Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.

Clive was at a table drinking coffee in a local diner, the town never really got a "coffee shop". Which was something he missed when he was out of state. Instead he either had to order coffee or stomach the swill they served here.

He forced down his, lukewarm, coffee as he watched a police cruiser inch-by. When explosions and gunfire started last night the town went into lockdown, a curfew was put in place until it died down.

The excitement was up in the hills, the superstitious avoided them like they were cursed. Even the more level-headed made great efforts to not go up. Folk that usually went up, uninvited, never came back down.

He tried calling Jeb to make sure he was alright. But he wasn't picking up. He just hoped he wasn't involved in this.

"Mornin' Clive!" Clive choked on his god-awful coffee as Hamish startled him.

"You alright lad?" Hamish asked as he took a seat across from where Clive was sitting.

After hacking up his brown slop Clive answered.

"Yeah, I'm good. What brings you out this way?"

Hamish, finding Clive's coffee as proof to avoid it, ordered a tea. He shuffled in his seat, and it seemed like he was hesitant to speak.

"Well, Clive. It's just. Tha missus, not me, were concerned 'bout yer state in life. So tha missus, not me! Were thinkin' tha' MAYBE you would be interest-"

Is that Jeb, Clive thought as he tuned out Hamish as he watched his friend come in and order his own coffee. He didn't want to seem rude to Hamish, but he really didn't want to hear more about their opinions of his "box".

Jeb, seeing Clive, smiled and made his way over.

"Mornin' Clive!"

"Hey Jeb! Hamish, this is my best friend Jeb." Clive said as introduced them.

Jeb shook the halfling's hand followed by a nod.

"We've met actually."

"You have?" Clive asked.

"Aye! Tha other day when I were tryin' ta find you! Ran into Jeb 'ere 'nd 'nother fellow were kind enough ta give me directions!" Hamish said as he shook Jeb's hand in return.

So it was Jeb, Clive thought!

"So what brings you 'ere lad?" Hamish asked.

"Well, I was told the coffee today would be Enlightenin. Whatever that means." Jeb said derisively.

"So is it?" Clive asked.

"Not particularly." Jeb said as he made an effort not to spit it out.

"Tea, sir." Came a monotone voice as the ageing waitress set down a iced-tea in front of Hamish, much to his confusion.

"Um, 'xcuse me! My tea is cold!" Hamish said as he made to wave the waitress down. Though she either didn't hear or didn't care.

"That's an 'iced' tea little man." Jeb stated as he gestured to the cold tea.

Hamish just picked up the red plastic diner cup with a weird look.

"Why in tha Mother's name would you make tea cold?"

Taking a curious sip, made a face, then promptly set it aside.

"So, you have anything to do with that noise on the hill?" Clive asked.

Jeb held back a sneer.

"Yeah. Dealin' with some green pests!"

"What, you and Morty decide to play Risk with his goblins?" Clive asked as he took another, half-hearted sip of his coffee.

Hamish shuddered.

"Goblins is bad business, mean 'nd cruel lil buggers!"

Jeb looked at Clive with a questioning look.

"What'd you mean?"

"That Morty loaned you some of his goblins so you two can play war games. Not that I agree with how you two have fun." Clive said. But took pause as Jeb's face went blood red.

"You didn't know did you?" Clive asked as he set his drink down.

"No, Clive. I didn't." Jeb looked at his coffee. Enlightening indeed. Then he tossed it into the garbage as he bolted to his truck out side.

"Fuck! JEB! JEB!" Clive called as he made chase after his friend.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

"Er, Clive what about-"

"What? Yeah, sure! JEB!" Clive called back as he hurried to get in his own car as Jeb sped off in his truck.

"Hmm, tha' went better than I thought!" Hamish cheered as he took another sip of his cold tea. Making a face, before going out and getting on his pony, drink unfinished. Addie would be thrilled that Clive agreed to the marriage! Now he just needed to deal with his "home" Hamish rolled his eyes at calling that glorified closet he "lived" in a home!

He trotted over to the apartment building that Clive stayed in. He tied the pony to a bike rack outside before making his way inside. He walked over to the man at the front desk. Prominent gut, lanky arms, gangly legs, long thin neck with a prominent Adam's apple, noticeable overbite. Eyes that blinked independently of each other. He reminded Hamish of a plucked goose.

"Mornin' Sir!" Hamish said in greeting to the unseemly creature.

The man didn't say anything. He just blinked like the lights weren't on.

Hamish looked around like maybe there was something he could use to get a reaction from the fowl man. Seeing nothing he just pushed a side table over so he could reach the counter.

"I would like ta transfer residence!"

"Wha' fler yew on?" He asked.

"3rd floor. Room 205!"

"Prewf of rezi-dent-sea?"

Hamish paused.

"I... lost it?"

"No prewf, no trans-fir."

Hamish snapped his fingers in frustration. He thought a moment before turning back to the turkey man. Pulling a few coins out and dropping them on the counter.

"You donnae need proof lad!"

The aborted duck just blinked and made no motion to take the bribe.

Huffing in frustration Hamish looked around, and noticed a sign.

NO STEALING!

NO LOUD NOISES!

NO PETS!

VIOLATERS WILL BE THROWN OUT!!!

A smile formed as Hamish turned back towards the talking goose.

"I'd like ta file a complaint!"

-----

Morty pulled in front of his mansion. He had stayed the night at the camp, making sure the goblins were set, and the sisters were alright. He came to the mansion to pick up some medical stuff for them.

With the goblinwaves being thrown at the kobolds and the sisters on the mend things were looking pretty good for him!

"Is that Je-"

CRASH!!!!

Morty was interrupted as Jeb's truck plowed into the passenger side of his SUV!

"Why didn't the air ba-"

POOF!!!

Morty muffled curses as he pushed the air bag back into the wheel.

"Hey Morty! Need help?" Jeb said as he was now standing next to Morty's shattered window.

"Jeb?! What the fu-" Morty didn't finish as his, very, angry friend grabbed him by the collar and hauled him through the broken window. Tearing his nice suit as his friend manhandled him.

He helped Morty to his feet, standing him up and brushing glass off his suit.

"The fuck?!"

CRUNCH!!!

A headbutt to his face was Jeb's only answer. Morty fell as blood poured from his nose and mouth.

"So, what? Thought you'd finish what your fuckin' daddy couldn't?!" Jeb jeered.

Spitting out a wade of blood Morty answered.

"What the fuck are you talk-"

Morty didn't finish as a booted foot met his stomach. He threw up blood and stomach acid as Clive finally pulled in after Jeb.

"Jeb! Stop!"

"Couldn't do it yourself so you send your little fuckin' green monsters to do it for you?!" Jeb hissed.

Morty hacked up some bloody spit.

"Wha-"

CRUNCH!!!

A heavy fist connected with his face.

"JEB! WHAT HAPPEND?!" Clive shouted.

"This fuckin' rat's green pests have been attackin' my home and family for two days now!" Jeb shouted at Clive as Morty tried to crawl away. Jeb picked him up by the collar and belt before throwing him back against the ground.

"What the fuck Morty!" Clive hissed.

Morty spit, more blood than spit now.

"Wasn't attacking you. Just getting rid of the kobolds."

"OH! Is that all? Ok guess were good then!" Jeb stated.

Before throwing another kick.

"Jeb you'll kill him!" Clive said as he rushed to stop his friend from killing his other friend.

"The kobolds your so keen on killin'? They're friends and they're stayin' at my place! Your fuckin' pests have been layin' siege to it for a day now! They've already killed several of them! Even damn near killed me and my own kin!" Jeb seethed.

Clive held Jeb back before pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"What did you do Morty?"

Morty crawled over and propped himself up against his totaled SUV.

"Miners went on strike. Father said fix it or that was it. No more home, or money, or nothing!"

He paused as he grabbed his side. He was pretty, no, he was certain Jeb broke a couple ribs!

"Told the miners to eat shit! Was going to have the goblins dig a tunnel near your place so I could keep the mine going without dealing with the miners."

"Well this is news to me Morty! You didn't think to ask if it was ok to have coal trucks driving into my backyard?!"

"Tunnel doesn't go into your backyard! Just near it."

"So then why is it damn near under my house?!"

Morty went to speak before stopping.

"Calculations MAY have been off by a few feet."

Jeb lunged for Morty, Clive stopped him before he could beat Morty more.

"So why didn't you just call you piece of shit?!"

"I... forgot?"

Clive didn't even stop Jeb this time as he threw a fist at Morty again.

"You FORGOT?! You forgot to tell your friend that a tunnel was going to be built in his backyard?! You forgot to tell him that a bunch of lunatic goblins were goin' to charge his home like the fuckin' Vietcong?!"

"...maybe?"

Clive, despite deserving it, stopped Jeb from kicking the shit, more, out of Morty.

"You almost killed my family! You almost killed my girlfriend! You almost killed ME! Your lucky nothing serious happened to me or my kin or the next time you went up you wouldn't be comin' down that mountain again!" Jeb huffed before storming off back to his truck. Jeb then peeled out and floored it away. Clive just sighed as he watched Jeb leave.

"Think you could help me up Clive?" Morty asked from the ground. Clive sighed before helping Morty into a somewhat standing position as he leaned on his totaled SUV.

"I fucked up didn't I?"

"Royal. The hell were you thinking?"

"That I could be clever while snubbing my nose to those fucking miners!"

"Why didn't you just agree to what they were asking?"

"Because its a COAL MINE! Better working conditions! Want better working conditions? Don't work in a coal mine!" Morty huffed before coughing up blood.

Clive let out a long frustrated sigh.

"So what now? You gonna apologize to Jeb?"

Morty grunted as he made to walk.

"Naw. He'll forgive me in a few... weeks? Still, can you take me to the mine so I can, somewhat, fix this?"

Clive leaned Morty on his shoulder as he took him to his car.

"Hospital too?"

"If that isn't too much trouble?"

So Clive took Morty to the mine, where he told the goblins to stop the attacks. The ogre sisters were more than a little shocked at the state Morty was in. He didn't look this bad even after his fight with the orc! He had the goblins sit tight in the camp aboveground. The ogres made to come with him. But with how small Clive's car was he couldn't fit them. Morty also wanted them to stay to keep the goblins in line while he was gone.

They reluctantly agreed as they watched Clive drive away with the bloody Morty.

Clive dropped Morty off at the Hospital, Morty giving a thumbs up as he was wheeled away. Clive groaned as he looked down at his blood covered clothes. He would have to head home to change.

As he parked outside the building Clive went inside. Unaware of a nosey little halfling waiting around the corner.

Clive made his way towards the elevator when he noticed his stuff in the foyer!

"What the hell is this?!"

"Complaint." Was the answer he got from the concierge.

"What complaint?!" A piece of paper was held up in front of Clive.

Dear proprietor!

I would like to lodge a complaint against the individual in room 205!

I have been kept up at all hours by the racket coming from inside!

I think they may have a dog inside!

I have also noticed shady individuals coming and going from the room! I have even seen them make off with property of the establishment!

Yours sincerely, a concerned lodger!

"What the fuck?! Who wrote this?!" Clive hissed.

"A Nanny Miss." Was the answer

"A Nanny?"

"No, dey sed dere nayme were A Nanny Miss."

"Anonymous?"

"Dats wha I sed."

"Can't I at least contest this?! I've been here almost 4 years!"

"Nope, roolz is roolz."

Clive huffed and seethed as he packed his stuff and hauled it into his, too small car.

"'Ello Cli-, by the Mother lad! Are you alright?!" Hamish appeared suddenly from around the corner. He had a concerned look planned, but with Clive covered in Morty's blood the look turned genuine.

"Yeah, its not mine. Or his." Clive said as Hamish question leaned to look into the room where the man at the counter still stood.

"Well, then who's is it?" Hamish asked with concern.

Clive shook his head with a sigh.

"Long story. I'll tell you later. For now however. I've been kicked out!"

"Well, you could come stay with us! Tha fresh air will do you some good!" Hamish said.

"Thanks but I'll just-" Clive stopped as he thought. He could stay at Jeb's, which was a warzone now apparently. He could stay at Morty's while he was in the hospital. Though the help made no secret what they thought of him. They probably wouldn't let him in without Morty. Maybe a hotel? But a hotel wouldn't let him in covered in blood.

He sighed as Hamish watched with a friendly smile.

"Fine, if you'll have me?"

"Great! Erm? I can take a couple thin's lad." Hamish said as he put a few books into his saddle bags. It wasn't much, and Clive will have to make a couple trips to get it all. But he appreciated the halfling's help.

So Clive, pushing the pony into the cramped back of his car, drove it and Hamish back home. To HIS new home.