There had been few moments in Cedar's life when he had been this insecure. As soon as he opened his eyes, he was subjected to a wave of memories of the last night. That was enough to make his face and ears feel warm, which indicated that he was blushing, so he was calmed to see that Lucille was still sleeping.
His lover was directly next to, or rather half on top of, him, and she looked like an absolute angel. She had a small smile on her lips and was so peaceful while she was resting her arm on his chest. She was as beautiful as always, but today that image was even more special.
Cedar didn't dare to move in the slightest. He didn't want to wake her up now. He needed to think, and thus, letting her sleep was perfect. He didn't need to hide that he was probably just as embarrassed as she was and could worry about all of this before she opened her eyes. “Beloved?” He whispered so quietly that she would barely be able to hear it.
Lucille didn't stir. Her expression didn't shift, and she just stayed in her position while slowly breathing in and out. Good.
That meant that Cedar had a few minutes for himself if he managed to stay quiet. He could do that. Right now, he didn't want to move anyway. Cedar stared at his lover for a while longer before he lifted his gaze to look at the ceiling.
Now they had crossed the border for real, and he didn't even feel bad in the slightest. He wanted to marry Lucille, and knowing that she was willing to place all her bets on marrying him was satisfying. It meant that she trusted him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. It seemed like their wishes were the same in that regard, so it was wonderful.
Cedar knew that he might not be the best choice, but he would do whatever he could to make his beloved happy. He had the funds to secure a peaceful and relaxed life for her, even in case Theodore decided that he didn't want them in the palace anymore.
The only worrying question was whether Cedar would be able to open up to his lover completely and show her the compassion she deserved. He wasn't sure whether he could defeat all the issues his mother had caused, but he would try it. If he put in some effort, it would probably be fine around Lucille. He showed her much more than he showed anyone else already, so he could reveal the rest too. Maybe it would be good if he finally learned to say what he really felt for her. He took a deep breath before he mouthed the magical words.
He didn't manage to do it. He stopped himself at the last moment.
Nonetheless, Cedar wasn't too disappointed. After all, the usual unpleasant feeling, the nauseating bitterness, that had normally come with those words wasn't crashing over him. Cedar had never hated the words ‘I love you’ when they came from Lucille. Apparently, he didn't hate them when they were for her either.
Cedar scanned his lover and took in all the small details on her face. He would like to kiss her soft lips, tap her sweet nose or just tell her how gorgeous she was. Or he could kiss the small patch of slightly darker skin on her stomach where the arrow had hit her months ago, just so that she would understand that he could never find a single thing about her anything but stunning. But he couldn't do any of that when she was still asleep. He allowed himself to play with her hair though. He was extremely careful while rolling a strand around his fingers before he just began brushing through her hair while avoiding her head.
Lucille didn't react now either. She just continued to sleep in his hug while one of her arms held him in place. That she had fallen asleep like this was the ultimate sign of trust.
Without wanting to, Cedar thought back to last night. He would need a bit of time to get over how adorable Lucille had been and how beautiful she was when she looked at him with such conviction and said that she wanted to marry him. He would probably keep that image in mind until the end of his life. And of course, he would also remember how sweet she had acted in general.
Lucille was the type to lose self-restraint when she got emotional. First, she had been so embarrassed but had forgotten about that in the middle or so. From the beginning to the end, she had been honest about what she wanted, and that she had looked at her lover with so much certainty had made her seem much more confident than she was. It seemed like this topic had been important for her. She had looked forward to it for a while, and then she had finally coaxed him into spending their first night together.
Cedar didn't regret letting her convince him at all. He had enjoyed the promise they had given each other. As long as Lucille was happy with this, he was more than content knowing that she had chosen him and wanted to be his wife. It truly seemed like he would end up proposing to her at some point, most likely sometime this year. He would need to buy a nice ring and ask her in a romantic way though. He couldn't just offer marriage to protect her from rumors again.
As he thought that, Lucille moved slightly. She let out some quiet noise and rolled over to the side a bit more. The obstacle below her should have made her roll off to the other side, but she actually did the opposite. Now she rested more weight on the prince's chest and still seemed to sleep.
Cedar would assume that she had been on top of him for a bit now since his chest started to ache a bit. Even if his lungs were complaining a bit, he would endure that to avoid waking his angel up. But that had been in vain.
Lucille stirred again after a minute or so had passed. This time, she hummed quietly and then opened her eyes. It seemed like she was in a daze for a few seconds before she understood in which position they were in. Her first reaction was to turn her head so that she could press her face against her lover's body. She was much more embarrassed than she wanted to show him now. That might be good.
After all, Cedar was a bit unsure too. He had no idea whether she wanted to talk about this seriously or whether she would rather not mention it at all. At least she didn't turn away from him but kept hugging him, not showing the sudden regret or fear a foolish part of him had expected. He moved his hand to the backside of her head and slowly stroked over Lucille's hair while whispering to her. “Well? Has my adorable lover woken up after an exhausting night?” She could see that as him just waking her up, as him teasing her or as him addressing the topic of the last night. She could interpret it as whatever she needed it to be.
Lucille didn't reply immediately. She just kept pressing her face against him. “I am...not tired. I just...” She didn't finish that sentence and didn't dare to move. She waited for a few seconds before she actually spoke. “I love you.”
Cedar hadn't necessarily expected that, but it was a pleasant surprise. “I adore you too. Good morning. I hope that you...slept well after last evening.” He felt how she tensed a little while he said that. When he brushed his fingertips over her bare back, she shivered for a moment but didn't move away from his touch. “You certainly chose a hard pillow, so I hope that your neck doesn't hurt too much by now.” His chest did hurt a little, so he could assume that this position had to be a bit unpleasant for her as well.
Lucille moved slowly, as if she barely dared to get off him, but she managed to roll to the side so that she was directly next to him while giving him room to breathe. She looked down at his chest, where a red spot had formed, with worry. “I'm sorry. I didn't...” A moment later, she seemed to remember that they both were naked, and her embarrassment came back with full force. She closed her eyes and turned her head to hide her face in the pillow.
Cedar had to admit that his body might be aching to move after laying still for so long. He turned to his lover. His face was directly in front of hers so that they would make eye contact as soon as she stopped hiding.
Lucille had to have heard him move, but she was stubborn and kept her face in the pillow.
He watched her for a moment before he whispered to her. “You don't need to apologize for lying on top of me. I like holding you close. I am just worried about it being uncomfortable for you.”
Lucille let out a small noise that was probably supposed to be a response, but it was stifled by the pillow. She was quiet for a moment after that and only spoke when he ran his fingers over her upper arm. “It was... I didn't notice that at all.” She still didn't dare to lift her head.
Cedar grinned at her while being rather content with the reaction he received. If Lucille acted like this, he wouldn't have any problems hiding his embarrassment. “I see. Then it was comfortable enough. It seems like sleeping together does have a lot of advantages.”
Lucille muttered some kind of affirmation, but she still wasn't ready to show him her face.
Cedar knew that he would be mean, but he couldn't help it. He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over to her. At first, he just picked up a strand of her hair between two fingers and played with it, which caused Lucille to move slightly as if she wanted to look. But when she didn't raise her head, he had to resort to more direct methods. Cedar moved a bit closer to her. Then he brought his face to her neck and pressed a small kiss on top of it.
Lucille jolted a bit but still didn't move more.
So, Cedar kissed her again and planted a trail of kisses until he had covered every part of her shoulder he could reach. He found a few of the love marks he had left yesterday and kissed them again and again.
At some point, Lucille gave up. She lifted her head and watched him while he kissed her. When he stopped to look at her, she didn't hide again. “Good...morning. Have you been awake for long already?” She hadn't done much at all, and still, it was enough to make sparks of joy form.
By now, the prince had been smiling honestly for so long that he was almost confused by so much happiness. Waking up next to Lucille was wonderful. It meant that they would probably wake up next to each other for the rest of their lives. “I've only been up for five minutes, and those were very enjoyable. I'm very content seeing you first thing in the morning.”
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Lucille averted her eyes for a moment. “I...feel similarly. About seeing you, I mean.” She stayed quiet for a moment. Then she leaned forward and pressed a peck onto his lips. It had only taken a second, and she had already pulled back, but she stayed directly next to him. She kept hugging her lover and let her head sink to the pillow while looking at him. She only averted her eyes occasionally. It was a bit strange for her to suddenly have gained so much confidence. When had that happened?
Cedar wasn't sure, and for him, it might be unfavorable if she looked at him the whole time. He didn't need to get red in front of her. But even if that did happen, it might not be so bad when his lover knew how important she was to him. He didn't necessarily want to reveal that he had no idea what to do in a relationship, but he didn't have to be scared of that option either. At least he told himself that. His reluctance to show weakness was already resurfacing, but he did his best to ignore that and focused on his lover.
He carefully put an arm around her waist and made himself comfortable too. They wouldn't sleep again, but they could cuddle for a bit longer.
Cedar glanced at the clock for a moment and quickly decided that his brother could wait. He was silent for a moment before he whispered to his lover. “Do you have something to do, or can we take our time for now?”
Lucille seemed to be rather content in his embrace. She was still red, but that didn't keep her from talking normally again. “I'm free as always. We can...stay in bed a bit longer.” That was a satisfying answer.
Cedar wasn't really tired, but he was lazy at the moment. He rarely didn't want to work, but right now, that feeling had certainly come. He considered asking Theodore for a day off, but he had just taken a break a little over a week ago after Lucille had found out about her mother's illness. He couldn't just do the same again. Especially not when he couldn't give Theodore a good reason. “That's a good idea.” Cedar stayed quiet for a moment while he stroked over Lucille's waist. She didn't move away from his touch, but he was still a bit worried about one thing, so he spoke up again. “Ah. I almost forgot to ask. How are you feeling? Is everything alright?” He always worried about hurting Lucille, especially in such a situation. His lover seemed to be fine, and she also didn't avoid his touch, but asking was important.
Lucille looked to the side again before she cleared her throat. “I am feeling well. There is nothing... I mean, it feels odd. Because it's new, and we never...never...” She paused when she noticed that she was beginning to ramble. When she continued, she forced herself to reply directly. “Everything is fine.” She closed her eyes, and it seemed like she was done, but then she added something else. “I... I liked it very much.”
Cedar hadn't expected her to admit that outright. Surely, he didn't mind and was even happy about it, but he was still surprised. He knew that she couldn't see it but still showed her a bright smile. “That is good to hear. I liked it a lot too.” He would probably treasure this memory forever. Remembering the affection in Lucille's gaze was too satisfying for him to miss out on it.
Lucille didn't reply but kept her eyes closed and lifted her head to nuzzle her cheek against his shoulder for a moment. Then she allowed herself to rest on her pillow again. Now she wasn't doing anything special and just lay there with closed eyes. Yet, she was without a doubt much more beautiful than anything else Cedar had ever seen. He was lucky to have an excuse to admire her for a while longer, and he would use each minute he had.
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In the end, Cedar stayed in bed with his lover a bit longer than expected. When they finally rose, he needed an excuse to explain why he had been an hour too late. But Cedar would think about that on the way.
First, he brushed Lucille's hair and helped her dress. Now that they had seen each other completely, they could change in the same room without any trouble even if they both were still a bit bashful when it came to that. Cedar did his best to hide that by teasing Lucille, but she managed to fluster him in return by indirectly suggesting that they could spend the next night with each other again. She almost died out of embarrassment after that, but she had successfully overwhelmed her lover at the same time, and her kisses in response to his teasing did the rest.
Cedar was now even more regretful to leave Lucille to deal with some stupid contracts. He would rather cuddle with her again and hold her in his arms, but there was no way for him to do that without causing trouble for Theodore. So, he forced himself and promised to be back in an hour. He left the room while waving to his lover.
Lucille bid him farewell and said one last thing to him. “I love you!” She might have been a bit loud despite the opened door, but he didn't mind.
Cedar replied directly anyway. “I adore you too.” He closed the door behind himself and turned around while trying to ignore how the guards stared at him. Those men wouldn't say anything, so he didn't need to concern himself with them. He took a few steps and walked down the corridor, only to stop a moment later. He sighed inwardly when he made eye contact with the only servant who should not have seen that.
Harris was here with his lover, Clark. Apparently, the laundry he was holding suddenly wasn't interesting anymore, and he just focused on grinning at the prince. “I can't believe it.”
Cedar couldn't either. The one person who would tease him had seen that, which could indeed prove to be a bit annoying but not too much since admitting to loving Lucille wasn't an issue. Still, Harris would make sure to use this against the other man for years. Cedar would have liked to turn around to leave, but that wouldn't help him now that everyone had seen. “Good morning, Harris and Clark. I hope that you will have a wonderful day.”
Clark didn't glare at the prince with as much anger as before, but he was still a bit on edge. “Good day, Your Royal Highness. It is a bit late to call this the morning.”
Harris didn't even bother worrying about that. “Good morning. Did we interrupt something?” He left a small pause but continued before giving the prince a chance to speak. “You don't have to answer that. You know, I was going to ask why you seem awfully happy today and whether something good happened, but I can answer that question myself. You are glowing today.”
Cedar wasn't sure what to say about that statement. He was always smiling. Wasn't that what everyone noticed about him first? Surely, Cedar was much happier today than usual, but there should be no way for Harris to see that at first glance. “What makes you think that?”
Harris' response came immediately. “Your smile isn't that creepy fake one. You don't look like the perfectly polite facade you always put up, you look genuinely happy. Is that connected to your lover being overly nice to you? She seems to have pampered you quite a bit.” He already knew that Lucille was the reason. And he would definitely tell Blanche, which meant that everyone would know by tomorrow.
Cedar wasn't certain how he should feel about that. Should he not care because he didn't mind anyone knowing that he loved Lucille? Or should he complain because those people only addressed this topic because they wanted to tease him? Because he didn't like being read like an open book? He had no idea. So, he would just do what he always did when others addressed something that was a bit of a private issue. He showed Harris a blinding smile. “Until now, my day was indeed pleasant. Then I left my room and ran into a pest. My mood might just deteriorate quickly. Since I will have to deal with my brother's antics after that, I would say that a nice morning was what I deserve.”
Harris didn't even care about being insulted. “You're more direct than normal. You must really be in a good mood. And now you will go to work and ruin your day. Should I get you some coffee to make it a bit better?”
Cedar was tempted to agree for a moment, just because his desire to hide his dislike came back again. But Harris knew that he didn't like coffee much, so Cedar could spare the effort. “No, thank you. I presume that Leon will get us chocolate milk again, despite him pretending not to be a maid. I am thankful for the offer though.” He began moving toward the office while ignoring how the two servants followed him.
Apparently, the men needed to go in the same direction. Great.
After just a few steps, Harris commented on the situation again. “You know... To me, it's still too odd. I can't believe that you seriously managed to find a woman who fell in love with you despite the unbreakable walls you surround yourself with. Are you going to marry her now? If so, hurry up. You can't let her wait for the proposal forever.”
Cedar was already worrying about that himself. He didn't need more pressure. He stopped and turned around. “You aren't qualified to give me tips. I got further than you already.” After all, he had addressed the topic of marriage, and Lucille had agreed. “You haven't even proposed to your lover, have you?”
Apparently, that remark had been a bit too much. The two servants were silent for a moment. They exchanged a somewhat disappointed look before Clark spoke up. “We can't marry. Legally, at least. That-” That was their problem? Oh, there was a loophole for that.
Cedar corrected that assumption quickly. “A few centuries ago, the wife of the first emperor wrote a royal decree for a high-ranking knight and his lover, so it's certainly possible. And Blanche said that she would give you her blessing if you just asked. The empress can allow everyone to marry whomever they want. She is probably only waiting for you to bring up the topic. So, that isn't the issue.” He turned around and walked forward again. If he was lucky, he could use the others' shock to get rid of them for now. He wasn't in the mood for someone to point out how satisfied he was after having stolen quite a few kisses from his lover. But he wasn't lucky.
Footsteps sounded behind him, and Harris spoke up a moment later. “Really? Why did I never hear about that?”
Cedar replied without stopping. “That doesn't matter. What matters is that Blanche would agree. Our empress is a romantic person. Do you think she would prevent someone from getting married, especially if it's about two of her friends? There is no way. You didn't hear about it because it's rare for the empress to get involved in the marriage of commoners or other noble families unless one of her relatives is part of the couple. Just ask about the first commander's wish after the war, and Blanche will tell you the story of how that man was rewarded with a marriage with his second-in-command. I don't have to explain that to you, right?” He looked over his shoulder and showed the servants a little smile. Then he focused on the path in front of him.
Apparently, he was lucky now. No one annoyed him for the remaining two minutes. Harris and Clark just said goodbye before getting immersed in a conversation.
Cedar wished them the best before he prepared to enter the office. Now the biggest issue would follow. He would face Theodore, who always seemed to notice what his brother was thinking. Great. He didn't need a lecture about how important it was to be careful when it came to making love, especially not from Theodore. So, he prayed that his smile would be able to cover up his uncertainty, but he didn't believe it for one second. When he knocked and was allowed into the room, he was already prepared for stupid comments. He showed his brother the most perfect polite smile he could muster before he sat down at his usual spot at the table.
Theodore was already working at the desk. He lifted his head and stopped writing while he smiled back at Cedar. “You are rather late today. I hope nothing unfavorable happened.”
Cedar unwillingly thought back to Lucille in his arms. “Good day. I sincerely apologize for that. I didn't mean to be late, but I was a bit tired and overslept.” That would never happen, but Theodore couldn't know that. “I will make up for it by staying a bit longer here today. Did any news from Reeve come?” His attempt at changing the topic was discarded immediately.
Theodore beamed at him while he spoke up. “No. But we can talk about other things. There is something I would like to ask you.”
Cedar had a bad premonition about that. “Go ahead and ask me anything. What concerns you?”
Theodore scanned his brother's face with great care, which made this even more uncomfortable. Then he spoke up with a playful tone in his voice. “Do you have mice in your room? Surely not.”
Cedar hadn't expected that question. He almost wanted to ignore it, but he had a feeling that this was about something he would rather have hidden. He inwardly cursed himself for not thinking about that. Now he couldn't change it anymore though. “I would assume that we don't have any there. Why?”
Theodore was too content with himself when he replied. “Well, it looks like something nibbled on your neck. You have a few red spots there. I was worried about that being left by mice, but those marks might be a bit too big for something so small. Well? Do you want to mention something about this to the doctor?” Oh, no.
Cedar should have guessed that not looking into the mirror because he had been busy dressing Lucille and brushing her hair would trouble him. He fought the urge to bury his face in his hands and just sat there silently while smiling at his brother. The following topic would be unpleasant for both of them, but Cedar would probably suffer more.
By the end of this hour of work, he would truly hate Theodore.