IN THE CALMNESS AND STILLNESS
Asuka watched as the last of the LCL dripped off her leather jacket it would dry off her clothes it always did it only took a few minutes she'd seen Shinji and Rei's clothes do the same. She took in a deep breath closing her good eye she hadn't felt this good in so long. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders, her unit was finally working right.
She opened her good eye looking in to unit 02's four eyes as it towered over her from its position in the docking bay where it was now half submerged in red water. She raised her arm up towards its massive face opening her hand and spreading her fingers. "Thank you for activating and letting me in." She lowered her hand she hadn't felt this way in such a long time and it was so nice, she slowly made her way up the stairs to the upper bay catching sight of Rei who was making her way over to her still in her plug suit though she'd taken her interface hair clips off.
Rei moved towards Asuka who looked very calm and happy and it was the first time in ages that she'd seen her smile this way. "One of the dock workers was telling me that they loved our show on the networks." Asuka put her hands in her pockets moving a step closer to the younger woman. "I really don't care about what they thought it was just nice being up there with you." She felt her smile widen. "You're a real challenge." Rei looked up in surprise realizing that this could be a compliment and she very rarely ever heard Asuka compliment others. "Is that a compliment Asuka?"
Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "Yes it is." She raised an eyebrow. "Believe me I love real challenges and I want to do that again sometime." She eased up her hand pulling her patch off putting it in her pocket as she moved closer to the other woman gently taking hold of her free hand. "I also wanted to say thank you for this morning in the Delphi gardens, you didn't have to do that but I'm so grateful that you did."
Rei gave her a smile she could see the patterns pulsing and spinning in her left eye setting it on fire. "Sometimes Asuka you just need someone to believe in you when you can't." Asuka moved forward gently wrapping her arms around her pulling her close as she spoke in quite and soft voice. "I'm sorry for all the times I questioned your friendship and your reasons for being around me, I won't ever question you again I promise." She knew her next action might be wrong but she just wanted to express her feelings in anyway possible with the first person who she had come to trust in a very long time, she gently kissing the top of her head. "You're always welcome in my home, come around whenever you please."
"Look who stole the show!"
Asuka breathed as she pulled away from Rei sharply turning to see that Misato, Shinji and Toji who were standing behind them smiling there was a young twelve ear old school girl who looked like she was about to burst with excitement. She adjusted her leather jacket. "We were just having fun." Misato moved closer catching sight of Asuka's left eye which filled with bright patterns which were moving and pulsing with pure striking blue light. "Asuka your eye...it looks." Asuka looked up speaking calmly. "Yeah I know it looks like a neon light it's been that way since unit 02 shut down after it transformed."
Misato moved closer. "You should get Maya to look at that, it looks really weird, does it hurt?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "You know I kind of like it and it's different it doesn't hurt at all but I still can't see out of it." Rei gave her smile. "Honestly I like it." Asuka poked her head around looking at the young school girl. "Who might this be?" Rei turned raising her hand. "Asuka this is Sakura, Toji's younger sister she's a big fan of yours."
Asuka moved over to the young girl who looked nervous and she knew why she remembered back when she'd been fifteen feeling that way the day before she'd left Germany knowing that she was going to meet Rei and Shinji and she'd not been able to sleep all night.
She lowered herself very slightly so as not to seem threatening as she spoke softy. "So you're Sakura you know I've heard all about you from Shinji, I've heard that you like Evangelion's and the program." Sakura felt a smile form as she put her hands together. "Yeah I would love to be a pilot someday and I've always loved unit 02 it's always been my favourite and it looks even cooler now." Asuka slowly eased up her hands pulling out her red interface clips letting her hair fall loose. "You know I was only a few years older than you when I first came to Japan and you know what I was really nervous but once I got in to that entry plug my whole world changed."
She gently took hold of her hand opening it as she placed her hair clips in her palm. "You can be anything you want if you believe hard enough Sakura." Sakura stared at the clips. "You're giving these to me?" Asuka nodded calmly. "Yes, take good care of them they served me well for many years and if you make the program keep them to remind you of today." Sakura looked at her glowing patterned eye. "Are you sure your eye doesn't hurt?" Asuka gave her a wide smile. "No not at all, like I said I kind of like it, makes me stand out." She moved closer. "Would you like to see unit 02 up close? I can walk you along the bay down there you'll get to look right in to its green eyes."
Sakura leaped up. "Yes please!" Asuka stood up fully putting her hand on her shoulder. "Come on follow me I'll take you down there." She turned looking back at Toji. "Don't worry, I'll take care off her and I'll bring her right back." Rei breathed in trying not to laugh the looks on everyone's faces it was just out right hilarious they were looking at Asuka as if she from some other planet as she led the young girl down in to the hanger walking along the long lower bay where unit 02 was half submerged as she raised her hands going in to boasting mode about its capacities though it was clearly just for Sakura's benefit.
Misato breathed in deeply looking at Shinji who looked just as confused. "What's going on, can someone please tell me I'm really confused right now like has someone switched Asuka for someone we don't know?" She turned to Rei who was smiling. "What did you say to her, she's never normally like this?"
Rei looked down watching as Asuka started to mess around causing Sakura to laugh. "I just told her a few things she needed to hear that's all." Misato moved closer to her. "No you've got to tell me, just what you said because I've been trying for years to move that mountain." Rei folded her arms. "It's private." Misato raised her hand in frustration. "Oh come on!" Rei raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever considered that maybe trying to force a mountain to move won't work and instead you need to scale it slowly until it allows you to reach the summit?"
Misato leaned against the railings. "I'm going to get it out of you, you know that right?" Rei leaned on the rails. "And I'm not going to tell you just so you know." Shinji leaned on the railing watching Asuka. "It is really nice to see her this way though." Rei looked down before meeting his gaze. "When you said she was goodhearted was this how she was with you?" Shinji nodded calmly. "Yeah it was but I only saw it in fleeting moments when we were together but I just couldn't reach her, I tried and tried and it just caused us both more pain." He breathed in deeply. "You know she was flirting with you when you fighting together right?"
Rei looked up. "Yeah but it was just fun and games." Shinji shook his head. "She always liked you in school have you considered that even now she might feel the same even after all these years?" Rei looked up slightly. "I've considered it yes." Misato poked her head around. "Yeah plus she was kissing your head when we arrived and hugging you." Rei eyed her. "She was just being friendly."
Misato felt a coy smile form on her lips. "Sure whatever, I mean I greet all my so called friends that way." Rei put her hands together. "Did you have any luck finding out who meddled with Asuka's plug suit?" Misato breathed in deeply. "No, the science division said it wasn't them and the general staff said the same as did the specialists I need to speak to the head dockworker Hayden, I left him till last and only because we had the display today. Rei breathed in deeply. "I hope you find out at least something." Misato eyed her. "Same here..."
8
Shinji slowly walked up the corridor to the vending machines seeing that Asuka was sitting there quietly looking at a gold mini disc which had a demon image engraved on the label she was flipping it between her fingers. There was slightly melancholy look on her face even with her patch on it was very plain to see and it confused him she'd been so happy this morning what had changed? She very rarely came here anymore though they had sat here together often as children, back to back listening to his walkman.
He slowly sat down opposite her. "Are you okay Asuka? We didn't see you at breakfast." Asuka looked down slightly. "I wasn't hungry." She felt a sad smile form. "Trust me I eat a lot when Rei visited the other day and I feel like I'm still digesting it." Shinji looked at her for a long moment. "You were really nice to Sakura today I think she really liked your company." Asuka looked down sadly. "If she is anywhere near as good at syncing as her brother, she'll make a great pilot one day just like Rei."
Shinji looked at her seeing that she hadn't turned around. "You like my sister a lot don't you?" Asuka breathed in deeply feeling the pain as it crushed her heart like a vice. "More than you'll ever know." She looked up slightly. "Throughout this whole ordeal she's been there for me, even when I pushed her away." Shinji felt a smile form. "Thank you, you know for that day when you protected her from Mari even though she struck you with the wooden plank."
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "I'm used to getting hit by things Shinji I don't mind the pain." She paused for a long moment before speaking. "I'm sorry you know for all the times when I mocked your depression and made fun of you, I never realized what it was like to go through that till now." Shinji blinked in confusion why was Asuka saying this now?
It didn't feel right at all it was like trying to desperately make everything right as if she wasn't coming back. "Asuka do you have to go back to Germany, I mean has something happened over there that you can't talk about?" Asuka shook her head. "No Shinji." Shinji looked at her for a long moment. "Then what? I don't understand." Asuka turned looking him straight in the eyes for the first time. "I know you love Kaworu." Shinji breathed in sharply. "What, no I don't!" Asuka felt a sad smile form. "Gods you're such a moron that you would let such a handsome catch like that pass you by." Shinji put a hand on his shirt it had been years since she'd called him that. "Look I don't feel that way and I'm not that way and don't call me a moron."
Asuka stood up putting her leg on the chair leaning towards him. "What way, you mean your not like me?" She spoke calmly. "Love doesn't know gender Shinji it never has and it never will, Kaji told me that years ago I just didn't want to hear it so I shrugged him off and called him a creep." She stayed still. "I get it some people in the world still like to tell it's one way and make you feel bad about your desires. I know I've been there Shinji believe me I have and when you repress it, it just messes you up on the inside."
She lowered her gaze to the floor. "Half of my being an insufferable bitch in school was because, I couldn't get over those feelings and I hated myself even more for having them and when I did finally get them out I never did it right. I just wanted to screw anything I could get my hands on and I didn't care about the consequences." She breathed in sadly removing her foot from the seat. "Don't be a verfickter idiot like me Shinji, don't let this chance pass you by they never come around again, believe me I know I broke enough hearts and destroyed enough bridges and you can never turn the clock back instead you'll just feel the sting of regret forever."
She looked up slightly. "You could die tomorrow and you'll die knowing you never told him and that he never knew, he loves you Shinji take it from me. You think I haven't seen you two playing the Grand piano together, I've sat and I've watched you together countless times I've seen you blush when he touches you or puts his hand in yours." She eased up a hand putting it on his face. "Please I'm not jealous I won't tear you to ribbons for being with him, I just want you to be happy so please don't deny yourself something because you think I won't approve." She eased her hand away. "You and Rei are both so much better than me you deserve so much and you should both have it."
She eased up the disc in her other hand putting it carefully in his. "Please when you see Rei give her this." Shinji eyed the disc. "What is it?" Asuka looked at the disc not meaning to shout her next words out desperately. "Please just give it to her Shinji!" She felt her good eye dart. "Don't let it fall into anyone else's hands I'm begging you." Shinji breathed in deeply as he put the disc away she was scaring him now he could see pure desperation in her good eye and it was so unlike her to show fear so openly.
He stood up slowly. "Asuka you're scaring me." Asuka stepped away from him. "I should scare you I have something inside of me and its so terrifying at times that I can't breathe and I know its going to start hurting people it's just a matter of time." Shinji looked at her for a long moment was she talking about her anger?
No it couldn't be that and what she was saying just didn't make any sense. "Look whatever this is Rei and I can help you." Asuka didn't think as she shoved him back regretting it instantly as he was thrown back harshly because it brought back such bitter memories of there time together which had been filled with abuse and most of it from her side. "Neither of you can fix this believe me you just can't, no one can!" Shinji breathed in deeply. "Is it Rei?"
He looked into her good eye. "Is it because you love her? I know you Asuka I know that you wanted her so badly in school and you got so angry when she rejected you at every turn." Asuka looked up sadly. "Regardless of how I feel about Rei I would never be any good for her, she deserves someone ten times better than me!" Shinji folded his arms. "Now who's the moron in denial?" Asuka felt her hand form a fist. "I'm not in denial, I'm being verfickt realistic!"
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
Shinji turned seeing that some of the general staff were now poking there heads out of the doors to see what was going on. "No you lie to yourself every day when it comes to Rei, you always have!" He raised his hand. "The problem is it's been all over your face recently, when we were alone she told me about what happened in the Delphi gardens this morning. She still can't wrap her head around how you hate yourself so much when your actuality a good person underneath who has a lot to offer."
Asuka put a hand through her hair in frustration she could feel herself starting to loose her temper. "Stop trying to make me feel better and stop telling me that I'm something I'm not!" She looked down. "Rei is very kindhearted and she thinks far too much of me, more than I even deserve." Shinji shook his head. "No you just think too little of yourself and I wish you would wake up for once in your life and see it!" Asuka turned unable to control her rage as she smashed her foot into the vending machine opposite watching as the glass shattered she pulled her foot out watching as snacks and drinks spilled everywhere. Shinji eyed her. "Feel better now?" Asuka put her hands in her pockets. "No!" She stepped away from him. "Just give her the disk!"
She didn't look back as she turned walking away from him feeling the anger turn to sadness she'd made that disc last night it was the truth about everything. The truth she could never openly tell Rei about Bardiel she should have given it to her earlier but she'd just got so caught up in the moment of happiness and there had just been too many people around.
That happiness had faded away once she was alone because she knew that she was now very much on borrowed time she could feel it deep down in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't keep up the pretence forever there were just too many cameras on her and too many eyes. Like all things in her life she knew happiness was always fleeting it never lasted despite that she wanted it to more than anything. She knew why she'd said those things to Sakura and given her, her interface hair clips.
Because she knew that there was a real possibility that Nerv could kill her and she had no legacy, no children and no one to carry on her name she was one of the last in her family line. Oddly enough now she just felt the deep sting of regret, for hating children for so long she'd only hated them because she'd been so desperate to grow up and she had hated a good part of her childhood. Even if she did love Rei she couldn't bring her in to her world in the way she wanted, she turned going in to one of the general staff's bathrooms which was empty watching as Bardiel appeared in the corner of her eye. "Oh there you are and I did wonder when you were going to show up again since you vanished during the display."
Bardiel looked up as he flicked his tail causing the bathrooms automatic lock to snap shut so no one else could enter. "I didn't want to show up again, after all I'm in your brain I can see out through your good eye and I don't wish to interrupt your piloting anymore, I have what I want we are fully connected to take us apart they'd kill us both." He looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "You're afraid I understand you sending the disc but if it came to that I would protect this body and mind you're just too valuable to me now."
Asuka put hands behind her head in frustration. "Why, am I cursed to be with you?" Bardiel looked up. "Don't you mean blessed, I have given you gifts that you could only dream off having." Asuka walked towards him. "Yeah explain something to me please because I'm not good with subtlety, why the neon glowing eye?" Bardiel's mouth formed a smile. "You'll find out soon enough wouldn't want to spoil the surprise." Asuka leaned against the nearest sink. "Being with you is like being with the asshole partner from hell." Bardiel eyed her. "So it's like being with your younger self then since you want to make a comparison."
Asuka felt her teeth grind together. "I hate you so much right now that I would love to rip you apart!" Bardiel looked up feeling his cold smile widen. "I never knew that human beings were so interesting so many emotions so many thoughts and feelings so much turmoil, fear and hardship." Asuka put a hand on her face. "You know I really wish that you had an off switch." Bardiel flicked his tail around. "You know maybe you'd be much better off if you just accepted that I'm in your life and there's nothing you can do to change it, unless that is you want stick that gun back between your teeth and load the trigger for real this time."
He smiled seeing her anger turn to sadness as she looked down trying to hide the pain and hurt. "No I thought not." He leaped onto the bathroom counter moving towards her as he balanced himself on the sinks. "Too much like Mama's death right?" Asuka didn't answer she carried on staring downwards. "I'm not mocking you by the way I don't know many people who would have the guts to put a gun between there teeth that way even just to try it out so they can hear the empty barrel click, I mean it would be a horrible way to die if you did go through with it."
Asuka looked up she moved so she was with in inches of his face. "Would you like to know what's worse? Imagine them cutting me open piece by piece, they will decapitate me yank my insides out and when they get around to my brain…well lets just say that you'll finally get a deep understanding as to why people fear circular saws." Bardiel smirked as he raised a clawed hand. "Trust me they'll never get that far." Asuka folded her arms. "Why because I'll be dead and all of my parts will be stacked up in jars down in Nerv's deep freezer?"
Bardiel laughed coldly. "No because they'll be dead, I did not come to this world to be thrown out by lesser human beings. I worked very hard to get here and I'm not going to be shoved out that easy so you should quit your over glorified and pretentious worrying and maybe go tell that woman that you love her. Because watching you mull over in your head as to why you can't be with her is just annoying because all you ever do is make excuses as to why you can't and shouldn't be together its like your just sticking up internal barriers just so you will never try or take a chance it's insane human thinking."
Asuka turned around putting her head against the mirror. "I'm not interested in dating advice from you!" She looked up staring at her reflection in the glass. "You're not even human what do even know about love?"
8
Misato slowly walked in to the bay watching as a large man came into view he was looking at his tablet while checking over all the Evangelion's in the bay. He was dressed in the all white version of the Nerv uniform with blue shoulder stripes. "Well, well, you must be Hayden." The man turned slowly towards her, he was built like a brick wall and had a brown goatee beard and short brown hair he was also in his early forties.
His blue eyes narrowed as he looked at her. "Oh great let me guess the fuckers upstairs want to complain about the display right?" He breathed in deeply. "You know I did everything you people wanted my team of men and women worked three days and nights solid not to mention we had to work around the specialists who were working on unit 02's refit and it was fucking mess!"
Misato eyed him. "Yeah I'm not here about that but I am here with regards to Asuka, so I'll just cut to the chase did you tamper with her plug suit her new one it did pass through your hands and several others before it got to the wreck room?" Hayden looked at her for a long moment. "You seriously think I would tamper with that egoistic little shits plug suit?" Misato eyed him. "You have history didn't she cheat you out of season ticket some years ago?"
Hayden put his hand in his pocket. "Yes she did and it was a very pricey ticket!" He felt a sneer form. "I know that little shit memorized all the cards I know she cheated me by making it so she only got the best cards." Misato raised her hand. "Don't call her little shit again because I really don't like it." Hayden eyed her. "Just saying it how it is."
Misato looked up. "You have no idea how it is, I spend time with all of the pilots I see things you people don't. You just catch them on there bad days which they have a lot of since along with the angels they have to deal with humanitarian issues and need I not remind you off the three major terrorist groups Cerberus, Ouroboros and Ankh. Cerberus thinks the Evangelion's are sin against the gods and shouldn't exist and wants them destroyed. Ankh wants to pillage the technology and will try anything to get what they want because rumour has it they desperately want to build there own Evangelion's so they can use them to terrorize people. While Ouroboros well what can I say, they are beyond insane and we still have no idea what they want, only that they would rather die than surrender."
She breathed in deeply. "So when the pilots get off time, they can be cagey, stressed and difficult they have to kill people and sometimes they see horrible things like innocent people dying it can really get to them not to mention all of them had have rotten childhoods on some level or another."
Hayden eyed her. "For any other pilot that might be true but you're defending Asuka and she likes killing people she probably gets off on it. She's Nerv's dog of war all she ever does is kill people it's the only things she's good at because she can't be trusted with work the other units do because she has a history of being reckless and stupid and getting the other pilots hurt because of her ego. Hell even her unit now looks like a demon on steroids whose tongue is hands down creepy and we really don't enjoy shoving it back in place since the jaws are so open now that you can look down that things throat and cleaning its exposed razor sharp teeth is a whole other ordeal for the team. Since it's a twitchier, because you think it might close its mouth and literally crunch on you." Misato eyed him. "I really don't care for your complaints regarding unit 02 it's your job."
Hayden breathed in deeply. "Well regardless of my complaints, I didn't touch her suite, yeah I hate her guts but I wouldn't go out of the way to try and crush her wounded body when she's fresh out of the hospital wing." He shook his head. "Maybe you should talk to Leiko she's one of low grade general staff up in visitor centre."
Misato looked at him for a long moment before speaking. "Why?" Hayden raised his hand. "Because her and her best friend Shoji, they just know stuff don't ask me how they know they just do I mean if there's a rumour they always know about it weird videos, pilots there like a powerhouse of information and everyone goes to them when they want to know stuff that's outside there pay grade, oh and they are forever talking about the ghost school girl." Misato blinked in confusion. "What ghost school girl?"
Hayden turned sharply looking at her. "What you don't know?" Misato folded her arms. "If I knew I wouldn't be asking you, would I?" Hayden breathed in deeply. "There is this creepy looking school girl that never blinks and has blue hair everyone says she looks really similar to Rei. You know when she was much younger but she's been appearing in weird places in Nerv for decades, she appears mostly in the hospital wing and she's got the same condition Kaworu has you know where your eyes loose colour and turn red."
He raised a ringed finger. "Shoji is really interested in her because he says she even wears the same school uniform as Rei but Rei's school have stated that no girl like that exists in there records living or dead, no one can wrap there head around it. The reason she's such a hot topic is say five people walk in to a room only one will see her. It's like she's really selective and only shows her presence to certain people and not others. I know people who have worked here for years and never seen her yet others who have seen her maybe once if there really lucky."
He eased up his tablet typing in to it bringing up a sketched image of the school girl before passing it to her. "I didn't draw this Leiko did and here's were the shit gets really weird this little red eyed blue haired girl first started appearing here when they first built the Beta and Omega unit's. That's how ancient she is and you know how normally people talk about catching ghosts on camera and film, well no one has ever been able to take her picture successfully they have tried believe me but she never appears in it and she is never seen on video camera footage ether."
Misato looked at the drawing he was right it was very similar to Rei. "I've never heard about this before." Hayden leaned against the rails. "Yeah well you're not the only one, I didn't know anything myself for years until one of the women who was doing a maintenance check on unit 01 nearly had an accident. Because she appeared right beside her on the railing nearly giving her a heart attack, she only just got saved from plummeting to her death because her colleague managed to grab her hand before she fell off the railing." He looked up slightly. "She still works here but she won't go anywhere near 01 she now works on 00 because in her words she'd rather work on a semi twitchier, than be anywhere near 01's haunted purple face."
He raised his hand. "Like I say our job is really hard down here and what people don't get is sometimes the Evangelion units are really creepy to be around. The ghost girl is just one element, I've heard of people talk about the units eyes going on for a second then turning off even when there not powered up and their jaws opening even when we have made sure they're shut the night before and its mostly in the older units 00, 01 and 02 it never happens in the newer ones or the training units there all really well behaved."
He breathed in deeply. "02 really concerns us the most through I means its always been a difficult bastard to work on right from the very beginning but last night when it wasn't in use after the specialists had finished repairing it's plating, we came in the morning to find that its whole arm had moved. I mean it had literally put its whole arm out and I'm not lying when I say that it was reaching for 00 because it was facing it directly and its hand was frozen above 00's upper banister near its face its claws were within inches of touching it."
He eased out a cigarette lighting it. "Yeah we all know that story about Asuka really liking Rei and that she has been infatuated with her for years but has never asked her out for whatever reason, it's no big secret but there was no entry plug inside 02 when this happened. It had been taken out for final maintenance checks to make absolutely sure Asuka wouldn't have any problems during the display because she's been in such bad shape since the Alpha unit incident. This thing had none of her leftover brain waves to screw with its core and it took me and my team ages to get that arm back in place and we had to put up with 00's team getting really pissed off at us because they were trying to do the final checks on it's new face plating but 02's clawed hand was in their way." He looked up slightly. "They even accused us of putting it there, because they didn't see how it could get there on its own."
He breathed out black smoke. "We tell the specialists about this shit all the time in our reports but it's the same answer every time, its just code error caused by the partial AI in the core no need to worry we'll fix it, their harmless and safe. Its been nine years and its still not fixed and I'm beginning to wonder if its going to get to the point where we have a serious accident and someone dies because one of them is going to get up and walk out unpiloted."
He eyed her for a long moment. "I'm also starting to think that these Evangelion's are alive somehow this shit just can't be coding error in the cores partial AI because from what I've heard is very basic and its only job is to read the pilots brain waves and make the Evangelion move its not a learning AI. Also the Evangelion's don't move randomly all their actions always seem like they have a purpose like the twitches seems to twitch when we are cleaning or fixing certain area's its like how a person reacts when you touch them somewhere they don't want to be touched and they want you to let go or stop so they jerk away or fidget its creepily human."
Misato sat down on the floor near the rails this was hugely disturbing why had no one ever told her about this before? She slowly passed him back his tablet she needed to speak to Kaji and Maya about this. "Well I'm going to find out about this Hayden then maybe we'll both get some answers."
End of part 23
Silvermoonlight