Scene 1: A Christmas Gathering Gone Awry
[Setting: Claire and Elliot’s apartment, decked out in chaotic holiday spirit. The tree is lopsided and covered in mismatched ornaments, including several inexplicable pineapples. Tripod lounges on the couch, wearing a tiny Santa hat, chewing on a piece of shredded paper that might have been important. Jake stands in the corner, holding a cup of eggnog and looking thoroughly confused.]
Claire (adjusting the tree topper): “This is nice. Festive. Kind of.”
Elliot (handing her another ornament): “It’s… something. Did we really need the pineapples, though?”
Felicity, God of Happy Accidents (sashaying in, holding a tray of cookies): “Pineapples are timeless, darling. And besides, Tripod insisted.”
[Tripod thumps a foot, as if in agreement.]
Coincidence, God of Coincidences (bursting in, wearing a Santa hat at a jaunty angle): “Ah, the gang’s all here! And just in time. We’ve got a very special guest tonight.”
Elliot (already wary): “Special guest? Please tell me it’s not—”
[The door flies open, and in struts Sable, God of Irony, wearing a perfectly tailored Santa suit, complete with a briefcase in place of a sack. He exudes smugness.]
Sable: “Ho ho ho. Merry, uh… clauses to all.”
Claire (facepalming): “Oh no.”
Felicity (grinning): “Oh yes.”
Scene 2: The Real God of Clause Arrives
[Sable begins handing out scrolls instead of gifts, each one tied with a neat ribbon. The recipients unroll them to find incomprehensible legal jargon.]
Jake (squinting at his scroll): “What does this even mean? ‘Subsection 14 of the Festive Reciprocity Act’?”
Sable (smirking): “It means you’ve agreed to enjoy this holiday under legally binding terms. You’re welcome.”
[Before anyone can respond, there’s a knock at the door—sharp and authoritative. The room falls silent. Claire opens it cautiously to reveal the God of Clause: a severe-looking figure draped in flowing robes made entirely of fine print. They hold a gavel in one hand and a contract in the other.]
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
God of Clause: “Cease and desist, imposter. You are in violation of Divine Representation Code 3.14, subsection ‘Joy.’”
Sable (raising an eyebrow): “And you are?”
God of Clause (with gravitas): “I am the God of Clause. Legal and festive.”
[Felicity snorts into her wine. Coincidence claps his hands gleefully.]
Coincidence: “Oh, this is better than I hoped. Sable, you’re about to be sued by Christmas itself!”
Scene 3: Elliot’s Story Saves Christmas
[The gods and mortals begin arguing, the room descending into chaotic bickering. Tripod hops onto the coffee table, munching on another shredded scroll, as Elliot sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.]
Elliot (raising his voice): “Enough! Everyone, stop.”
[The room quiets. All eyes turn to Elliot, who steps forward, holding his eggnog like a gavel.]
Elliot: “You’re all missing the point. Sable, Clause, whoever—you can argue about contracts and rules all night, but Christmas isn’t about fine print or technicalities. It’s about connection. About sharing. About—” (he gestures toward the tree) “—throwing a bunch of pineapples on a tree because it makes someone laugh.”
[Sable and the God of Clause exchange skeptical looks, but Elliot continues, his voice gaining momentum.]
Elliot: “Let me tell you a story. A long time ago, there was a man who thought he had to control everything. He planned every detail, wrote every rule, and followed them to the letter. But no matter how much he tried, things never went exactly as planned. It drove him mad. He thought the world was broken, that people were ungrateful, that nothing would ever be perfect.”
[The room grows quieter. Even Tripod stops chewing.]
Elliot: “Then, one day, someone gave him a gift. Not a fancy one—not even a useful one. Just a rock, painted with the word ‘relax.’ And for the first time in years, he laughed. He realized he didn’t have to control everything. That the messiness, the unpredictability—that was the whole point. That was what made it beautiful.”
[Felicity smiles warmly. Coincidence leans against the wall, nodding slightly. Even Sable looks thoughtful.]
Elliot: “So maybe Christmas doesn’t need contracts or rules. Maybe it just needs a little chaos. A little spontaneity. A little…” (he glances at Tripod, who thumps approvingly) “…implication.”
Scene 4: Resolution and Revelry
[The God of Clause sighs, their gavel vanishing into thin air. They nod curtly at Sable.]
God of Clause: “You’re off the hook. For now. But consider this your first and final warning.”
Sable (smirking): “Noted.”
[The God of Clause vanishes in a flurry of shredded paper snowflakes. The room erupts into relieved laughter and applause. Coincidence clinks his glass against Elliot’s.]
Coincidence: “Well said, my boy. You might just have the makings of a god in you yet.”
Elliot (sighing): “Please don’t say things like that.”
[Tripod hops onto Elliot’s lap, nuzzling his hand. For once, even the rabbit seems content.]
Scene 5: The Aftermath
[As the party winds down, Jake approaches Sable, holding one of the legal scrolls.]
Jake: “So, uh… do I still have to sign this?”
Sable (grinning): “Only if you want to keep your eggnog privileges.”
[Claire and Felicity sit on the couch, watching the others with tired smiles. Outside, snow begins to fall—soft, quiet, and utterly coincidental.]
[End Scene]