Halfling Colony.

Clive and Kilpa stared at the halfling sat before them as he freely snacked on the leftover food and tea that was still scattered around. This particular halfling was supposed to be the town's law enforcement. A single cop. That was it. Out of a town that, at its height, had hundreds of halflings. Barely had more than ten total. Now that the town had fragmented and split off after failing, the part of the town that came to this world had come with only one of them.

A single cop that is supposed to be looking after almost a hundred halflings. Clive wasn't sure what the story that will be was, but he was about to find out.

"So Mr... Frogbottom?"

"Fogbottom." The halfling corrected as he pinched a few biscuits.

"Ok then. Mr. Fogbottom-"

"Got our name on account tha' we were settled by a bog we was. Grew rice we did! "Ad ta move though on account o' dem bogbeasts tha' weren't none too kind 'bouts us farmin' there they weren'y!" The halfling explained unprompted as he took a samplery sip of a cup o' tea before downing the whole cup.

"Yeah, right, Mr. Fogbottom-"

"Fogbottom comes from tha thick fog tha' would come in from tha bog nearby. Some folks says it were cursed mist 'nd I'd say it were as well! Ta this day, cannae be near any swamp er bog without caughin' up a lung we would! Why, my cousin took a walk by a field after a good rain. Died o' caughin' right there in tha' field he did! 'Nd my nan, whene'er it'd rain-"

SLAM!

Clive and the rambling halfling jumped as Kilpa slammed a mug against the table.

"Will you shut yer 'ole! Yer not 'ere ta tell us yer family 'istory!"

The halfling bobby sniffed indignantly.

"Is quite rude ta interrupt folks when they's talkin'."

Clive spoke up before the two halflings could go at it.

"Mr. Fogbottom! As we were discussing, what have you been doing since the formation of the colony?"

The halfling bobby stuck his fat thumbs into his coat and smiled with pride.

"My job! Lookin' out fer folks!"

"And that would be what exactly?"

"Doin' tha rounds, checkin' on folks, tha usual."

"That's it?" Clive asked.

"Tha's it!"

"No thieves stopped, no vandals caught, nothing like that?" Clive asked skeptically.

The halfling laughed.

"Course not! Only thieves we gots are lil uns swipin' snacks when they're not s'posed ta! 'Nd there ain't no vandals in our community!"

Clive raised a brow as he shifted through the various sheets of paper in just as varied states of stained or ruined.

"No vandals? Then what about this Frank that I have complaints about getting so drunk he's collapsed peoples tents?"

"Oh that were just an accident! Ain't nothin' ta fret 'bout none!"

"There are several complaints! Some of them are actually from before you arrived! Breaking fences, trashing yards and gardens! Scaring away livestock! He's eaten several chickens! And he's... fornicated with a sheep?" Clive listed off just what he could find and read among the piles.

"Those were all accidents they were! 'Nd Frank was mighty sorry afterwards 'e was!"

"Did he at least help repair things after he sobered up?"

"Or buy tha sheep a drink first?" Kilpa snickered.

"Well... no. But he's sorry 'nd tha's all tha' matters!"

"He alone has caused property damage both before and after you arrived here! Thieving kids are putting dents in food stores meant for winter! Disputes are left alone until people come to blows over petty shit! All of that matters!"

"Now see 'ere! Is you sayin' I dinnae ken 'ow ta do my job?!" The halfling narrowed his eyes at Clive and Kilpa.

"I'm starting to think you don't! To be an officer of the law is to actually DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES! If someone is breaking things? Lock them up and force them to pay for the damages! If someone is stealing? Punish them! If there's a dispute over something? You settle it!" Clive stated.

"Now I'll take none o' tha' from a tallman I winnae!" The halfling bobby shouted and began to argue with Clive.

Kilpa was about ready to bash the halfling up-side the head with the mug she had when she saw the tent flap part and several familiar looking halflings peeked their heads in.

"Uhm? Is this tha mayor's tent?" One of them asked as they stared as Clive and the halfling stopped to turn at the sound of new voices.

Clive sighed.

"Technically the assembly tent. But yes, this is where the governing of the colony SUPPOSEDLY happens!"

The halflings shuffled in, about seven total. To Clive they seemed no more different than any other halfling. But they were a bit more leaner and worn looking than the others. One of them stepped forwards.

"We 'eard tha' you was lookin' fer more guards? We'd like ta throw our 'ats in ifin tha' were alright?"

Before Clive or Kilpa could speak up, the halfling bobby stood up and stared down the others.

"Oh no you dinnae! I'll not be workin' with a buncha folk tha' left their 'omes 'nd families ta consort with knife-ears!"

"What are your qualifications?" Clive asked, uncaring for the other halfling's bluster.

"Well, we was field bosses. We took care o' any verminkin tha' infested tha tallmans fields, 'nd we mediated fights 'nd disputes between tha other farmhands 'nd tha farmer." The lead halfling explained.

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"When he'd listen ta us tha' is." One of them muttered.

"Verminkin?" Clive asked as he looked down at Kilpa.

"They're pests. Rabbits, rats, mice, moles. But they all got a spark o' otherworldly intelligence in 'em. Some say fey magic is wha' does it. 'Bout yay short." She explained and held her hand at about her waist.

"Smart lil buggers they are too. Some could e'en speak 'nd make tools. Rotten blighters make burrows under fields 'nd steal crops or break into store'ouses. Radishes, carrots, turnips, 'nd onions are their favorite though." The other halflings added.

"So I'm guessing they're a serious problem?" Clive asked as he tried to get a picture of Stuart Little stealing cabbages out of his head.

"Oh aye! They'll ruin an entire 'arvest if they ain't taken care of!" The other halflings declared, with nods from Kilpa and even the bobby.

"But we ain't gots no verminkin 'ere! So why dinnae you go elsewhere! We already gots a guard on duty!" The bobby sounded off, not wanting to give them too much credit.

"Can you police the colony?" Clive continued.

"Sure we can! Wouldn'y be any different ta our former jobs!" The halflings spoke with some pride and vigor they didn't have moments ago at the thought of being accepted.

"Now see 'ere! I'll not be workin' with this lot o'! Not one second!" The bobby declared and crossed his arms defiantly.

"I see. Well I guess that settles that." Clive said.

"Hah! Now you lot-"

"-are hired." Clive interrupted.

The bobby sputtered and turned around towards Clive, who had a smug smirk on his face.

"Butbutbut-"

"And you're fired." Clive declared as he pointed towards the now former bobby.

"Now see 'ere! I've been a guard fer o'er twelve years now, 'nd I'm familiar with e'eryone 'ere! You cannae push me aside!"

"See, that's the problem. You're TOO familiar with people! Instead of doing your job, you're being everyone's friend! Things that need to be dealt with are left alone because either you don't want to, or don't know how to take care of it!" Clive spoke in an authoritative tone.

The former bobby sputtered before adjusting his jacket and wiping off any crumbs he had on it before turning his nose up at the lot of them.

"I'll be lodgin' a complaint with tha mayor 'bout this I will!"

With that confusing threat, he left. The other halflings looked between the former bobby and Clive.

"Aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"So wouldn'y he be?"

"Yup." Clive stated simply as Kilpa snickered.

The other halflings shrugged their shoulders before forming a line before Clive and Kilpa.

"So wha' 'appens now?"

"Well... that's a good point. I'm sure there's supposed to be some ceremony for this. Probably involving swearing on something and making an oath?" Clive said as he looked to Kilpa, who just shrugged her shoulders as best she could.

"We dinnae really do tha'. If someone wanted tha job then tha mayor would say it so folks would know, but tha' were 'bout it."

"Alright then! Tomorrow morning I'll go to the feasting tent and make a declaration!" Clive declared cheerily.

The halflings shuffled forwards and shook Clive's hand.

"Thank you Mr. Clive! Thank you fer givin' us a chance 'ere in yer colony!"

"No problem! We have alot of work to do before... what's the colony called?" Clive asked as he looked to Kilpa again.

"It dinnae 'ave a name yet. Those papers are suggestions." Kilpa said as she pointed to a stack of papers about as tall as Clive's forearm.

"Fuck." Clive cursed. Another problem. A problem that will need to be addressed soon if he was going to go into town and sort out paperwork over actual land ownership.

Sure Hamish may have... quickened the process some. But they still needed a bit more legal tender other than a sack of coins and a deed. For starters, if the colony was going to keep growing at the rate it was, they would need more land than what they purchased when they first arrived here.

Then there was the issue that he was a mayor of a colony technically within the borders of an already existing town. Then there was getting recognized by the state and federal governments so they can get stuff like taxes and subsides set up. While he didn't like the idea of the Feds poking around where Sloth was, there was little he could do about it now that those suits have already been in the area and apparently already interacted with him. Even if Sloth didn't seem worried about them, Clive still didn't like it.

Then there was getting power and sewage treatment arranged and set up. Government representation. Dollarization. Mechanization. Schooling. There was so much to do now that Clive thought about it. He didn't even want to imagine what would happen if this stuff was just ignored in favor of trying to be some sort of independent colony! There was the US market and wider world that the halflings would greatly benefit from. Especially if their claims of being expert farmers allowed them to revitalize areas where agriculture has withered away in some states.

Then came the specter of future conflict. While they dealt with Sloth without anyone getting seriously hurt, though Clive was sure everyone involved was scared shitless by the incident. Dealing with gangs was a mess that they'll no doubt need to deal with again at some point. That's not even getting into the fact that there are new and dangerous things in their world!

Who knows what'll come their way next! Minotaurs, naga, harpies?! Which means that the halflings will need a bit more than just seven cops for protection. Maybe some of them might be interested in forming a militia? He should also see about getting some firearms for them. Slings and spuds worked last time, but Clive was sure if someone with a bit more than swords and clubs came around it wouldn't work out so well.

Yet another problem to add to the ever growing list, Clive thought as he looked to the halflings as they stared up at him as he was lost in thought.

"Sorry. How about we do a few things tomorrow morning. Naming the town and getting you lot sworn in. Among other things that should be addressed."

The halflings nodded before waving and saying farewell to Clive and Kilpa. He sighed and leaned back, and instantly regretted it as his chair pressed against his wound. He turned to look down at Kilpa as she held her head on her hands and looked up at him with lustful eyes.

"What?"

"Oh nothin', just enjoyin' watchin' you take charge is all." Kilpa said as she smiled seductively.

"I can take charge when I want to!"

"Then why haven't you befer now?"

"Because I was a guest here, I couldn't just go around and shouting at everyone to do this or do that! You all offered me a home here when I didn't really have one anymore. As much as I dislike many of your customs and habits. Some of which are VERY illegal by the way! You still treated me as a guest and I didn't want to seem like I was being ungrateful or judgy and rude. So I held my tongue for most of it save for when it came to Sloth and almost getting into an arranged marriage with a newborn."

"'Nd now?"

Clive sighed and gestured around at the messy assembly tent.

"Now I feel like that one friend that stayed sober and now has to foot the bill because his friends are all too shitfaced to remember where their wallets are."

Kilpa gave a light laugh and pulled Clive down for a proper kiss.

"Well, when you get tired o' footin' tha bill. I'll be 'ere ta 'elp you out. You gave me a second chance when I probably dinnae deserve one."

Clive smiled down at Kilpa.

"Everyone deserves another chance. But be careful about offering to take the bill, I just might declare YOU mayor and let you deal with all this!"

Kilpa barked out a laugh.

"Ha! I'd be booted out o' office within an hour!"

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Because unlike you I'D be runnin' 'round shoutin' at e'eryone ta do this er tha'!" Kilpa declared.

Clive chuckled at the image of Kilpa doing just that! Walking around and shouting at everyone to do what she told them to and not taking any guff from no-one! While the idea of doing so was appealing. He was still a guest here. Sure he was made mayor, but being put into office was different than actually being WANTED in office. He wasn't some dictator coming in and demanding the halflings do what he wanted them to.

Still, it was weird for Clive to be in a position to be able to actually do something around here that wasn't just suggest something and hope the halflings implement it. The hothouse was a good idea and he was glad they got one. But what would've happened if he ordered them to build one when Hamish first came to him about food problems? He and the rest of the halflings probably would've told him to fuck off and he more than likely would've been in the same boat Kilpa was in. Living in a home that didn't really want him there anymore. They listened when he drew a line in the sand about Sloth, but that was AFTER the incident. If he had suggested leaving him alone before hand, then the halflings probably would've ignored him, charged after Sloth, and who knows how many would be dead right now.

Now it looked like he would have to put his foot down if anything was going to get done. He couldn't be some passive adviser that suggested something from time to time now. He was a mayor, and for however long he was going to be one he was going to act like one! If the halflings don't like it when he does? Well, at least he tried, Clive thought.

Though he for sure wasn't going to end up like Morty, Clive thought as he recalled how his friend ruled over the goblins. Though Jeb seemed like his thing with the kobolds was pretty satisfactory with all parties. Clive sighed as he thought of his two friends. One was so close that he would probably have to go over there in an official capacity as mayor of the halflings, and the other was so far away and he didn't even know what he was going through or how he was doing right now.

Yet here he was worrying about taxes and hurting people's feelings, Clive thought with a bitter chuckle. Kilpa looked up at him with worry.

"Wha's wrong?"

"Just thinking about alot of things recently is all." Clive said as he shook away worrying thoughts. He wasn't sure how his tenure as mayor of a halfling colony will go, but he'll give it his best shot!

"I'll need to run to town to talk about getting more land around the colony for future expansion. But that can wait until tomorrow, why don't we get started on those names?" Clive asked as Kilpa separated from him and retrieved a small handful of papers from the stack.

Clive took the top most one.

"Alright, let's see what we have here."

An hour later.

"Why can't you lot come up with something decent sounding?" Clive asked in a tired tone as he discarded yet another suggestion.

"Wha' were wrong with tha' one?!"

"The same thing that is wrong with all of them! Half of them sound like cereal brands and the other half sounds like a mash of place and body part!"

"Oh? 'Nd I suppose Somewhere was a real original name now weren't it?!"

"Ok fine! But can we pick something that isn't Golden Bottom, Pigtown, or Cow Patty? Please?" Clive pleaded.

Kilpa glared at Clive before retrieving a new sheaf of paper and handing it over for the two of them to look over as she read them off.

"Appleton, Fielders, Little-Big-Town, Riverbend, Cold Place, Coldville, Coldburg, Sherrington-by-the-Lake. I kinda like tha' one."

"At least it ain't Pigsty." Clive muttered as he pointed to the less than ideal name on the list below the last.

"See? Some o' 'em aren't tha' bad!" Kilpa chimed as they continued to go through the dwindling list of names, some were good, most were bad, and more were awful.

As they reached the last paper they sighed in relief as one chore had finished. All suggestions for names were read and suffered through, and they managed to narrow it down to one that was suitably halfling but didn't sound like it was pulled from a fantasy book of town names or came off a cereal box.

"Thank God! With that done, we have something to actually call this place! That means I can run into town and begin filing paperwork!" Clive said as he stretched his stiff neck.

"Good, this weren't so bad you know. Some o' 'em were even pretty clever!" Kilpa mused as she hopped on Clive's lap, which she needed some help in doing by Clive himself.

"Yeah. Still, one problem down and yet more remain. Speaking of which, if I'm going to be going into town I'm going to need to actually look at the town's money situation. Did you see a ledger of that? Or a chest or something full of coin by any chance?"

"Nope. But ifin I 'ad ta guess, tha head's probably know 'bout it." Kilpa suggested which made Clive groan.

"Which means I'll have to deal with them anyway."

"Yup! But dinnae worry! I'll be right there with you when you do!" Kilpa cheered, causing Clive to chuckle.