Cedar rarely talked about his mother this openly, so Lucille couldn't go without asking. Of course, while still being extremely careful about this sensitive topic.
Lucille was silent for a few more seconds before she revealed what came to her mind first. “You said that she did whatever she wanted. But did anyone ever try to oppose her? Maybe someone would be able to stop her if they just tried.” After all, Camille had proven that she was mentally unstable in public many times. There was no way that people around her hadn't noticed that when she had been empress. “Say, did people ever worry about her mental health?”
Cedar stopped brushing her hair for a moment to laugh. “Plenty of people did. She was the one hitting the servants whenever she felt unwell, so she didn't hide her issues well. People that saw how she treated me sometimes weren't too happy either. But no one ever dared to say anything. I think the doctor and his assistants sometimes asked Father to talk to her because they had to deal with all the injured people. But Father, who was the only one to have some sort of authority over her, didn't do anything. He just wanted his peace and quiet without that hysteric woman bothering him. I can't blame him for not wanting to have a personal relationship with her. But at the same time, it was awfully cowardly. As the emperor and as the father of two children, he should have tried to divorce Mother to get her away from us and the nation. But he didn't do that. Instead, he left her full reign as long as she didn't annoy him or Theodore. He didn't even punish her for hurting Althea, which was the most cowardly thing he could have done.”
Lucille had almost forgotten that. Cedar's father had been a useless idiot. Even if that man had been celebrated as an intelligent and calm ruler, he seemingly hadn't had any sympathy left for his family or the woman he had allegedly loved. “So...your father just...sat by while she hurt people?”
Cedar slowly began to brush over her hair again. He was as careful as before and replied in a tone that almost made him sound unaffected. “I'm not sure. I think he didn't notice most of the things she did. He purposefully avoided her, so she could easily hide the worst issues. For example, my training. Mother was the one planning my education. She hired my tutors and told them what to teach me. She also made sure that I was training sword-fighting this excessively too. Mother wasn't much of a fighter herself, but she knew how to get the most skilled people to help her train her son. She hired about three dozen instructors, and when I defeated one, I would train with the next one.”
Lucille's head was tingling by now, and still, Cedar brushed her hair with slow and deliberate motions. “You mentioned that. And you told me that...” She cut herself off when she remembered that part of the conversation. Her mood immediately deteriorated. “You said that those instructors taught you how to defend yourself at all times. You said that there were harsh punishments. But...you didn't specify that.”
Cedar was silent for a moment and just continued combing her hair. That made it seem like he didn't want to specify this either. But he still spoke after a short moment. “My instructors wanted to make sure that I would get used to sudden attacks, so they occasionally jumped at me in my free time. They just dove out of some hallway or hid in a room when I opened the door. Sometimes, they came from behind so that I only had a few seconds to react too. That was interesting, to say the least.” He acted as if this was completely normal, as if any child should learn how to fight like this.
Lucille felt nausea rise inside her. She had a really bad premonition about this, but she still asked. “That's... But they surely didn't attack you when they did that, right? After all, you were a child. So, a little push would be enough to remind you. But even that is completely unimportant for a child. No, it's just horrible in general. That training wasn't...” It hadn't been necessary in the first place, and Camille had just decided to make him do it. Lucille balled her fists on her lap before she spoke again. “Please tell me they didn't hurt you.”
Cedar stopped for a moment to lean forward. He put a small kiss on the back of her neck before he continued brushing her. “Of course, they did. They wanted me to learn after all. If you are careless and get punished immediately, your brain remembers not to freeze in fear but to act. After a few incidents, it worked out. I barely got injured after that anymore.” That wasn't calming.
A mix of different feelings grew in Lucille. There was a huge amount of fury. Hatred was there too, hatred that was directed at Camille and all the people that were vile enough to attack a child for money. There was disbelief about no one in the palace noticing this and about no one helping a young child who was being hurt by adults.
And there was grief.
Cedar didn't even feel bitter about this anymore. He wasn't aware of how disgusting this was.
Lucille's whole body was shaking by now. She gritted her teeth for a moment before she spoke again. “What did those horrible people do to you?” She already knew what would follow.
Cedar would surely justify what had happened, and he confirmed her guess a moment later. “Actually, it wasn't bad. It wasn't pleasant, but thanks to that, I can defend myself now. These instructors were so good that I once defeated a man while being sure that he was one of my teachers, only to find out that he was a real assassin afterward. Without my training, I would not have won that fight. I was better than every single member of my family, you know? It was the one thing I could win when it came to challenging Theodore. It was extremely satisfying.” But a child at that age should never have needed to think about self-defense in the first place.
Lucille used more force to ball her fists. She wanted to turn around, but then her lover would see her face and notice how some tears were already pricking in her eyes. She was much too desperate because she couldn't do anything about this anymore. She was also angry because she knew that Cedar had been all alone with his horrible mother during that time and his father had been too selfish and stupid to do anything. “You didn't answer my question. What did those people do to you?”
Cedar finally seemed to be done brushing her. He put the brush aside and ran his fingers through her hair once before replying when she was almost sure that he would stay quiet. “After I started to pay attention to my surroundings, they didn't do much because I was able to block their attacks then. Before that, there were a few not-so-pleasant accidents. The worst one was probably when I wanted to walk down the big staircase in the foyer. I hadn't expected an attack, and that was a bit stupid of me. I was too slow to do anything, so I ended up falling down the stairs in the process. I broke my arm that day, but I think that was really the worst thing that happened.” He thought that? So, he wasn't sure. And even that was already more than bad enough.
Lucille felt how the bitterness and frustration inside her grew even more. “Did you...break your arm while falling? Or did that person hurt you on purpose?” Either way, it wouldn't be much better. Whether someone broke a child's arm or pushed them down the stairs with such force that it happened didn't make a big difference. Both options were so vile that she couldn't put it into words.
The missing response showed her that the teacher had broken Cedar's arm because of some messed up training too.
Lucille was at her limit by now. How could it be that she hated Camille more with every single thing that she heard about that woman? What kind of mother would let their child get hurt like this while watching? Lucille was too angry to process that now. She allowed herself to lean backward against her lover.
Cedar wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. “You don't need to be sad for me. It's fine. Like I said, I am happy I learned how to fight. I don't like my reflex to throw any person that surprises me to the floor, but that's alright too. As long as they don't touch me all of a sudden, it should be easy to hold myself back. There was a time when my brother loved to slam open the door while I was there, and I didn't like that very much. I always prepared to attack him, only to relax when I saw who it was. Thankfully, he stopped doing it now. It will be fine if people don't jump at me from behind.”
Lucille hated how Cedar justified what had happened. It almost sounded like he didn't see the issue here, which was a huge problem in itself. “What if there are people who want to surprise you without ill intentions? Like Aurora when she grows up. Or...” She barely dared to say it. “Your own children.”
Cedar lifted his head to give her a small kiss on her shoulder. “I know. I have to work on that. I don't think that I'll ever get it out of my system completely, much like my smiling. But I'm doing my best to use as little force as possible. I don't think I would hurt anyone that much since I was used to just immobilizing the attackers. As long as I warn the people around me, it will be fine for the adults. Children are another issue. But I don't think they would be able to sneak up on me. For now, Aurora can't walk, and...everything else is far off in the future. So, I don't mind.”
Lucille wrapped her arms around his and replied in a whisper. “You should mind. No one should be forced to go through something like this. Especially not a child. Don't try to justify that. It's horrible.” She was sure that he would disagree here with her again.
But Cedar was just silent for a moment before he spoke. “I have to admit that the methods were quite harsh. I wouldn't wish for anyone else to experience that. Still, I manage to live with that and make the best out of it. But I do understand why you would be worried. As a child, I was skeptical too. Especially after my instructor, who was actually an assassin my mother hired, broke my arm. I didn't find that funny at all.”
Lucille turned her head slightly, but she only caught a glimpse of Cedar's face from the corner of her eyes. “Of course, you didn't. Did you tell anyone about that?”
“Whom would I have told? My father ignored me to the best of his ability, and thanks to my less kind breakdowns, Theodore avoided me too. Althea had close to no power, and the servants feared my mother. Mother got angry when I asked her for time to recover after I broke my arm, so you can guess how she thought about that matter. She hated me whining, even if she often complained about everything around her. When I managed to do well, she would praise me though. So, I never uttered a single complaint about my training. Also because I wanted to get good at sword-fighting. That was the one thing I could overpower my brother in, as I said.”
Lucille hated hearing that. She hated Camille and all the people who had stood by while that woman had abused Cedar. And the worst part seemed to be that Cedar had just accepted that his childhood had been that messed up. “Your mother... She...” She didn't say more than that, and she didn't have to.
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Cedar understood what she wanted to address and replied calmly. “She's always been special. As you know she sometimes has hysteric fits, and only I was able to snap her out of those with great care. But she was harsh while she was breaking down and also when she was fine. I can't count the number of times that she hit servants, threw vases at them or pushed them down the stairs. Naturally, she did the same with me when she was in a bad mood. During such times, I would have to be even more careful not to make her blow up further.”
Lucille's heart clenched at that. How could a woman be this cruel when it came to her child?
But Cedar seemed to have noticed that she would say something like that when she opened her mouth. He was faster. “If I talk about my mother like that, it does sound like she is more hysteric and unstable than anyone else here. That probably makes you question why I even put up with her for so long. She had good times too. Those were rare, but she had them. I told you that she sometimes acts like she has a split personality, right? Sometimes, she was so kind that I couldn't even believe it. That was...mostly after her bad times, but at least she showed me some compassion then. I always looked forward to such times, even if I needed to go through some harsher things first.” He slowly let go of Lucille. “But I chewed off your ear about this for long enough. We are done. We should probably get ready to see the royal couple now.”
Lucille weakly nodded. She turned around and looked at her lover.
A mother should give their child love without hurting them first. Camille hadn't even been able to ignore her son. No, that woman had shown him a mix of cruelty and kindness, just to bind him to her despite her horrible personality.
The dowager empress was the person Lucille hated most in this world, and she could never hate anyone else more. And at the same time, she loved the child of the person she hated so much. She lifted her hand to run her fingers through Cedar's hair and then reached for the brush. “Let me brush your hair too.”
Cedar let out a small laugh, which made her heart melt. “Really? That isn't necessary, but you are free to do it. Thank you very much.” He turned around and stayed still.
Lucille climbed up onto her knees and combed through his hair a few times. Thanks to his short hair, it would have been possible to use her fingers to straighten it too, but this might feel a bit better. After all, she was trying to make it as pleasant for him as he had made it for her. By the time, that she had begun to fully concentrate on the task at hand, she was cut off though.
Cedar turned to the side and showed her a grin that revealed that he would begin teasing her now. “I'm grateful that you are so thorough, but I think this is fine. We have to get ready, remember? I can help you dress if you want to.” There his playful tone was again.
Lucille was tempted to just agree to tease him back, but she knew that she would get too embarrassed. By now, hugging him and holding his hand was fine, but he still only needed a few words to make her blush. So, she wouldn't risk it. There was one thing she needed help with though. “Well...” She averted her eyes to gaze downwards. “You could...help me with my corset again.” Last time, that had effectively made her look like a tomato for the rest of the morning. But at the same time, she would have to lie if she said that she disliked Cedar standing behind her and kissing her neck.
It would just be nice if her lover was as nervous about this as she was, but she was unlucky in this regard.
Cedar grinned at her without seeming like he would have a problem doing that. “Sure. But that will end with me kissing you again because you are so adorable. Don't forget that.” His warning had been completely unnecessary.
In the end, they kissed thrice before they eventually left. Lucille was full of embarrassment when they finally reached the door of the royal couple's room. She felt like everyone knew what had happened, even if that was impossible. But the way that Darlene smirked at her made her believe that her expression might have revealed a bit too much.
As soon as they came in, Blanche greeted them with a bright smile. “Good morning! There you are. We were already getting worried. Now that I see you, I can guess what delayed your arrival though.”
Cedar glanced at Lucille and gave her a chance to comment on this. Of course, she stayed quiet, so he responded. “To be honest, I brushed Lucille's hair and got a bit immersed in it. That might be what took so long. We sincerely apologize.”
Theodore, who currently sat next to his wife and held their daughter, replied. “Don't mind that. It's not like we will run away. Come sit down.”
Lucille allowed her lover to lead her to the table and took a seat. Cedar sat down next to her and directed his attention to the table. She quickly saw what made him grin like that. There were quite a few dishes here. It seemed like the royal couple had prepared food for a group of a dozen people.
Blanche saw the guests' expressions and opened her mouth quickly. “All of this looks delicious, right? I mean, it's obvious that the cooks of the royal palace would never bring us something of bad quality, but still. It looks so tasty that I can barely hold back. I'm already looking forward to seeing Aurora try all this later.” Even now, she couldn't stop thinking about her daughter.
Theodore glanced down at the baby in his arms and then focused on his wife again. “I think that will still take a while longer. For now, she only wants one thing. Along with affection and sleep, of course.” He showed Aurora a soft smile.
Blanche leaned over to him, and they admired their daughter once again.
Cedar watched that for a moment before he leaned to Lucille to whisper to her. “It seems like we aren't needed here at all. I wonder why the happy family invited us in the first place.”
Lucille wanted to respond, but she didn't get the chance.
Blanche already spoke up. “Because you are part of that happy family. You two are Aurora's aunt and uncle. So, don't complain. We will stop annoying you now and focus on the meal.” She gestured to the grand buffet in front of them. “Please choose whatever you would like. Everything is without a doubt tasty.”
Lucille gazed down and was a bit overwhelmed by the many choices. But Cedar began putting a few things onto his plate, so she did the same. When she was done, she was pretty sure that she had overdone it.
The royal couple filled their plates too and didn't differentiate between what was theirs and what wasn't. They would share everything anyway, so that wasn't a big issue. While they did that, Theodore opened his mouth at some point. “There is something I would like to talk about. About your rooms.”
Lucille stiffened at that. Was there something wrong with her room? Or was this about her long stay in the palace for so long already? She wasn't quite sure, but she was on edge. “Yes, Your Majesty?”
Theodore glanced at her and his brother before replying. “You don't have to worry. It's nothing bad. And you don't have to use my title. This matter is related to that in some way. You have been here in the palace for almost eight months. And still, you are living in guest rooms. I'm not sure if that makes much sense. Maybe it would be better for you to get your own room at some point. In this wing of the building.” But didn't only members of the royal family live here?
Lucille opened her mouth, but she wasn't sure what to say. She looked at Cedar and then at the emperor again. “But...that's... How could I get my own room in the royal palace?” Occupying a guest room was one thing, but being granted the right to call a room in this part of the palace her own was completely different.
Blanche replied without skipping a beat. “You are my lady-in-waiting anyway, so it would be normal for you to have a room in this hallway to be close to me. That you may happen to share the room with someone doesn't matter. Especially since I assume you will make this official in just a few months anyway.”
Lucille could only blink at the other woman for a few seconds before she managed to ask. “Share?”
Theodore showed her a soft smile before he gazed at his brother. “Cedar spends every night in your room, right? You might as well move into one room by now. That would be less exhausting than regularly carrying items from one room to another. Blanche and I did the same for a while, and it was annoying, so we decided to move into my room together. You could do the same if you both agree.”
Lucille lowered her head and stared at her plate while trying to hide how embarrassed she was. Of course, people would misunderstand if Cedar came to her bedroom each night. But she couldn't explain that that wasn't right either. That would only make her feel even stranger.
Thankfully, Cedar replied for her. “But is there not a huge difference between being in a guest room and having a room in the hallway that belongs to the emperor and his closest relatives? That will make it seem like you are planning for us to stay here for the next couple of years.” He moved so slowly that Lucille almost didn't notice it, but he put his hand on her lap so that she could intertwine their fingers. Cedar kept looking at his brother though.
Theodore finished chewing on something his wife had given him and responded quickly. “You will stay here for the next years. Did you think I'd throw you out after this mess is resolved? No. You can stay for as long as you want to, and I will even argue until you choose to stay. There is no way the prince and the princess consort have to buy a mansion somewhere far away when the palace is empty. It would be nice if our family could slowly grow here.”
Maybe Lucille had misheard, but she was fairly sure. The emperor had just addressed her as the princess consort. Hearing that felt so surreal, even after having Cedar promise to consider that option. Her face was so hot that she could swear that she was glowing red. Of course, everyone around her had to see that.
Blanche grinned and whispered something to her lover, who just smiled back at her.
Cedar was the real problem though. He already had that smirk on his face that revealed that he would tease his lover for the rest of the day. Just at that moment, he looked like he wanted to reply, but he didn't get to do it.
Aurora, who was still in her father's arms, opened her mouth and began babbling to herself. She only let out a few quiet noises, but it was enough to make her parents coo at her.
Cedar turned his attention to Lucille. “It seems like we will be unimportant from now on. I don't want to know what will happen when she says a real word.” He had been quiet, but Blanche heard him.
The empress responded without hesitation. “She is four months old. Don't demand too much of her. She will take a little while longer. But the more she babbles to herself, the cuter she will be.” She brought her hand to her daughter and gently held the baby's hand between two fingers.
Aurora saw that as a challenge. She grabbed her mother's little finger and engulfed it with her whole hand.
Blanche let out another high-pitched noise and leaned forward to kiss her daughter.
Lucille could only watch that and think about how cute this scene was. Of course, it would take a long time until then, but in a few years, she hoped to have a child as well. And right now, her heart could only imagine one person as the father. That wonderful man sat beside her at this very moment. She didn't know whether Cedar even wanted children, but they would have to talk about it sometime. Just hypothetically, of course.