Novels2Search

Chapter XXV

Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.

Clive entered his apartment. A studio with an open kitchen, 1 bed and 1 bath. It wasn't much, even in the middle of town, but it was his.

He threw the stuff he got to humor Morty's weird science experiments into his hall closet, and sat down on his couch with a groan.

Halflings, goblins, ogres, Clive thought as he rubbed his head. A headache was forming just with the thought that he was even entertaining that these fantasy races existed.

The halflings he could wave away as a quirk of speech. Even the 8ft tall women with Morty he could, somewhat, argue was a genetic anomaly.

But the goblins. Leper children was his first thought when he saw them, but the more he saw the more he had to admit. They were ACTUAL goblins!

"Your gonna wanna come see this!" Clive remembered Jeb telling him the other day. He was so busy dealing with the litt- halflings that he completely forgot. He sat on his couch, wondering what Jeb was so excited about. Maybe he really does have a dragon in his basement, Clive thought as he reached for his phone.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

He paused as he picked up his phone. Who could that be, Clive thought as he set his phone back down and went to open the door. When he opened it he didn't see anyone there.

"Damn kids." Clive grumbled as he went to close his door.

"OI! 'Ow many times I's got's ta tell ya tha I'm NOT a child!" A voice sounded from near the floor.

Clive looked down at the voice and noticed Hamish was standing there with a glare on his face.

"Sorry, kids around here like to play pranks by knocking on doors and running away."

Hamish's glare was replaced with a confused look.

"Well that's a queer thing ta do. When I was younger we'd jus' throw eggs at yer door. Then at you when the door opened!"

"We, uh, don't really say that word anymore Hamish." Clive said as he nervously looked into the hall.

Hamish looked at Clive with confusion.

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"What word? Eggs? What's wrong with eggs?"

"No not eggs! The oth-, never mind, just come inside!" Clive said as he hurried Hamish inside his home. Wasn't sure why he was so worried, not like the town was "with the times" Clive thought as he shut his door.

"This is where you live Clive?" Hamish asked as he looked around his home. He had a sad, almost concerned, look on his face as he shuffled around.

"Its not much, but its home." Clive said as he opened his fridge and offered Hamish something.

The halfling politely refused. More focused on Clive's home.

"Not much? This ain't no place fer decent folk ta live in!"

"I doubt its no bigger than your own home." Clive said, somewhat offended.

"Its bigger than our old dining area sure! But where's the COMFORT?! I cannae barely move, I don' know how you can live like this!?" If anything Hamish seemed MORE offended by Clive's living conditions than being mistaken for a kid a minute ago!

Clive looked around his apartment. Sure there were books from when he was in school stacked allover, and his furniture was a little close together. But that didn't mean it was THAT bad... right?

"Wha' kind o' book is this?" Hamish asked as he picked up Clive's laptop.

"Ain't anythin' in it, 'cept a strange mirror."

Clive kneeled down and took the both expensive/cheap computer from Hamish.

"It's not a book, its my laptop."

Hamish looked at Clive confused.

"You know. A computer?"

Hamish placed the back of his hand against Clive's forehead.

"You alright lad? You ain't makin' sense!"

Clive just pushed Hamish's hand away.

"I'm fine! Do you not know what a computer is?"

"Course I don't know what a 'puter is! Livin' in these conditions cannae be good fer you and it shows!" Hamish exclaimed worriedly.

Clive shuffled a little.

"What conditions?"

Hamish threw his arms around at the mess that was Clive's living room. At the piles of books, and clothes, and dishes, and other stuff that was there that Hamish couldn't see but had no doubt was there.

"'Ow can you call this livin'?!"

"D'ya even 'ave a washroom!?" Hamish asked concerned as he looked around.

Clive rolled his eyes.

"Yes Hamish I have a bathroom." Clive said as he opened his bathroom. Though it was little more than a closet with a toilet, sink, and a narrow shower.

Hamish just looked pale. The poor human, he thought, it wouldn't surprise him if he slept on the worn couch!

"Blessed Mother of the Land! You poor man! This ain't NO place fer anythin', even an animal, ta live in!"

"Hamish! It's FINE! Besides, didn't you come here for something, OTHER than to critic my living conditions?" Clive snapped.

Hamish huffed at "living" but collected himself before telling Clive why he was actually here for.

"Well, we was hopin' you'd come by in tha mornin'. BUT when you didnae show I 'ad ta come 'nd check on you! Since you didnae tell us where you lived I 'ad ta ask 'round. Some folk were kind 'nough ta point me 'ere!"

Throwing a critical eye around.

"Glad I did too." Hamish muttered. Clive coughed into his hand before he could lambast him some more.

"Anyway, we've, uh ran into a bit 'o trouble after you left." Hamish continued.

Clive looked at Hamish with worry.

"What kind of trouble? Wolves? A bear?"

Hamish just shook his head.

"Nay, a GIANT!"

Clive just looked at Hamish with confusion.

"When you say "Giant" do you mean like the problem is giant or do you me-"

"The problem IS a giant!" Hamish exclaimed.

Clive was skeptical, then again, maybe he should keep an open mind given recent events.

"Like, big as a mountain. Grind your bones for bread, giant?"

"Big as o' mountain? Aye lad. Bones fer bread? Doubt it'd care 'nough ta wait ta bake us!" Hamish said with concern.

Clive got a quick bit of something and grabbed his phone. He didn't really have much else that would be useful against a giant, unless his weakness was advanced trigonometry, and him and Hamish made their way down stairs.

As they left the lobby Clive went to get in his car, before noticing the Shetland pony tied nearby.

"That how you got here?"

Hamish scoffed.

"Cannae be walkin' this far, ya ken?"

"Fine, just put him in the back seat." Clive said as Hamish and he coerced the pony into the backseat of Clive's barely big enough car.

"Just hope it doesn't shit back there."

With that prayer Clive, Hamish, and the pony, made their way to the halfling's home to see about a giant.