“Aiite, so Bignosity’s your strength. You’re pretty big, Dick, so you’re pretty set in that department. We’ll have to pick out a good weapon to take advantage of that. Are you any good with weapons?”
“.44 Magnum. Preferably a Smith & Wesson 629, but I do pretty well with a double action Colt as well. Just don’t ask me to handle any of that Taurus shit. Or a Glock. Plastic crap’s ruining everything these days.”
“Dick, my friend, there’s no plastic in this world.”
“Well, good.”
“That means there are no firearms, either. It’s basically medieval.”
Dick sighed. “Gorram savages. Guess I’ll have to settle for the chainsaw, after all.”
“No, Dick. Those hollywood time travel movies about the dude who goes back and introduces chainsaws to medieval society? Not real. You’d realize this if you stopped to think for a sec. Like, where are they even gonna get the fuel? How will they produce internal combustion engines? People don’t realize the immense amount of modern infrastructure you need to produce something like a—nevermind. Point is, there were no chainsaws back then. Saws, yes. But saws make for pretty terrible weapons.”
“Well, I s’pose I’m alright with an ax.”
“Ax, huh? That’ll do, I suppose. I can see you dual wielding a pair of badass bearded axes.”
“The hell do people survive here without a revolver at their hip? It’s a wonder everyone’s not dead already,” Dick said, stomping another two slimes.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. +5 EXP.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. +5 EXP.
You have acquired the Skill [Stomp]! [Stomp] lvl 1. Foes fall beneath your heels. You are the Gompstomper, and stomping is what you do. +.1% damage to all enemies dispatched via stomping. +50 EXP.
You have acquired the Skill [Walking]: [Walking] lvl 1 — Turns out everything’s a skill in this world. Even walking. +.1% movement speed while walking. +50 EXP.
Congratulations! You have Number Go Up’d! Welcome to Number Go Up: 2.
Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.
“Well, shit. I Number Go Up’d!” Dick exclaimed, feeling the dopamine flow into his smolbrain.
“Congratulations.”
“Nothing changed.”
“Numbers went up! Go look at your status screen again.”
“STAAATUUUUUUUUS! COME FORTH FROM THE HELLISH DEPTHS IN WHICH YOU LIVE,” Dick shouted, summoning the oversized blue box that dominated his entire field of view.
HP: 78/78
MP: 10/10
His HP had gone up… marginally, but his MP hadn’t even budged.
“Alright, I’m gonna run through the rest of the stats, since people are probably getting bored by this point. Bignosity determines your physical attack power. Brain determines how much XP you get from each action, Danciness governs your ability to dodge things—mind you, most skills require a minimum number from their corresponding stat. If your stat’s not high enough, you can’t level that skill past a certain point.”
“Why do you say ‘level’ here, but ‘Number Go Up’ for the NGU stat? Don’t you realize how stupid you sound?”
“Physicality determines your HP and how much your HP increases when you Number Go Up,” Greg continued, ignoring Dick. “Magic determines your spellcasting ability and is required for leveling pretty much any spell—too bad for you—and Sexiness is self-explanatory. At least you won’t rub people the wrong way.”
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 1. +3 EXP.
“And you’re not even listening, are you?” Greg said with a sigh.
“This shit’s boring,” Dick announced, having experienced the trap of Number Go Up for the first time in his life. “Number’s barely even going up anymore.”
It was an affliction that could cause serious mental damage if not swiftly corrected. Luckily, the solution was simple: make Number Go Up again.
“What did you expect? Killing level 1 slimes isn’t gonna make you a [Hero], Dick. Look, pay attention to this next part and I’ll tell you how to get that ole’ number to go up again. Deal?”
Dick perked up at that. The idea of Number Go Up had seemed silly to him just a short while ago, but he’d already fallen prey to the dopamine hits Number Go Up brought with it. An entire generation of readers had lost their free time to these foul schemes.
“Alright, now let’s talk about your class. You pick your class at level 10, so it’s good to start thinking about that now.”
“Already know my class,” Dick replied, staring intensely at Greg.
“Oh yeah? You thinking of a [Brawler]? Might work. Wouldn’t recommend any [Mage] classes, not with that Brain stat.”
“Middle class.”
“Uh, come again?” Greg said, blinking blankly.
“Middle class.”