Lucille had to admit that they were tiptoeing around the edge. They were slowly getting much closer to the border they shouldn't cross if they ever wanted to go back. But since she didn't want to go back at all, she didn't care much. What worried her wasn't that she wouldn't have the chance to marry any influential noble from the capital if she pulled through with this. She only wanted Cedar, so she didn't care about that.
The factor that held her back was only her embarrassment. And she was pretty sure that this wouldn't keep them in check for much longer.
During the past few weeks, the couple had gotten dangerously close a few times. Their bath together might have been what had set off that thought, but from then, on it had only gotten worse. They had kissed quite passionately a few times already, and by now, they had explored a bit of the other's body with their hands too. It usually happened when they were cuddling with each other or when a short kiss turned into something a bit more passionate.
Lucille had to admit that she liked that very much. It was exciting, and even when her heart beat so quickly that it almost jumped out of her chest whenever Cedar touched her, she adored it. She enjoyed getting closer to him each chance they got, and it seemed like her lover wasn't adverse to this idea either.
However, there was one little issue left. Despite them both not minding it, nothing ever went farther than kissing and touching each other.
Lucille blamed that on them being unsure of what to do. She was pretty certain that Cedar also worried about their future since this would basically seal the deal and almost make it impossible for Lucille to marry a different man. But she didn't care about that. If she wasn't as embarrassed, she would say that to Cedar's face, and then it would be fine.
Unfortunately, there still was one additional thing that held them back, and that was their bad luck.
No matter what, they managed to begin kissing at the wrong time no matter what they did. The farther they went, the more likely it was for some maid to knock on their door. Lucille had considered telling them to stop knocking and swearing that the couple would visit the empress on their own in the future, but she didn't have the courage. But to be honest, even that wouldn't hold her back if this went on for longer.
After all, this had been the fourth time that they had been interrupted.
Lucille was in the middle of kissing her lover while she sat on his lap and considered ignoring the knocking completely. But of course, she couldn't do that. She still couldn't bring herself to stop though. So, she hoped that waiting a few seconds before responding would make that person go away. She continued to kiss her lover and tangled her hands in his hair. But of course, she wasn't lucky.
Someone knocked again.
Cedar slowly pulled back so that she had to let go of his hair despite being unwilling. He sighed and squeezed her hips for a moment before he spoke up. “Who is there?” How come that his voice was so steady when they had just spent a few minutes riling each other up?
An unknown male voice came from the outside. “I sincerely apologize for the disturbance. A guest wishes to see you, Your Royal Highness. It is the man His Majesty arrested last week.” That had to be Reeve. No one else would be arrested and then still be called a guest.
But even finding out who this was didn't lighten Cedar's mood. He looked annoyed for a moment before his typical smile came to his lips. “Is it urgent?”
The guard from outside replied. “The guest will leave the palace today, so this is the last chance for him to speak to you.”
Cedar let his head fall forward. He buried his face in Lucille's shoulder and groaned. Then he lifted his head again and put on a polite smile. “I assume that we have to see him then. Is that fine for you?”
Lucille actually was a bit distracted at the moment. She was red, and her hair was completely tangled. At the same time, her stomach was churning with a strange new desire, and she was definitely out of breath. She was also sitting on her lover's lap, so it was probably easy to see what they had been doing. “Well...” Even her voice was much quieter and more uncertain than it should have been if she wanted to act like nothing had happened. “He will...see...”
Cedar pressed a small kiss onto her forehead. “We can't stay like this, of course. Give me a moment.” He raised his voice to speak to the man outside. “I will speak to him in five minutes. Tell him to wait until then.” With that, he focused on his lover again. He lifted his hands and carefully brushed his fingers through her hair to straighten it. “That should be fine.”
Lucille wasn't sure since she couldn't see herself, but she saw the mess she had made out of Cedar's hair. So, she began to stroke over his head to untangle his hair. When they were done, Cedar helped her move off him despite her shaky legs. Thankfully, she could sit right next to him on the sofa and didn't have to stand now.
For a moment, they just stayed there in silence while she leaned her head against his shoulder. Most likely, both of them were simply uncertain about how to act now that they had gotten quite close again.
Lucille wasn't able to say anything but what she always wanted to tell her lover. “I love you.”
Cedar leaned over to her to kiss her ear and whispered his response. “I adore you.” By now, that was what he always told her when she had said that she loved him.
Lucille was very happy with this. The fluttering of her heart and the warm sensation in her chest almost made up for the disappointment of being interrupted. Almost. Her body was still complaining. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to calm down while shuffling around a bit. She took a few seconds to get herself to stay still again and then opened her eyes to look at her lover.
Cedar had waited for that signal and raised his voice a bit. “You may come in.”
The person in front of the door seemed to have stayed there as they had been instructed. They opened the door immediately and came in.
Reeve looked exactly as he had a week ago, so his imprisonment had probably not been too difficult. His clothes were rather clean, even though he had put on the ones that he had worn while coming here, and he didn't seem to be malnourished. A few seconds passed before Reeve bowed to the prince.
Cedar immediately opened his mouth to comment on that. “That looks way too strange when you do it. You can ignore all of those formalities. What are you doing here, Reeve?”
Reeve lifted his head again and relaxed a little. “Hey.” He still sounded much too uncertain to act as if everything was fine. “I just wanted... I came here to talk to you for a moment. I will...leave in a few minutes and then begin this plot your brother came up with. To make sure that your mother doesn't hurt anyone from now on.” He glanced at Lucille for a moment as if he was waiting for her to speak.
Lucille greeted him in return. “It's...nice to meet you. We wish you a pleasant departure.” Saying that to the assassin that had threatened to hurt her lover was odd. But Reeve didn't seem very intimidating, so it was hard to see him as something else but a man who wanted to talk to the prince but was too awkward to do it properly.
Even now, Reeve wasn't sure what to say. “Thank you. I find it pleasant to meet you too, Young Lady. I'm...surprised to see that you are...sharing a room. It's a bit strange to imagine that His Royal Highness...would find someone like that.” He glanced at Cedar again and stayed quiet after that.
Cedar used that chance to speak up immediately. “You don't have to act like I will kill you. As long as you help Theodore and don't betray us, I have no reason to harm you. So, you don't have to tread so lightly. It's odd to see that. Are you relieved that you didn't need to let me beat you up?”
Reeve's response came immediately. “Yes. You are terrifying when you fight. I don't want to face that. This plan might be a bit more safe than what I came up with first. I'm still worried about your mother killing me, but I will have to rely on your brother's judgment.”
Cedar made a rejecting movement with his hand. “She won't do that as long as you stick to the plan and give her the information she needs. And if she tries to harm you, you will know. You are good at running away anyway. That's not the biggest issue now. What worries me is her mental state. It's surprising that my mother wants to kill me now.”
Reeve scratched the back of his head while shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “I don't think she wants you dead. I mean, everyone knows that fighting isn't my strength. She probably knew that you would wreck me. Hopefully, she knows that. I would love to tell you what she is planning, but...”
Cedar ended that sentence for him. “No sane person could guess what is going on inside her head. You don't need to waste your time trying when I have already bothered for the past two decades. Just tell us what you are here for and then leave. We don't have too much time since you need to stage your escape. We don't want anyone to know that you left without the guards holding you back.”
Reeve nodded and averted his eyes for a moment. He didn't seem to be very confident, but he said it anyway. “I have to apologize.” He should have said that to Cedar, but when he looked up, his eyes met Lucille's.
Lucille glanced at her lover and expected him to explain, but nothing like that followed. Cedar was as silent as she was and waited for the other man to continue. So, she looked at the assassin as well.
Reeve was uncomfortable with both of them staying quiet, but he waited a bit longer. When nothing came, he spoke. “To be honest, I have to accept that what happened is my fault. I am partly responsible for the attack on your house before you came to the palace.” He averted his eyes and only continued after a short pause. “The dowager empress gave the order, but I told her about your meetings with His Royal Highness. She asked about you specifically, so I should have known what would follow. But I was too scared to lie, and the result was her attacking you and trying to kill you. I sincerely apologize.” He bowed to her.
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Lucille wasn't sure what she should say about that. She was definitely not prepared to accept such an apology. After all, this hadn't been Reeve's fault but Camille's. Lucille didn't blame Mathilda, her former maid who had been a secret informant, either since that woman had never expected such an attack. Likewise, Reeve couldn't be called the perpetrator when he had only told the truth.
But that wouldn't help the people who had actually lost their lives that day.
Lucille opened her mouth to speak up and barely managed to begin before her lover. “It is good that you understand your part in that, but you aren't the person to blame.” Much like Cedar wasn't at fault despite knowing how violent his mother was either. “That woman is. So...simply try to make up for what you did in the future.” She only remembered whom she was talking to a moment later and corrected her own words. “And don't try to attack Cedar anymore.”
Reeve replied immediately. “Of course. I didn't plan on hurting him in the first place, not that I would be capable of doing that anyway.” He glanced at the prince. “But I will take responsibility for my actions.”
Cedar chimed in at that point. “You should. But you are currently doing that. You remember what you did wrong and won't repeat this error now. Because harming someone else again, even if it may be unintentional, will not be tolerated. Go and do exactly what Theodore told you to do.” His tone was a bit harsh, but it didn't seem like he wanted to hurt the other man.
Reeve just bowed again. “I will do my best, Your Royal Highness. I will take my leave now.”
Lucille just nodded at that.
Cedar added a small comment. “Good luck.” Then he seemed to be focused on something else already.
Still, Reeve made eye contact again. “I won't disappoint when my life depends on this. Maybe we will see each other again when this is over. Without...being enemies.” He almost sounded a bit nervous while saying that. Of course, that didn't gain him much pity.
Cedar just smiled back at him with his usual radiant beam. “Maybe. That depends on whether you can convince Theodore of your loyalty. If you do well, you can eat more cookies here without stealing them from my room. Remember that if you need motivation. Don't mess up and fall out of a tree again. We don't need you to sprain your ankle.”
Apparently, this had calmed Reeve a bit. A smile grew on his lips. “If you aren't there to scare me, I won't fall. Goodbye, Your Royal Highness.” He looked at Lucille. “And goodbye to the young lady.” He didn't wait for a response and walked to the door. He stepped outside and shut the door behind him, which left the couple alone again.
For a moment, they were silent before Lucille turned to her lover and spoke up. “That was...unexpected. Does he plan on working with us in the future too? He would have no other reason to tell us this. He must really like you.”
Cedar met her gaze and let out a little huff. “Reeve likes good food, gold coins and a soft bed to sleep on. That is why he will follow anyone offering that to him. Theodore can certainly give him all he needs, so Reeve would be stupid to refuse. From now on, he will do his best to help us. If not, Theodore will find out and get rid of him. If Reeve does well, he might become part of our emperor's secret little troupe for emergencies. We'll see. I wouldn't worry about him too much. He always finds a way to slip through, you know? He will run away if it gets bad.” He stayed quiet for a moment after that before he leaned his head to the side and rested it on his lover's shoulder.
Lucille quickly put her hand on his head and stroked over his hair. She didn't know enough about Reeve to guess what would happen, but she trusted her lover's assessment. “But that doesn't concern us for now, right?”
Cedar's lips formed a small smile, and he closed his eyes. “Yes. He's a coward, and I won't forgive him for telling Mother about us, but he might be able to gain Theodore's sympathy if he does well. This depends entirely on him. So, don't think about him. Let's focus on ourselves.”
Lucille was content with that. To be honest, she was still in the mood to cuddle and maybe go a bit farther, but Reeve's appearance had effectively ruined the moment. So, she would need to put in some effort to direct the interaction back to what they had been doing before. That would take a while, especially since she was too shy to admit what she wanted outright. Lucille pressed her lips into a thin line while she contemplated climbing onto her lover's lap again. The thought came to her about a dozen times, but it never worked out. Her lack of courage always held her back. She didn't dare to move closer to him, nor did she manage to say what she wanted.
In the end, Lucille was frustrated enough to curse herself in her mind. Cuddling was nice, but right now, she wanted a bit more. Some kisses and a bit of teasing sounded much more tempting. Still, she didn't dare to do anything that would initiate that.
At least not until the evening.
----------------------------------------
When the sun was about to set, Lucille couldn't help but think about the small idea in the back of her mind again. She glanced at her lover, who was currently putting on a different shirt at the other end of the room while she already sat on the bed. Since Cedar had turned his head away from her, she dared to stare at his back, examined all parts of his skin and swallowed when she caught herself. Once again, her thoughts wandered in a dangerous direction, and she wasn't sure whether she could hide her embarrassment when her lover turned around.
Lucille just averted her eyes and pretended to be interested in the bedsheets while she waited for him to come to her.
Cedar plopped onto the bed next to her and pulled the blanket over his body before he leaned on the pillow that was propped up against the head part of the bed. He looked over at her with a smile that made her weak. “Are you tired already? You were quick to get changed today, and now you are already sitting in bed when we haven't even played some kind of board game yet.”
Lucille cursed herself for that. She couldn't have made it more obvious, could she? She didn't meet his gaze while she replied. “I'm not tired. It's the opposite, actually. I just thought...” What was she supposed to say? She would need to show him, but that was hard when she was so embarrassed that she could barely look in his direction.
Cedar made himself comfortable and watched how she avoided his gaze. “I see. So, you wanted to go to bed earlier to pay attention to our health?”
No. She didn't want to sleep. The issue was that she wasn't sure whether her lover could guess what this was about and wanted to tease her or whether he truly had no clue.
Lucille tried to find that out for a moment, but it was impossible when she could only see his face from the corner of her eyes because she still refused to turn. “Well...” She couldn't tell him what her plan was, and by now, she wasn't even sure whether she would be able to pull through with that at all. Lucille held back a sigh and slowly lay down. Most likely, she would end up sleeping like usual instead of doing what she was interested in. But it would still be nice if she could at least get one small kiss before sleeping even if it wasn't the passionate one she wished for. “We can...go to sleep if you want to.” Even now, she didn't dare to meet his gaze and just glanced at him for a single second.
Cedar lay down next to her as well. “It does seem awfully early for that, but if you wish for it, I will not complain.” He showed her a small smile that made her want to kiss him even more than before.
And for once in her life, she seemed to be lucky.
Cedar rolled over to her and propped himself up on his elbow to lean over and bring his face closer to hers. “Then we should at least bid each other goodnight like this.” He slowly moved down to her and pressed his lips against hers.
Lucille almost yelled in victory. Now she would at least receive a hint of what her shameless mind might have in store. As long as she didn't have to meet her lover's gaze, she could easily do things like this. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him close. Of course, that just gave her a chance to hold onto her lover when she didn't want him to back away. So, she could control the duration of the kiss, and she certainly wouldn't let go any time soon.
Cedar seemed to notice that since he didn't even try to pull back. He continued to kiss her while being rather gentle. He only dared to go a bit further when she had insisted on going on like this and carefully nibbled on her bottom lip.
That was enough to make Lucille's heart skip a beat This was exactly what she needed. She stroked over her lover's head and his back while allowing herself to be a bit more passionate. As long as she didn't have to make eye contact, it would be fine, and even that worry faded with time. Whenever the passion took control of her, even her embarrassment seemed to fade away more with every second, and that was exactly what was happening here too.
Their kiss lasted for rather long this time. By the end, Lucille was already panting, more due to the excitement than due to the lack of air. But that didn't matter much when she could look at Cedar, who gazed at her with affection in his eyes. That immediately convinced her to try more than this. So, she only gave them a little break and then lifted her head to kiss her lover again, even though her neck muscles were complaining.
Cedar seemed to be happy to return this kiss as well. He had no problem capturing all of her attention and making her focus on his kiss exclusively. And even that wasn't enough. After their kiss ended, he didn't move away and just let his lips wander around on her chin before he reached her neck. He found a few sensitive spots and happily used that knowledge to coax a few embarrassing noises out of her whenever he decided to nibble or leave another one of his love marks.
Lucille was a bit bashful when it came to what kind of noises she let out, but that didn't bother her too much. The only thing she worried about despite the haze that always seemed to develop when she focused on being with her lover was Cedar stopping. So, she would have to ensure that he didn't have a chance to think about that. Lucille swallowed the remaining bits of her hesitance and let her hands wander down her lover's back. She let fingers slip under his shirt and stroked over his skin while trying not to be too loud despite the temptation when Cedar was kissing her like this.
A few seconds later, Cedar found her lips again, and now his hands began to wander too. They did that for at least another minute before their hands reached more intimate places. At that moment, Cedar suddenly stopped. He lifted his head, and this time, he didn't continue to caress her in another way to compensate her. It almost seemed like he intended to stop here.
Lucille had to admit that she would be a bit, or rather very, frustrated if he did that. She had been looking forward to being with her lover for a while now, so she wanted to get a bit closer to that at some point. She panted for a moment and spoke up as soon as she managed to. “Cedar?” Her voice was pretty hoarse. That didn't give her more confidence.
Cedar gave her a little smile before he lay down next to her. When he spoke, he didn't sound affected at all, which was rather unfair. “Everything is fine. I just think that we should stop here. Anything more would...go much further.” And why was that a bad thing?
She didn't want to stop here. Right now, she already felt much more tingly than normal, and she didn't want to go to sleep like this. Lucille vaguely noticed that her judgment might be a bit clouded, like it always was when she got emotional, but she couldn't stop herself. She reached over to her lover and tried to get him to come to her again. Of course, she wasn't strong enough to do that on her own, so she moved closer to him to press her lips onto his. She was a bit impatient this time and searched for her lover's arms to direct his hands to her body. She was aware that she was desperate by now and almost expected Cedar to reject her anyway. Apparently, her miserable attempt had helped though.
Cedar kissed her back and carefully ran his hand down her waist. But after a few seconds, he pulled away again. This time, he wasn't smiling. Instead, he was completely serious. “Lucille... This is...” He waited for a response, and when she didn't say anything, he spoke up again. “Are you sure?” He sounded much more vulnerable than normal while saying that.
He understood how this would end too.
Lucille could only nod. She knew what this meant and didn't mind at all. In fact, she was even looking forward to it. But her lover couldn't read her mind, and apparently, he didn't want just a small motion. He wanted her approval. In that case, Lucille would have to use her voice. She took a few seconds to gather enough courage to say it. “I'm sure. I love you, and...I want this.”
Cedar scanned her expression with care, as if he expected to find reluctance. But of course, he couldn't see anything that wasn't there. His lover was embarrassed but not uncertain. He seemed to worry much more. “I don't want you to do this because you feel like you have to. Do you really want this?”
Even though her enthusiasm while returning his affection should have shown it already, Lucille nodded again. “I do.”
Cedar was silent for a moment. For a few seconds, he just stared at her while showing her his neutral expression, which was a rare sight. He opened his mouth to speak once but just closed it again. When he did manage to voice what he meant to say, he was a bit hoarse. “You know that we can't go back if we do this now.”
Lucille was aware. “I don't want to go back. I don't want to marry anyone but you.” She almost wanted to close her eyes while saying that. Embarrassment, along with the excitement, colored her cheeks red, but she kept looking at her lover.
Cedar watched her for a tension-filled moment before a little smile grew on his lips. Then he whispered to her. “That is good. Because I want to be the only one for you. And in return, I want you alone to be mine. You are the only person I want and need.”
Lucille's heart skipped a beat when she heard that. By now, both of them had already decided on their joined path in the future, hadn't they? It was too late to change course now, and she was fine with that. She couldn't help but smile up at her beloved while replying. “I only want you too. I love you.”
Cedar's response came immediately and was accompanied by such a soft smile that her heart almost melted immediately. “I adore you more than you can imagine.” With that, he leaned over to her and captured her lips.
That night, they sealed their promise of a future at each other's side.