Scene: The Infinite Lecture Hall

[Setting:] A grandiose lecture hall radiating pretentiousness. Holographic equations twist in the air alongside rotating models of universal topology. Professor Rigidus Gravitas, the self-proclaimed Master of Physics, commands the space from his podium, stacked with meticulously organized notes. Behind him, the Infinite Blackboard stretches endlessly, chalk equations solving themselves like a cosmic thought experiment in real time. The air hums with an aura of intellectual gravitas—or so the professor would like to believe.

Gravitas (booming):"As I was saying, the universe’s topology can be defined as geometrically flat and spatially infinite. Evidence, when examined through Einsteinian principles, reveals—"

[Enter Coincidence, God of Coincidence and Serendipity, God of Happy Endings.] They don’t burst in—they are simply there, suddenly seated in the front row, as though they’ve always been there. Coincidence reclines lazily, spinning a cosmic yo-yo, while Serendipity, glowing faintly, sips an inexplicably colorful drink from a long straw. The students’ attention wavers; whispers ripple through the room.

Coincidence (interrupting loudly):"Flat, huh? You sure it’s not just lazy? I mean, come on—an infinite flat plane? Feels like someone forgot to add texture."

[Laughter ripples through the room. Gravitas halts for a fraction of a second, glaring at the interruption, but his chalk doesn’t pause.]

Gravitas (snapping, barely masking his irritation):"The concept of flatness is, of course, misunderstood by those unfamiliar with tensor calculus."

Serendipity (smiling sweetly, her voice silk-wrapped steel):"Oh, darling, it’s not about tensors—it’s about texture. And this lecture? Flat as your universe."

[The class erupts into nervous laughter. Gravitas straightens his lab coat, gripping his chalk as though it might tether him to his crumbling authority.]

Gravitas (glaring):"If we could refocus—perhaps on the heat death of the universe—"

Coincidence (leaning forward, mock-serious):"Let me guess: everything fizzles out, maximum entropy, yadda yadda. Sounds a lot like your inbox, Gravitas."

[The laughter spreads, louder this time. Gravitas’s chalk snaps in half, though the Infinite Blackboard repairs it instantly.]

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

[Meanwhile, T.Pratchett, the goat of divine infamy, ambles onto the stage.] Without hesitation, it begins chewing through Gravitas’s impeccably organized notes. Several students notice immediately, whispering and pointing.

Serendipity (raising her glass, unfazed):"Oh, look—the goat’s solving equations faster than Gravitas."

[Gravitas turns, finally noticing the students’ murmurs, but not T.Pratchett. He waves dismissively.]

Gravitas:"Focus, class. Ignore the goat. Distractions like these are beneath us."

[Enter Sable, God of Irony, leaning nonchalantly against the back wall.] His tailored suit gleams like a cutting remark, and his voice is pure velvet sarcasm.

Sable (grinning wickedly):"Ah, Gravitas. A lecture on universal order while chaos munches through your life’s work. Poetic, really."

[Gravitas spins on his heel, his face a study in barely restrained fury.]

Gravitas (snapping):"Sable. How delightful. Here to contribute your… unique brand of mockery?"

Sable (spreading his arms theatrically):"Oh, I wouldn’t dare disrupt the master. Watching you unravel is entertainment enough."

[The students, emboldened by Sable’s presence, openly take pictures of T.Pratchett, who bleats loudly and jumps onto the Infinite Blackboard. Its hoofprints leave spirals in the equations, somehow elegant in their randomness.]

Coincidence (doubling over with laughter):"This is gold! Gravitas, you’ve got notes, equations, and a goat making better points than you. It’s peak academia!"

[A bold student raises their hand, barely stifling laughter.]

Student:"Uh, Professor Gravitas? The goat just… disproved your topology."

[The room erupts in chaos. Gravitas’s grip on his chalk tightens, his knuckles white as he glares at the Infinite Blackboard. The equations twist into shapes spelling out: “Goats > Gravitas.”]

Serendipity (to Sable, smirking):"Should we tell him the goat just solved Fermat’s Last Theorem?"

Sable (chuckling):"Why ruin the magic? Let him think it’s all still going to plan."

[Serendipity stands, her tone turning playful as she addresses the students.]

Serendipity:"Speaking of plans, Gravitas, darling—have you heard? The Doomsday Clock’s at 89 seconds to midnight. Think you’ll wrap this up before the heat death of your own lecture?"

[The students gasp. Gravitas freezes mid-motion, his chalk hovering in the air. Coincidence, now perched on the lectern, grins mischievously.]

Coincidence:"Midnight’s a bit optimistic. I’d say you’ve got about 88 seconds, give or take a goat."

[One student, typing furiously on their phone, mutters to the person next to them.]

Student (whispering):"I’m definitely posting this on Reddit. Physics will never recover."

[The classroom dissolves into chaos—students laughing, phones flashing, and Gravitas sputtering incoherent rebuttals. T.Pratchett bleats one last time before vanishing into the hallway.]

Gravitas (shouting above the noise):"This is an academic institution, not a circus!"

Sable (grinning as he fades into the shadows):"Oh, Gravitas. Academia is a circus. You’re just mad the goat’s the headliner."

[As the students cheer, Serendipity and Coincidence vanish in a burst of light, leaving behind the faint scent of laughter and mischief. The Infinite Blackboard flickers briefly, and for a moment, the equations spell out: “Goats Rule.”]

[End Scene]

[retcon:1]