Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.

The time was near, Morty thought as he got ready. The sun was setting and the ball would be held once night came. He himself was dressed in a royal blue suit with gold livery and a golden lion mask adorned his face.

The sisters, who always shadowed Morty since his kidnapping, were dressed in nice burgundy curtains. They were the only thing that would fit them for the occasion. Like wise they weren't wearing masks for the same reason.

As he finished the final touches he nodded to the sisters and the three left his room and made their way to the foyer where the ball would largely take place. The dining room was also opened and the backyard was cleared a few yards from the door for guests to mingle without disturbing, and being disturbed, by the goblins.

He descended the stairs as the goblin orchestra played a mix of Strauss and Bach... poorly. Knowing the notes and actually playing them was a challenge the goblins were now dealing with as the classical works were horribly butchered.

Hopefully they get better the more they play, Morty thought as the idea that he shouldn't've taken the goblins on their word that they could play classical waltz music!

But too late now, Morty thought as he watched the rest of the goblins go about the early stages of the party. He "promoted" several of the serving staff goblins and had them wear ball gowns and suits his family had. They were kiddie sized but it was barely noticeable on the greenskins.

The Red Caps however chose to wear their military "colors" as their attire. All of them wore various masks that usually had something to do with their stations. The Red Caps wore masks of fierce beasts like hawks or lions like himself. The serving staff wore simple carnival masks. While the goblin socialites wore various bird masks like cranes or ravens.

He rushed to the kitchen and made a quick check around to make sure everything was ready. The Hors D'oeuvres and other pretentious finger foods guests usually liked to make themselves feel fancy were being prepped for when the ball officially began.

Drinks like punch bowls and quality booze were on tap as expensive glasses were wiped off and set out. Though he hoped the guests didn't notice the punch being far too sweet or the smudges on the glasses.

Morty went out-front and waited with the valets. Well, they were just goblins that were assigned to watch the guests keys for the evening. But that wasn't the point! The point was for it to make people feel fancy! So Morty waited for the guests to arrive.

The Colonel pulled at the collar of his uniform as he stood out-front of the pawnshop. He didn't know why he felt so warm. It was cold tonight yet he felt like he would faint from how warm he was! Since he has been interacting with the pawnbroker, Molly she said her name was, he's felt particularly warm when around her.

He didn't know why, he never felt this way around others. Human, goblin, or otherwise! Yet here he stood just outside the door. Both sweating and shaking at the same time. It was unbecoming of a officer of his rank and stature!

Eventually however Molly's curiosity at the hobgoblin standing outside her, glass, door was stronger than his courage as she opened the door.

"Is there somethin' I can help you with Colonel?"

The Colonel found he had a hard time speaking right now. His throat was dry and even swallowing took more effort than it should. He thought it pathetic when he finally stammered out a reply.

"Y-y-yes. T-t-t-the G-g-general is having a b-b-ball tonight."

"Yeah, I know about that. The Duvals have one every year. What about it?"

Why was it so hard to talk, he mentally yelled and berated himself.

"I w-w-was wondering if y-y-y-you would like t-t-t-to go with m-m-m-me?"

The woman stared at the Colonel for a long moment. Unsure if what she just heard was correct and whether or not he was finished speaking. After a second of no more words she started to think. The ball the Duvals threw every year was supposed to be some big deal, at least that was what they said it was supposed to be. Only the Mayor and town council ever went, them and some out of town people that were probably family.

So then why would the Colonel, whos name she didn't know other than the rank she gave him, want to take her to some fancy party, she thought as the Colonel continued to squirm under her gaze.

"Why?"

"W-w-why?" The Colonel stuttered, a bit surprised at the simple question.

"Yeah, why do you want me to go to some fancy ball with you?" She asked as she planted a hand on her hip and cocked a questioning brow.

"I-i-i-i don't know." He said simply, because it was the truth, he didn't know why he wanted her there, and with him.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I'm not s-s-sure. It would just make me h-h-happy if y-y-y-you would join m-m-m-me."

Awww, Molly thought as it finally clicked. He was asking her on a date! She did admit that she liked his striking yellow eyes and the authority he usually had when she would watch him go about his patrol throughout the neighborhood. Besides, not like anyone else is going to do it. They all had other things to worry about.

"Sure, why not? Its not everyday you get to go to a ball is it?!" She said a bit excited as she thought more about it.

"R-r-r-really?"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

"No! Folk like us never get invited to these types of parties!" She exclaimed as she went back inside to lockup the store.

"Uhm, where are you going?"

"Well I can't go to a ball in denim and leather now can I?!" She said as she climbed the stairs to her home to get changed into a prom gown that she hoped still fit.

Why aren't they showing, Morty thought as he tapped his foot impatiently. He heard people of influence liked to be fashionably late but at this point it was just plain rude!

The socialites and other goblins have already started to mingle with one another as the ball officially started. He saw a few Red Caps, and even the Colonel, leave but he wasn't sure quite why.

Not like it mattered. He had plenty of security for the night and could afford for some of them to go AWOL for the night, and the night only. If they didn't show up again he'd have them drawn and quartered! Of course he would have to find horses to do that. Though maybe the cars he still had could work?

Then he saw movement! Were they walking, he thought. It was weird for the Mayor and the council to walk all the way here, but he wasn't going to complain. Of course his brief surprise turned to disappointment as once the figures entered the lights of the estate he saw them to be mixed couples of the Red Caps and some local women.

They weren't women of influence, just the regular Joe, er Jane, shmoos of the town. Bored gas station clerks, tired waitresses, a few that he was sure weren't even out of high school yet. Though given that some of the Red Caps were WEEKS old he wasn't sure whos cradle was being robbed.

One of the last to arrive was the Colonel and a young woman wearing a simple emerald green prom dress. Like a few of the others, the Colonel carried her bridal style the way over. They didn't have, or need, cars. That would be a waste of their endurance training! But it also wasn't proper for a man hobgoblin in uniform to let a lady walk such a distance!

"General." The Colonel said simply with a nod as he set down his date and led her inside.

At least his officers were ingratiating themselves with the locals, in their own way, Morty thought as he resumed his impatient waiting.

The Colonel led Molly past the General and the sisters and into the foyer, where the wonderful(ly bad) waltz music was being played. If the Colonel were a bit more observant he would notice the humans cringing at the off notes of the instruments. But even if the band was mediocre it was still something to behold as so much wealth was on display!

Champaign in clear(ish) glasses! Those fancy wieners and other meats and cheeses on little toothpicks! Even the dresses and suits were amazing to look at! If one didn't notice the worn and fading color and tears. But those would only be noticed by a "cultured" eye, and none of the humans that had showed up so far cared if they did. They were just glad to have a full, free, meal and a nice party to go to.

For Molly the real entertainment was watching the various greenskins bump into one another as they attempted the waltz or tripping over their dresses or bumping into something, or someone, because they could barely see through their masks! She was waiting for the Colonel to ask her, but from the looks of the other Red Caps it was obvious that none of them knew how to dance.

So that left it to the humans to show them a basic dance lesson on the fly. She grabbed the Colonel's rough tanned hand and placed his right hand on her waist while she held the other at length to the side.

"Normally your hand would be over mine, but I can guess that you don't know how to dance. So for this I'll be the lead."

The Colonel nodded as his face blushed and he had trouble looking into her eyes and instead opted to look down at their feet. His polished boots and her nice heels. This was considered rude when dancing, but given the circumstances it was more adorable.

So she slowly guided the Colonel into a simple dance.

"One, two, three, and one, two, three."

Eventually the Red Caps and their partners found a groove and started to enjoy their evening, even the other goblins paired up and copied their movements.

Morty on the other hand was still stewing outside.

"Where the fuck are those tubs of lard!?"

As if by answer a car drove into the gravel driveway. Finally, Morty thought. The car didn't belong to any of the council or the Mayor. Not even the Sheriff or his dumb deputies. A single man got out and walked towards Morty.

"I believe this is for you?"

The man handed Morty a envelope and got into his car and drove off into the night. Morty looked between the taillights and the envelope with confusion. He opened it and pulled out a single folded piece of paper. On it read simply.

Dear Mortimer,

Burn in hell.

Signed, The City of Somewhere.

His hand shook in rage at the sheer lack of respect! They didn't even have the curtesy or respect to do it in person, instead they send some errand boy and a single letter!

"HOW FUCKING DARE THEY!"

The sisters looked at Morty with concern while the nearby goblins looked at him with fear. The images and tale of Morty and the orc was something they all remembered or heard about and none wanted to be on the other end of his wrath! His wrath however was directed at the letter in his hands as he tore it to shreds!

"They dare disrespect me!?! Those worthless fucks snub ME!?!?! If it weren't for me and my family there wouldn't BE a fucking town of Somewhere! They should be crawling on their chubby arms and legs and kissing my fucking feet in gratitude! I could've killed them and put a fucking pig in charge and the town would be better off!" Morty ranted and stormed back into the ball.

The music was still going, though it was little better than when they began. But Morty didn't care and his fury cleared a path between the groups of dancers and socialites as he made his way to the kitchen for some liquid remedy.

"Your boss seems heated." Molly stated as she watched Morty stomp past them.

"He has much on his mind." The Colonel replied.

She doubt that, but she didn't voice it though. She was enjoying her evening with the Colonel and wasn't going to let the Duval ruin it because he was in a foul mood for some reason.

Morty snatched a bottle of bourbon from a shocked servant and chugged the whole thing.

"Filthy ingrates!"

The sisters just watched with worry, unsure what exactly to do. Should they stop him, or just let him tire himself out? Thought they didn't have to decide long as Morty grabbed another decanter and chugged it. So much so quickly had an obvious affect.

His mask had slipped a bit and his voice slurred even as his eyes squinted as he sneered.

"I'll make them pay! Thoshe, thoshe fattiesh!"

The third decanter pushed him further and his threats turned to mumbles as the alcohol quickly hit him and he became unsteady on his feet. Orga made to pick up Morty and carry him to his room but he snapped at her.

"I'm not a fhucking child! Itsh my houshe and I cansh do what I want!"

He grabbed a bottle of wine and hobbled his way out the kitchen. The sisters, despite his outburst, followed him. Though not as close as before. They weren't afraid of Morty in the slightest, but they were worried that if he thought they were smothering him he would lash out at the humans. It wouldn't matter if he killed a greenskin in his drunken fury. But if a human died at his hands it would cause more problems for them. It was already a chore to protect him when he went into town on occasion. They didn't need MORE humans wanting to kill him!

It was one thing to kill in protection when you had no choice, but if it wasn't a problem then why make it one, the sisters thought as Morty bumped and spilled booze on guests as he hobbled through to the stairs. The sisters and a couple Red Caps cleared the way for him.

Morty grumbled as he unsteadily climbed the stairs. The music and dancing stopped as they watched the pitiful sight. The sisters followed to keep him from falling. As Morty cleared the landing he wandered down the hall and away from the party.

With him and his foul mood gone the party resumed. Though not for long as it was still getting late and his outburst still soured the mood. Eventually the humans were escorted home by their dates. The Colonel led Molly to the base of the stairs to her home above the pawnshop.

"I had a good time."

"I-i-i-i did as well." The Colonel stuttered back, during the ball he was mostly fine. But now that he was alone with her his nerves returned to play havoc.

"Maybe we should do somethin' like this again? Though perhaps not quite as fancy?" She asked as she blushed slightly.

"I-i-i-i'll think of something." The Colonel replied as his face also blushed a bit.

She bit her lip and leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. She blushed harder and giggled a little as his own face reddened greatly. She gave him a little wave and climbed the stairs to her home.

The Colonel stood there in lamplight just staring after the pawnbroker. His heart was hammering, his knees were weak and his arms were heavy. The only thing that broke the spell was a noticeable hardening in his nether regions.

"That's new."

It was something that the other Red Caps had started to notice and even feel. It just added more to his theory. The Colonel left the pawnshop with a warmth on his face, a bit of uncomfortableness in his pants, and questions in his mind.

Morty meanwhile stumbled down the dark hall. Mumbling curses while he sloshed his booze about the place. He stopped when he came to a portrait of his father that he hadn't had the time to take down yet.

"Happy you misherable bashtard?!"

He kicked the bottom of the painting and it fell with a ruckus. He leaned it against the wall and glared at the portrait.

"Hope you like that shallow fhucking grave I left you in?! Only regret it washn't a pig shty! Being turned into pig shit would've been more fitting! But a goblin latrine had to shuffice!"

Morty unzipped his pants and proceeded to piss on the expensive painting even as he downed the rest of his booze.

"Resht in pissh!"

He didn't bother to redo his fly as he smashed the bottle into the wall where it shattered. He grumbled and wandered over to where his door was, or what he thought it was. Though he didn't quite make it as he passed out trying to open the door.

The sisters sighed in relief and picked up the heavily inebriated Morty and carried him to their room. Where they gingerly stripped him, and themselves, before turning in for bed. The rest of the staff knew what to do to clean up.