Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.

"Mortimer Duval you stand-"

"Sit." Morty interrupted.

Bill glowered at Morty before continuing.

"You SIT here accused of the following crimes against your fellow man!"

He cleared his throat before reading off a list he had in front of him.

"Violating the labor laws of West Virginia, unjust termination of employment, inhumane workin' conditions, attempted circumvention of a lawful strike, false promise of employment, the attempted murder of your fellow man, and the attempted disposal of their remains! How do you plead?"

"Like this." Morty said as he leaned forward and held his hands together and gave a mock look of remorse.

"Please! Oh PLEASE! Don't force me to go through this kangaroo court!"

One of the bugbears/bigfoot/bigfeet nodded his head in a show of respect.

"Hmm, pretty good pleadin'!"

Bill however was not as amused.

"This is a legitimate court done by your fellow man and will be respected as such!"

"HA! Have any of you looked in a mirror lately? You're NOT my fellow man! I'm pretty sure you're not even human anymore!"

Bill growled at Morty.

"And whos fault is that?!"

Morty plastered on a shit eating grin.

"Maybe the people that trespassed on my property, vandalized said property, and threatened me in my own home with dangerous weapons?"

Bill stood and began to growl even more at Morty's mockery. A few others joined their leader in displaying insult. But more than a few others actually looked guilty and ashamed!

"We are NOT the ones on trial here, YOU are!"

"Well maybe that should change! Everything you listed can easily be proven false in an ACTUAL court of law! Hell, some of those charges are bogus!"

Bill had enough of Morty's barbs and leapt across the stone table at him! If it wasn't for several others being quick enough to grab, drag, and hold him back, the trial would've gone straight to the execution phase!

"Bill! We're not animals! We're civilized folk! We do this proper, is what you said!"

Bill roared and fought for a few moments before calming himself enough for the others to feel comfortable letting him go.

"We'll take a 5 minute recess!"

With that Bill and a couple others huffed away to the other tunnels while 'Jerry' was once more placed in front of the table.

"Is that a severed head?!"

The bugbears still present looked a bit guilty at Morty's observation.

"After our transformation we fled east into the hills, where we found this cave!"

One of the others picked up from there.

"Those early days we were more beast than human. Full of rage and hate! For hours we would just roar and yell and fight one another!"

They fell silent for a moment.

"Apparently a nearby hiker heard us and came to investigate. We were still so full of fury that when we saw him we just jumped on him within a second!"

"He barely made a sound."

"Once we realized what we did we felt sick with what happened!"

"So you planted his head on a pole as a show of respect?!" Morty asked incredibly.

"It was a heat of the moment thing!"

Bill decided that 5 minutes were up and returned with the couple others that had left.

"Lets not be distracted! And may I remind everyone here that its because of HIM that we're like this! If it wasn't for HIM then Jerry would still be alive!"

Some of the others seemed to rally around their leaders words. But more than a few didn't look quite so convinced.

"Back to the trial! First we will hear from the defense!"

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

All of them looked at Clive. But he barely had any idea of the charges and sure didn't know how to defend against them! Morty, seeing the fish out of water look on Clive's face, stood.

"I will represent myself!"

"HA! Please do!" Bill jeered.

"Morty! Are you SURE you should be doing that?!" Clive hissed at Morty.

"Of course I am! Don't worry so much!" Morty placated Clive. Though barely.

Morty cleared his throat.

"Good representatives of the kangaroo court. I motion that the court dismisses these charges against me!"

Bill and a few others barked with laughter.

"And why should we do that?"

"Because none of them are true!" Morty proclaimed assuredly.

Bill leaned forward and rested his chin on a fist.

"Oh do tell the court why."

"With pleasure!"

Morty took a moment to fix his suit and hair before going into his arguments.

"First off! I haven't violated ANY labor law in West Virginia!"

"Yes you have!" Bill countered.

"Oh yeah?! Which?!

"§21-3A-5. Duties of employer and employee. (a) Each employer shall furnish to each of his employee’s employment and a place of employment which are free from recognized hazards causing or likely to cause death or serious physical harm or serious illness to his employees!"

"I said when I went and investigated the mine that it was determined to be unfit for humans! As such it was deemed unsafe for YOU, then humans, to continue to work inside!"

"Why then was it deemed unsafe?"

"Because there was a new network of caverns and caves that weren't properly braced or explored and as such wasn't fit for humans to continue to work in!"

"BAH! Do you have any evidence for this?!"

"Last I checked the law was innocent UNTIL proven guilty! I don't have to prove I'm right, YOU have to prove I'm WRONG! Which you can do by just going to the mine!"

"The mine isn't around anymore! It belongs to a church now, you should know that!"

"So ask them if you can go below and into the mines to look!"

"With the way we look?!" Bill roared.

Morty smiled wider.

"Sounds like the court isn't doing its do diligence."

Bill roared once more and made to lunge at Morty, though the others were better prepared this time and stopped him before he could get over the table.

"5 minutes!"

Bill stomped away, a couple others took the chance to leave as well. While the more "fervent" ones were gone Morty took the chance to stir the pot of doubt a little.

"So what's the plan for after this?"

"Well, we're goin' to create a new commune for the workin' man!"

A couple coughs came sharply.

"And women!"

"Oh will you? So what's your plan for when winter hits?"

They all looked at Morty with some confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are you going to do for winter? Stay in this cold, wet, cave for the dead of winter?"

"Well, we are really hairy so we should be fine!"

"Should be? Alright, if you say so!" Morty sat back down with a smug smile when he saw more than a few worries on their faces.

Clive leaned forward and whispered to Morty.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Relax! I've got this!" Morty whispered back.

Bill and the couple others returned. The court took a moment to talk among themselves, and after a few heated moments Bill spoke.

"The court, in light of a lack of evidence to prove otherwise, strikes off violations of labor laws from the charges!"

"Yes!" Morty cheered.

"Don't celebrate so soon Mortimer! You are far from being led from the gallows!"

Morty sat back down with a smug look on his face.

"Then we move to unlawful termination of employment!"

"You weren't terminated! You were placed on leave!"

"Unpaid leave!"

"Well, West Virginia state law doesn't say I have to pay you for not working!"

Bill and a couple others growled once more. But they huddled and talked once more. They separated and Bill spoke once more.

"While technically right I would like the court to note that you are still a stingy piece of shit!"

"Want me to write that down or is that Jerry the severed human head's job?" Morty mocked.

Bill ground his teeth but proceeded.

"Inhumane workin' conditions!"

"ITS A MINE! You want better working conditions?! Find a different job!" Morty argued. Much to Clive's frustration.

"HA! So you admit that the conditions of the mine were poor and not fit for humans to work in!"

"It's! A! MINE!!! How many times do I have to repeat that?! You sound like plumbers bitching that their jobs are shit! News flash! That IS the job! You're working in close, dark quarters and inherently unsafe conditions! That's what a mine is! If you hated working in it so bad you should've just found a better job elsewhere! I can't polish a turd so you feel better about eating it!"

Bill growled. But the others had already anticipated his next action and held him back for a minute before he shrugged them off and stormed away.

"5 minutes!"

Unlike last time, almost everyone but Bill stayed. Good, a bigger mark, thought Morty.

"So what about food?"

"What about food?" One of them asked.

"Sure you might be fine with your fur/hair. But what about food? Rabbits and deer are going to migrate to where food is more plentiful or hunker down in hidey holes. So are you going to go trapesing about the snowy hills and mountains for a mouthful of rabbit?"

Morty leaned forward.

"Or are you going to start stealing and raiding for food and supplies?"

That got them thinking, thought Morty as he noted the increased conflict on their faces. Even the ones that seemed to be Bill's more fervent followers seemed to be thinking about it. Bill stormed back. Morty was almost positive it wasn't 5 minutes, mainly because he didn't look any calmer.

"Circumvention of a lawful strike and false promise of employment!"

"How so?"

Bill smiled smugly.

"You hired scabs to work for you after we were 'put on leave!'"

Morty put on a contemplative look.

"Nope! I didn't hire anyone!"

"Yes you did! And a teamster told us you called them to continue to haul coal! Coal mined by someone else!"

"And where is this supposed teamster?" Morty asked as he looked about.

Bill leaned back with a frustrated look.

"He was... unable, to appear in court."

"By that I assume you mean that he took one look at you and ran away screaming?"

"Which is still YOUR doing!"

"Up for debate! Your witness/source of evidence isn't here! I motion for your supposed evidence to be thrown out!" Morty countered.

Bill growled, but relented and discussed it among the others. After many moments of, heated, debate they broke and Bill spoke.

"The court dismisses the evidence. Regardless it still doesn't throw out the charges!"

"I didn't hire anyone! Therefor, I can't have circumvented the strike! As for the false promise of employment, I did call them wondering if they were willing to continue to work for me once production resumed. It eventually didn't, thus I couldn't continue our business together!"

Bill didn't allow them to huddle before dismissing the charges and storming off once more.

Where's this silver tongue when dealing with Jeb, Clive thought as he was all but forgotten. Despite the trial for his life, Morty seemed rather calm, even smug. He got up and walked about with carefree movements, talking with the rest of the court.

"Aren't you tired of living out here like this? In a cold, wet cave. Living off wild animals, that are going to get scarcer and scarcer as winter gets closer! Don't you miss your loved ones?"

"Yeah! But what are YOU goin' to do about that?!" One of the ones with more piss and vinegar in them argued.

"Have you seen those that work for me at the mansion? The two sisters that are obviously NOT human. Or the goblins-"

"Hobgoblins." Clive corrected.

"Hobgoblins. Right this moment dozens of them are patrolling the streets of the town. And people are WELCOMEING them! I can do the same for you!" Morty offered with a slick smile and a gleam in his eye.

He was winning them over! Even the die-hards are looking conflicted, Morty just needed a bit more and he could buyout the majority of the court! Of course Bill returned before Morty could get an answer.

"Attempted Murder!"

Shit.

-----

"We go NOW!" Orga roared at the assembled Vert Armee. After the sisters had lost sight of Morty, and Clive. They roused the Colonel and rallied the Armee for Morty's rescue!

"We need time ta form ranks!" The Colonel argued back. He knew the urgency of the situation but his armee needed time to get set up and ready to march through not just thick woods, but the steep hills and mountains! So the armee was in the process of re-outfitting with sturdier boots and shorter muskets for the narrowness of the woods.

"We don't have time! Master is in danger and we need to MOVE!" Urga roared.

"I told you! We need to-GHK!" The Colonel was interrupted as Orga grabbed him by the head and picked him up!

"WE! MOVE! NOW!" She bellowed before dropping him. Nothing motivates quite like fear, and the Vert Armee was now QUITE motivated! The Colonel picked himself up and dusted himself off before rallying the troops and made to march after the sisters as they led them into the direction Morty and Clive were taken in!