiked demon like crest stopped raising its hands then began to slowly move its fingers Shinji, Rei and Kaworu had now all stopped to watch. "That's good Asuka." She brought up Rei's image. "Rei would you pass Asuka one of the two ended spears?" She watched as unit 00 ran over to the weapons area pulling a massive two ended spear free then ran over to Asuka carefully handing it to her unit before stepping away. "Okay Asuka you remember your training give the press something good." Misato watched as Asuka began to spin the weapon looping it around her units head in precise but slow manner. "There we go she's going to be fine."
Asuka carried on the looping the two ended spear only for her screen to suddenly go black on one side as a close up of Bardiel appeared his red eyes glowing as he spoke calmly. "Ah there you are, now shall you begin again?" Asuka felt the fear hit her causing her to drop her spear which slammed into the ground she felt her good eye dart in panic as her heart started to pound in her chest.
Bardiel's face formed a wide smile. "Like I've said so many times, if you let me in it will be easy and the pain won't last long are you not tired of feeling weak being sick and everyone thinking you're all washed up?" Asuka shouted her next words. "Leave me alone!" Bardiel shook his head. "These people think you're nothing they are laughing at you right now wouldn't you like to stifle there laughter?" Asuka felt her hands go to her head. "Get out of my head!"
She watched as the whole screen went black and outside world faded in to darkness as Bardiel spoke again. "You're broken in a beautiful way no other can claim so much. If you merge with me they'll never be able to use your mental feelings against you ever again, you'll never be your mother because I'll always protect you." Asuka looked up "You're lying!" Bardiel shook his head. "No I'm not that's what you've always wanted isn't it deep down you don't want to end up like your mother, I'll be your father your protector I'll will the world to your dreams and desires." Asuka looked up screaming her next words, "Mama!"
Bardiel eyes became softer. "Let me in, release your fear of me."
Misato watched as unit 02 hands stayed on its head as it huge jaws opened as it began to roar in pain as 00 came closer. "What the fuck is going on!?" Maya watching as Asuka's whole panel went crazy. "She's going out of sync again, heart rates going crazy and her brain waves are all over the place." She carried on typing. "I can't get through to her unit she's shut me out completely, I have no video or audio I can't even get into her systems!"
Kaji looked up from his holographic desk "It looks like she's having another panic attack just like she did in the test I can flood her LCL with sedative!" Maya turned shaking her head. "No don't do that you could hurt Asuka mentality if you break her sync in a way that's harmful!" She watching as unit 02's head rose skyward it's mouth opening fully as it carried on roaring in pain as its legs opened wider and its whole back started to tense up.
Its fists clenched as the sync waves suddenly started to come back together this time joining in a perfect union. She heard Asuka's strangled desperate voice hit the air over the loud speaker which was normally private so the press couldn't hear the pilot conversations. "Mama, save me!"
End of part 17
Silvermoonlight