A SENSE OF MUTUAL RESPECT AND TRUST
Asuka opened both her eyes realizing that it was early morning the sun was not out yet she put a hand on her face realizing for the first time that she'd fallen asleep on the sofa there was a lot of empty take out food dishes on her coffee table but then she had eaten so much last night.
Once she had taken her first bite her stomach had just screamed out for food and she had started eating and just hadn't stopped as she hadn't eaten right in days and it had just come to a head and she was ravenously hungry and everything tasted good even things she didn't normally care for.
Rei had found it kind of amusing they'd just sat and talked while watching nature documentaries and talking about Nerv it was mostly small talk but she didn't care it was just nice to have her around and not be alone. She sat up seeing that Rei was lying opposite sleeping in her pyjamas she stood up slowly turning to face her.
She was so beautiful everything about her was small and delicate she had soft features even small hands with delicate fingers and pale skin. She breathed in deeply it wasn't fair for her to sleep on the sofa she moved over trying to be really careful because the last thing she wanted to do was to wake her as she slid her arms under her raising her slowly trying to be as gentle as possible. She wasn't heavy but right now she couldn't rely on her own body because it had become so strong.
She walked up the stairs going in to her bedroom then very carefully put the younger woman down on her bed watching as she turned over remaining asleep she carried on staring at her for the longest time. Gods she loved her so much that it hurt she had loved her for years but this was the first time she'd ever admitted it openly even to herself. She felt her hand rise as she moved it towards her face only to stop herself at the last second.
"Why do you hesitate, you want to kiss her why don't you just do it?" Asuka turned seeing that Bardiel was poking his head into the door way but he wasn't crossing the threshold she stood up fully moving away from Rei speaking quietly. "It's because of this little thing human beings call consent and boundaries." Bardiel followed her as she went downstairs. "I fail to understand."
Asuka watched as Erika jumped on to kitchen counter she moving over to her stroking her as the cat rubbed against her face with its head. "When you breach boundaries you loose peoples trust." Bardiel watched as the glowing patterns in her left eye brightened. "You're trying not to repeat a past pattern because you love her, because before you touched her when she didn't want it and held her when she didn't want to be held." Asuka looked up. "Yes."
Bardiel's red eyes blinked. "Those memories haunt you so do you ever wish you could turn back the hands of time?" Asuka lowered her gaze sadly to the floor. "Yes, because I ruined every chance we ever had of being together, she will never accept me even now and I don't even know what she sees or want in a partner because I never see her with anyone."
Bardiel clawed fingers tapped her floor he'd seen everything by the swimming pool it had been most fascinating to watch as it was not what he thought would happen. "Have you considered that maybe for her it's about emotional connection not necessarily about the gender?" Asuka stood up folding her arms. "She doesn't have any emotional connection with me beyond friendship and I won't ruin this friendship just because I have feelings that are emotional towards her she deserves someone better far better than me and like you said it's like wanting something that you can never be." Bardiel sat up in a cat like manner. "Perhaps I was rather rash with my words, I was just trying to stop you rejecting me and pushing me away because I needed us to merge mentality, on a deeper level."
Asuka felt a sneer form he sounded like some controlling asshole partner the kind she normally wouldn't touch with a ten foot barge pole because she'd been that person in her youth. "So nice to hear that you screwing around with my brain and emotions was all because you hate rejection welcome to the human race. Your clearly grasping what everyone hates because everyone wants to be loved, admired and praised on some level and it hurts when you don't get it."
Bardiel looked up. "Like your mothers love which is the one thing you truly desire." Asuka narrowed her gaze. "Leave my mother out of this!" Bardiel looked up. "Your mothers not gone you know she lives on and is very much still with you."
Asuka tensed as she walked towards him coming to stand in front of him. "I'm not in the mood for your emotional twisting today Bardiel, she's dead she hung herself she's now buried under the ancient oak tree next to my Grandmother's home." She looked up meeting his gaze head on. "Death is death there's nothing that comes after."
Bardiel's jaws formed a smile as he watched her left eye glow even brighter. "No death is rebirth over and over in endless cycles of wonder, it's seeing beyond the veil of flesh of blood but you just don't see you're not ready yet." Asuka stepped away from him. "I'm done talking to you Bardiel so leave me alone I have things to do today." She raised her hand pointing to the upstairs. "Also don't you ever verfickt touch her or piss around with her using me if you do I'll grab that long tongue of yours and rip it out of your mouth and strangle you with it." Bardiel looked at her left eye which was now fully aglow with piecing blue and white light she wasn't bluffing she never ever bluffed. "Is that a ground rule, like the one about me keeping out of your bedroom?"
Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. "Yes." Bardiel looked at her for a long moment. "I only want to bear witness to your capabilities I have no interest in interfering in your interpersonal relationships though I do enjoy watching." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Tell me something why did you pick me? Why not Shinji, Toji, Kaworu or even Rei or Mari, I mean I'm guessing you could have picked any Evangelion you wanted, was the UN's Alpha test unit just easiest?" Bardiel eased up a clawed hand. "Yes your right I could have but you see it's harder because I'm not the only one there inside those great cores and they fight back to protect those they treasure."
Asuka narrowed her gaze. "What do you mean only one? All that's in there is a partial AI that helps the pilot move the Evangelion there's nothing else inside it it's a machine part and its job is to imitate a heart." Bardiel flicked his tail speaking as if she hadn't spoken. "You had to accept me willingly, because then and only then would your great red demon Evangelion be happy and allow my changes." He looked up. "I picked you because you're more interesting than the others, your special." Asuka felt her body tense, he sounded like her mother and that made her uneasy she always used to call her special.
Now years on she hated it because it had caused so much turmoil in the past because she'd felt that she had needed to live up to that expectation. "I'm not special." Bardiel moved slowly towards the sofa. "Spoken like a true none believer anyone can be special given the right circumstances and in this cycle it's going to be your turn once again." Asuka felt her eyes dart in confusion. "My turn…for what?" Bardiel's smile widened further as his long tongue came out. "To be the red flaming star, that fires its light up on humanity lighting it up in the darkness in the night."
Asuka breathed in the tone of his sentence made her feel deeply uncomfortable and she had no idea why plus it was another stupid off hand remark that didn't make any sense. "Like I said, I have things to do."
8
Ritsuko eyed her screen as she put on her glasses it had been a while since she'd done this but something was really bothering her, she knew she was being lied to and she hated that sensation. She had noticed that camera's weren't recording voice when Maya, Misato and Kaji were talking and she knew Kaji's specialty was cutting out the camera's sound feed though she couldn't prove anything as despite that everything was always recorded and backed up in the Magi's back up buffer the sound still wasn't there in the back up reordering either which only made her even more suspicious.
This bullshit with Asuka had been bothering her for a while now nothing about it made sense no one with a low sync like that changed an Evangelion that way and neither did it change a person or make them physically stronger. She eyed her hologram screen. "Bring up footage recording of the gym, play the gym footage of the fall in to the swimming pool again." She watched as the event played out and Asuka some how managed to grab the middle board in mid air despite that Mari was clinging onto her. She'd seen enough of Asuka's past footage to know that even on adrenaline this just wasn't right Mari had even hit her with a wooden plank more than once and that still it hadn't stopped her, only her stitches rupturing had.
She breathed in eyeing the feed. "Stop, switch camera show me the underwater footage during Mari and Asuka's struggle." She'd been told that Mari's kicking had somehow knocked out the wave machine but she didn't believe it for a second. She watched the camera view change showing both women struggling violently under the water side ways on she could see red blood coming out under Asuka's t-shirt as her shoes scrapped the bottom of the pool desperately. She looked up as she suddenly stopped struggling as bubbles started to come out near her face. "Switch camera, so it's face on."
The camera panned around slowly causing her to blink in shock as the image hit her. "Freeze!" She looked at Asuka seeing that the patch on her left eye was lit up something was glowing like crazy underneath with white and blue light. It wasn't just that though, her teeth were like razor blades all of her back molars on her upper and lower jaw had gone razor sharp and both sets of canines had extended as well. "Save footage and pan back and play." She watched as the camera backed up as it started to play just in time to see blue light fly out of Asuka's body before the camera went black as it was cut out.
She stood up. "I want all of Asuka's footage every single slice since the accident, everywhere she's gone everywhere she been including both her failed sync tests!" She watched as the screen began downloading. "Show me the lift footage first." She watched as it popped up she could see Asuka go inside she didn't look well the footage did nothing to hide it as she forced out the emergency breaker before leaping up and grabbing the camera which she tour down causing it to be turned sideways against the wall so it only showed the lights near by but not her.
She looked closer though the camera was pointed away but the lights had started flickering like crazy and the sound was still on as Asuka spoke coldly. "Go away." there was a very long pause before her voice came again filled with panic. "Get away from me!" She blinked hearing another long pause before her voice came again though this time it sounded desperate. "Please stop this, I can't take it anymore your violating my soul!" She looked up slightly who was she talking to?
The sounds of her crying hit the air as she spoke through her tears. "Please if you're listening I'm so sorry for everything I've done in the past please free me from this torment and I'll do anything you want." The desperate crying continued long and hard, if she had not seen the first footage along with the lights flickering she would have assumed this was a mental breakdown and that Asuka had gone completely crazy.
She breathed in deeply hearing the crying stop as heavy exhausted breathing took over and the sounds of her clothes scuffing the wall as she finally passed out going to sleep. The last line was her praying. Asuka never prayed she didn't even believe in the existence of gods which meant whatever was doing this really had her mentality wrapped around its finger.
It wasn't Seele though they could appear to people they wouldn't go out of there way to effect any of the pilots and they were always saying that they should always be healthy, fit and their needs met. She sat back in her chair. "Bring up sync tests waves for both tests, replay slower." She watched as both syncs separated though the second began to come back together she breathed in deeply. "Isolate any odd waves that don't match normal parameters."
She watched as two waves separated away from the others she eyed the first. "Re-image first wave to memory or closest though pattern with best guess." She watched as a colour image started to appear, she felt the anger hit home instantly as Rei's face appeared she wasn't doing much she smiling and talking to someone she rolled her eyes.
Why was it always Shinji and Asuka who had this? None of the others had it, it was them every time and she really hated getting repressed sexual desire in the sync feed because it always came up as unusual brain waves because the Magi always had trouble reading it because of how these waves behaved.
They were erratic and tended to spike sharply she eyed Rei's image again as she spoke coldly. "You just can't keep your fucking mind where it should be even when you pilot can you Asuka? No you're always pining after Yui's little shit of a daughter who doesn't even like you." She threw the image of screen. "Okay second wave." She narrowed her gaze as the screen went black and fuzzy she leaned closer seeing something moving in the darkness was this dream footage?
If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
No it was in colour, dreams were never in colour which meant that it was memory. She breathed in sharply as two red eyes opened in the blackness the rest was near impossible to make out. What was this? She tensed as answer hit her but it seemed so far fetched the angel in the UN Alpha test unit but they had seen the bastard die there had even been a rainbow after its death, Mari had torn that unit apart she had even broken the entry plug. She needed more proof this just wasn't enough Maya would fight her over this and call it something else which it wasn't because she'd try to protect Asuka as they were friends.
She needed one of Asuka's brain scans a real one not a digital version that only showed brain activity she wanted a version she could peal back layer by layer and imitated living organs, she'd have to get one of the lesser staff to steal one from Maya's office, the woman had always been to soft and way to trusting off people. It had always been her downfall and the reason she didn't like her and the idea that she'd ever been in love with her disgusted on every level.
Women weren't real women when they slept with other women and the same went for men call it whatever you wanted the truth was it was unnatural. Saying that though nothing was rational or even logical when it came to relationships regardless of there gender and sexuality but with Gendo she found him very easy to navigate and he always supported her projects no questions asked and she knew she could put her trust in him.
She had never been able to put her truth in Kiko or Yui but she'd always hated Kyoko the most because that stupid bitch had gone out of her way to tell Yui that she was cheating with her husband. After which all hell had broken loose and she hated knowing that she was still hanging around in 02's core being an unpleasant shit and still causing problems. She would be so happy when the day came that 02 got dismantled and its core got shattered ending her existence.
8
Rei opened her eyes seeing the sun as it penetrated the room, she remembered last night Asuka had ordered in a whole lot of food and they'd just sat on the sofa talking. It was more small talk but it was nice because Asuka had just been so open there was no pretence or shield and she was so charming but by the gods was she ever hungry. She had never seen her down her food so fast granted she'd always been a heavy eater but she had been eating like it was her last meal on earth.
It was clear she hadn't eaten right in days and it was seriously catching up with her, the most interesting thing she'd found watching her was her left eye the patterns seems to shift and change. It was so fascinating and mesmerizing because when she spoke about certain things they lit up not brightly but enough to show that they were matching her emotions it was really beautiful in a strange way.
She took in a deep breath realizing something about Asuka she was very charming when she was calm and relaxed maybe she'd never seen it before because she'd always had that shield up and tended to scowl or be deeply conflicted but when it was down she was so different. Was this what her brother had seen in those fleeting moments but had never been able to get through because she locked off her emotions to him?
She seemed to have a very gentle and kind personality she clearly missed her mother and had very conflicting emotions in that she was very sad but at the same time trying to see something good in all the horror. She sat up realizing for the first time that she wasn't on the sofa but on top of Asuka's bed she sat up seeing that her day bag had been brought up as well and placed by the bedside had Asuka carried her up here? She had to have done that, she stretched as she pulled herself off the sheets looking around seeing that the other woman's old red school tie was hanging off the long dressing mirror and at the edge were a number of photos.
She moved closer seeing that the first which was Asuka with Grandmother she was so young only eight or nine and she was on her shoulders laughing it was strange to see her as a child she'd clearly been very cute. They were by her grandmother's house which was very similar to her mother's home but not quite the same as there were no sun flower fields instead there were huge oak trees and farm land.
The second though was of her mother, she was clearly making some joke while holding up test tubes. Misato was right Asuka didn't really look like her but none the less there was something very similar about them maybe it was the sly smile. Her eyes drifted to the last photo which was a school one from years ago with her and Shinji at the front and Asuka at the back though she looked slightly sad.
She leaned closer realizing that it had been written on each person had an arrow off them and writing which wasn't in Japanese it was in German. Frankly she didn't remember the photo even being taken but then the days of schools seemed like a very long time ago now. She moved over to her bag taking out her phone as she brought it up to the photo taking a snap shot, she knew this was probably private but she wanted to know what the writing said she slowly brought up the translator app swiping the screen shot through it watching as it changed the writing to Japanese. She felt her world stop at once as the Japanese's stared back her, Shinji writing didn't read idiot or moron it read the words Heroic Son.
She slowly looked at her own which was the last thing she'd ever expected Asuka to write about her the words she had fully expected to read were wonder girl or doll, yet the words written were Divine Goddess and they were in bold and underlined. Her eyes shifted finally to what Asuka had said about herself and that in itself was sad because she had expected it to read something egotistic like goddess, yet it read the complete opposite instead the words Insurable Bitch were scribbled out in anger.
Had she hated herself this long even back in school is this who she thought she was even now? She took in a deep breath as her eyes travelled back to her own image, Asuka really saw her as a divine goddess? It seemed strange to ask her self this but did Asuka have genuine feelings of love for her even after all these years?
In school she'd always assumed it was about ownership, dominance and lust but she wasn't that Asuka anymore their time together had shown that maybe she did long for love just like everyone else. She turned her phone off maybe it was something for a later time as she just wanted to get a shower and get dressed now and get some breakfast.
8
Asuka looked up slightly as Rei walked down stairs fully dressed she leaned over stroked Erika's head then moved her fingers under chin as she spoke. "Look who is up Erika." Rei walked forward watching as Asuka gave her small smile she's wearing a new set of dark jeans and a t-shirt but no eye patch it was sitting on the coffee table which had been cleaned. "Did you carry me upstairs to your bed?" Asuka stood up fully. "Yes." She shrugged. "Didn't think it was fair for you to sleep on the sofa that's all, you're a guest." She eyed the sofa. "I'm used to sleeping there now and again."
Rei looked up feeling that this was the right moment to mention her left eye. "Why are you not wearing your eye patch?" Asuka eyed her patch opposite on the kitchen surface. "You've seen me without so what's the point." Rei moved closer pushing her fringe back. "I'm sorry I feel I should have mentioned this last night but you were in a lot of pain and I just didn't want to burden you further it would seem that your left eye changed it looks really different now." Asuka moved towards her. "What are you talking about?" Rei looked around her. "Do you have a hand mirror?" Asuka pointed feeling slightly confused. "Top draw of the coffee table…"
She watched as the other woman leaned over pulling it out then handed it to her she raised it slowly instantly seeing what Rei was talking about. Her left eye still had its scar which cut through but the eye had changed it was no longer milky in fact the centre where her pupil had been was a blazing white and there were burning light blue patterns and rings all around the iris and they were moving around slowly. She threw the mirror onto the kitchen counter closing both eyes as she put a hand on her face feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke in annoyance. "That's great just great I look like a verfickte neon light show!"
Rei eased her hand over putting it on her arm. "You know I think it's really beautiful to be honest and when you talk the patterns change its amazing." Asuka turned looking at her for a long moment. "You like it that much?" Rei gave her, her best smile. "Yeah I do." Asuka eased up her hand moving it in front of her eye. "Still can't see out of it though, it's all black." Rei moved to stand in front of her. "You know maybe the way you see just hadn't been revealed yet, have you considered that?" Asuka breathed in wanting to change the subject. "I saw your motorbike in the garage this morning, I fixed it for you." Rei blinked in surprise. "What do mean you fixed it?"
Asuka eyed her for a long moment before putting her hands in her pockets as she leaned against the kitchen counter putting her foot against it. "Next time bring your motorbike to me if you cripple the front wheel, whoever repaired it did a really bad job." She breathed in deeply. "I mean they didn't put the power coil back in correctly so your bike wasn't even gaining the power from the cores like it should and the wheels were awful. I replaced them along with the front suspension they'd just done a bodge job which would have caused you a serious accident." She raised her hand. "Go take a look and feel free to drive it around and test it, out here you can open up full speed the farmers don't mind so long as you don't run through the rice fields." She looked up slightly. "I have a spare helmet feel free to put it on I'm guessing you brought your leathers and boots with you."
Rei looked at her for a long moment. "Wait when did you do all of this?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "I've had problems sleeping recently I end up waking up early most mornings. I woke up this morning and I just had nothing to do and I found your motorbike. I just can't stand bad repair jobs and I have lots of top of the range spare parts lying around from my work cruiser bike and the old Titan sports bike I once had because they were both custom builds and I had parts that I never used and since it's all interchangeable I knew it would work on your Olympia sports bike."
Rei leaned closer. "I though you bought all of your motorbikes?" Asuka shook her head. "No I make them from scratch I buy in the parts I don't want what everyone else has I want to build my own." Rei raised her hand. "Wait that Trident you've got sitting in there is a custom as well?" Asuka nodded calmly. "Yes it was built from the ground up and it's almost complete." Rei blinked in shock. "I thought your grandmother got that for you, or it was a gift from the German division."
Asuka shook her head. "Please I would never ask my grandmother to buy me something like that, it would be really selfish, she's not made of money and I never ever ask for gifts from the German division for good behaviour. They make most of unit 02's armour and all of its weapons they have enough on their plate and without them I would really be in trouble. I know they work endless days and nights just so my weapons get tested and they even repair my units eye lenses because I'm always breaking them because I fall on my face quite often."
She moved her hand to stroke her cats head again as she rubbed against her arm. "If I want something I'll buy it myself and that includes anything for my hobbies. The only thing I ask for help with is getting collectors editions comics and graphic novels in, which my cousin Kolby gets for me because he knows people and I always pay him he needs the money and his girlfriend has a child along the way. I've been trying to get them both a pass into Nerv because there both desperate to see the Evangelion's up close but Ritsuko always blocks it, because they're not military."
Rei folded her arms. "Why does Ritsuko hate you so much Asuka? I mean she's always been out there trying to make you feel awful and I know its not just because of your behaviour in the past I mean that day when your unit changed you mentioned her hating your mother." Asuka looked down sadly. "She hates me because my mother was the one who told your mother that Gendo was cheating on her, my mother really admired Yui and your aunt Kiko's work."
She breathed in painfully. "It caused a huge amount of issues at Nerv because once your mother knew she hated your father for betraying her as well as you and Shinji. I heard they were going to divorce but then the joint accident happened with 00 and 01 and both your mother and aunt were presumed dead and not long after it my mother lost her mind during unit 02's test."
Rei slowly moved taking her hand which was warm to the touch. "Did you ever tell Shinji this?" Asuka shook her head. "No, I hurt him so much when I was with him I made his life a living hell by being controlling and cruel towards him and I thought if I told him this I'd only add to his suffering. I just didn't want to bring him any more pain because he was going through a very deep depression at the time."
She looked down sadly. "I never deserved your brother, he was always better than me and he still is and I'm not stupid I've seen how he looks at Kaworu. I know he's in love with him he has been for a while now and I want them to be together because Kaworu makes him happy I mean his eyes light up when ever he enters the room." Rei stared at her she was truly stunned now, gods she gotten everything so wrong about Asuka for years she had based her judgements on her on her past behaviour yet she was so much the opposite now.
There wasn't any selfishness there at all in how she viewed people she cared about and no jealously either over her brother wanting to be with Kaworu. She'd known about this for a while as well and she had been trying to get Shinji to ask him out but he was afraid and kept denying that he loved him. She looked up meeting Asuka's gaze. "I'm sorry I owe you an apology Asuka." Asuka raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What for?" Rei kept hold of her hand. "I've really misjudged you, for years I though you were just a self centred selfish person who didn't care about anyone but herself. I never really gave you a second chance I just got so hung up with what happened with Shinji and what happened between us in school for so long and that was really unfair on you."
Asuka eased her hand gently free. "You don't owe me any apology Rei I made your life a living hell at school, like I said before people hate me and they have every right to and trust me I hate myself just as much and possibly more than they ever could. I know I'll never be a good person like you or Shinji and I've leant to live with that because people like me don't deserve second chances." She looked down sadly. "I'm alone because no man or woman would ever have me, because emotionally I have way too much baggage." She breathed in painfully. "I only made those comments to Mari during the fight to throw her off and make her think the opposite because she loves to mock my sex life even though it's none existent and I can't remember the last time I slept with a real person."
She moved away from the counter. "I have to use a VR helmet just to get off and even then I don't feel anything emotionally its like being inside a dark void." She breathed in deeply feeling the need to change the subject. "But none of this matter's and it's not your problem its mine." She moved over to the garage door opening it watching as Rei's sports bike came in to view which now had much better wheels for better grip and a better suspension that could take being knocked around at high speeds.
"You should take you bike out for a run the suspension is so much better now, it can take you thrashing it around at full speed and wheels will grip much better so you won't have an accident."
End of part 21
Silvermoonlight