FEELING THE BLISSFUL CALM AND SILENCE

Rei looked at Asuka who was being very quite as they lay on the bed together she was just staring up wards at the ceiling though clearly she was thinking very deeply about something because the glowing blue patterns in her left eye were changing as they always did as her emotions governed them very strongly. She paused moving her hand to her long sleeping t-shirt putting her fingers in the stomach area. "Asuka are you okay?"

Asuka turned sharply realizing that she was spacing out. "Sorry I was just thinking." Rei looked at her. "What's on your mind?" Asuka looked at her meeting her gaze directly. "Did that image of me and Shinji disturb you, the one where he was strangling me?" Rei looked at her. "Yes it did but I know it's not real and I know my brother and that's not him but I agree that you weren't right for each other." Asuka breathed in deeply. "What if it is real? I mean not here but in some other place, like another universe, you know like if there are other versions of me and you who don't love each other and other versions of the people we know."

Rei looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "I'd rather not imagine that, it sounds depressing." She didn't think as she changed position straddling Asuka so she was looking down on her. "This world is fine for me, I don't want another one."

Asuka breathed in deeply feeling her self swallow as Rei leaned closer. "Yeah but wouldn't you want to meet yourself?" Rei shook her head. "Not really, its not that I'm not curious it's more that I might feel sorry for what I have and she doesn't." She paused as she started to slowly pull up Asuka's t-shirt much to her surprise and confusion. Asuka felt her eyes dart. "Em….what are you doing?"

Rei eyed her feeling a wide smile form. "You know I was thinking today that I really want to see what's under your clothes, because over the years I have only ever seen you from the back when we were dressing in plug suits in a hurry and didn't have time to get in to the special frosted cubicles. I think it's very sweet you allowing me to redress in your bed room while you dress elsewhere, I want to see your body because you must be really beautiful and strong under there."

Asuka breathed in feeling the heat before she could stop it she suddenly felt nervous and scared and she put her hands on Rei's before she could stop herself. "I'm sure it's nothing to brag about." Rei felt her smile widen. "Asuka how's about you let me be the judge of that." She leaned closer catching sight of the fear in Asuka's good eye which she found really sad in a way as in her youth the other woman had not been nearly this self conscious about her body but now she was so nervous and really underconfident ."Trust me Asuka."

She felt the other woman's hands free themselves as she pulled the long t-shirt up eased it off completely putting it to one side noticing that Asuka had become very still. She moved her hands over her stomach running her fingers over the long jagged scar she could now also see her shoulders and arms fully there was muscle on her arms it wasn't over prominent but could be seen when she tensed she moved her fingers up very slowly upwards between her breasts and up to her shoulders she slowly followed the line of her arm down her arm muscles right down to her fingers joining hers with them. "You know I was talking with Kyo today he asked how you are by the way, he says he'd like to see on the shooting range sometime and he understands why you stayed away."

Asuka felt her eyes dart as Rei's other hand moved to her waist though this time it was following her body's contours. She felt so scared right now and she couldn't help it as she spoke knowing her voice sounded meek. "He does?" Rei moved her hand up reaching her other hand wrapping her fingers in it. "Yes you see he knew why you were angry but he values your friendship and wants to see how your doing." Asuka breathed in deeply. "I never meant to call him a sell out and he never attacked me only his idiot brother did."

Rei moved the other woman's hands putting them on her pyjama top giving her a smile watching as the red blush crept into Asuka's cheeks as she started to fidget a little. "I think you should go and see him, he clearly likes you." She paused seeing that Asuka looked really lost now and she was giving her that wide eyed innocent look. "I also know that you've spent most of your life wanting to know what I look like under these clothes, so would you like to find out what you've been dreaming about for so long?"

Asuka could feel her hands shaking she was loosing it she wasn't even sure if this was real or not it felt like a surreal dream. This wasn't even about sex she knew that already but it felt so insane, maybe she was going to wake up and find that nothing was real anymore. She knew this was everything she ever wanted why was she struggling so much? She was so afraid right now she could feel her heart as it started to pound against her rib cage, she could walk her Evangelion through the fires of war yet she couldn't undress the woman who she was in love with.

Rei watched the Asuka's left eyes suddenly ignited letting out blue and white light as her emotions reached their heights. She leaned forward kissing her gently on the lips hoping it would help with the fear she was struggling with while she kept her hands in place. "It's okay Asuka this is real, I'm real you're not dreaming." Asuka felt her back molars start to lengthen it wasn't anger, she didn't feel any anger at all at this moment it was an emotion in between that she couldn't put her finger on. It was like a surreal mix of almost happy agony and ecstasy combined and she'd never felt anything like it before in her whole life.

Her fingers finally started to move and work as she gently undid the buttons one by one slowly pulling the pyjama top down seeing wonders which were just beyond compare. Soft skin slender curves, soft breasts her imagination had never done this justice even if she couldn't feel sexual desire it didn't matter to see, to feel and to touch was enough.

She ran her hands slowly down the others woman's shoulders and arms to her delicate fingers then moved her hand to her neck working her way slowly down to her stomach tracing every line with her fingers. She'd never cared for erotic art but she knew that she could draw this form over and over, she eased out her tongue licking one of her canine teeth ignoring that it had lengthened.

Her emotions were just buzzing now as she carried on tracing the skin up and down only to suddenly feel Rei take her hands gently placing them on her breasts as she leaned towards her. She pulled back slightly realizing that her teeth were really showing. "You don't have to kiss me I know my teeth look odd right now." Rei eyed her. "Between you and me I really don't care." She leaned forward kissing her noticing that Asuka movement during the kiss was as gentle as possible trying to ensure that that she didn't prick her with the sharp points she pulled away watching as a smile appeared on Asuka's face she eased her hand up her curiosity getting the better of her. "May I have a look, it's just I normally see these teeth only when you're angry."

Asuka's hands began to move her hands with more direction as her confidence started to show and she spoke in a low tone. "Go ahead, don't worry I won't bite you." Rei eased her fingers up feeling the points on the canines they were sharp. "What if I wanted you to bite me?" Asuka's face turned slightly serious. "I wouldn't do that to you, it'd bleed and scar and it would hurt you."

Rei pushed her finger down on one of the molar's feeling the slight nip of pain she pulled it away looking at it seeing a thin trail of blood run free. "You know in all these years of piloting I never liked the pain from my wounds and I never cared for the taste of blood either, it makes me feel really sick."

Asuka looked at the other woman's bleeding finger. "Strange with me it's the opposite I like the pain and I just don't mind the taste of my own blood." She looked up slightly. "It's not a sexual buzz or anything like that but I always thought I was messed up and weird for thinking that way because it doesn't feel like it should be normal." Rei looked at her for a long moment seeing the colour fade in a left eye going back to normal with its blue glowing pulsing patterns. "I don't think that's messed up, that's just who you are Asuka plus normal doesn't mean anything no ones normal everyone's different it's what makes people interesting." She paused before speaking. "Personally I like you just the way you are, because you're fascinating." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "In what sense am I fascinating?"

Rei leaned closer to her. "You're all fire and metal to the outside world but in my company you are so soft, kind, loving and gentle, I know I'll always be safe in your company and I'll never feel afraid." She met good eye. "Because I know you will always protect me."

Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "You wouldn't be wrong." Rei eased her hand up putting it on the other woman's face. "Tell me what it's like when you let go, you know when you go where your fire takes you?" Asuka felt her eyes dart she hadn't been expecting that question. "Its feels like freedom and release, when I was younger it had this blood lust and bitter edge to it because of my feelings and misguided anger but now its different it like my hearts been set alight and its enjoyable, I know there is a sense of blood lust at times but its just feel like its always in the right place even when I'm not piloting."

Rei looked at her. "That day when you fought Mari after your stitches ruptured why did you touch my face like you did?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "I'm sorry that was wrong of me, I was loosing blood and my head was spinning and you just appeared there and I just crossed the boundary without thinking. It was just I was so messed up emotionally and you were being so nice to me." Rei moved her hand taking one of Asuka's. "Never apologise for having compassion Asuka, your compassion is one of the reasons I fell in love with you and I really enjoyed your touch that day it really moved me."

8

Rei watched Asuka as she lay back in her chair in the wreck room putting her feet over the edge folding her arms as she closed her good eye dozing she was really relaxed today. They weren't doing anything as Shinji and Kaworu were out flying to Russia so it was just them along with Mari and Toji. Toji had a data card plugged in and was watching angel fights scenarios while Mari was playing with her code cube though her eyes were on Asuka and the look she was giving her was as cold as ice she looked down as she carried on playing her hand held paying no mind to it.

Mari stood up as she made her way over to Asuka seeing that she had her good eye was closed she didn't think as she kicked her chair full force causing Asuka to open her good eye. "You have something that belongs to me princess I fucking want it back!" Asuka breathed in deeply she knew what she was talking about she eased her hand in her jacket pocket easing up the disc which had her files on it. "Here, all your files are on this disc I left nothing out." Mari snatched it from her hand. "If you told anyone what was on here inside or outside of Nerv I will personally strangle you!" Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "It's all there and I haven't told anyone anything and the others won't say anything believe me."

Rei eyed Mari. "You know there's nothing wrong with you Mari, it's perfectly natural and we all understand here, we don't think any less of you." Mari turned to her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. "Shut up!" She leaned closer. "I don't care for your fucking opinion you worthless…" Asuka's hand suddenly found her tie as she was yanked her around violently by it so they were face to face.

Asuka looked into Mari's surprised gaze as she spoke evenly. "You know I've been quite ill these past few weeks and because of that I've let your comments and your actions towards Rei slide. It's not going to happen anymore don't think you can insult her in my presence again and get away with it, because I won't take it." She loosened her grip on the taller woman's tie ignoring Toji who now looked surprised and confused. "I love her a lot and I have no patience for your behaviour, believe me I get it you hate yourself right now, your running away because you don't want to face your demons. If I were you though I'd start to face them because otherwise your going to have an angel or something much worse force you to face them and it won't be at all pleasant." She paused letting go off her tie. "Believe me it's something I know from personal experience."

Mari stood up slowly walking away from her. "I swear princess since Bardiel took over your brain, you've become so self righteous and annoying." She closed down her game as she sat down. "Don't you ever worry that once you get him out of your mind that he might just take away all of your happy memories from you out of spite and you won't even remember ever screwing Rei or these past weeks, you'll just be right back where you started." She felt a sly smile form. "Wouldn't that just be a tragedy?"

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Rei eyed her in disgust. "Gods you're awful!" Asuka looked up as she sat up in her chair. "It doesn't matter if he takes those memories away from me because it won't change the feeling's I have for Rei they were there long before he came around and if I had to love her all over again it's fine by me plus Nerv has enough feed of us that I can fill in at least some of the gaps." Rei eased up her hand. "Bardiel can take a lot away from us but he can't take away our feelings for each other." Mari rolled her eyes. "I think I'm sick of you two, your whole relationship is so fucking nauseating."

Toji turned to Mari she was in a really weird mood today she wasn't normally like this and she'd been ratty and short tempered yesterday as well. Maybe she was experiencing bad period pain or something he knew his little sister complained about that sometimes because the pain could really get to her. "Hey what's on the disc?" Mari turned sharply. "It's none of your fucking business!" Toji blinked eyeing his best friend. "Hey Mari calm down I'm just curious." Mari eyed him as she put the disc away. "Leave me alone."

Asuka leaned forward. "Toji you're her best friend, please talk her into going to see Maya." Mari sat up. "I don't need fucking therapy that stuff is for losers like you!" Toji put a hand gently on her shoulder. "Mari just relax do you need some pain killers, I mean I can get you some I don't mind if a headache or something else is hurting you."

Mari pulled her glasses off wiping her eyes in frustration her world felt awful right now, it felt like things were starting to mount on her shoulders and she had found herself crying a lot more when she was alone. She wasn't gay, she didn't want to be gay if she came out no one would be her friend even Toji would leave her as a friend and she would be truly alone in the world and she just couldn't stomach that idea.

She hated being alone and having no family she'd never even told her mother about her sexuality because she thought that she would throw her out as both her and her father had been so negative about the issue when she had been growing up. In the end after her father had left she'd wanted to tell her mother so badly but it had been denied her because she'd been murdered and it just made her feel hollow inside.

She turned eyeing Toji as she put her glasses back on. "I don't need painkillers I need sleep." Toji gave her a smile. "Look you're just having a few of days and its okay, that's why your sync was bad but it's not the end of the world." Asuka looked at Mari for a long moment it really was like looking in a mirror the attitude the temper it was just how she'd been before Maya had stepped in. She had always had difficulty with Mari but now she didn't feel that resentment or anger for her anymore she just wanted to help her she turned as Misato entered the room.

Misato looked up slightly as she eased up her tablet. "Sorry to interrupt all of your conversations but we have just had an assignment come in." She eyed the report. "It's Oculus they're working up in the Amazon rainforest freeing animals and sinking ships to create reefs." Mari looked up sharply. "Is this for me and Toji?" Misato looked at her. "No not this time Mari…next time though I'll send you both."

She turned to Asuka and Rei. "I think you should both go as neither of you have done any Oculus projects" Asuka blinked in surprise. "You're sending me?" Misato turned to her. "Yes." Asuka raised her hands. "Look not to sound ungrateful but why would you even send me?" She breathed in deeply. "I get it, the last time you were just trying to make me feel better but this is really unnecessary." Misato looked at her tablet looking in to other woman's good eye. "You like animals don't you Asuka? I mean you've got a cat and from what I hear you spoil her rotten and Rei told me that your very sweet with her."

Asuka eyed her feeling the confusion hit her. "Yes I do spoil Erika rotten but it doesn't mean I'd be any good at Oculus..." She tensed slightly. "Plus they're not going to trust me with wildlife crates they'll probably just think with my Evangelion looking the way it does that I'll eat what's in the crates, you know since the world saw me eat a pint sized vertical wing."

Rei looked up seeing Misato's dart her eyes signalling to her desperately for help she put her hand held down as she stood up walked over to Asuka's chair putting her hand on the other woman's leg. "You know I'd love to go on Oculus I've never been on one of those missions before."

She leaned over further putting her finger under Asuka patch pulling it up slightly so she could see her left eye whose patterns were blazing and spinning as the other woman started to fidget nervously in her sitting position. "Plus it will be really fun for both of us." Misato watched very closely as a look passed between them before Asuka looked down speaking quietly. "Fine I'll go."

Misato breathed in deeply, talk about being wrapped around your finger. Rei had real power over Asuka that was for sure anyone else would just get her temper but Rei could just speak softly and she would just give in and go with anything she wanted. "I think we'll really enjoy this mission Asuka." Rei stood up watching as Asuka eased herself to her feet pulling her patch back down in place not saying anything as they both left the room together going to the changing room.

She turned to Mari. "I do have something very important for you Mari, Maya wants to chat with you one on one." Mari eyed her in disgust as she stood up. "Oh really well tell her to go fucking burn I have no interest in talking to some dirty lesbian!" Misato looked up sharply were in the hell had that come from? She'd known Mari for a while but this was the first time she'd heard her throw homophobic insults and it was really out of character. "It's not up for debate and you will not speak ill of Maya she has done so much good for this program." Mari moved towards her. "I don't need therapy!"

Misato eyed her. "Who says this is therapy? She just wants to talk to you she's very concerned about you." She raised her hand lowering her tablet. "I mean you are meant to go and see her every couple of months all of the other pilots do and her job is to make your life easier." Mari raised her hand. "Asuka put you up to this didn't she?! You know since she's been on her whole self righteous kick, what does she think that because she has a fucking girlfriend now that she's something special?" Misato looked up what was going on in this young woman's head right now?

She was completely derailing just like Asuka had some years back after Shamshel and now a part of her was happy that they'd caught this now because Maya was spot on there was something going on mentality and it was bad. "Mari this has nothing to do with Asuka this is me being your commander, you need to have these talks with Maya they are to help you." Mari narrowed her gaze. "I hate you people, you just can't stay out of my life!"

Misato narrowed her gaze. "Regardless of how you view us, you need to do this its part of Nerv's program, the others have all done it and you've done nothing other but avoid Maya's talks for over a year and its time you went." She breathed in deeply. "So we can do this the hard way or the easy way Mari and you will go and speak to her and if I find you haven't attended yet again I will drag you up there myself!" Mari eyed her. "Fine, I'll go visit your dirty little gay friend not that it will make any difference because there's nothing wrong with me!"

8

Asuka turned eyeing the two media planes which were tailing her unit as she flew away from Japan though they were staying at distance to avoid the beating of her units huge red wings which could literality knock them out of the air if they got to close.

She turned seeing that Rei had the same problem and was being tailed by two other media planes this wasn't illegal technically they could follow the Evangelion's around so long as they kept out of the way of the flying wing and the drove camera and stayed away from the Evangelion's head. "You know this starting to verfickte piss me off what do these people even want?" Rei's face appeared on her screen. "I think there curious about us." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Oh that's nice I wish they'd go away we are working." Rei felt a smile form. "Is it me or is this the first time you've ever been tailed by the press Asuka?"

Asuka eyed the planes. "I normally kill people remember the only time I get press camera's filming me is from the ground crews who are brave enough to venture into war zones while I'm blowing scheisse up." Rei felt her smile widen. "You should get used to it, you know since we are big news now." Asuka eyed her. "I really don't care about that kind of thing."

Rei adjusted her controls gaining slightly more height watching as Asuka followed. "You know I think you should watch a few of the recent news feeds you might be surprised." Asuka looked down sadly. "Look its nothing personal Rei but after Hikari, I just don't watch the news being called a sexual predator and abuser made me sick to my stomach." She paused before speaking. "I just don't want to deal with that kind of stress all over again."

She pressed her controls getting higher seeing that the media planes were struggling now as she was about to breach the edge of the earths atmosphere itself though she couldn't go any higher as she had to remain in sight of the flying wing and drone camera. "They'll just do it all over again with you." Rei eased up her hand stroking Asuka's face on the hologram screen. "You should have faith Asuka you know maybe it will be different this time around." Asuka tensed painfully. "You can't change some peoples minds Rei, that's just how it is."

Misato breathed in deeply she didn't normally listen in on the pilot private conversations but she'd chosen to this time around though she was doing it through a head set so no one else could hear. She wanted to see the real Asuka now, not the front she put up, she wanted to see her as she spoke to Rei when her guard was down.

She could see Shinji on Kaworu landing their units in Sydney Australia on the other screen both of them slowly folded away there huge wings as they walked towards the docks where they needed to drop off their military packages. She could see the Australian Military's walking robot coming in to greet them which was painted red and orange with a helmeted head and yellow glowing visor it had turret guns on its arms and shoulders and a massive saw blade.

It wasn't an Evangelion it was pure mechanics and only came up to an Evangelion's knee it was a military experiment in testing lower level walkers and a prototype. That's what the packages they were dropping off were all about as Australia, North and South America were trying to create these for ground warfare the walking technology had come from Nerv and they'd had to pay for it. The idea was being smaller than the Evangelion's they could shift around their legs and protect their faces and since there controls were similar to tanks the idea was that they could replace the tank completely.

The current problem though was the power cells because they had to use the ones that vertical and flying wings used but they could only use one and it didn't last long enough because it just ate power and only lasted three days before it had be recharged for a day and a half which was too long a time. Though nuclear had been considered it was just too dangerous and N2 none nuclear wasn't much better if it had an issue of blew up as it would take a city with it so for now power cells were the only option. The prototype was called Imperia and it needed two pilots one to fire weapons and one to move the body and both were sealed in side the body out of sight making the head pure show.

She watched Imperia moved forward giving Shinji a wave seeing him wave unit 01's hand in return followed by Kaworu doing the same as they got closer preparing to do the hand over. Hopefully this would go without a hitch she hated handovers because that was normally when the terrorists showed up either to try and harm the Evangelion's or steal the weapons technology and they had all been quite for far too long and she hated that even more.

Asuka breathed in turning behind her noticing something in the distance though it was very hard to make out. "Rei is the Eos international space station doing space flight testing today in low atmosphere?"

Rei looked at her. "No." Asuka turned her units head further around. "There's something behind us and I can't make it out but it looks big." She turned around fully only for her heart to stop as a rocket appeared flying at them full speed. "Oh scheisse!" She didn't think as she pulled her units clawed feet up kicking 00 with all her might as it hit her blowing into blazing light throwing her in the opposite direction putting her in to a violent spin as she went back in to the atmosphere and gravity took over.

Oh this was going to hurt so much she already knew she couldn't right herself and one of her wings was on fire! She pressed the controls refolding them as the flames went out as the wind rushed past as she half curled her unit up into a ball hoping for the best as the world appeared below her.

Misato watched as the screens turned red as everything went in to chaos. "Was that an N2 missile?!" Kaji typed frantically he could see Asuka's face on screen as she prepared for the pain, though he had no idea where her unit was as the blast had destroyed the drone camera and knocked the flying wing back though the pilot had been able to take back control but his wings were badly damaged and he was coming back to Nerv none of Rei or Asuka's weapons were damaged.

He could see Rei's face she was also tumbling but was trying to right herself Asuka had saved her at the last moment by kicking her out of the blast radius and had taken the full impact. "Yes the Eos space station said something fired it, there giving us feed now and there trying to follow the falling unit's paths!" He typed bringing up the space stations high definition camera which was on the stations extending arm. He could see a massive shadow floating just above the earth. "What is that?"

Shigeru looked at his panel. "Well it isn't a fucking plane or a rocket that's for sure it's too big and the shapes all wrong!" Maya breathed in deeply. "I'm bringing up all the media feeds in world area to track unit's descents!" She looked at her panel feeling her eyes dart. "Getting direct feed from Eos unit 00 is falling towards New Zealand unit 02 is falling towards Australia it's also being tailed by whatever that thing is!" Misato breathed in deeply grabbing the speaker. "Asuka deep breathes!"

Asuka closed her eyes grabbing the controls as she felt her unit smash the ground which sent pain throughout her whole body. She carried on tumbling she had to have hit a high mountain or something she felt her unit smash down as she hit the bottom of it as everything went still as her head started to spin. All she could see above her was a huge red mountain and blue sky before everything faded away in to darkness.

End of part 41

Silvermoonlight