BEAUTIFUL WORLD

Rei watched as unit 02 and 00 where slowly submerged into the bloody water which came up to their shoulders Mari still hadn't returned yet but then she expected that. She eyed Asuka who was leaning over the railing eyeing all of the units including her own they had both taken a shower and were back in their casual clothes. "You know I had fun today." Asuka turned looking in to her eyes. "Same here it was so nice for once to just go somewhere other than a war torn place and fight terrorists and spill blood."

She felt a sly smile form. "Did you enjoy holding my big gun?" Rei felt a smile form. "Yeah I did as a matter of fact." Asuka leaned closer as she spoke in low seductive tone as she licked one of her canine teeth. "You know I don't give my big gun to just anyone." Rei breathed in deeply seeing Asuka's good eye burn into her intensely which caused her pulse to race a little. "I've heard that Mari has always wanted to try out your big gun."

Asuka smirked. "Yeah like she'd even be able to cope with the knock back, I believe you could though." Rei shook her head. "I'm not sure about that." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "I am." Rei leaned closer. "I thought Misato's comments were nice." Asuka felt her smile instantly fade away as it was replaced with scowl. "Please they're not even genuine, she's only being nice because she feels guilty in some way." Rei moved her hand to the other woman's red hair letting some of it spill through her fingers. "I don't think so Asuka." Asuka stood up slightly. "She doesn't care about me Rei she would care more about her morning beer than me."

She put a hand on her chest. "I get it you know I'm not the greatest person to be around I get that I can be difficult but all of my verfickte life she just passed me over to other people when it got hard for her!" She raised her hand. "Do you know when I moved out she never gave me a house warming party." Rei blinked in surprise. "She said you didn't want one, that was what she told us." Asuka moved a step closer to her. "She never even asked me Rei, she didn't even care and I had to watch while you, Shinji and Kaworu got yours and I showed up to them all and just got blinding drunk at most of them."

She eased up her hand gently putting it on the younger woman's face feeling a sad smile form. "Please understand though I don't blame any off you for that and I was still happy to be there regardless and I was really happy you invited me." She looked up slightly. "I enjoyed yours best of all and I was flattered that you let me sit at your table." Rei looked up at her sadly. "I'm sorry we never knew." Asuka breathed in painfully. "Don't get me wrong Misato was a very cool mother in some ways she didn't set ground rules you could come and go as you pleased, she wasn't afraid to talk about sex and birth control and you could do whatever you wanted but she never felt like my friend and she just wasn't there when I needed someone to talk to."

She felt the sudden sting of her own tears. "You know the whole thing with me and Maya came about because of something she said once which was that I should wise up and stop being such high maintenance because if I didn't no one would ever have me. It stung so damn much I know I get what she was saying in that I was an egoistic brat but she could have said it so much better. I just went and mopped by the vending machines and that was kind of where Maya found me. We'd never even spoken before but she was the first person ever to just put her arm around me and say it was okay and that I wasn't a bad person."

She breathed in painfully. "Hence why we've always been friends and I will always hold her in high regard she's one of the few real friends I have apart from you and Shinji." She felt her teeth grind together as she eased her hand away from Rei's face. "I know Misato also let them put up that awful image of me on my banner in the visitor centre when I was feeling really depressed during the photo shoot. I know those photos also made the pilots photo book and I know that in my talent case there's a red gun with the words angry gun on it because she just wants to rub it in that I'm just a human weapon its why I never visit that place. Because I dread to even think what they wrote about me or show in the display videos, it's probably wall to wall of Asuka is a screw up."

She looked down sadly as she wiped her tears away sharply with jackets sleeve. "I also know that as she nice as she being its all fake as soon as Bardiel gets kicked out of my brain she won't care and I'll just go back to my day job of killing people. I know she had Kaji made that fake document and she's probably putting me with you because she just thinks I'll behave better because you're my best friend." She felt her hand form as fist as the anger came out before she could stop it. "Because that's how the verfickte universe works for me, nothing ever changes and I always get sidelined in the end because I'm the expendable one that no one wants and I always end up alone!"

Rei moved forward ignoring the fact that a lot of the workers had stopped to look at them she gently put both hands on the sides of Asuka's face seeing the tears which were falling freely now. "No it is different this time Asuka because I will never do that to you." She looked up slightly. "You mean the world to me and I don't care what other people think to that, because they don't know the real you the way I do." She gently wrapped her arms around her pulling her close feeling the other woman's arms wrap around in a desperate manner as she started crying in to her shoulder she moved her hand up stroking her hair gently. "You'll never be alone Asuka, I'll always be here."

She looked around her seeing that the workers were just staring now, some of looked shocked while others looked really sad and concerned it was probably the first time anyone had even seen Asuka cry in public though she'd seen it so much already. She didn't see this as bad both herself and her brother had gone through this and they had both cried a lot too, it was part of the healing process and Asuka just had some much repressed pain built up hence why it was coming out over and over and her depression was causing her mood to swing back and forth at times.

The saddest part in all of this was hearing that she'd let her sit at her table at her going away party as if she felt she had no right to even be there and that one simple act had meant so much to her. She remembered those parties now very clearly she could remember her getting drunk at the other two but not hers she'd just been very quite all night watching listening but never speaking. In fact she had been focused on her every word but at the time she had not spoken to her much because like everyone else she'd held the stupid notion that she just wanted to be left alone. All this time she hadn't wanted to be alone she'd wanted the complete opposite.

Everything made an awful sense now including her moving away which had been so sudden as she hadn't really told them, she'd come home to find boxes stacked up in the door way and she remembered something else now which she had over looked at the time. Asuka had left a box in her room and she'd left one in Shinji giving them back everything she'd ever borrowed and it was all intact nothing was broken and if it had been she'd fixed it or replaced it but she'd completely missed the meaning.

She had just assumed it was a peace offering for putting up with her temper and foul moods when in truth she was genuinely trying to do something good but it had gone completely unnoticed. She hadn't given anything of Misato's back and she'd assumed she was just being petty and spiteful when in fact she'd felt betrayed and felt like she'd been stabbed in the back and she still felt the same way now.

She paused hearing her stop crying as she started to recompose herself her arms slowly tightening as she spoke very quietly and softly close to her ear. "Do you know that whatever is in your LCL it makes you smell like alpine forests? I've always loved that smell." Rei felt a smile form. "You smell just like your sunflowers." She paused before speaking softly. "Asuka would you like to go home?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "Would you like to join me?" Rei moved her hand through her hair. "I'd love to."

8

Rei gently took the mug of hot green tea from Asuka's hand she watched as she sat down on the sofa opposite her taking a long sip of her coffee as she pulled her patch off throwing it on the coffee table. She looked up realizing that now was the right time to give her the gift she had wanted to give her at lunch but hadn't been able to as they'd only just finished eating when they'd been called up to the planning room.

It seemed only fair as she given her, her complete graphic novel set so she could read it she eased the small leather box out of her shirt pocket. It was a trinket but she hoped it would have meaning. "Asuka this is a little something for you." Asuka turned sharply seeing the box she raised her hand. "Look seriously you didn't have to buy me anything, you being here is enough." Rei took hold of her hand turning it putting it gently in her palm. "I brought this especially for you I thought you would like it."

She moved a little closer easing her hand up running it through her hair gently. "Because you've been through so much lately and I know it's been very hard for you." Asuka slowly opened the box watching as a dark green jade and silver pendent came into view it had weaving patterns and all of them interconnected and joined it had a thick woven silver chain. Rei eyed the pendent. "It's called the endless knot it represents eternity, wisdom and compassion." She felt a smile form. "Whenever you're lonely or you feel doubt you can wear this and remember that I'm always here even if we are at opposite sides of the world."

She looked up slightly. "Misato gave Shinji her cross and he always wears it even when piloting, it's always over the top of his plug suit or under his shirt so I think this pendent would look wonderful on top of your new plug suit." She put down her tea as she carefully took it from the box easing it up then carefully placed it around Asuka's neck seeing her move her long hair out of the way so she could clip it in to place.

Asuka eyed the pendent giving her wide smile as the patterns in her left eye bunt brightly. "Thank you this means a lot Rei." Rei looked up meeting her gaze. "There's something else we need to talk about." Asuka put down her coffee as she raised her hand. "You know if it was about that kiss you gave me at lunch I understand, I mean you meant it only in friendship." She paused before speaking. "I would never see it in a way other than what it was intended as." Rei shifted a little closer to her, she had never done this in her life and it was scary but she had to do this because Asuka just wouldn't. She was to afraid and she knew she'd take friendship over rejection because she had such low self esteem and even struggled with her own self image as she believed that she just wasn't good enough for her and never would be.

She leaned forward putting both hands on her black t-shirt with its creative logo gripping the material gently. "What if it wasn't about friendship?" Asuka felt her whole body freeze what was going on? She suddenly felt afraid and she could feel her heart starting to race as it banged against her rib cage. She tried to shuffle back further only to find that nothing would move she felt a nervous smile form. "You know teasing is not nice Rei…"

Rei moved a hand up putting on the other woman's face gently stroking it. "I don't feel I've been honest with you Asuka and maybe rather than putting it in words I should just show you." She leaned forward meeting the other woman lips before she could stop her as she started to kiss her gently as she moved her hands to her hair there was a moment where no response came.

Either because Asuka was in shock or because she was just too afraid to do anything, she carried kissing her gently only for the response to suddenly come out of nowhere it was fearsome, heated and enough to push her back slightly. It suddenly ended as Asuka pulled away struggling to get to the other end of her sofa the confusion and fear showing in her good eye as the colours pulsed sharply in her left one, she suddenly looked very much like a lost child as she spoke the fear in voice. "Why are you doing this?"

Her face changed to sadness. "Please don't do this to me Rei…its bad enough that I love you but please don't play games with heart like this…I can't handle it, I'm not strong enough." Rei looked up realizing that she'd said what she'd been waiting for. She moved closer to her seeing that she was truly afraid now, the strongest woman she'd ever known who had no fear of jumping from great heights that would kill normal people and who was always so on fire was terrified right now and was completely laid bear as every wall she had, had suddenly come crashing down around her.

"I'm not playing with you Asuka and I know why you say that because you told me once that one of your ex-partners sold you out to the media five years ago and it wasn't pleasant for you and I remember how much it hurt you." She eased up a hand putting it gently on her face. "I would never ever do that to you." She breathed in slowly and deeply. "I love you very much and my feelings have gone beyond friendship." Asuka felt her eyes dart her mind was having serious trouble keeping her emotions together everything felt like it had gone into utter chaos and her whole world just felt like it had come crashing down. "You love me?" Rei eyed her. "Yes." Asuka breathed in sharply. "Why would you want me? I'm the asshole who harassed you in school!"

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Rei breathed in deeply she knew this Asuka's self conscious talking because she was having so much difficultly wrapping her head around the idea that someone would love her or even want her. "No I think we both know that person is long gone, she left a very long time ago and I do love the person very deeply who has taken her place." She put her hand gently on the other woman's t-shirt. "Asuka I don't connect to people that well, but whenever you touch me I feel warm and feel my heart race at times, at first I thought maybe I was confusing my feelings but over time I realized that the feeling was love."

She paused taking in sad breath before speaking. "I realized these feelings almost too late because they put you in that machine I know I should have spoken out but at the time I didn't know that you loved me. For years at Nerv there have always been rumours about you liking me in that manner but they were spoken about in a very negative way implying that you lusted after me so I ignored them."

She leaned closer. "You weren't lusting though were you? You felt nothing but love for me but you could never say it because you thought after what happened in our past that I'd reject you outright and that I still disliked you. So you just buried your feelings and tried to make the best of it and instead just did nice things for me and I ignored some of them I'm really sorry for that Asuka."

Asuka swallowed she was having so much trouble trying to get anything out of her mouth right now. "It's okay that you didn't notice…that you were happy was enough." Rei watched as Asuka's left eye suddenly ignited it was so bright and it was letting out blazing white light with flashes of pure neon blue. "No it's not okay Asuka, you deserved to be thanked and I never gave that to you, do you know how sad it made me today to hear you say that you were grateful just that I allowed you to sit at my house warming party table. I mean you must have thought so little of yourself to think it was privilege to sit by my side."

She eased her other hand running it through the long red hair. "Your worth so much more than that, believe me Asuka you deserve to loved and be cherished." She paused she was as close up against the other woman's body as she could get now. "You are really loving, kind and caring and you ask for nothing in return." Asuka looked at her before closing her eyes for a long moment taking in a deep breath, gods this was really happening it was real it wasn't her imagination. She'd spent so many nights thinking about this but resounding herself to fact that it would just never happen.

She slowly opened her eyes feeling everything suddenly slow down as she eased up her hand very slowly running it through Rei's hair enjoying the feel. She could die right now and be eternally happy and that happiness was such a strange feeling to her because it had been out of her reach for so long, she looked down. "I never stopped loving you, I loved you even back in school it's just my feelings they were so messed up back then that I couldn't read it as love so it just became something sawed and awful. Later I realized what it was and it always made me sad that I found out to late, because I thought you'd never ever want me."

She felt the tears come but the emotion behind them was so much the opposite from before it wasn't pain and it wasn't agony it was happiness and relief almost. "After the accident in Alpha test unit I was just happy that you came at all but my feelings got in the way and I pushed you away over and over and I got so confused that you kept coming back every time and you always had something nice to say to me. You're the first person in my life who has ever told me that my anger wasn't a negative and that I was a good person and made me feel it because for the longest time although Maya and Kaji would say it I never really believed them."

Rei felt a smile form as met her good eye. "Sometimes in life you need someone else to believe in you first, before you can believe in yourself." Asuka moved not even thinking the action was automatic as she met the other woman's lips again no longer caring she just wanted the sensation and feeling which she felt so strongly.

She knew she couldn't feel sexual desire thanks to Bardiel killing her sex drive but to her that didn't matter because this was just so much better it was a feeling so pure it was all devotion all love and it went so beyond the physical. It was all about touch and sensation and she'd never felt like this in her whole life and sex even in the VR had just felt so empty and Rei knew this as she'd been there when she'd told Maya that.

If it came to that though she was happy to for fill Rei's needs rather than her own and she had no idea if she'd even been with women before as her love life had always been so private but she'd ask what she wanted and desired and try to please her. She moved slowly laying feather light kisses on the younger woman's neck as she laid her down back first very gently on the sofa moving on top of her, how ironic is was that she'd had to loose her left eye to see everything so much clearer.

8

I can hear the ringing of the phone its like a sharp sound that cuts through my sleep, please go away I want to be left alone yesterday was the first day I slept all night. I don't want to be wake up early anymore because I can't sleep.

Asuka felt her eyes snap open she was lying on her bed dressed in her long oversized t-shirt it took her a moment to realize that Rei's body was pressed up against her own and she was sleeping against her in her pyjamas. She blinked suddenly remembering everything that had happened they had kisses and hugged for such a long time it had been so nice and such pure bliss. Then she'd made some food it was so strange because everything felt so good and she'd had so much trouble keeping her hands away from Rei it was the touch the feel the fact that the younger woman wanted her affection.

They'd later gone to bed she'd let Rei get dressed in her room while she'd used the bathroom before coming in she didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and didn't want to force anything she wanted her to be happy with showing her body. Yes they'd seen each other dress and undress in their plug suits a thousand times but that wasn't the point she just wanted to do this right. She felt her happy thoughts shatter as she leaned her hand over seeing that it was three in the morning and she hated being woken up early she wasn't a morning person. She pressed the button on the dial watching as the hologram shot up showing sound only as she spoke sharper than intended. "What!?"

Kolby's voice came over as he spoke in Japanese. "Guess who made the world news today!" Asuka put her hand on her face. "Please not now Kolby it's three in the morning over here, did you forget about time zones?" Kolby's voice came again only louder. "You did!" Asuka breathed in deeply. "No offence but I really don't care and I want to go back to sleep I have training today."

She turned seeing that Rei had woken up and was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she looked at the speaker phone as Kolby's voice came again filled with glee. "Asuka Langley fixes the unfixable oil machine Grandma is so proud of you." Asuka eyed her phone. "Please I jury rigged it, it wasn't rocket science just basic mechanics." Rei felt a smile form. "No she fixed it, she's just being modest."

There was a long pause as Kolby's voice came again filled with surprise while Asuka's face turned to panic. "Now is that the beautiful voice of Rei Ayanami?" Rei felt her smile widen. "Yes you must be Kolby I've heard a lot about you." Kolby's voice turned low and sly. "Oh Asuka you've been keeping secrets haven't you we all know your phone is in your bedroom, so are you two dating?" His voice came again filled with intrigue. "Because Grandma's been hearing rumours that you two like to hang out together all the time, it's just she won't ask you because she doesn't want to pry."

Asuka felt a sneer form. "I don't believe this! You know for once I would like for you and grandma not to keep tabs on me at Nerv." Kolby laughed. "Please it was Misato who told us, it was in weekly reports she even stated that you'd make a good couple." Asuka put a hand on her face in frustration. "Please this is not happening." Rei looked at her before turning back to the phone. "Yes we are dating." She watched as Asuka's face turned to shock. "It's very recent but I would like to clear this up right now before its gets out this is not a fling I love Asuka very deeply and I probably don't need to tell you that Asuka feels the same way."

Kolby's voice turned serious. "Oh yes we know about that we've known about it for years, I mean when she came over for the holidays in her late teens she talked about you all the time it was always high praise at first we thought it was admiration but later on we both figured out that it was much more and she'd try to deny it but as you probably already know she's an awful liar, she couldn't lie if her life depended up on it."

Asuka eyed the phone. "The media can't know about this Kolby you know where they'll go with this don't you? Same place they went with Shinji in that they'll think I'm trying to scale the ladder and get into management and power since the company passes to Shinji and Rei if Gendo dies though Ritsuko gets to remain as a figure head, everyone knows that." She tensed sharply. "They tried to crucify me last time and I'm not going through that all over again it was verfickte awful and I'm sick of my past behaviour being used to justify there reasoning. I mean to them I'm still the egotistic, bullying little brat I was in my teens and that's all they ever show me as."

Rei looked at her for long moment. "You know peoples opinions can change Asuka, I mean mine did." Asuka looked down slightly. "That's because you gave me a second change I doubt any of them ever would." She eased up her hand running it down the younger woman's face. "They'd just turn it to something sawed like I pursued you and that I was being predatory." Kolby's voice came again filled with annoyance. "Yeah and none of that is true as you don't behave that way anymore, I mean that woman what was her name again? The one who screwed you over I mean she tried to inter that you tried to kill her during sex because you dominated her."

Asuka felt her hand form a fist. "Her name was Hikari and I never verfickte hurt her! I brought her around to my home for drinks and it was all going fine until it got to the bedroom, she wanted me to dominate her. I didn't want to I kept saying I wasn't comfortable with the idea, I even stated that I'd had a bad relationship in the past and I didn't want to be that way anymore and that it made me really uncomfortable but her line was that I'd gone soft and pathetic and the real Asuka would give her what she wanted." She breathed in deeply. "Plus we never finished the act any way because after she called me pathetic she then she got dressed and walked out and left me stewing both sexually and emotionally."

She felt her body tense painfully. "That's when I stopped dating and brought Erika home from the animal shelter and not long after that I started bringing up Anneberg in his child AI form I just didn't want to be betrayed by people anymore. No one in the press wanted to hear my side of the story because my past reputation just made her words sound true and no one up at Nerv was on my side either higher up and Misato really chewed me out over it. Because they were forced up the media building to do damage control and when it's all about relationships it gets really messy and Hikari sued Nerv and they had to pay her because only then would she be silent."

She looked down sadly. "It just made me so mad because I have not struck, hit or pushed anyone around after the relationship with Shinji fell apart I saw how awful I was and I went to great lengths to refocus my anger. I even brought in some old school locker to put in the wreck changing room just so I could kick it and get rid of the frustration I felt sometimes. Probably wouldn't be worth punching it now the door would just cave in, with one punch if I was angry enough."

Rei sat up wrapping her arm around her shoulder. "I remember how sad and frustrated you looked in the locker room the day Misato shouted at you over the incident with Hikari and I saw you getting drunk at Rufus's bar the same day." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Yeah too drunk to function made myself really sick I was that sad and miserable." Rei eyed her. "Shinji and myself we both talked about it and believed that you didn't do it because your attitude was so different you weren't being smug about it you were completely the opposite which was sad and disheartened."

Kolby's voice came again but with pride. "Screw that Hikari woman Asuka you're a keeper and we know the real you and if others don't see it, it's their loss because you've come so far and changed so much." His voice came again but much happier. "Hey did you want me to send those collectors editions over the Godzilla ones? I have in a box volumes one through seven there is an eighth but I'm having trouble locating it." Asuka blinked she had forgotten about those. "Yes please do, I'll forward the amount you want to your account today you know maybe you can use it buy a cot and kids toys for Aili's baby I mean isn't she due around December?" Kolby's voice came again. "They think January but you know what kids are like they choose the day and time they are born and we have the toys and cot."

Asuka breathed in deeply. "Hey what about a new flat screen system? I mean you could get a flat and install apps for her child to play on." Kolby tapped his pen on the other end of the line. "Oh I like that, hey can you get Anneberg to send us a message on it when we get it set up? Because Aili is desperate to see him because she had no idea you could bring up a learning program AI like that." Asuka eyed the phone. "I'll ask him if he wants to though I told you before he's not a coded to my will, he freely makes his own choices so just give him time he gets nervous and he's not always used to new people, that's in part my fault as I always told him to be weary."

Kolby's voice came again though it sounded uncertain. "Would it be okay you know if I told Grandma about you two?" Asuka turned watching as Rei looked at her showing uncertainty. "Could you please hold off just for a little while it's just we don't want it getting out right now, not until we are more comfortable with others knowing." Kolby laughed. "Sure I can I'll be seeing you Asuka." Asuka eyed her phone. "Good night Kolby, send my love to Aili and Grandma."

Rei watched as the phone switched off she eyed Asuka. "He's right you know you are a keeper." Asuka felt a slight smile form. "What even though I'm scared up and have a neon glowing left eye?" Rei sat up slightly moving closer. "Yes." Asuka gently pulled her in to her arms giving her a gentle kiss. "I'm flattered that such a divine goddess like you would say that to me."

End of part 34

Silvermoonlight