Scene 1: The Dojo of Dubious Intent
[Setting: A traditional Japanese-style dojo with paper walls, tatami mats, and a koi pond faintly glowing under moonlight. Two students spar in the background—one wielding a foam noodle like a katana, the other attempting breakdancing with questionable results. Coincidence, God of Coincidences, dressed in a kimono with a poorly tied bald headcap and topknot, strikes exaggerated samurai poses while wielding a wooden bokken. His lips move out of sync with his speech, like a bad martial arts dub.]
Coincidence (mismatched, theatrical):
“The blade… is truth. And also… lies. You must… see beneath… to understand… the unseen.”
Elliot (staring, incredulous):
“Why do you sound like a poorly translated kung fu movie? And why are we even here?”
Coincidence (pausing mid-pose, mismatched):
“The why… is irrelevant… to the what. Also… you look good… in slippers.”
[Elliot looks down at his borrowed slippers, baffled. The sparring students attempt a synchronized somersault, only to crash into each other in a heap. A foam noodle rolls across the mat dramatically.]
Elliot (deadpan):
“Great. I’m stuck in a bad Saturday afternoon kung fu flick. And with you.”
Coincidence (grinning, lips moving oddly):
“Ah, but every flick… has lesson. Even this.”
[In the background, T.Pratchett the goat appears, nibbling on a stray foam noodle. He bleats softly, and Elliot glances at him, already resigned.]
Elliot:
“And of course, the goat’s here. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Scene 2: The Confounding Lesson
[Coincidence steps onto the mat with exaggerated grace, spinning the bokken like a baton. The sparring students pause their chaos to watch, wide-eyed. The dojo takes on the surreal ambiance of a vintage martial arts film as Coincidence flourishes his weapon.]
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Coincidence (mismatched, gesturing to the students):
“To win… is not… to fight. To fight… is not… to win. The noodle… bends but does not… break!”
[One student, blindfolded, accidentally lands a perfect strike with their foam noodle, knocking the other onto the mat. Coincidence claps, grinning smugly.]
Coincidence:
“Behold! Victory… through feeling… not seeing. The student… embodies the noodle!”
Elliot (raising an eyebrow):
“Right. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that noodles are the ultimate metaphor for life.”
Coincidence (seriously, lips mismatched):
“Life… is noodle. Smooth… but sticky. Strong… yet soft. You laugh… but the noodle knows.”
Scene 3: Begin Sprawling Narrative: Subtext Unveiled
[Coincidence paces dramatically as the dojo begins to shimmer, the paper walls turning translucent to reveal abstract scenes—a koi pond reflecting the stars, shadows of people moving in slow motion, and T.Pratchett standing at the core of a giant, peeling onion.]
Coincidence (theatrical, mismatched):
“To see subtext… is to peel onion. Each layer… reveals truth… until you reach… goat!”
Elliot (sighing, muttering):
“Of course. It’s always the goat. Next time I peel an onion, I’ll look for hooves.”
[T.Pratchett bleats, the foam noodle now dangling from his mouth like a cigar. The onion dissolves into mist, and Coincidence kneels reverently on the mat, placing the bokken before him.]
Coincidence (softer, still mismatched):
“Subtext… is not words. It is shadow. It is meaning… beyond meaning. Even silence… has subtext. Especially… when it doesn’t.”
[Elliot rubs his temples, clearly reaching his limit. The sparring students crash into each other again in the background.]
Elliot:
“Can we get back to reality now? Or is that also a noodle?”
Coincidence (grinning):
“Reality… is what you… make it. Or… what makes you.”
Scene 4: The Revelation
[Coincidence stands, spinning the bokken one last time before tossing it casually onto the mat. T.Pratchett watches from the edge of the room, chewing contentedly. The dojo returns to normal, though a faint sense of absurdity lingers.]
Elliot (watching suspiciously):
“You’re not done yet, are you?”
[Coincidence walks to the door, lips moving as though speaking silently. He pauses dramatically, turns back, and finally speaks—his words perfectly synced for the first time.]
Coincidence (smiling):
“You’ll figure it out. Or not.”
[He steps out into the night. T.Pratchett bleats one last time, nudges the foam noodle toward Elliot, then trots off into the shadows.]
Elliot (to himself, shaking his head):
“I need new friends. Or maybe just fewer goats.”
[End Scene]
[retcon:1]