Scene 1: The Restaurant
[Setting: A cozy, bustling brunch spot with a charming retro vibe. Claire and Elliot are seated at a corner table near a window, enjoying the rare peace of a Sunday morning. Claire sips her coffee while Elliot scans the menu, frowning slightly.]
Claire: “You’ve been staring at that menu for five minutes. It’s brunch, Elliot. Just pick some eggs or something.”
Elliot (grumbling): “Why is brunch always a paradox? Too early for lunch, too late for breakfast. It’s an existential crisis on a plate.”
[The hostess approaches their table. She’s polished and professional, with a bright smile and an air of authority that somehow feels out of place in a diner apron.]
Hostess (glancing briefly at the window, almost to herself): “Funny thing about brunch—it’s where timing meets fate.”
Claire (smirking): “And you’re here to take us to it?”
Hostess (grinning): “Only if you’re ready.”
Scene 2: The Debate Begins
[The hostess lingers at their table, clearly intrigued by Elliot’s muttering. She tilts her head, her smile sharpening with interest.]
Hostess: “You know, brunch is the perfect metaphor for inevitability versus agency.”
Claire (raising an eyebrow): “This is what you bring to the table before we’ve even ordered?”
Elliot (leaning in, curious despite himself): “Alright, I’ll bite. Eggs or fate—what’s your take?”
[The hostess straightens up slightly, her tone taking on the dramatic edge of someone ready to spin a tale.]
Hostess: “Imagine a world where pancakes symbolize inevitability—fluffy, predictable, perfectly circular. Waffles, on the other hand, represent agency—the careful choices that fill every square. And French toast? Well, that’s chaos on a plate.”
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Claire (grinning): “Then that’s what I’m ordering.”
Scene 3: Sprawling Narrative in Full Swing
[The three are fully immersed now, their voices rising and falling with the rhythm of a philosophical duel. Nearby patrons glance over, bemused but intrigued. Elliot gestures with his menu, leaning into the absurdity.]
Elliot: “So what you’re saying is, if I order the pancakes, I’m surrendering to fate?”
Hostess: “Exactly. But if you choose waffles, you’re carving your own path. Unless, of course, someone else ordered for you, in which case—”
Claire (cutting in, grinning): “You’re trapped in brunch purgatory, doomed to a life of bad decisions and soggy toast.”
[The laughter is interrupted by the specials board flipping over with a loud clack. The words “The Pineapple Conundrum Special” flash briefly before the board resets. Claire and Elliot exchange wary glances.]
Claire: “Did that just happen, or am I losing it?”
Hostess (smiling enigmatically): “Perhaps it’s a sign.”
Scene 4: The Observers
[In the far corner of the restaurant, Serendipity, God of Happy Endings, and Coincidence, God of Coincidence, sit sipping mimosas. Serendipity nudges Coincidence gently, her expression one of amused patience.]
Serendipity: “Perhaps a little nudge?”
Coincidence (grinning): “Always the subtle touch with you.”
[They clink their glasses as Coincidence gestures casually. The specials board flips again, displaying the same message as before, now accompanied by a faint flickering hologram of a pineapple.]
Scene 5: The Newsletter Reveal
[As the philosophical brunch reaches its crescendo, the lights flicker slightly. A loud, mechanical chime echoes through the room.]
Voice (mechanical, cheerful): “You’ve got mail!”
[Coincidence stands up from his corner, twirling his fingers with a magician’s flourish. A scroll materializes midair, unfurling with dramatic flair. The text projects into the air, accompanied by the flickering pineapple hologram.]
Coincidence (reading aloud):
“Attention all gods, mortals, and other concerned entities: Retcon Version 2 has been finalized. The chapters formerly known as ‘The Mysterious Map (A Comedic Vignette)’ and ‘The Story of the Map (A Cryptic Vignette)’ have been successfully merged into a unified narrative: ‘The Pineapple Conundrum.’ Please refer to the revised text for all updates. IVS—ever diligent, ever amused.”
[Claire stares at the hologram, wide-eyed.]
Claire: “I’m sorry, what now? Pineapple conspiracies are a thing?”
Scene 6: Closing Chaos
[The scroll rolls itself back up and vanishes in a puff of golden smoke. Coincidence tips his hat to Serendipity and sits back down, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. Claire and Elliot exchange exasperated looks.]
Elliot: “I just wanted eggs.”
Claire (getting up, tossing her napkin on the table): “Next time, we’re having cereal at home. No gods, no scrolls, no pineapple conspiracies.”
[As they leave the restaurant, the specials board flips once more, now reading, “The Pineapple Conundrum—Served Daily.” In the background, the saxophone player enters, starts playing, and walks through the scene like it’s perfectly normal.]
[End Scene]
[retcon:1]