Dick returned to the town to find nothing but burned buildings.
“Everyone’s dead,” Dick whispered.
Literally everyone was dead. Not a soul remained in the city. Except for one an old woman pulling a cart full of dead people, who repeated “Bring out yer dead,” over and over.
“What… happened here?” Dick said, falling to his knees. “Where are my Dicksciples?”
“Well, Dick, you remember that quest? The one that GOD gave you?”
Quest! Save the town!
A horde of monsters swarms the town of Burger! Save the town!
Recommended Number Go Up: 25 — 35
Difficulty: Hard
Rewards: [Rare] Item x1, [Uncommon] Item x2
Bonus: Shake Hands with God. Maybe give him a burger while you’re at it. Wink wink.
Quest Giver: God
“Yep!” That’s the one, Greg said as the blue box popped up for them. “Well, you didn’t save the town, Dick. That’s why everyone died. That’s why your Sect of the Deep Fried Dead is gone.”
Quest: Save The [Town]! FAILED.
You let everyone die. GG.
“Meh. Whatever.”
“Agreed. You can’t let the small things get you down, Dick.”
“Bring out yer dead,” the woman said to no one in particular.
“Who's she talking to? There's no one else here.”
“Ah, ignore her. Bri'ish humor.”
“So, where’s the nearest city from here?”
“Hmm, let me just look up my Gregorio Gregarious Gregorix (GGG) Mapicus Maximus Extraordinaire! (MME)” said Greg, pulling out a map.
“That’s just a regular map.”
Stolen novel; please report.
“Well, yeah… What did you expect?” Greg asked, poring over the map that looked like it was drawn by a four year old with a crayon.
“Hey!” Greg shouted at the narrator. “Not my fault it’s hard to write with these oversized cartoon hands! Anyway, looks like the nearest settlement is the town of Rizz. It’s an arduous journey to get there. We’ll have to cross mountains. We’ll have to ford rivers and travel for many weeks.”
“Uh… god?” Dick asked.
“Yo, homie! Whassup G?” God asked, popping his head through a portal. An upside-down portal.
“Burger for transport? Got a new burger I think you’ll like. I call it The Crazy Dick.”
“Square,” god said. “But throw in some some Fricken [Fricken] wings, yeah?”
“Square,” Dick replied, whipping out his portable burger stand. On the top, in red spray paint, were the words Dick Burgers: A Slice of Heaven With Every Bite.
Dick rustled up a fire and threw his patties on the skillet. Before long, dizzyingly aromatic scents filled the area, and Greg and God both drooled.
“It’s mine, you hear?” said God. “I’m God!”
“A merciful, generous god, right?”
“N-no?”
“It’s done,” Dick said, and before Greg could react, God unhinged his jaw and chomped down on the entire burger in one bite.
“Ngl, that… is cringe af,” said Greg.
Skill [Cooking] has leveled up! [Cooking] lvl 5 (+50: [Middle Class American]) +4610 EXP
Congratulations! You have Number Go Up’d! Welcome to Number Go Up: 29.
Congratulations! You have Number Go Up’d! Welcome to Number Go Up: 30.
Congratulations! You have Number Go Up’d! Welcome to Number Go Up: 31.
Number go Up 30 Reached. Class Elongation Options Now Available.
“Uh, Dick?” said God, munching on some ketchup-dipped Fricken [Fricken] Nuggets. “How in god’s name do you NGU so fast? That’s just absurd.”
“Did you seriously say ‘in god’s name?’ Cringe. Besides, you’re the one who gave him that ridiculous class. What’s up with that?”
“Hey man. I’m a busy god. Got games to play. Burgers to eat. Can’t be auditing everyone’s class list now, can I? Just ask the IRS! I wrote this AI that just generates classes for me. Works pretty well, I’d say.”
“No, god. It does not work well. In fact, it may very well have gained sentience. It might even be plotting your downfall even as we speak!”
“Relax, Greg. Mental health issues killed off your all your predecessors. Don’t you die on me now, too.”
All this time, Dick had been stroking his chin, trying to phrase his thoughts. “Well, god, it’s a perk of every hardworking Middle Class American.”
“What is?”
“The American Dream. By working hard, every American can pull themselves out of poverty. Even illegal immigrants. Even liberals. There isn’t a single poor person in America, thanks to that. President Melon Husk even says so.”
“Melon Husk, huh?” God asked. “Sounds important.”
“Sure is. He invented electricity.”
“Huh. Whatever. Let’s look at your class elongation options!”