“That’s not a class,” said Greg. “I mean, it is a class, one shared by a ridiculously huge number of people who constantly complain about it, but not in this world. You’re either a pauper or you’re a lord—wait! That’s not even what I was talking about! I mean [Mage], [Warrior], [Brawler]. Y’know? Stuff that gives you perks and stat gains for combat? Hey! Where are you going?”
“These slimes ain’t giving me any exp.”
“Right. They’re only level 1, after all,” said Greg. “Hmm, let’s see. If you head over past that hill, you’ll find stronger slimes. But be careful! Slimes aren’t that dangerous, but you’re pretty low level right now. It’s best to be cautious.”
Greg swooped in front of Dick as he set out, stopping him. “Hang on a sec! You really oughta pick up those slime corpses. They don’t fetch much, but money’s money, yeah? Makes no sense wasting them like that.”
Dick narrowed his eyes. “Shit’s nasty. Besides, I ain’t carrying a backpack.”
“Oh, that’s not an issue. Just put your boot on the corpse, and think about sucking it into your inventory.”
“Inventory?” Dick said, prompting an enormous grid to show up in front of him, filling his entire field of view. In it was a [Starter Meal] x5. The rest of the slots were empty.
“Oh dude, that’s your personal inventory! It’s poggers to the max! You can store a bunch of stuff in there. Think of it like a portal to your personal storage shed. Based af, yeah?”
“Damn son. Just like my truck! How much can it hold? Old Bertha could haul ten whole big mammas and even her kids too.”
“What kind of a twisted measurement system is that!?”
“Imperial. Best damned system in the whole world.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Made in America, bless our country,” Dick said, wiping a tear from his eye.
“If you say so… To start with, it holds about a hundred pounds, but you can spend XP to improve that if you want. You could even turn it into your own personal world, with a house and everything! Pretty based, isn’t it?”
“A house, huh? I like the sound of that,” Dick said, imagining paradise already, filled with trucks, more trucks, and guns.
“Anyway, for now, just stick those corpses in your inventory and we’ll just pretend this is totally normal and not disgusting in the least.”
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Dick put his boot on the slime and sure enough, the corpse disappeared into thin air. A new entry showed up in his inventory. [Slime Goop] x1
He went around doing that for all the others, too. In all, he came away with 7x [Slime Goop].
But then the unthinkable happened—another blue box popped into Dick’s vision, filling his entire field of view.
Quest! Clear the dungeon.
Recommended Level: 1 — 5
Difficulty: Moderate
Rewards: [Uncommon] Item x1, [Common] Item x2
Bonus: 3x exp multiplier for all enemies killed in the dungeon
“Alright, change of plans, Big Dick. Let’s go raid that dungeon! 3x xp multipliers are hard to come by. You could gain ten levels right there!”
Dick continued marching for the hill with more powerful slimes.
“Uh, Dick? Did you hear me?”
“You can multiply my ass all day long, but trust me, it ain’t getting any prettier,” Dick replied with a self-satisfied smile.
Greg blinked. “What in the world are you—”
“Ain’t interested! Gonna kill me some of dem slimy mofos.”
“No! Look, I understand you want to Number Go Up, but this is way better! Trust me. Number’ll go up a lot faster in that dungeon.”
Dick stopped and stared Greg in his big cartoon eyes. “Boy, if that quest thingamajig was easy, the evil popup from hell wouldn’t call it Moderate difficulty now, would it? Who knows how strong dem monsters are in there? Got no info on those baddies. But slimes? Now those I can deal with. Dungeon ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
“Well, true… there doesn’t seem to be a time limit for the quest. Alright, fine. We’ll do it your way.”
Dick nodded and proceeded across the hill. Sure enough, the slimes here were slightly larger, but that posed no issues for Dick and his long stomping legs.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 2. +15 EXP.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 3. +36 EXP.
Congratulations! You have killed [Slime] lvl 2. +13 EXP.
Skill [Stomp] has leveled up! [Stomp] lvl 6.
“MERICUH FUCK YEAH!” Dick roared.
“Yeesh! Patriotic much? What kind of a messed up country brainwashes its people like that?” Greg said, floating a safe distance away from the rampaging maniac.
Congratulations! You have gained the title: [Slime Stomper I]. Slimes everywhere fear your boots. +5% damage to slimes when stomped underfoot. Go get ‘em, tiger!
Dick wiped the tears from his eyes. Tears of joy. Manly tears.
“Oh, what I’d give for a burger.”