It happened right as Dick wrapped up for the day. A man wearing a smug, ‘holier-than-thou’ smirk, overly large shades, and a hoodie that said ‘Hodler 4 lyf’ approached him.

“Yo yo dogebro! You got any of that Double Dicker shit left yo!”

“Sorry, shop’s closed for the day,” Dick replied, removing his apron. “Come back tomorrow.”

“Yo yo woah! Dawg that ain’t why I’m here. I’m here to tell you about the decentralized future!”

Thanks to Greg’s deft guidance, Dick had managed to avoid those who bore the [Cryptobro] class, but fate was bound to catch up to him at some point.

“Dick! These are the guys I warned you about! Be careful, or they’ll loop you into their crypto scam. You’ve racked up quite a bit of coin flipping burgers, but these scammers will rob you of your money before you can even say FOMO!”

“Aitte, so listen up, yo! I got this NFT here. Non Fuckable Token. Kickass,” the [Cryptobro] said, holding up an empty picture frame.

“That’s an empty picture frame,” Dick replied.

“Naww dawg! You gotta look deeper! This shit’s profound. You don’t gotta worry about forgery or counterfeit crap with this! It’s legit! You can’t duplicate it!”

Dick pulled out another picture frame and held it up to the [Cryptobro]. “I just did.”

“W-wha! How is this possible! My power! It’s slipping away! Aitte, tell you what. I’ll sell you this here NFT for the low low price of ten thousand ethrereiums.”

“Greg!” Dick shouted. “What does the scouter say about his idiocy level?”

If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

“IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND,” Greg replied, crushing the scouter in his hand.

Dick turned back to the [Cryptobro]. “I’ve heard of your kind. You hide in your mancaves, whispering ‘Hodl’ over and over, crying yourself to sleep with your Non Fuckable Tokens. You can’t fool me.”

“Word. But legit, crypto’s got what the people want! It’s decentralized.”

“Do you even know what that means?” Dick asked honestly.

“Yo yo yo I got this dawg! It’s like, if you get robbed, you get robbed, amirite?” the [Cryptobro] said, crossing his arms in a stupid-looking X gesture. “Yeah but with crypto, they gotta robe the whole dang world, ya dig? Cut out the middle man, yo! Power to the people amirite! It’s the future! It’s decentralized!”

“The fuck kinda drug you on about?” Dick asked politely.

“Number Go Up.”

Dick stopped everything he was doing and stared the [Cryptobro] in the eyes. “Well, shit. Why didn’t you just say so? Tell me more about our decentralized future.”

The [Cryptobro] ripped off his oversized shades and stared Dick in the eye. “Today. the world runs on buttcoin. But the buttcoiners are blind. They’ve yet to behold the glory that is the trustless, decentralized future. So for now, we hodl. And we wait. For the glorious day when decentralization takes power away from the corrupt minority that we trust with our deepest secrets. The very minority of elites that rob the people of their wealth. But you wanna know a secret?”

Dick leaned in.

The [Cryptobro] whispered, “Buttcoin runs on ethrereium. So hodl that buttcoin and watch number go up. Hashtag decentralized. Hashtag trustless,” he said, before sauntering off.

“Damn. That was profound. I stand corrected about the [Cryptobro]s.”

“Wait, seriously? That had to be the dumbest conversation I’ve ever heard,” Greg remarked. “Did you even understand anything he said?”

Dick nodded sagely.

“Well, you’re not supposed to. They’re [Cryptobros]. Nothing they say ever makes any sense. Tell me, what did you learn?”

“Hodl.”

“Uh, okay? And?” Greg asked.

“Number Go Up.”