[Setting]

It’s a quiet, overcast afternoon, with rain threatening but never quite arriving. Elliot and Claire find themselves at a small cemetery on the edge of town, drawn there by an anonymous note that simply read: “Come see.”

As they stand awkwardly by a weathered gravestone, Felicity, the God of Happy Accidents, appears, carrying a ridiculously large bouquet of lilies. The God of Coincidence follows shortly after, flipping his ever-present coin with a grin, while the God of Conundrums materializes a moment later, adjusting his tie and inspecting the engraved lettering on the headstone with a raised eyebrow.

Elliot (groaning): “I don’t know why I expected anything else.”

Claire (nudging him): “Relax. Maybe it’s a coincidence.”

Elliot: “With these guys? Not a chance.”

Coincidence (grinning): “Oh, come now, Elliot. Can’t a funeral just be… fun?”

Elliot (sputtering): “It’s a funeral!”

Felicity (smirking, arranging the lilies on the grave): “Every ending is just a beginning in disguise, darling. Isn’t that right?”

Conundrum (adjusting his glasses): “And every beginning, of course, is already an ending. The paradox is inevitable.”

Elliot: “You’re all impossible.”

Claire: “No, no, let them talk. This might be good.”

Coincidence: “Fine, then. A story! All the best funerals have stories. And I have just the one!”

Felicity (playfully): “Oh, let’s make it interesting. Why don’t we all tell it?”

Conundrum (sighing): “This will end poorly.”

Coincidence: “Or brilliantly! Once upon a time—because that’s how these things always start—there was a man named Lucas. A perfectly average man, really, except for one small detail: Lucas decided to fake his own death.”

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The Story: A Chaotic Collaboration

Coincidence (jumping in): “See, Lucas was bored. Life felt too predictable, too safe. So one day, he thought, ‘What if I died? Wouldn’t that be interesting?’ And because coincidences are my specialty, he found himself in possession of an empty coffin. Just lying there. Imagine that!”

Felicity: “And Lucas, being the whimsical sort, didn’t hesitate. He wrote a will, staged an accident, and poof—gone. Of course, he couldn’t resist attending his own funeral, which is where things got… complicated.”

Conundrum (interjecting, dryly): “Complicated is putting it mildly. Lucas hadn’t considered the logistics. The unpaid debts. The grief-stricken friends. The angry ex-girlfriend who decided to give a eulogy so blistering, it left the attendees debating whether they were mourning or celebrating.”

Claire (laughing despite herself): “What a mess.”

Elliot: “Wait, so what happens? Does he get caught?”

Felicity: “Caught? Oh, no. That’s not how this ends.”

Coincidence (grinning): “Exactly. See, Lucas gets inspired. Watching his friends and family, he realizes something: they’re all saying things they never said to his face. Confessions, regrets, even a few compliments. It’s intoxicating. So, naturally, he does it again.”

Elliot: “Wait. Again?”

Conundrum (sighing): “And again. And again. Each time, a new identity, a new ‘death.’ He becomes addicted to his own absence, chasing the thrill of seeing how people react to his ‘endings.’”

Felicity: “But the thrill doesn’t last forever. One day, he notices something. No one’s crying anymore. They’re… relieved.”

Claire: “Ouch.”

Coincidence: “Oh, it gets better. Or worse, depending on how you look at it. At his final, final funeral, Lucas decides to reveal himself. A grand moment, you know? Bursting out of the coffin, saying, ‘Surprise! It’s me!’”

Elliot: “And let me guess. No one cared.”

Felicity (smiling sadly): “Not quite. They cared, alright. Just not how he expected. His friends, his family—they walked away. Left him standing there, alone. Because, in the end, Lucas had already buried himself. Over and over again.”

Conundrum: “A fitting conclusion, really. The conundrum of existence: you can’t fully live if you’re too busy staging your own demise.”

The Aftermath

Elliot (staring at them): “That’s… not funny.”

Claire (smirking): “But it kind of is.”

Coincidence: “See? She gets it.”

Elliot: “No, I don’t get it. What’s the point? That life’s just a series of stupid mistakes? That we’re all Lucas, somehow?”

Felicity (shrugging, laying a hand on his shoulder): “Maybe. Or maybe the point is simpler. Maybe it’s that every laugh, even the dark ones, has a little light in it.”

Conundrum (adjusting his glasses, looking at the grave): “Or perhaps the point is this: no matter how absurd the story, it’s still a story worth telling. Even if it doesn’t make sense.”

Elliot (groaning, rubbing his temples): “I hate all of you.”

Claire (grinning, linking her arm through his): “No, you don’t. Come on, let’s go. Before they start another story.”

As they walk away, the gods exchange knowing smiles.

Coincidence (flipping his coin): “Think they’ll come back?”

Felicity (laughing): “Of course. Who can resist a good funeral?”

[End Scene]

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