[Setting: The Walmart Parking Lot, Post-Coincidence Chaos]
The sun is beginning to set as the unmistakable silhouette of Sable, the God of Irony, leans against a light pole in the Walmart parking lot. His arms are crossed, and his expression is a mix of irritation and begrudging amusement. Next to him, perched precariously on a shopping cart like an ancient oracle of absurdity, is Bill the Cat. His fur is disheveled as always, one eye seems to focus on a far-off void, and his mouth hangs slightly open.
Sable (grumbling, pacing slightly): “It was perfect. A textbook setup. Coincidence nudged them into the candy aisle, the goat’s graze in the produce section threw off the layout of the store, and I even timed the announcement for the Blue Light Special just right.” (he pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose) “And yet... nothing.”
Bill: “ACK!”
Sable (stopping mid-pace, pointing an accusing finger): “Don’t you start with me, Bill. I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, Sable, your elaborate plans never work because they’re too convoluted.’ But that’s the point! Irony is my domain. The plan failing is the plan succeeding.” (he gestures dramatically) “Except this time, it didn’t even fail in the right way!”
Bill: “ACK.”
Sable (groaning, rubbing his temples): “I know, I know. Maybe I should’ve kept it simpler. Just a slight detour to electronics instead of throwing Felicity into the mix. But I thought the goat in the toy aisle was a nice touch!”
Bill tilts his head, emitting a long, drawn-out “ACK,” which somehow conveys both skepticism and disdain.
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Sable (throwing up his hands): “Oh, sure, blame the goat. Like it’s not an interdimensional agent of pure chaos. Honestly, I’m starting to think it’s more on Coincidence’s side than I realized. Did you see how he casually strolled into the situation, like it was all just—what’s the word—inevitable?” (he mimics Coincidence’s laid-back posture, his voice dripping with mockery) “‘Oh, look, Sable, fancy seeing you here. How ironic!’”
Bill: “ACK.”
Sable (staring at Bill, his tone sharp): “You’re not helping.”
Bill hops off the cart and begins to saunter toward the curb, his tail flicking lazily behind him. Sable follows, still muttering.
Sable: “And another thing, if Elliot’s so crucial to their grand plan, why is he so... so...” (he waves a hand, struggling for the word) “...Elliot?”
Bill (pausing to glance back): “ACK.”
Sable (snorting): “Yeah, I suppose that’s the point, isn’t it? You’d think the gods of coincidence and serendipity would be less predictable. But no, they’re always sticking to their script. ‘Oh, let’s nudge Elliot this way. Let’s give Claire an epiphany.’” (he shakes his head) “Predictable chaos. The ultimate oxymoron.”
Bill stops at a storm drain, staring into its depths. For a moment, he looks as if he’s about to deliver a profound observation.
Bill: “ACK!”
Sable (throwing his head back, exasperated): “Why do I even bother with you?”
Bill leaps onto the curb, nonchalantly licking his paw as Sable slumps against a nearby utility box.
Sable (sighing, his tone softening): “You know, maybe that’s the real irony, Bill. I keep thinking I can outplay them. That I can twist the game in my favor. But in the end...” (he gestures vaguely toward the store) “...I’m just part of the story too, aren’t I?”
Bill: “ACK.”
Sable (smirking, finally allowing himself a chuckle): “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. At least I’m more entertaining than the goat.”
As the two unlikely companions linger in the parking lot, the automatic doors slide open, and the goat wanders out, carrying a bag of sour gummy worms in its mouth. It pauses, locks eyes with Sable, and lets out a smug bleat before trotting off into the sunset.
Sable (deadpan): “Unbelievable.”
Bill: “ACK.”
[End Scene]
[retcon:1]