Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.

What do Kobolds even eat, Jeb thought to himself. Prob'bly should have figured that out BEFORE buying stuff for dinner. Could Ruby even eat the stuff he bought? Wait! She's just a giant lizard so she can eat bugs!

He facepalmed. Now he just has to find a 5lb ladybug to fry up.

Then a thought occurred to him. Crawfish are like insects of the water right? Maybe she can eat them!

It was a bit cold and they would have already started hibernating, but he knew a spot he could dig them out of the mud. If he hurried he could be back in time to finish!

Crawfish boil it is! Putting a big pot on the stove to boil while he was gone, and grabbing a bucket the Kobolds weren't using, he ran to a spot up-stream of his home.

-----

Ruby couldn't sit still with how excited she was! Though Jeb hadn't called her for dinner yet.

That was fine, it gave her time to invite the Trap Master and the Chief!

The Trap Master was just coming in from outside, the cold was getting harsher at night and it forced the Tribe to stop work on their new home.

"Oh Trap Master!" She yelled as she ran to him.

The scarred lizard turned towards the Den Mother as she reached him.

"Yes Den Mother?"

She took a moment to steady her breath before continuing.

"Jeb has invited us to have a dinner with him!"

The Trap Master looked shocked and confused.

"Why would the Human invite us to have dinner?"

The Den Mother was practically vibrating in excitement as she spoke.

"He wants to get to know us more!"

The Trap Master cocked a scaled eyebrow at her before sighing.

"Very well I will come to this dinner."

She squealed as she ran to find the Chief.

Which wasn't hard since he hadn't left his bed of books in Jeb's study.

He was a poor sight. He was franticly going over several books at once, muttering to himself as he read.

"Its there but its not but then why would it be if they weren't here as well?"

She cleared her throat so as not to startle the poor Chief, though it did little as he was so engrossed in his obsession that it took her shaking him to finally get his attention.

"Wha-wha-what!?"

She looked concerned at the Chief.

"Chief how long have you been in here?"

The Chief looked at her like she wasn't entirly there. Then he looked up at the clock on the wall.

"I'm... not entirly sure."

She huffed.

"Have you atleast been eating?"

A growl from his stomach answered for him.

She sighed.

"Jeb has invited us for dinner. You WILL show up even if we have to drag you and force feed you!"

The Chief chuckled and held up his claws.

"Very well, I guess I could use a break. Also I could ask Jeb a few things that have been bothering me about my research."

Content with that statement she returned downstairs.

-----

Jeb huffed as he came into the kitchen. While he was able to find the crawfish most weren't that big, so he had to root around in the mud and muck to get enough to make a proper meal. Which is to say that he filled the bucket.

But at least the pot was boiling.

He shaved and chopped some potatoes and carrots and threw them in for substance and added color.

Then Jeb went about washing and cleaning the cawfish before tossing them into the boiling pot. Brown shells turning red almost instantly.

Bit of salt, pepper, and some Cajun seasoning he got from Morty a while back.

Smiling as he warmed up some sausage and corn-on-the-cob.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

It was about time!

-----

Ruby was making some finishing touches herself, which amounted to straightening the bands of leather and beads she had on her arms, legs, neck, and horns in a large mirror they had found in the basement that was covered in cloth.

Her mood slightly soured as she spotted her two Egg-maids coming up behind her.

"What do you two want now!?"

The smirks they had was almost constantly on their snouts that if she didn't know any better then she'd swear they were permanent.

"Just couldn't help but notice that your getting ready for something. Or someONE!" The two teased.

It seemed that her punishing them only seemed to encourage them rather than deter them.

She huffed in exasperation and annoyance.

"If you must know, Jeb has invited the three of us leaders for a dinner to get to know us more."

They both continued to smirk at her. She was really starting to hate those smirks.

"So you've must have come up with a way to pay him back havn't you?"

Ruby paused.

"What do you mean?"

Smirks still present as they listed off what Jeb had done for them so far.

"Didn't kill us, didn't throw us out, offered us shelter, and food, yes and food."

As they continued Ruby's face fell more and more.

What have they done to repay Jeb for everything he's done for them?

Their smirks momentarily fell as they noticed Ruby's mood fall. But resumed their place for the next step of their plan.

"Well, WE know a way that you could repay him."

Ruby paid attention as they both whispered to her, then her face turned red as what they were suggesting and trying to do clicked in her head. She rounded on the two.

"You dirty-"

"Ruby! Come on up!"

She stopped mid retort as Jeb called down to her. She calmed herself and touched up a couple things before huffing at the two still smirking licentious lizards, and with the Trap Master following, made her way up to collect the Chief and then to dinner.

-----

Everythin' was ready, he thought as he threw a table cloth on and smoothed out any wrinkles.

Jeb was giddy at his first date with Ruby. He hoped she liked what he cooked. Then realized that the reason he went and got crawfish was because he was worried she wouldn't be able to eat Human food, and what does he do?

He makes a dish that, for all he knew, contained poison for them.

"Maybe I should just order somethin'?" He muttered before reaching into a shelf that held some wine he got.

"It smells wonderful Jeb!" Ruby exclaimed.

"Yes it does smell great." Another voice said.

Jeb paused, hand halfway towards the wine bottle, and turned his head to look at the voice.

He saw Ruby. Smiling widely as she took a seat.

Then his eye ticked when he saw the Trap Master take a seat, and the Chief sitting down with a small stack of books and a look on his face that said that he had a goal in mind.

"Yeah, go ahead. Just let me dish up." Jeb, through gritted teeth, said.

1, 2, 3, Jeb thought as he tempered his annoyance. This is your own fault Jeb, should've specified it was just a date between the two of them, he thought as he reached back into the cupboard, passing the wine bottle, and pulling out a 16oz mason jar full of clear and not-at-all-illegal moonshine.

Jeb dished up the meal and sat it down in front of the three. Wont be no seconds, or leftovers, Jeb thought as he sat down with his own meal.

After sitting down he made to say a prayer for supper.

"Oh Lord-"

SNAP! CRUNCH!

He looked up and saw the Kobolds snapping at and devouring the meal, shells and all.

He suppressed a groan.

"Amen." He muttered, counting to 6, then dug into his own meal.

"This is amazing!" Ruby said as she chomped down on another crawfish.

Jeb smiled at that.

"Well I wasn't su-"

"Master Jeb, I was hoping you could help clear some things up while we had a moment?" Jeb was interrupted as the Chief spoke up.

His eye ticked again, counting to 8 before just stopping and taking a swig of his liquid bullshit tolerance.

The Chief continued even though Jeb hadn't actually said anything.

"Back on our world magic is everywhere. But here its this strange thing that feels almost hostile or requires a cost to use! Why is that?"

"Well th-"

"Another thing. Dragons are why magic exists in our world, not only that they are tied to the very natural order of our world! So how then can your world exist and have magic yet no Dragons currently exist!?"

It was going to be a long night Jeb thought as the Chief continued.

And the contents of the mason jar got lower and lower.

The night carried on much the same as it began. The Chief would ask a question that made no sense to Jeb, and then procced to ask another question almost to himself as Jeb tried to give an answer.

He had given up trying to talk to Ruby, whenever he tried to the Chief would just interrupt halfway through the sentence.

He'd bet money that he hasn't finished a single one the whole time.

But at least they were enjoying the meal and hadn't keeled over from being allergic to anything, and he still had his shine, Jeb thought as he went to take another swig.

He paused mid-swig as he noticed something.

It was quiet.

Now was his chance!

"So Ruby, how-"

THUNK!

His words died as the Chief had been quiet only to go and fetch a book and returned with it, and even more questions.

"Dragons are allover in your history and lore! But where did they go? Some look familiar to our own that I wonder if they came about the same way ours did or are even our own that somehow crossed over into your world! But if so, did they die here? Did they return? What happened, do you know Jeb?"

Jeb's only response he could give was to take yet another swig as the Chief didn't let him get so much as a breath before continuing.

Jeb didn't even bother to suppress the groan he had.

"Are you alright Jeb?" Ruby asked.

He looked blearily up at the smolbold.

"Fine, jish need ta drain the lizhard." He chuckled at his supposedly clever joke as he got up and stumbled his way to the bathroom.

Ruby and the Trap Master, who has been eating his meal quietly, watched Jeb stumble away.

-----

It didn't take a trained eye to tell the Human was heavily intoxicated.

Or that this meal was meant for him and the Den Mother only. It took only one look at his reaction when he noticed him and the Chief to see that.

The meal WAS good though, the Trap Master thought as he snapped up the last of his. He particularly liked the small shellfish. They reminded him of their old home and the prawns they would gather from time to time.

Finishing up, he washed his own bowl and the Chief's half-eaten one in the Human's washbasin. Then he collected the Chief and lead him away, still muttering to himself.

"OH! Are you two leaving already?" Ruby asked as she saw the two of them leave.

The Trap Master turned to her.

"I think the two of us have taken more than enough time from you two."

She looked confused at the Trap Master.

"What do you mean?"

He sighed.

"Have you noticed the Human's mood throughout the meal?"

She paused in thought.

"Well, he seemed happy at first. But-" She trailed off.

"Den Mother, this was a dinner you the two of you." He stated plainly.

"Oh? OH! oh." She went from confused, to excited when she got it, to sad when she realized what happened.

He smiled before patting her on the shoulder.

"I think we'll give you two some time of your own." He said as he lead the Chief away.

-----

Melancholy set in as what Ruby had done filled her mind.

This wasn't a dinner to get to know them. It was a courting ritual!

She started to sob to herself at the thought of ruining this wonderful meal.

She's so used to sharing everything with the Tribe that the thought that Jeb might just want to share a meal with her alone never occurred to her!

She continued to cry as dark thoughts clouded her mind.

He's done so much for us and what have we done in return? We've taken his food, a chunk of his home, invaded his privacy.

Tears fell as each thought stabbed at her like a knife.

And all they've given him was an empty larder and broken valuables. She knew why Jeb was tying stuff down earlier. Some of the Tribe haven't been very careful when it came to his possessions.

Which just fueled her own sadness.

She sat there alone. Waiting for Jeb to return. IF he'll return. If what the Trap Master said was true for all she knew Jeb could be upstairs passed out already.

Sniffling as she climbed down from her chair and crept her way towards the bathroom. Putting her head against the door she could hear Jeb was still inside.

Good, maybe she can fix this, she thought. But how?

Then the words of two obnoxious Egg-maids came to mind.

It would be a good way to repay Jeb for his kindness, she thought as her mood, and body temperature, rose.

It was certainly a sacrifice she was more than willing to make, she thought as she skipped back to the table, mood much improved.

-----

What a fuckin' night, Jeb thought as he splashed cold water on his face and slapped himself to help sober him up.

"Not like you can blame it on anyone other than yourself huh Jeb?" He said aloud to himself.

He took a deep breath, turned the sink off, cracked his neck and readied himself for a long night of questions he would be subjected to.

He left the bathroom and turned into the kitchen.

"So how're you enjoyin' your meals every-" He stopped when he realized that everyone was gone.

"-one." Jeb sighed. Well what did you expect Jeb? You could've made the best of a shitty situation but what did you do instead? You got drunker than a skunk and slunk off to the bathroom, he thought bitterly as he sat back down at his seat.

He picked up his mason jar, barely a shots worth was left.

"Fuck my life." Jeb muttered before slamming back the rest of his shine.

ZZZIIIPPP!!!

The feeling startled Jeb as a very sensitive area got exposed to room temperature. He lifted up the table cloth and looked down and saw Ruby under the table.

"Ruby? What're you doOH GOD!"

A feeling that was replaced by one that was long, wet, forked, warm, and VERY flexible.

The night was lookin' better, Jeb thought as he sobered up real fast.

And it was going to be a LONG night indeed.