“So, Greg…”
“G-Greg!?” Greg shouted in anger. “I am Sir Gregorio Gregarious Gregor—”
“You have three names, and literally all of them are Greg. So tell me, Greg. Am I hallucinating? Or are you really a floating gold star with eyes and a mouth?”
“Behold my supremely based form!” Greg said, spinning in midair. “Now, you’re not entirely wrong. You’re the only one who can see me. But fear not! You haven’t gone crazy. Yet. God took pity on you and sent me to guide you in the ways of this world~H-Hey! Are you even listening?”
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. + 26 EXP.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. + 16 EXP.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. + 10 EXP.
“Sure, just ignore the divine messenger, why don’tchya? Ignore the font of knowledge who can fill you in on optimal leveling strategies, classes, and perks. Who’s guided literally dozens of transmigrators before you. Let’s just ignore alllllllll of that so we can go squash slimes. Poggers. I’ll just… be over here, then.”
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. +6 EXP.
“Hey Greg, why’s the number go down?”
“What!? Don’t you dare profane! Number go up, Dick! Never down. Number can never go down! Never say that again, okay? This is a world where Number Go Up! For number to go down is simply unthinkable—wait, what exactly are you talking about?”
“This exp thing. It used to be higher, but every time I stomp these slime things, exp decreases.”
“Holy cringe pills batman!” Greg said, snapping his gloved cartoon fingers. His finger snap was so loud, it echoed through the valley. “EXP stands for EXPerience points, Dick. It’s pronounced EEE EXXX PEEE, not exp. Or just XP. No one’s gonna understand you if you talk like a cringedaddy!”
“So what’s this blue box thing, anyhow? It’s like them goddamn browser pop ups. How do I adblock that shit?”
“Sorry Dick, but you can’t. There’s no adblocking god. And no, you’re not going crazy. That’s part of the Number Go Up System that god tried to tell you about.”
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“Number go up?” Dick asked blankly. “The fuck’s that?”
“It’s the only pastime in this world, Dick. Number Go Up has what everybody wants! It’s got electrolytes!”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind,” Greg said, falcepalming. “Thought you’d get the reference. Anywayyy, say ‘Status’.”
“STATTTUUUUUUUUUUS,” Dick shouted at the top of his lungs like a shounen manga protag about to fire off a stupid sounding move. This prompted a giant blue box to spring into existence. The box was so large, it completely obscured his vision, blinding him.
Name: Richard ‘Big Dick’ Hansen
Number Go Up: 1
Class: None
EXP: 90/100
HP: 75/75
MP: 10/10
Perks: None
Status Effects: None
Stats:
Bignosity: 6 — Hulk SMASH. You’re Big, Dick. Girthly. You stronk.
Brain: 2 — You ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, Dick. But that’s okay. The world needs its share of fucking idiots.
Danciness: 1 — You’re about as agile as a turd. No surprise there. I mean, you literally died to a tree.
Physicality: 3 — You’re big, sure. But a lifetime of burgers and fries has left your arteries clogged and diabetes at your doorstep. It’s a miracle you don’t have cancer. 1.5% HP gain per level.
Magic: 1 — You fucking suck. Give up before you embarrass yourself. 0.5% MP gain per level.
Studliness: 7 — The ladies swoon. The men, too.
Skills: None
“The fuck is this shit?” Dick proclaimed wisely.
“Alright, so this is your status page. It’s basically the only thing that determines your worth in this world, so you’ll want to make those numbers go up ASAP.”
“Right. So what’s all this mean?”
“We already talked about your NGU stat. It’s what determines your overall worth in the world. Want to woo a lady? Show off your NGU. Want a job? Lay that phat three figure NGU on ‘em. There is nothing in this world that a high Number Go Up stat can’t get you. It’s why it’s at the very top. Cuz it’s important. Mood.”
“What?”
“Mood. It’s how the zoomers talk,” Greg replied boastfully. “Unlike god, I at least keep up with the latest trends. Legit pogdaddy right here.”
“Right…” Dick said, questioning the floating star’s sanity. “So what happens when my Number Go Up number goes up?”
“Well, Number Goes Up~!” Greg replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Yeah. Got that. Anything else?”
“Why would anything else happen?” Greg asked, a question mark appearing over him.
Dick stared at Greg.
“Naw, I’m just messin’ with ya. When you Number Go Up, your HP and MP go up based on your Physicality and Magic stats. Sadly, both of yours are pretty low, so it’s gonna be a slow grind.”
Dick grunted. “Tell me about this Bignosity stat.”