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The Broken Prince's Love
Chapter 99: Guilt and Happiness

Chapter 99: Guilt and Happiness

Lucille's past few days had been horrible.

So, she had almost been a bit glad when Cedar had come to cuddle with her for another night. She wasn't sure what had happened, but he seemed oddly content despite being in a somewhat bad mood. She didn't ask what had happened and allowed him to relax, much like he had helped her calm down during the past few days as well.

When the next morning came, Cedar had already returned to his usual self and just grinned at her.

Her bad times, unfortunately, weren't over yet. Lucille did her best to delay it until she heard that Stella was well again and then forced herself to face her greatest worry at the time. She stood in front of the empress' bedroom for minutes without daring to knock. She lifted her hand a few times and always gave up. It seemed like she looked pitiful enough that one of the knights knocked for her at some point.

Mere seconds passed before the door was opened. Angelica pushed her head out of the room and quickly opened the door completely. “Lady Valerian. There you are. We already missed your presence. Come in, please.” She wasn't angry.

Lucille felt her heart skip two beats. She barely dared to make eye contact and only reluctantly stepped into the room. She didn't know what to say and had to force herself to look up to scan the room.

Blanche sat on the sofa with her daughter in her arms. Stella, who sat next to the other woman, was cuddled into a blanket and happily drank some steaming liquid while Darlene set the small table in front of them. All of them looked at the visitor.

And the worst thing was that they only smiled.

Lucille felt the same pit of guilt that had rested in her stomach ever since the poisoning had happened. She took the last few steps over to the sofa and pressed her lips into a thin line.

Blanche still smiled at her, even if she seemed a little bit concerned. “It's good that you are here again, Lucille. Are you alright?”

Lucille was fine. And that was the problem. Because she had gotten away unharmed while another person had been injured. “I'm...” Her voice barely worked out, but she forced herself to speak. “I'm sorry.” She only caught a glimpse of Stella's shocked expression before she lowered her head and bowed. “I sincerely apologize. It's my fault that-” She didn't even finish.

Stella already protested loudly. “Lady Valerian, what are you doing? You can't bow to me! And don't apologize! You didn't do anything.”

Lucille lifted her head again, and she was already about to cry. “But...it was my plate that-”

Stella cut her off again. “You didn't poison me. That horrible woman did it, right? She's angry because His Royal Highness and you are close. How vile she is. I thought that she was bad before, but whenever she does something, it gets worse. She deserves to drink acid and choke on it, but you had nothing to do with that.” That wasn't quite true.

Lucille balled her fists at her sides while she tried to reply. “But it was meant for me.”

Stella had put down the cup and crossed her arms. “And? I asked for your plate, so it's more my fault than yours. It's better that I, as the most hard-working maid, got it.” She lifted her arm to show her barely existent biceps. “I am not as frail as you are. I can take it. As you can see, I'm perfectly fine thanks to our allies' quick reaction. It wasn't pleasant, but I won't have any lasting damage. Lord Astame took care of me really well. He made sure that I am completely healthy. So, everything is fine, and it isn't your fault. You can forget that incident.”

Lucille felt like the other's arguments were logical. But still, it was painful to know that someone had been harmed because of her. “But only my presence is what-”

Blanche spoke this time. “Lucille, do you blame Cedar for the attack on your mansion?”

Lucille almost panicked for a moment when she heard that. So many people had died back then. Of course, Cedar, who had saved her while risking his own life hadn't been responsible. “No, no! He didn't-”

The empress showed her a soft smile. “See? This is the same. The dowager empress is the one at fault for this. It was never your fault because you never had vile intentions. Evil people are to blame for crimes. Not the victims. We blame ourselves for not improving the security enough to prevent things like this, but we aren't at fault either. I can assure you that the responsible person will be punished accordingly. Cedar already gave her quite the hard blow. From now on, it will only get worse for her.”

Lucille would have liked to refute it again. But the conviction in the other woman's voice was audible. So, she couldn't help but give in. Still, one last worry remained in her head. “So...you aren't angry at me?”

Stella almost looked indignant at that. “What? Why would we be? You didn't poison me. We were merely worried because you haven't come to see us in the past week. I'm glad that you are here again.” She showed the other woman a smile.

After that, Darlene chimed in. “All of us are happy. We were scared that something had happened to you, you know? You should have told us whether you were alright. We were prepared to send someone to check on you already.”

Blanche nodded in affirmation. “If I hadn't seen you with Cedar in the garden almost daily, I would have worried too. It's wonderful that you spend time with him, but you don't have to ignore us in the meantime. How about you sit down with us and talk about what happened last week? We will tell you about the latest gossip in return.”

Lucille almost couldn't believe it. Why were all of those people so kind to her? She pressed her lips into a thin line and barely dared to make eye contact with them. But she stayed quiet and walked over to sit down on the sofa. She was a bit stiff at first, but she quickly realized that the people around her happily chatted about random things.

It seemed like Stella was eager to move around again, but the others didn't allow her to. She was a bit sulky because of that and still happily accepted it when the other maids brought her sweets or drinks.

Lucille relaxed without even noticing it. The atmosphere was so pleasant that she almost jumped when someone knocked on the door.

Angelica jumped up, but her lover was quicker.

Darlene rushed to the door and opened it. She stood there for a short moment before turning around. “It's for you, Lady Valerian. His Majesty wished to inform you that Lady Lamont arrived with her father. He asked whether you wanted to see her.”

Lucille was genuinely surprised to hear that. Fiona had written about coming here, but she had assumed that the date would lie in the far future. Seemingly, her friend was sitting here now though. But even if Lucille wanted to see her, she shouldn't just run away from the empress for that. She turned her head and got her response immediately.

Blanche already smiled at her. “Feel free to go see her. You don't have the chance to meet her regularly, so it's obvious that you would want to go to her. We won't run away.”

Darlene chimed in at that. “Exactly. When she is gone, you can just come back.”

Blanche glanced at her maid while grinning playfully. “She can. But she won't. Don't you think she will prefer Cedar's presence? As soon as he leaves Theodore's office, he will come to her, and she surely won't deny him to see us. But we may be lucky enough to meet her tomorrow when Cedar is working. We will have to wait for the response though.” She turned to Lucille again. “I can assure you that you are always welcome here. But I also understand if you would rather see Cedar. So, don't feel bad if you can't always visit. Whenever you have free time and the desire to meet this small group of gossipy women, you are invited though. Both you and Cedar.”

Lucille would have liked to smile, but she was too uncertain and embarrassed at the same time. She quickly nodded. “I will come back soon. I...will take my leave. Goodbye.”

Blanche still seemed calm and satisfied while she responded. “Goodbye. I wish you a nice afternoon.”

Lucille stepped outside the room while still being overwhelmed. She felt like all of this had happened way too fast, and now she didn't even have time to process the fact that she wasn't hated by the others. She immediately had to follow a knight who brought her to her room.

She already recognized Fiona from afar. In an instant, her worry came back.

During the last ball, Fiona had acted a bit strange, as if she was upset with her friend. She hadn't mentioned the reason in her letters, but she had definitely been concerned about something.

Lucille swallowed before she stepped closer.

Fiona turned around when she heard footsteps, and her face showed relief when she saw her friend. “Luci. There you are.” She came toward the other woman and took the last steps to close the distance between them before pulling her into a tight hug.

Lucille was immediately calmed and returned the embrace. “Hello. It's been a while since we saw each other in private. I apologize. We wanted to avoid visitors for a while because of the...recent incidents.”

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Fiona stiffened at that. She took a step back but left her hands on the other's shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“It might be better to discuss that in my room. Please come in.” Lucille could see the panic rising in her friend, but she didn't want to risk saying anything out here in the corridor. She entered her room and invited the other woman in before shutting the door. She quickly moved the empty cup that had stood on the table aside before gesturing to a chair. “We should sit down. It's a bit complicated.”

Fiona wordlessly took a seat. She waited for a moment before speaking again. “Is it connected to His Royal Highness?” Of course, she would be able to guess it.

“Indirectly, yes. His mother poisoned someone, and before that, she sent people to attack us.” Lucille fiddled with her hands on the table. She had no idea how to say this in a more pleasant manner, so she had just been direct.

As expected, Fiona wasn't too thrilled. “She's targeting you again? Even though you're here to be protected, she still...” She had put her hands onto the table as well, but she balled her fists. “Is that connected to...” She pressed her lips together and stayed quiet.

Lucille could barely bring herself to speak in return. “Yes. She doesn't like me and...Cedar being together very much. Even if she isn't here, she seems to have a huge problem with it.” And that was what was so horrible about this. It was the fact that a mother didn't wish her child even the slightest bit of kindness, even though Cedar deserved it.

For a moment, it was silent. Seconds passed without anyone saying anything.

Then Fiona spoke again. “How terrible this is. I...I wish I could do something. But that woman is...” The dowager empress was untouchable. At least it had seemed like that from afar. But it was likely that Theodore would soon prove the opposite.

Lucille was well aware that everyone aside from the emperor was powerless though. It would be better just to let it be. “Let's not talk about this any longer. You can't do anything about it, much like me and everyone else. It's better if we stay calm and focus on more pleasant topics. His Majesty heightened the security once again. We'll be safe. I bet you didn't want to talk about such depressing matters when you came here. Let's move on. Please.” She didn't want to think about the fact that someone wanted to kill her much longer.

Fiona was visibly unhappy about that decision. But she took a deep breath and forced herself to be calm. She remained silent for a few seconds before she spoke up again. “Alright. There is something else we need to talk about too. This is...serious as well, but it's also really important. I'm going to be direct. I saw you at the ball.”

For a moment, Lucille was uncertain what this was referring to. But then she remembered how Cedar had kissed her during the firework. Many had seen. It wouldn't be surprising if Fiona had witnessed that too.

Lucille immediately felt how her cheeks flushed with red. This was ridiculous. She couldn't deny the truth, but she didn't have to make it this obvious either. She quickly lowered her head. “I'm sorry...” She refused to look at her friend while speaking. “I may have not been as...distanced as I wanted to be. But when I told you, it wasn't a lie.” Back then, Cedar had just been a friend. Back then, she hadn't had such strange feelings around him yet, or at least they hadn't been so strong. She hadn't kissed him yet. And she certainly hadn't talked about marriage with him. Lucille only was more embarrassed when she thought about that.

A few seconds passed in silence again. Then Fiona spoke in a serious tone. “Did you fall in love with him?”

Admitting this was stupid. And humiliating. But Lucille couldn't lie. She couldn't look up, but she nodded. “I think so.”

Fiona still sounded like she was more than concerned about this. “Are you absolutely sure? Are you not just happy because this is the first time that you experienced something like this? Because he is from an influential family and can take care of you?”

Lucille should have taken a bit longer to be sure, but she replied within a second. After all, there was only one correct answer if she didn't want to lie. “No, I'm sure. I've never felt like this. When I talk to him, my chest feels all warm and tingly. When we hug, I feel so safe that I could stay in his embrace for hours. When he kisses me, I'm about to faint. This is too beautiful to be...something aside from love.” She barely dared to lift her head when she said that. She almost expected disgust or confusion on the other woman's face.

But Fiona was still calm. She had furrowed her brows and took in her friend's expression, but she didn't seem to be judging the other woman. “Luci. Then it's already too late, isn't it? You've always been stubborn when it comes to things like this. This is not going to be something temporary.” She was quiet for a bit before she started glaring at the table. “This has to be serious. I don't want him to play with you.”

Cedar wasn't like that. Lucille was sure of it since she hadn't ever seen him treat another woman like this. Maybe that was the reason she was so sure that he wouldn't just fool her. She wanted to defend him, so she said the first thing that came into her mind even though she was more embarrassed than anything else. “He...said that there is the option...of us...marrying.”

Fiona froze at that. She almost looked a bit scared. “He actually told you that?”

Lucille felt like her ears were ringing when she admitted that. “In those exact words. He said that we're young and...shouldn't decide this already. But he said that there wouldn't be an issue. Because...because...His Majesty married a commoner. So, a viscount's daughter is fine too. And Cedar said that spouses getting along is good and that...he wouldn't mind considering the valid option.” Surely, he hadn't said that he planned on marrying her yet, but at least he hadn't denied that possibility completely.

Fiona gritted her teeth. She pulled her hands onto her lap and stared straight ahead for a few seconds. She only spoke when a few seconds had passed. “If you want to make this serious, you need clarity. You should never accept being the second choice. He shouldn't take you in as a mistress but as his lawful wife. He will need to give you a formal promise and an engagement contract if you really consider this. And if you do end up marrying, he shouldn't have any lover aside from you. His brother threw out his wife for his concubine, so I don't want him doing the same with you. His father had a mistress too, right? There is no way that you can risk him doing the same. It runs in the family, but you need to steer against that.”

Lucille was taken aback by that. Fiona had always insisted on Cedar being dangerous, and now she caved in that quickly?

But Fiona wasn't even done. “You need to make him swear on his life, do you understand? I don't trust that man at all. He will have to vow on his family name and his life that he won't ever dare to touch another woman or even look at someone else. He needs to promise you that, and he has to-”

A knock cut her off. The women made eye contact for a moment.

Lucille could imagine who this was. Only she was so lucky that the one person who visited her regularly came at this moment. She stood up. “Please wait for a moment.” She waited for a nod before opening the door. As expected, there was only one person who would come here and greet her with such a bright smile. “Hello, Cedar.”

The prince seemed to be fine at the moment and not like he was upset again, which was good. But that also meant that his smile was much too enchanting. “I apologize for the interruption. My dear brother made me write another contract for him. Are you free to take a walk at the moment?”

Lucille's mouth responded on its own, and she barely stopped herself in time. “I would be...” No matter how tempting it was, she wouldn't leave Fiona alone here. “No. I apologize. Lady Lamont is currently visiting me.”

That made Cedar tilt his head to the side so that he could look over her shoulder. It seemed like his whole personality became a bit more fake as soon as his eyes locked onto someone else. “Good day, Lady Lamont. I hope that you had a pleasant ride to the palace. I sincerely apologize for chiming in like this.”

Fiona had stepped closer to the doorway. Her expression was unusually grim after she dropped her polite smile. “I wish you a good day too, Your Royal Highness. There weren't any issues. And I don't mind. It may be good for you to be here. I wish to ask you something. Both you and Lucille.” That was strange for her. Normally, Fiona kept a perfect facade in public. Now she openly asked the prince of Artias to have a conversation to express her concerns.

That Cedar's facade, on the other hand, stayed as perfect as always wasn't surprising. “I understand. Then I would enter if Lucille gives me her permission.” He made eye contact with the concerned person.

Lucille felt like even that was too intimate for her, so she looked away. “Of course. Please come in. We don't have any tea though.”

Cedar just smiled at her. “There is no need to prepare anything. I did interrupt your meeting, so I will not complain.” He waited for Lucille to assign him a seat before he sat down.

Fiona hid some of her dismay, but the fact that she stayed serious instead of smiling the whole time proved that she was upset. She quickly addressed her concern too. “I do not wish to criticize you, but you seem to carelessly enter Lucille's bedroom without even a second thought, Your Royal Highness.” Fiona was the type of person who paid attention to old rules like a person of differing gender never entering someone's bedroom since she often worried about her reputation. If she knew that the prince had spent the night here, she would go insane.

Cedar met her gaze for a moment before glancing at Lucille. “Well, one could say that is about...the least problematic thing we did.” One could hear how he was grinning when he said that. “Of course, I would not mind leaving if she-”

Lucille quickly chimed in at that. “No, no. It's fine. I invited him in, and he comes here often, so...” She only stopped when she noticed that this didn't make it any better. She averted her eyes.

Fiona remained silent for a bit too long. She probably scanned Cedar's expression for signs of vile intentions. She would only find a smile, so it wasn't surprising that she soon addressed the topic that she really wanted to talk about. “That day. During the tea party after His Majesty's birthday. What happened then?” The day that the dowager empress had dragged Lucille away, only for the prince to save her afterward.

Cedar looked as calm as ever while he replied. “Ah, I forgot to inform you about that. I apologize for that. I planned on explaining what had happened, but something prevented me from coming back.” That might have been because Cedar had spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling with Lucille. “That day, my mother thought that it was a good idea to invite Lucille to a private conversation. I have not witnessed all of it, but as you can imagine, it wasn't pleasant. Since I wished to keep Lucille away from Mother, I might have been a bit impolite while asking where she was. I sincerely apologize.”

Fiona's expression darkened, which was more than odd for her, who always made sure to smile in public. “Did that young girl who asked you for help work with Her Majesty, the dowager empress?”

Lucille quickly nodded. “She disappeared as soon as she brought me into a room, where Her Majesty was waiting. Her Majesty didn't hurt me though. She insulted me a bit and got loud and yelled. She...told me to stay away from Cedar for a while before saying that I was using him and that he was using me. Then Cedar came to rescue me.”

Fiona looked even more angry than before. She looked at her friend and then at the prince. “Why would she take such steps? The Valerians aren't that powerful. This means that she has a personal motivation. So, this connected to Your Royal Highness, right?”

Cedar nodded. “You saw what Mother did during a few balls whenever Her Majesty, the empress was involved, right? She did that because she hates the fact that Theodore, whom she dislikes very much, has fallen in love and is happy. She is incredibly bothered by that fact and causes problems for him whenever she can.”

Fiona forced herself to neutralize her expression. “I remember. She picked multiple fights with Her Majesty and openly insulted her while trying to ruin her reputation. Are you saying that she will see Lucille as her enemy like that as well?”

Cedar didn't deny it. “Yes. She hates the fact that I am close to Lucille and that I care about her. That is why she will target her.”

Fiona was silent after that. She looked at her friend and seemed conflicted for a moment. Then she lowered her gaze to the table. Her voice was faint when she spoke. “You better keep her safe.”

Lucille certainly hadn't expected that. She wasn't sure what to think about the fact that her polite friend suddenly ordered around royalty, but when she made eye contact with Cedar, she forgot that thought immediately.

Cedar was showing her that soft smile again, the one that made her melt without much effort. “I am doing my best.” It really sounded like he would do that.

Lucille felt her heart skip a beat and quickly lowered her head. But that didn't matter much.

The rest of the conversation had little depth, and only some superficial topics were addressed. Yet, Lucille was happy about it since she was still embarrassed. Her face was probably red, so she stared at the table for most of the time.

When it was time for Fiona to leave, she was still cautious of the prince. She bid him farewell formally and even curtsied before addressing her friend. She only let go of Lucille after a long hug and used that chance to warn her. “Your father doesn't know what happened at the ball yet. But since rumors spread quickly, he will hear soon. Prepare for a long conversation.” With that, she left.

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Fiona's guess proved to be true within a few days.

Viscount Valerian wrote a letter about how he would like to visit the palace to have a conversation with his daughter and the prince. He asked whether he could come for dinner in a few days, and the emperor granted him permission.

Lucille was more than nervous.