[Setting]

Elliot sits on a park bench, nursing a questionable cup of coffee, when he hears the now-infuriatingly-familiar sound of someone clearing their throat dramatically. He doesn’t even bother looking up.

Elliot (deadpan): “Let me guess. You’re about to tell me something… life-changing.”

God of Coincidence (plopping down beside him with an exaggerated sigh): “Oh, Elliot, don’t be so cynical. This isn’t just life-changing—it’s grand. No, wait. It’s grand GRAND.”

Elliot (finally glancing over, raising an eyebrow): “What the hell is ‘grand grand’?”

God of Coincidence (grinning): “Funny you should ask! It reminds me of this one time—a long time ago, or maybe yesterday—when a king decided he needed a new title. ‘King’ wasn’t enough, you see. He wanted to be the Grand King.”

Elliot (groaning): “Oh, here we go…”

God of Coincidence (ignoring him, gesturing wildly): “So, the Grand King gathered his advisors and said, ‘Make it so!’ But then the problem arose: what comes after ‘Grand’? If he were just Grand, wouldn’t that imply there’s something grander?”

Elliot (rolling his eyes): “He could’ve just stopped at ‘King.’”

God of Coincidence (laughing): “Oh, Elliot, you adorable minimalist. No, no. He couldn’t stop there—because what’s a title if it doesn’t keep growing? So, naturally, his advisors suggested ‘Grand Grand King.’”

Elliot (sarcastically): “Very original.”

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God of Coincidence (nodding): “Exactly what the king thought. So he added another ‘Grand.’ And then another. Before you knew it, his full title was something like, Grand Grand Grand Grand High Supreme Superlative King of the Kingdom Formerly Known as Average.”

Elliot (blinking): “You’re kidding.”

God of Coincidence (leaning in conspiratorially): “I never kid about titles. Anyway, the people adored it. They chanted his name at every feast: ‘Grand Grand Grand!’ But then, inevitably, the whispers began.”

Elliot (sighing): “Let me guess. Someone asked if he was really all that grand.”

God of Coincidence (snapping his fingers): “Bingo! One court jester—always a jester—asked the forbidden question: ‘If we keep adding Grands, does it ever actually get… grander?’”

Elliot (leaning forward despite himself): “And?”

God of Coincidence (grinning): “The court descended into chaos. Philosophers debated. Poets wept. A mathematician tried to calculate the theoretical maximum of ‘grand.’ Someone even suggested that true grandeur might be found in simplicity—which, naturally, got them exiled.”

Elliot (laughing despite himself): “So, what did the king do?”

God of Coincidence (smirking): “Oh, he doubled down. Declared himself the Infinitely Grand King, thus solving the problem entirely by breaking everyone’s brains. And you know what? It worked. Because when something’s infinite, who can argue with it?”

Elliot (shaking his head, grinning reluctantly): “That’s… absurd.”

God of Coincidence (nodding): “Precisely! Absurdity is the gateway to greatness, Elliot. Or maybe it’s the other way around. The point is, grandness has no beginning or end—it just is. Like chaos. Like coincidence. Like… well, me.”

Elliot (pausing, then smirking): “So, you’re saying you’re infinitely grand?”

God of Coincidence (winking): “Oh, Elliot, I’m not saying anything. I’m just here to make you wonder if I am. Now, isn’t that grand?”

Elliot (groaning): “You’re impossible.”

God of Coincidence (standing, with a flourish): “And yet, here we are. See you next time, Elliot. Or was it last time?”

[End Scene]