REFLECTIONS OF THE SOUL

Asuka eased up her left foot finally feeling it move for the first time, she forced it forward as she grabbed the bar tightly as she placed it down gritting her teeth due to the pain. She had to get out of the hospital wing she just couldn't stand the verfickte place anymore, it was starting to really get to her even though last night unlike the other nights she had dreamed off nothing.

She forced her other foot forward followed again by the other. She started what felt like the long march towards Maya who had a wide smile on her face as she moved towards her voice filled with happiness as she spoke. "Your doing it Asuka your nearly there, just keep going." Asuka carried on moving trying to ignore the sweat and the pure effort it took as she reached the end of the walking bar feeling Maya put her hands on her shoulders stopping her from falling forward. "I did it, I final did it..."

Maya smiled as she leaned down adjusting the bionic walkers devises settings. "Yes you did, now let's adjust the setting to make it easier for you." Asuka turned sharply looking down at her. "You mean you had it on the hardest setting this whole time!?" Maya stood up keeping her hand on Asuka's shoulder. "It was to help you build up your leg muscles Asuka and you're the one who is always saying that you hate things being easy." Asuka gave her a cold look. "If you weren't my friend I'd hit you right now, you know that?"

Maya helped her turn around so she could walk the other way. "Since that's from you I'll take it as a compliment." She raised her hand pointing towards Asuka's bed. "Now let's see if you can walk back to the start and your wheelchair." She looked up as Rei walked in, her leather bag in her hand as she gave her a wide smile as walking up to Asuka who looked tired. "Just wanted to see how you're doing Asuka."

Asuka eyed her as she started moving her feet which surprisingly easier this time around "Well I can walk." She turned gritting her teeth as she spoke. "I might have been able to walk a lot sooner, if Maya hadn't set the bionic legs to ultra hard." Maya sat down near by. "Look I'll make it up with a cocktail when you're discharged." Asuka carried on walking. "Please I don't even like cocktails, you know that." Maya eased up her tablet. "Okay how about lunch and a movie up in the Arcade of Nerv?" Asuka stopped turning slightly. "Wow now it just sounds like a really bad date, are you going to come out with a bunch of cheap pick up lines as well just to set the mood?"

Maya looked up giving her knowing smile. "Don't flatter yourself you're not my type." Asuka eyed her knowing this was all just in the spirit of fun between them. "No offence but the feelings mutual." Rei moved closer to Asuka as she came to a stop at the end of the bar and pulled herself in to the wheel chair opposite her bed. "Do you two always rib each other like this?" Asuka took the break off the wheel chair forcing it onto its back wheels keeping the front wheels in to the air as she balanced on it for a moment before forcing the front wheels forward again so they were on the floor. "Now and again, yes…"

Rei raised an eyebrow. "You never do this with Misato." Asuka put the break on as she looked up meeting her green eyes. "That's because Misato just makes everything about how often you screw a person or if you're going to date them, it's like some big game to her and I hate it, she has forever played me off against your brother growing up." She looked down at the floor sadly. "It was always we were going to date, we'd be together or we were a married couple and when we finally got together I just screwed it up so badly. I just thought that was where I was meant to be and what everyone always expected of me but I just wasn't happy there. It felt like some self fulfilled prophecy that I had no control over and it drove me crazy." Maya picked up her latte taking a sip. "You really need to let this go Asuka you've been carrying it around for years you're not that person any more."

Asuka pushed her red hair back. "Easy for you to say, you've never broken anyone to make yourself feel better because you were loosing it emotionally." She eyed her bandaged left hand. "Or forcing someone to try and understand you then punishing them viciously if they fail to do so."

Rei stepped closer to Asuka's wheel chair seeing the hurt in eyes which wasn't hidden at all. "You know Maya's right you should let this go." Asuka carried on staring into space her good eye not really focusing on anything. "Tell me that day when I forced you up against a wall in school before you slapped me, have you let that memory fade or does it grate at the back of your mind when ever time you look at me, like someone sharpening a knife?" Rei breathed in deeply she had not expected this conversation to go here and now it had she knew she had to answer it truthfully. "Sometimes yes, because it was very frightening for me but I don't see you as that person anymore Asuka."

Asuka looked down at the floor sadly. "Like I said before people always remember you at your worst, never your best." Rei looked up slightly. "No Asuka that's where you're wrong, I see all of the great things you've done and you've been a good friend to me and my brother." Asuka felt a sneer form. "Great things like what?" Rei folded her arms. "Well you are considered one of the most popular pilots by the press and media." Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking coldly. "I hate the press and the media most of the time they never have any thing nice to say about me so I don't watch the news feeds anymore."

Rei looked down sadly. "Personally I wish they would just notice me, to them I'm just Shinji's little sister I am always at the lower end of the polls." She raised her hand. "But it's not important and I'm going off topic." Asuka turned the wheel chair moving it closer to other woman. "No please tell me more, its just I didn't know that and Shinji always said that you were happy with how the media portrayed you." Rei rolled her eyes. "As much as I love my brother I hate when he acts like my mouth piece, no I'm not happy I hate being at the bottom of the ladder, even Mari is more popular than I am."

Asuka looked up in surprise. "Seriously, that verfickte four-eyed asshole is more popular than you?" Rei turned looking straight into her good eye. "Yeah depressing isn't it?" Asuka looked down for a moment before looking up. "That's worse than depressing it's just wrong on so many levels, since you've been on the program the longest along with Shinji and have had way more battles."

Rei leaned forward grabbing one of Asuka's wheel chairs handles. "I know." She raised her hand. "I tell the others this and it goes right over their heads, just once in my life I'd like someone to just notice me for me." Asuka looked up meeting her soft green eyes. "I personally don't see you as an extension to your brother, your two are very different people." She breathed in deeply. "Plus if it makes you feel better the polls don't mean anything, I learned a long time ago and you shouldn't put your self worth or value into them." Rei knelt down in front of her wheel chair. "That's a good point." Asuka gave her slight shrug. "It's just something I learned the hard way." She looked down sadly. "I know they paint me as an angry, stupid and violent German woman who has a low IQ but that's how its work for them, it's all about stereotypes."

Rei put a hand on her knee as she pulled out the patch from her pocket. "I never thought about it like that." She raised the patch so Asuka could see it. "You know I came to give you this it's from Misato and its waterproof." Asuka looked at the eye patch. "Seriously, she brought me this?" Rei looked at the dark patch. "Yeah she said that it should cover up the scar on your eye."

Maya carried on typing on her tablet. "You know Asuka people love war wounds and you'll have one of the best." She looked up slightly. "Plus it's a great talking point." Asuka took the patch from Rei's hand looking it over with her good eye as she spoke her voice thick with sarcasm. "Oh yeah great talking point, hey Asuka how did you go blind in your left eye? Well this four eyed British asshole stabbed me in the face while I had no control over the UN Alpha test unit." She gritted her teeth punctuating her next words. "She also pulled out part of my lower intestine just for the hell of it…it was really fun for me, I want to do it again sometime."

Rei looked up slightly. "Personally I think it will make you look heroic." Asuka turned to her feeling a wide smile form. "Well if you think that, then I'll try it out." She eased out the black leather and velvet patch putting it on finding that it was surprisingly comfortable and not to tight in the fitting she turned to Maya. "You think I look heroic to?" Maya looked up again. "No I think you look like a pirate." Asuka felt her smile fade as she folded her arms. "You're such a spoil sport." Rei slowly got to her feet easing out the gold invitation from her pocket. "Not to change the subject but this is also from Misato it's a few weeks from now."

Asuka opened the invitation reading it. "Please a beach barbecue…she knows I really hate swimming and I don't even own swimwear." Rei leaned against the walking bar. "I did mention that, she said you could come for the food and alcohol." Asuka turned the invitation between her fingers. "This is so stupid, plus they never ever cook the brisket how I like it." Rei took in a deep breath. "Well I can only get to eat the roasted vegetables with garlic noodles since I can't eat anything else they cook since it all red meat and I don't drink, well at least not to the levels that you and Mari do."

Asuka blinked looking up realizing that it had not even occurred to her that Rei might not like the food and she felt a little stupid for not noticing. "Maybe I could bring you something better, you know since you keep coming up here and giving me things." Rei raised her hand. "Its fine Asuka you don't have to bring me anything." Asuka looked up giving her best smile knowing that it looked more like a stupid toothy grin. "But I'd like to, if you tell me what you would really like."

Rei eyed her for a long moment she had not seen that smile before and it made her feel very on edge, because she knew full well that Asuka had another very dangerous version of that smile which she normally gave people right before she hit them, she breathed in steadying herself. "Teriyaki Tofu and vegetable dumplings would be great but don't trouble yourself." She stepped away from her seeing the red haired woman's smile fade. "I'll come and visit tomorrow if you're up."

Asuka watched as the younger woman vanished from she raised her hand in confusion. "What is it, I don't get it what did I say that was so wrong?" Maya shook her head. "Do I really have to tell you?" Asuka moved her wheel chair towards her. "Yes please tell me." Maya breathed in deeply before meeting her good eye. "Firstly whenever you say your going to do something for someone else you don't always do it and you have a terrible track record of getting distracted." She raised her tablet. "Secondly you only ever use that grin of yours when your being extremely condescending or if you are about to hit someone." Asuka raised her eyebrow. "How come you know this and you've never said anything about it until now?"

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Maya looked at her for a long moment. "I'm your friend Asuka I just take you as you are despite your faults because you do the same for me." She raised her hand. "I've also spent enough time around you to see your better traits but sadly others haven't." Asuka looked down feeling all of her happiness fade away. "Yeah I get it people hate me, you don't have to remind me off that."

Maya looked up sharply. "No Asuka, people don't hate you, they just don't understand you and you don't let them in, you put up emotional walls just to keep them out. I only got past those walls myself because we have something very deep in common which is our sexualities but others can't get in because once they start getting through your layers you either attack them to keep them away or you withdraw because you're afraid that you're going to get hurt."

Asuka lowered her good eye to the floor she wanted to fight this but she knew Maya was right she was always right she just hated to admit it. She didn't hang around people because she knew she'd get hurt and it was just easier to be on the outside even though it made her lonely and miserable. She knew she'd already ruined this developing friendship with Rei even if she said she'd back tomorrow she already knew she wouldn't. Though they were nothing alike they did have one similarity in that they both with drew when they were afraid and she had no doubt really scared her.

Maybe it was just inevitable like a self fulfilled prophecy that always repeated in that she just ruined everything she touched it was just how things always worked out. The problem was she didn't know how to let people in and she was terrified of doing so just in case they took advantage of her or made her feel worthless.

Truth was other than her family she had never loved anyone in her whole life in that way, as much as she wanted to she just didn't know how. She didn't know how to just let that barrier down, she didn't know what it would cost if she did. She looked down feeling truly depressed maybe she'd spend the rest of her life this way and she'd watch others find there happiness. Though that was the one thing herself and Maya had in common in that they knew the sting of not getting what they desired though for Maya it was worse because someone she had truly loved which was Ritsuko had spat in her face and now like her, she was just in limbo.

She had never pursued Maya in that manner because she respected her and she knew they weren't right for each other and she was one of the few friends she had at Nerv and loosing that terrified her because she was the only person she could really talk to about certain things.

8

Toji eased up the heavy free weight with one arm, he had nothing to do and it would be a while before he could get home with his little sister Sakura he eyed the bag opposite which had a new school books in it, to help her with her studies. He looked up seeing the thick glass at the end of the exercise room which curving out wards forming a half circle.

There was a glass door which led out on to a balcony with some tables and chairs which overlooked the enormous lake-like swimming pool at the bottom which had diving boards and three winding water slides. They even had palm trees and two cocktail bars and wave machines. It also had high humidity and the whole place was like being in some tropical swimming paradise and it was unlike anything he'd ever seen before in his life.

On the other side was another glass level with jogging machines and it also had a balcony area with tables and chairs outside for drinking and eating and there were more glass levels above all with balconies and eating areas all had different sports going on in them on the highest floor was gymnastics and the middle floor was combat arts and training. The idea was that you could go out on to any balcony on any gym level sit and eat or drink something while looking down at the swimming pool below.

To his left was another glass area which was a small sauna and a large hot tub they had these areas on every level of the gym and the main spa itself was massive it made up a whole section as well, though it had been build between other sections and had parts on all of the levels, the idea being that you could walk in to the spa from any gym area.

Nerv was meant to be military yet being down here was like being in some wonderful paradise, with its massive Geo Front with the two glass pyramids where central dogma was located, above it were all these huge hanging downwards facing skyscraper sections like this one. he biggest being the Arcade shopping quarter which was massive and you didn't need to shop or eat in Tokyo three half the time because that section had everything your heart could ever desire. Nerv didn't fight angels though if an angel ever landed here, they could lower the training field if necessary and turn it over as on its underside were cannons and other weapons all ready to fire along with the Evangelion's proper guns which could be brought up fully loaded as the ones on the training field only fired hologram bullets.

Nerv also now had new equipment which was the attachable fold out wings they had come off some mass un-piloted Evangelion's project but the project had been an utter failure. Though they had been completely scrapped their wings attachments had been salvaged and could be put on to every Evangelion model so they could now fly out and meet the enemy. The only time they couldn't be used was out in space as that needed to be switched with the special rockets attachments and the Evangelion's had to locked away inside two shields which could be opened once you got out in to space.

Pilots were often sent out to do crazy things like deal with natural disasters and save sinking civilian's ships or even moving sunken ships to new places to create coral reefs habitats. Nerv had to remain neutral during warfare but pilots were often sent out to protect fleeing refuges and medical ships and help if there were problems with the Eos space station.

It was work that every pilot had to do regardless of whether they wanted to or not and it was great publicity but it got messy sometimes as there was a the law which was that no army anywhere in the world was allowed to fire on an Evangelion who was trying to do a rescue and if they did so they did it at there peril as pilots could turn around and kill them and sadly this happened quite often because there was two terrorists groups that really wanted the technology and who some how believed that they could shoot through twelve thousand plates worth of fortified armour just to see the internals underneath.

They had never been successful but it wasn't for a lack of trying this was one of the reasons Mari had been brought in because throughout the years Asuka had always been the protection who looked after other Evangelion pilot's which was normally either Shinji, Rei or Kaworu who was trying to deal with the disaster or civilians and couldn't fight while they were doing so. Asuka though had been seriously over stretched doing this and now Mari was acting as a guard just to take the strain away from her. So she didn't have to go out every single time and he had been told that he would be a guard unit as well. It was not something he was looking forward to in the slightest because unlike Asuka or Mari he didn't get that pleasure out violence towards other human beings.

They both enjoyed fighting and killing and they got a certain high from that level off power it gave them, for Asuka it was full on violence with no real off switch. While with Mari it was like some crazy adrenaline rush where she loved pushing her limits. In fact it kind of scared him how they both acted that way sometimes because neither of them cared if they killed people they showed no remorse and both of them always said the same thing: That if people were stupid enough to fire up on them then they were going to get what was coming to them and that they would kill them.

He felt differently because his parents had been made poor through war and he had seen people die in front of him they'd been shot and killed in the streets and it was horrifying and it was over nothing more than food. He shook his head pushing those images out of his mind as he didn't want to relive them, because despite how he felt personally he was one of the lucky few to ever make the Evangelion program and it meant that his little sister was now well taken care of and had good health care and always had food to eat and he could buy her nice things.

He turned seeing that Shinji and Kaworu were talking together in the hot tub behind the glass to his left. They did this three times a week they were best of friends and very close and cared very deeply about each other. He wasn't sure if it was romantic or sexual love and he wasn't very good with seeing that kind of thing anyway.

He also had no interest in pursuing relationships his little sister was all that mattered to him right now and her having a good life. He eyed his bag opposite which had her books in it, he always made sure that she was close and though she couldn't go in to the lower restricted levels she was schooled with the other employees children in one of the hanging skyscrapers lower sections and every night he took her home and he tried to spend as much time with her as possible, granted he was doing the job of both a mother and father but he really didn't care.

He raised the free weight again only to feel a hand on his shoulder he turned seeing that Mari was behind him a wide smile on her face. She was in her combat gear and had replaced her cracked glasses lens with a new one. "Hello Mari, nice to see they discharged you at long last." Mari sat opposite him on a stool. "Yeah well believe you and me it sucks in that place." She felt her whole body tense. "I swear I heard voices last night and the corridor was empty."

She raised her hand. "Also I saw this weird looking little blue haired girl with red eyes down there, she walked right past my room but she ignored me completely and she kind of looked like Rei but was much younger." Toji felt a smile form. "I think you were high on pain killers Mari, I've heard they do things to your head." Mari felt her smile fade. "This wasn't pain killers there was a fucking creepy little school kid in the hospital wing, I mean Kaworu has a medical condition that causes his white hair and red eyes but she wasn't like that, she seemed really unnatural somehow."

Toji put down the free weight. "You know it might have been a ghost, I mean they say that there are a lot of ghosts left over from the second impact that people sometimes see walking around." Mari put her hand through her dark brown hair in frustration. "She wasn't see-through or a shadow she looked really real." Toji looked up meeting her dark turquoise eyes. "I still think it might have been your drugs." Mari breathed in deeply. "Look I know what being really high on medical drugs is like, this wasn't like this, it wasn't even fun."

Toji felt a smile form as he pushed his short thick dark hair back. "Maybe you should tell Misato." Mari looked down as she adjusting her red framed glasses. "She wouldn't believe me anyway and I doubt she'll talk to me right now since I put Asuka in the hospital wing." She turned eyeing the hot tub through the glass where Shinji and Kaworu were talking. "Seriously are those two ever apart?" Toji stretched as he lay back against the weight machine. "No they are always together."

Mari folded her arms. "Are they dating?" Toji raised his hand. "I really don't know, I mean I heard a rumour that Kaworu has romantic feelings for Shinji but they are not together as far as I know." Mari turned pulling her rucksack over opened it. "I got you this I had it ordered in from home it's for your little sister." Toji smiled as she brought out a teddy bear which was dressed in red royal guardsman's gear complete with a black bearskin hat." Mari took hold of the teddy bears arm moving it. "People love these back home."

Toji took it from her hand. "This is great she'll really love this." Mari gave him a wide smile. "Yeah well since I visit you now and again I thought maybe this time I'd bring something worth while." Toji raised a hand. "You can come around when ever you want Mari you're always welcome in our home." He looked up slightly. "But I really don't get your whole deal with bringing forks and spoons whenever you come over." Mari raised both hands. "I suck at using chopsticks okay."

End of part 11

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