“I dunno why you’re confused. One punch is the most American thing an American does,” Dick replied. “Well, other than hot dogs at a baseball game. And owning a pickup. And shooting trespassers.”

“I see. Well, Dick? How’s the [Rizzenator] supposed to give you your prized [Falling Tortoise] if she’s floating somewhere in outer space?”

“Well, sheeeit,” Dick said, spitting on the ground. “Guess I’ll have to find my own Turtle then. But first…” Dick smiled as he eyed the townsfolk who’d come out into the streets.

“There’s a new Governor in town! And his name is Dick. Currently taking applications for Dicksciples of the Sext of the Deep Fried Dead.”

“Not so fast, Dick!” a man with a Foo Man Chew mustache and a long goatee said. The man was familiar to Dick.

“You’re Patriarch Unreliable.”

“It’s Patriarch Reliance!” Patriarch Unreliable said angrily.

“How are you alive? Thought all of you died?”

“Hah! You have eyes, but you do not see Mt Tai! My cultivation is beyond your comprehension, fool!”

“Butch. Sic!”

Butch, being the loyal canine companion he was, instantly obeyed, springing at Patriarch Reliance and nibbling at his robe.

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“You should think before you act, Unreliable,” Dick said smugly. “I have the high ground now.”

“What? Your toy dog is nibbling my robe. Is this supposed to be an attack? I laugh at your pathetic attempts.”

“Shakira once said ‘beware of death by a thousand cuts!”

“Why you—”

----------------------------------------

Dick settled smoothly into his new life as Patriarch once again. Every day, Patriarch Reliance would come to challenge Dick to a Dickoff, but every day, he would lose, and more of his disciples became Dicksciples, lured by the promise of a more powerful cultivation manual.

Today, Dick walked in front of his new Dicksciples wearing his robe with far too many dragons on it.

“Some of you are close to the Nascent Patty stage,” Dick replied. “But to break through is to have a revelation. In this case, a Buttcoin revelation. Only those who earn at least… two hundred Buttcoin a day may ascend to Nascent Patty.”

“Patriarch Dick! This one only recently joined your sect. If this one may be so bold… what is required to proceed to the stage after Nascent Patty? What is the secret to Little Dick Formation?”

Dick closed his eyes and nodded. “A good question. To achieve Little Dick Formation…”

The students gulped. Even a jade pin drop could be heard.

“... is to master the art of doubling and giving to the next person.”

Skill [Teaching] has leveled up! [Teaching] lvl 8. + 87 EXP

Skill [Boarseshitting] has leveled up! [Boarseshitting] lvl 5. + 68 EXP