TO BE BURDENED AND BROKEN
My head is pounding as I lean back in the train's seat drinking some water slowly just wanting the sensation to go away I have the worst verfickte handover ever. I woke up in my chair this morning I somehow managed to get through three bottles of German beer last night and my brain feels like someone shoved a spanner in it and decided to stir it around for good measure. My memories are really clear up to the point that I was crying over my mother's video of myself in a birthing case then it got so hazy and dark.
By the time I'd washed and changed my clothes I realized I was late for work and because of the hangover I just couldn't ride my motorbike in, now I've had to take the public train and I hate these trains so much because I always get bothered by people. The red hair stands out which is so ironic since that was what my mother wanted for me.
I'm just hoping since I have this patch on my left eye that they might not notice, I'm dressed real causal with a pair of dark blue jeans a white t shirt and a brown leather jacket with a long dark red bars on the sleeves which come down from the shoulders and folded collar, I wear mostly guys t-shirts and jackets because the fit is looser only the jeans are women's but there tailored to fit and have deep pockets while the skate shoes are guys because the fit is also better.
In one ear I have Shinji's walkman's head phones I really need to give this back to him and Rei they only gave it to me to see me through the hospital wing, it's not like I need it and hopefully this bionic that is hidden under my clothes will be off within the next few weeks. Only downside is it will have to go over the top of my new plug suit when I go in for sync testing but Maya told me that it won't cause any problems or interference when they test the entry plugs and sync.
I finish the water in my plastic water bottle putting it in to my bag as I lean back folding my legs feeling the gentle breeze from the open windows, I'm going to be so late I know it I just hope Maya forgives me for this. I have never been late for a sync test before this will be the first time and I won't lie I'm really not looking forward to it one bit I'd rather be somewhere else altogether. I just know I have to keep it together or I might get kicked off this program since Ritsuko hates my guts, which is also ironic since she's seen them hanging out of my body when I first got injured.
"Hey are you the second child?"
Asuka breathed in great she really didn't need this right now she turned seeing a little girl looking at her wide eyed in her hands was a fluffy toy bear she took a step closer staring into her good eye. "No I'm not the second child." The little girl face slowly formed a wide smile. "But you sure look like her." Asuka turned off the music leaning forward trying to be as none threatening as possible as in the past she had really scared children off with her temper and it wasn't something she was at all proud off. "If I was the second child do you think I'd be riding a train?"
The girl looked down. "No I guess you wouldn't." She looked up pointing to her face. "What happened to your left eye?" Asuka tapped the patch. "Not to go into any details but let's just say someone poked me in the face with something sharp, I didn't loose my eye but it's no good anymore." The child leaned closer. "Why wear the patch though?" Asuka felt a smile form. "A person I care about very deeply gave it me as a gift, it means a lot to me so I don't take it off plus she said it looked cool on me." The little girl laughed. "Is she like your girlfriend or something?" Asuka shook her head. "No she's not she's way too good for me." The child's face turned to confusion. "I don't understand, how is she too good for you?"
Asuka pulled her bag over getting out a soft drink can handing it to the little girl who took it. "One day when you're older you might understand, you know, when you start dating." The child smiled as she opened the can. "You know one day I'm going to be six and then I can know stuff." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Well don't be to quick to want know stuff enjoy growing up first."
She looked up as the little girl's mother appeared speaking loudly. "Ah there you are." She turned as she picked up the little girl looking down at her. "I hope she's not bothering you." Asuka shook her head. "No not at all." She watched them go as she took in a deep breath as she stretched out in the seat she turned only to catch sight of a person who stood out like a sore thumb on this train. She was staring at her intensely and in a way that almost felt uncomfortable because she just didn't blink.
It was that school girl again the one with the short blue hair and red eyes the weird looking kid that reminded her of Rei but she knew it wasn't Rei and since she was on this train which stopped close to Nerv's top side buildings, she had to be one of the employees children.
It was scary how similar she looked though because Rei had looked like that in school, the uniform the way ward looks the quite, the shy demeanor the way she always looked down in deep thought. Maybe that was what had drawn her in so much though she didn't really know or understand why, only that she wanted to touch, hold and kiss her. She had gone about it so badly though she had tried to force her way in just like she had with everything at that time and the worst part was that at the time she had been so used to getting what she wanted that she had assumed it was true of everyone and everything.
She had spent so many years regretting that moment in the hall when she'd grabbed her really roughly trying to come on to her, one thing she had never expected was that slap which had been so painful and it was in that painful moment that she'd realized that Rei was actuality powerful and not to be toyed with and was way out her league and always would be.
She was also not like her older brother who at the time she'd seen as a weak pathetic push over even though that wasn't true. He had just been going through a lot of pain like her but he dealt with it very differently. There were many things she'd been able to let go off since school but her bitter regret of coming on to Rei that way never had as she had driven a wedge between them and it had never really gone away.
Rei may have been trying to help her recently but even she could tell that she was very wary of her as was Shinji they always walked on egg shells around her despite being polite and kind because neither of them liked her temper. Maybe in life some things you just could never fix no matter how hard you tried she looked up feeling the confusion take over seeing that the red eyed girl had completely vanished.
She looked left and then right seeing that she wasn't in either train cabin maybe there had been a stop and she'd gotten off or may be she was going crazy. "No sadly for you, you're not going crazy, though I must say I do like the idea of making you go crazy it would be most entertaining." Asuka felt her body tense as she turned seeing Bardiel spread out like cat close to her feet. She felt all the good feelings drain away instantly she knew she couldn't talk back not in this place full of people they'd think she was insane.
Bardiel eased up a clawed hand looking at his fingers. "Oh that's right you had this bright idea that alcohol was going to get rid of me…well it didn't work." He turned looking around him. "Oh I see you can't talk to me here, you're afraid of making a scene that's fine I can wait I have so much more patience than you do, I'll just wait for a better moment." Asuka closed her good eye feeling the anxiousness take over before she could stop it, she wanted this to stop, she knew now that Bardiel was real there was an angel polluting her mind and it was utterly terrifying.
8
Shinji sat back in the entry plugs seat they were all lined up ready for the sync test though Asuka's entry plug area was empty, he slowly brought up the screen to the control room where Ritsuko was looking at them as she tapped her foot in annoyance looking at her watch. She clearly didn't want to be here but since Maya and Misato were both down in the restricted zone checking over Toji's new unit which would now go through its painting stage and needed the correct insignia put on along with its countries logos so she had to be here.
"Shouldn't we wait for Asuka?" Mari's face suddenly appeared on his screen. "Please I'm not waiting for that fucking Princess I want this over with already I hate fake sync tests they're so damn boring." Toji's face appeared on the other side of his holographic screen. "I'm sure she has a perfectly good reason for being late, I mean she's never normally this late." Kaworu appeared opposite. "I agree she has a good reason I'm sure." Rei's face suddenly came up as she fiddled with her white plug suits collar. "I rang her last night she wasn't picking up her phone I left a message maybe she's not well, I mean she's been through a lot." Mari's face turned to scowl. "Please, her unit didn't try and strangle you!" Rei raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious? You put her in the hospital wing."
Mari folded her arms. "No you put her in the hospital wing because you were clearly that person who got picked last in sports because you can't catch flying objects, just like you're always picked last in unit 00 to do the crappy missions, which no one wants." Ritsuko looked at them all unable to hold back her anger as she spoke. "Shut up all of you!" She watched as all of their faces turned to her as everyone went quite she felt a sneer form on her lips. "It's like being a school yard."
She looked up as Asuka's entry plug was suddenly brought up as Hayden who was head of the dock team spoke over the com in his normal gruff annoyed tone. "Asuka Langley is coming down to you now, please note she keeps on complaining about her new plug suit being too tight." Ritsuko looked up as she spoke. "Thank you Hayden." She watched as Asuka's entry plug was put in place by the huge machine so she was in the middle of Rei's and Shinji's, all of the entry plugs bottom parts were submerged in red water and the room was closed off to stop outside interference.
She leaned over pressing the com as she watched Asuka's face appear on the big screen along with the others as the back wall shut completely and the machine went still. "You're late!" Asuka looked at her with her good eye as she moved the shoulders of or her new plug suit which were both white and red in colour with green sections on the shoulders, the suite though was awful the chest and stomach felt far too tight and it felt like her insides were being crushed. "Please I can explain."
Ritsuko folded her arms. "Spare me your pathetic excuses I'm not interested in hearing them, you know the rules, you've been here long enough to know them and you should know better." Rei watched as Asuka began to fidget nervously. "Oh come on she's never been late in years and you're grilling her for this?" Ritsuko looked up as Asuka fidgeted again clearly in discomfort, she eyed Rei. "Rei If I want your opinion then I'll give it to you!"
Rei felt a sneer form. "What ever you say, mother." Ritsuko turned eyeing her. "Don't you ever call me that I am not your mother!" Rei felt a cold smile form. "No truer words were ever spoken." Ritsuko pulled up her clip board. "Start the test!" She watched as they all went quite closing there eyes as they began to sync and there ratio bars came up on the large side screen.
Shigeru looked up as one sync test came up which clearly wasn't right. "Asuka's not syncing correctly." Ritsuko watched as Asuka carried on fidgeting she could see the bionics over the top of her new plug suit. "Turn off that stupid bionic walker Asuka it's interfering with your test!" Asuka eyed her through her hologram screen as she turned it off feeling her left leg turn to semi dead weight which really wasn't a nice feeling at all. "It's not stupid, its helping me walk."
Ritsuko eyed her in disgust. "Just turn it off!" Asuka eyed her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke. "It is verfickt turned off!" Shigeru shook his head. "She's still not syncing and there is also a really weird wave pattern showing up in her brain activity." Ritsuko walked over shoving him aside. "I thought Maya had these tests calibrated she's clearly messed it up somehow."
She began to type watching as the odd wave started to pulse sharply. "It has to be that." Kaji folded his arms watching as Asuka's face changed as her good eye started to dart around and the colour drained completely from her face. "Look I don't want to the bringer of bad news but Asuka doesn't look so good." Ritsuko didn't look up as she carried on typing. "Please she always bellyaches and complains it's how she gets attention!"
Kaji put his hand on his beard seeing the concern on the other men and women's faces in the testing room. "No I'm serious you need to pull her out now some thing is very wrong." He looked up seeing that she was ignoring him and that Rei had lost all concentration and was now looking at Asuka on her screen the deep concern showing in her green eyes. "Look at her she's about to have a panic attack!"
Asuka could feel her hands shaking it felt like the world was closing in around her as Bardiel spoke from behind her in the entry plug. "Stop resisting me let me sync with you, I can make you stronger and better I can improve your mind and your body!" Asuka leaned forward. "Get out of my head!" His voice came again. "It will only hurt for a moment then it won't hurt at all you are strong enough for the pain!"
Asuka leaned forward burying her head in her knees as she put both hands up unable to stop the pain in her head which was so awful. She was screaming before she could stop herself as she grabbed the controls yanking them violently back and forth even though she knew it wouldn't do anything as she wasn't in 02. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Bardiel's voice came again speaking more quietly. "You can't kill me and when you realize that our relationship will progress and be so much better!" Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. "We have no relationship you verfickter parasite!" Ritsuko raised her hand. "What is going on here, can any one tell me who the hell she is talking to?"
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
Shigeru shook his head. "I have no idea! There are no outside signals inferring with her entry plug and inside the plug I'm not getting any faulty signals from the software." Ritsuko turned watching as Asuka's brain waves went totality out of sync as the test started to flash red marking a clear failure. "What is this is she going crazy or something has she taken illegal drugs?" Makoto looked up. "I have got something." Ritsuko moved over to his desk. "What do you have?" Makoto pointed to Asuka's body read out. "I'm detecting alcohol in her blood it's very high." Ritsuko looked at him. "You're kidding me!" Makoto shook his head. "Wish I was its far too high for her to be doing this test she well over the moderate limit and it's throughout her whole blood stream."
Kaji stepped forward. "I've seen hangover that's no hangover, her minds trying to fight something off." Ritsuko ignored him as she looked at the holographic desks screen. "Turn her off and have her brought to me right now!" Rei leaned forward as Asuka was completely switched off and she went quite as whatever was attacking her stopped. "Can I go too?" Ritsuko looked up eyed her. "No." Kaji leaned forward. "Yes Rei we'll get you out in a moment, your sync was perfect as always." He could see now that all of the pilots had lost concentration and had there eyes on the control room which was now very quite.
He looked up as Asuka finally entered the control room after three long minutes through the side door, if anything she looked awful. She looked like someone who had been dragged through hell and back, she was also showing signs of intense nervousness and uncertainty. He'd seen her in her low times before but it was nothing like this there was something really wrong and he was sure it was in her mind and it had nothing to do with drinking yes she had a hang over of sorts but he had actuality seen her function fine even with a hangover in the past she was also breathing very fast.
Ritsuko watched as the red haired woman walked towards her she knew full well that the other could see this hence why she was going to enjoy every moment of this. "You turn up late to my test, you mock me with your attitude and on top of everything else you've been drinking, when you know very heavy drinking is prohibited before sync tests because it screws up the results!" Asuka looked down feeling all eyes up on her as she spoke through gritted teeth. "I tried to explain that to you but you cut me off!"
The next moments turned to blinding pain as the other woman's clip board smashed across her face with enough force to throw her completely off balance she hit the ground hard on her knees which hurt like hell despite the bionics she felt the blood as it started to run down her lip.
Ritsuko ignored the looks of utter shock from the room as she stepped closer to Asuka who stayed on her knees putting her fingers to her lips seeing the blood on them as her good eye slowly filled with rage. "I've put up with your shit for nine years and believe me I'm sick off it! You think your something special well your not special you are nothing but the stupid idiot muscle off this whole Evangelion team! You'll never be anything but that and you only got this position because your grandmother is head of the German Nerv division, your basically German's trophy item to show off to the world. Also no one cares about your degree in engineering or mechanics or how smart you think you are, I mean after nine years you still can't write Japanese's fluently, instead you write everything in German on your papers!" She paused watching as Asuka struggled back on to her feet. "This means we have to translate it, every time for the records!" She raised the clip board. "It's very annoying."
She felt a cruel smile form on her lips. "It time you wised up Asuka, because no one needs you and you can be replaced." Asuka narrowed her good eye, everything hurt and her plug suit left like it was crushing her chest and stomach she just wanted to get it off her face was also stinging along with her lip but she wasn't going to let Ritsuko get in the last word. She turned spitting the blood from her mouth right next to the other woman's shoes as she felt a cold smile form. "Yeah well at least I didn't ride the director's cock to get my position of power knowing full well he was married with two little kids."
She stood up fully seeing that a few people were trying not to laugh including Kaji, yeah it was low blow but only fair since she'd had the same. "Now you have to live with the fact that Yui was ten times the person you'll ever hope to be and everyone liked her way more than you there is even a statue of her in Nerv's Delphi gardens to monument her sacrifice and accomplishments as the founding mother and creator of the Evangelion program along with her sister Kiko and my mother." She felt her cold smile widen. "Oh yes and just between us, Yui was also way more beautiful than you are, it must kill you every time to look at Rei since she's the spitting image of her glorious mother and takes after her in so many ways."
She raised her hand. "Guess it must be your own karma evening the scales on you right?" Ritsuko was unable to keep her rage back as she screamed out her next words. "Get out of my sight you worthless excuse for a pilot, that's an order!"
Asuka stepped closer watching as she backed up a step suddenly looking very uncertain of her self clearly her bravado had faded away and she'd realized that she had bitten off more than she could actuality chew. "Yeah must be a very raw nerve I hit there well as they used to say in the ancient world an eye for an eye." She turned away despite the pain she was in she was going to leave with out showing it. She walked towards the door despite how much every step hurt she just wanted to get to the pilots wreck room away from everyone.
Mari folded her arms. "Wow that was like the best thing ever." Toji's face appeared on her screen. "As your friend please don't go where I think your going." Mari raised her hand. "I'm not going there I just thought that was the best pissing match I've seen in ages, I wish I could have recorded that for prosperity." Shinji looked up sharply. "Rei's right Mari you're unbelievable!"
Kaworu breathed in sadly. "Mari just can't drown her inner demons they've learned to swim." Mari sat up sharply. "What the hell does that even mean!?" Rei watched Asuka vanished from sight maybe it wasn't apparent to anyone else but she could clearly see the limp in her left leg which meant her bionic wasn't turned on which meant that she was clearly in a lot of pain. "Can I please leave now?" Kaji moved over to his holographic desk. "Yes Rei, we are getting you out now."
He watched as her entry plug was turned off before vanishing from sight as the machine took it out of the room. "Well I would say that this has been a completely failure maybe we should pick up again tomorrow when people are in a better moods." He walked over to Ritsuko pulling the clip board from her hand which had some of Asuka's blood on its pages. "And not hitting sickly pilots with clip boards."
He looked at the video camera at the far side of the room watching as her eyes followed his. "Maybe you should have hit Asuka outside of work hours not when the camera's were recording you as I really don't think any excuses you give will fly since you hit her first and she didn't lay a finger on you. You also just ensured that you'll probably never be allowed to run this test again but I'm sure Maya won't mind the extra work and the higher pay grade I have heard that she's been wanting to take this testing full time."
Ritsuko narrowed her gaze. "You smug bastard, how dare you." Kaji shrugged turning the clip board around so she could see the blood on it. "My dear you should pray that this footage doesn't ,you know find its why into Geraldina's hands over in the German division, I don't think the results for you would be good since Asuka only just got out of the hospital wing." Ritsuko stepped closer to him. "Are you threatening me?"
Kaji felt a smile form. "No now why would I do that? I mean you were the one who lied about me to Nerv because you told a story which was shall we say untrue. I'm just saying that actions have far reaching consequences maybe you being so high up in the Nerv food chain has made you forget that, I think maybe its time you remembered it though." He raised his hand. "All I can say is what happens next is somewhat out my control." He put a hand in his Nerv uniform's jacket pocket as he shrugged. "But that's life I guess." Ritsuko raised her hand as she looked at everyone. "This test is over!"
8
Asuka pushed open the double doors to the wreck room despite all of her pain she was running as her stomach started to knot painfully as she walked past the locker room and straight into the shower rooms and the toilets. She so wanted to make it to the nearest toilet but her body gave out before she could stop it and all she felt was pain as she threw up all over the white tiled floor.
Her head started to spin as she grabbed the side of the nearest wash basin leaning against it only to loose her balance as she felt the hard floor as she hit it hard on her side. She wanted to pass out everything hurt so much she grabbed her plug suits buttons pressing then waiting for it deflate and come free off her body but it wouldn't do it. She tried again desperately realizing to her horror that it was jammed she wanted out of this plug suit it was really suffocating her!
She pulled up her hand smashing it to the floor trying to force it to release which did nothing she felt the exhaustion really hit home as she lay still as everything drifting in and out of focus as Bardiel's form appeared by her side. "You know this could have all been avoided if you'd just let me sync with you, I can take away your sickness and your illness, I can make you better than any off them."
He paused as he sat looking over her like a cat. "You want that don't you?" Asuka looked up at him. "I'd rather die…" Bardiel stayed where he was. "Unlike your mother you just don't have the guts for it, I think we both know that, you may hate life but you savour it and cling to it anyway because you're waiting for change." He slowly walked away on all fours. "I can give you the change you desire so desperately what that woman said to you was wrong, she talks to another version of you a version she doesn't like, a younger you."
He raised a clawed hand. "You think that's all everyone sees is that younger version of you, who you hate so let me be part of you fully and I'll show them something beyond their imagination." He sat quietly in the corner. "If you're scared that I'm going to take you over don't be I do not want to take you over, I just want us to be one and the same I'm your window into power and you're my window into the human world and human understanding." Asuka closed her good eye painfully. "You've done nothing but torment me, how do I even trust you?" Bardiel looked up. "Doesn't your very name mean to fly so why don't you live up to your name and take a leap of faith?"
"Asuka!"
Asuka opened her good eye seeing Rei running towards her the smaller woman was down on her knees in an instant her hands on the side of her face. "Can you hear me?" Asuka raised her hand as she spoke weakly. "My suit….its crushing me…it won't open." Rei felt her eyes dart. "Where's your calibration key?" Asuka turned pointing. "Glass locker, my key is in my leather jacket." Rei moved her hand up easing the other woman's interface hair clips free causing all the red hair to spill free they couldn't be on as they could interfere with the key. "I'm going to get your calibration key, you have to trust me okay, I won't leave you I'll be right back."
The red haired woman nodded weakly, she got up running towards the lockers instantly catching sight of the brown leather jacket hanging up she put her hand in the right pocket finding nothing she moved to the other instantly pulling out Asuka's house keys she flipped through them quickly finding the special one that opened her glass locker. She ran over to it forcing it open then opened one of the lower draws instantly finding what she needed which was her calibration key.
All of pilots had them, they were for emergencies as they kept the record of the pilots last corrected fitting and it allowed the pilot to tamper all of the body areas to fit perfectly and it could unlock faulty buttons. Granted it would be from her old plug suit settings but she'd just have to corrected the others areas individually. She ran back sitting beside Asuka. "Okay I'm plugging your key in Asuka you need to stay perfectly still?"
The red haired woman gave her a weak nod she put the USB end directly in to her collar port watching as it ran the calculations into the monitor bringing up a comparison which were horrifying. "Asuka your suit hasn't been calibrated correctly, all your settings are wrong even your locking and unlocking buttons are not set up right." She looked down bringing up her old settings. "Okay I'm going to put in your old settings it might hurt but it's just the suite freeing itself from your body." She pressed the button hearing the whole suit pop as it reset itself which was followed by Asuka's cry of pain. "Is that any better?" Asuka took in a deep breath finally feeling the pressure remove itself from her chest and stomach. "Yes."
Rei eased up the monitor. "Okay I know you said that your old suite felt tight on the shoulders and back, is this one the same?" Asuka moved her shoulder. "Yes." Rei leaned over. "Okay just give me a moment and I'll fix this for you." She brought up the shoulders and back images slowly changing the setting to loosen them. "Is that better or worse?" Asuka felt the pressure go away from her shoulders. "Better." Rei looked down. "Okay I'm going to put this in as your few fit and then I'll sort out locking unlocking buttons and we'll get you out of this suite."
"What happened?"
Rei turned to Shinji who was now standing in the doorway the concern in his eyes. "She's really unwell she shouldn't have been in that sync test she should have been at home, getting better Ritsuko's little stunt just pushed her over the edge." Shinji walked over. "Can I help?" Rei looked up. "Yeah can you get me a hot soup something that really easy to swallow and some water and pull out my ginger tea from my locker it's just for if she gets sick again?" Shinji nodded. "I'll be right back." Rei watched him go which was followed by Toji appearing along with the others, he walked over the sadness in his eyes as he spoke. "Oh man…she looks terrible."
Rei eased up the monitor as she began to set the buttons so the suite could be opened and closed correctly. "Yeah you'd look the same if someone didn't bother to calibrate your plug suit right, it was pressing down on all of her injuries and crushing her inside makes you wonder how she was even able to back talk Ritsuko at all." She breathed in deeply. "It's probably the reason it was so easy for Ritsuko to knock her over, not to mention her left leg is still not fully healed." Mari stepped forward adjusting her glasses. "Yeah but you have got to love her comeback, right?" She started to laugh. "Riding the director's cock, I wish I could say something like that and get away with it."
She looked up slightly. "Only thing was when she spat the blood out, she really should have aimed it higher and ruined Ritsuko's pristine suite." She felt a coy smile spread across her lips. "Oh and the way she compared you to your mother I mean it almost sounds like she's in love with you or something." Rei ignored her as she turned to Kaworu. "Help me pick her up and get her over to the showers be careful of her left leg." Kaworu moved over carefully helping Rei to pick the other woman up as they brought her around to the frosted cubical showers placing her down carefully in a sitting position opposite one of them.
Rei kneeled down taking hold of Asuka wrist seeing that her only good eye looked glazed over now. "Okay Asuka I'm going to free you from your suite." She eased the calibration key out putting it aside as she pressed the wrist button watching as the other woman's suite inflated and then deflated becoming loose around her shoulders. "There it's fixed you won't have that problem again." Asuka spoke as best she could. "Thank you." Kaworu looked up. "Do you need anything else?" Rei shook her head. "No it'll be fine, you can all go I'll stay here with her once she's gotten a little strength back and I'll get her to have a cool shower."
End of part 14
Silvermoonlight