[Setting]

Elliot and his coworker Jake are sitting in the break room, the hum of the vending machine filling the silence. A small TV mounted in the corner plays a low-budget science show. Jake is halfway through his sandwich, watching the TV with mild interest, while Elliot sips coffee, looking more resigned to his fate than relaxed.

Jake (gesturing at the screen): “This guy’s weird, huh? Like, who gets this into the science of toasters?”

Elliot (shrugging): “Better than another rerun of ‘Epic Fail Compilations.’”

Jake (laughing): “Fair point. Still, who even watches this stuff?”

Before Elliot can respond, the scientist on the TV pauses mid-sentence and looks directly into the camera. With an oddly familiar smirk, he adjusts his tie and addresses the screen.

Conundrum, God of Conunddrums (on TV): “Elliot! Just the man I was hoping to see.”

Elliot freezes, his coffee cup halfway to his lips. Jake glances at him, confused.

Jake: “Uh… did he just say your name?”

Elliot (setting down his coffee, muttering): “Oh, no. Not again.”

The scientist on the screen steps away from the toaster diagram and gestures broadly.

Conundrum: “What makes a toaster work? Is it the coils? The electricity? Or is it… the heat of human obsession with simplicity? Consider that, my dear Elliot, as you ponder why toast is never quite evenly browned.”

Jake (snorting): “What is this guy on?”

Elliot (sighing): “Reality. Barely.”

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

Suddenly, the bathroom door in the break room creaks open. Out walks Conundrum, holding a phone aloft like a makeshift camera.

Conundrum (grinning): “And we’re live!”

Elliot stares, wide-eyed, as the actions of Conundrum in the room perfectly sync with the TV screen.

Jake (mouth full of sandwich): “Wait… what?”

Elliot: “Don’t ask.”

Conundrum (leaning casually against the vending machine, addressing Elliot): “Now, where were we? Ah, yes. The television. A marvel of modern invention or a mirror to our very souls? Let me tell you a story.”

[The Story Begins]

Conundrum (gesturing theatrically): “Once upon a time, there was a man named Gerald. Gerald loved television—not just the shows, but the act of watching itself. Morning, noon, and night, he sat before his glowing box, captivated by stories of people he’d never meet, places he’d never go, lives he’d never live. One day, Gerald decided to watch himself. Not literally, of course—not yet—but he began recording every moment of his life. Meals, conversations, even his dreams as he tried to narrate them aloud. He played it all back, dissecting every word, every action.”

Elliot (grumbling): “Sounds exhausting.”

Conundrum: “Oh, it was. But Gerald became obsessed. The more he watched, the more he edited himself in real time. He avoided jokes that didn’t land on playback, skipped meals he thought made him look gluttonous, even stopped meeting friends because they ‘didn’t test well with audiences.’”

Jake: “That’s… kind of sad.”

Conundrum (nodding solemnly): “Indeed. Until one day, Gerald looked at his screen and realized something horrifying. He wasn’t in the show anymore. The camera had turned, and the only thing left to watch was an empty chair. He had edited himself out of his own life.”

Jake (staring at his sandwich, visibly unsettled): “That’s dark, man.”

Elliot (sighing): “So what’s the moral? Don’t watch TV?”

Conundrum (smirking): “Oh, quite the opposite. Watch everything. But remember, the commercials are just as important as the show. And sometimes… they’re the point.”

Jake looks up at the vending machine just as it clicks and dispenses a snack without any input. He stares at it for a beat, his brow furrowing.

Jake (muttering): “Did the vending machine just wink at me?”

Elliot: “You and me both.”

Conundrum: “Oh, don’t be so glum, Elliot. You’re the star of this show, after all.”

Elliot (groaning): “And what show is that, exactly?”

Conundrum (winking, walking out the door): “Why, the greatest one of all. Coincidentally.”

The TV flickers off as Conundrum exits, leaving Elliot and Jake in stunned silence. Jake stares at Elliot, then back at the dark screen.

Jake: “So… what just happened?”

Elliot (standing, grabbing his coffee): “Don’t ask. Trust me.”

[End Scene]

[retcon:1]