[Setting: A Surreal, Overly Grand Courtroom]

It’s a courtroom straight out of a fever dream—golden scales of justice hang from the ceiling, the walls shimmer like ripples in reality, and the judge’s bench looks suspiciously like it might float. Claire and Elliot sit at the plaintiff’s table, looking frazzled. At the defense table, Sable, God of Irony, lounges with smug satisfaction, casually feeding Tripod a carrot as though this is all perfectly normal.

The God of Coincidence presides as the judge, dressed in an immaculate black robe that somehow sparkles in the light. Serendipity, God of Happy Endings, glowing with righteous flair, is Claire and Elliot’s attorney. In the corner, Conundrum, God of Conundrums, sits at an oversized typewriter, clumsily pecking out the court transcript as the world’s least reliable stenographer.

Scene 1: Opening the Case

Coincidence (banging the gavel enthusiastically): “Court is now in session! Welcome to the Case of Implied Residency—an ironic, serendipitous, and thoroughly puzzling dispute!”

(He grins at his own wordplay.)

Claire (muttering to Elliot): “Of course he’s the judge. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Elliot: “I’d protest, but that implies I thought this would make sense in the first place.”

Coincidence (adjusting his robe dramatically): “Plaintiffs Claire and Elliot, you claim the defendant—Tripod T. Implications—has unlawfully taken up residence in your home. Defense, your opening statement?”

Sable (rising, smoothing his tie): “Your Honor, my client has committed no crime but simply implied himself into their lives. After all, who among us hasn’t lingered where they weren’t exactly invited? Can we punish implication itself? Are we not all implied, in some way?”

Conundrum (mumbling as he types, confused): “Are we… not… all implied…? Wait, what?”

Scene 2: Serendipity’s Argument

Serendipity stands with theatrical flair, her smile radiant but dangerous.

Serendipity: “Your Honor, let’s not lose the thread here. This rabbit—adorable as he may be—moved in without asking. And might I add, he has been receiving mail.”

Coincidence (thoughtfully): “Mail, you say? That does complicate matters.”

Sable (interjecting smoothly): “It implies permanence, Your Honor. You can’t fight paperwork.”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

Serendipity (ignoring him, turning to Claire and Elliot): “Tell me, plaintiffs, when did you first realize Tripod was living rent-free?”

Claire: “When his subscription boxes started arriving! He’s got a magazine about carrots and a monthly cigar club!”

Elliot (throwing up his hands): “And he left his carrot cigar butts on the coffee table!”

Tripod (thumping his one good foot smugly): Thump. Thump.

Conundrum (typing slowly): “Carrot… cigar… butts… oh no, that’s going in the transcript.”

Scene 3: The Debate Over Implied Residency

Coincidence: “Defense, respond.”

Sable (steepling his fingers, his voice silky): “Your Honor, let us examine the facts.

My client is small.My client is adorable.My client implied himself into their home with such finesse that the plaintiffs didn’t notice until it was too late.”

Serendipity: “That’s not finesse—it’s trespassing!”

Sable (grinning): “Is it? Or is it… destiny?”

Coincidence (scribbling something in his notes): “Destiny. Intriguing. Continue.”

Elliot (to Serendipity, whispering): “We’re losing to a rabbit.”

Serendipity (smiling brightly): “Not yet.”

She marches over to Sable’s table, where Tripod is lounging with unsettling confidence. She points accusingly.

Serendipity: “You’re a rabbit. You don’t need an apartment!”

Tripod (calmly munching a carrot): Thump.

Sable (raising an eyebrow): “Objection. Speciesism.”

Coincidence (nodding): “Sustained. Tripod’s species is irrelevant. Proceed.”

Scene 4: The Mail Reveal

Serendipity (triumphantly): “Fine! I submit Exhibit A—this postcard!”

She slaps the postcard onto the table. It’s addressed to Tripod T. Implications.

Claire: “Who keeps sending him postcards?!”

Coincidence (holding up the card to squint at it): “Well, what do you know? Signed… Felicity. With a little heart.”

Elliot: “Of course it’s Felicity.”

Conundrum (staring at his typewriter, whispering): “This can’t possibly be happening…”

Scene 5: The Verdict

Coincidence (leaning forward, clearly enjoying himself): “After careful deliberation—and by deliberation, I mean sitting here basking in the absurdity—I rule in favor of the defendant. The implications stand!”

Claire (outraged): “You can’t be serious!”

Coincidence: “Oh, I can, and I am. Tripod stays. Perhaps this will teach you a valuable lesson about… oh, I don’t know. Checking your mail more carefully?”

Elliot (slumping in his chair): “I knew this was a bad idea.”

Sable (smugly): “Justice, Your Honor.”

Tripod (thumping once): Thump.

Conundrum (typing the final line): “The rabbit… wins. I quit.”

Scene 6: Aftermath

Outside the courthouse, Claire and Elliot are shell-shocked, clutching the postcard. Tripod hops ahead of them, clearly pleased.

Claire: “This isn’t over.”

Elliot (groaning): “He’s going to get a utility bill in his name next, isn’t he?”

Tripod (turning his head just slightly, as though he understood): Thump. Thump.

Somewhere, just out of view, Coincidence and Sable are watching the whole thing unfold with matching grins.

Coincidence (to Sable): “You have to admit, this one’s perfect.”

Sable: “It implies perfection, yes.”

Coincidence (laughing): “And you thought irony was good.”

[End Scene]