Raymond was acting strange today. Not only did he seem nervous the whole time and avoided his daughter's gaze, he also handed over something without a warning while claiming that she could always come back home if there was an issue.

Lucille was a bit irritated by that, but she chose to ignore that. She glanced down at the pouch and opened it. What she found was a lot of money. She would be able to travel through the entire nation with this. Naturally, it would be enough to return to the Valerian mansion, but there was much more than that. She looked up at her father again.

He still avoided her gaze.

Lucille opened her mouth to reply twice but took a bit longer before she spoke. “Thank you very much. I will make sure to keep this safe. I will put it in my room and hide it there.” She probably wouldn't need this money, but having it in case of an emergency might be nice. After all, Lucille couldn't predict the future. “I will use it if I ever require it. And if there is an issue, I will immediately write a letter.”

Finally, Raymond met her gaze again. “Please do. It would be crucial for me to know what you are doing. I cannot help if I am unaware of what happens, so it would be better for you to write a letter about everything important.” His face scrunched up, and a bit of his anger came back. “Like that insane woman attacking you. I can't believe that wasn't made public yet. That awful person has to be put on trial soon. If that does happen, I will gladly visit and see whether she is still prideful enough to attack random noble households in the capital.” He truly seemed to hate Camille. That was good. His daughter hated that woman too.

Lucille scanned her father for a moment before she replied. “From what I heard, the trial's outcome is already set. She entered the royal estate and attacked someone with a dagger. We have enough witnesses that prove that Cedar only defended me, so there shouldn't be a discussion.” Theoretically, there truly shouldn't be one, but it seemed like Camille still believed herself to be the victim. “I believe the trial will be held in the palace and the public will be allowed to join. So, if you want to, you can probably watch.”

“That is a good idea. Even if I think that staying away from her would be better. Otherwise, I might lose my temper around her. How can that woman truly act like she deserves any kind of mercy even now? It is only good that His Majesty hates her as much as I do. He will certainly come up with a harsh punishment.”

Lucille was convinced of that too, but she didn't want to talk about this now. Not when they were standing in the middle of the foyer. “He will probably do something rather creative. That woman killed his mother.” She paused for a moment to make the change of the topic less obvious before continuing. “Then, Father. Would you like to accompany me upstairs? We could sit at the table and drink some tea.” They had done that the last few times he had visited too, so she had been sure that they would do the same.

But Raymond didn't respond immediately. He was silent for a moment before he replied. “I fear that today is an unfitting day. I...” He hesitated more than before. Then he pulled out his golden pocket watch and held it with his shaking hands and checked the time thrice before putting it away. That was odd. “There is something important we need to talk about at some point. Not...now. But in a while.” That sounded even odder.

Lucille looked at her father with worry. Normally, Raymond never held back. He would immediately say what he wanted to tell her. He had never spared her of his honest opinion, so he had to have a good reason to delay this. A part of her was a bit worried and expected the worst, but she was pretty sure that it wouldn't be bad. Her father hadn't done anything that upset her in the past year. She shouldn't have to expect unfavorable things anymore. At least no things that would hurt her. “I see. Then...we shall talk when you can tell me.” Even if she would like to know it already. But something else was just as strange. “And you truly can't stay for tea? Shall we take a walk then?”

Her father glanced to the side. “I would like to stay. Unfortunately, I need to take care of some urgent business though. I promise that I will stay longer next time we see each other. But today, I must leave already.” That was it? Normally, her father had stayed much longer after coming here. Now he had barely been here for a few minutes and wanted to leave already? That was awfully short even if he had made plans for today. He had been the one to propose this date in his letter. If he had known that he wouldn't be able to stay, why hadn't he simply chosen another day? Why would he come to the palace to hand over some items before running away? It would have been better for him to come tomorrow to stay a few more minutes.

But Lucille didn't say any of that. In fact, she wanted to say something that wouldn't reveal any of her emotions. She had planned on simply telling him to travel home safely, but she couldn't hold back her thoughts. She hadn't seen her father in a month, and now he finally came before running away immediately. It was fine for her to be a bit disappointed. So, she couldn't help but say this. “Will you visit more often in the future?”

Raymond froze. Lucille believed that she had said something he disliked at first, but he didn't get angry. He just scanned her expression while still trying to avoid her eyes. That seemed so unlike him.

Lucille stayed quiet for a moment before she decided to be more specific about her words. “I mean...after this matter is over, we will see each other much more often. I can leave the palace then, but before that, I can't leave the royal estate. So...” She paused before glancing to the side. She wasn't sure what to say when her father was acting this strangely. Admitting the truth should be easy, but she was still a bit bashful while playing with her fingers behind her back. “You are currently visiting me once a month and...I'm happy that you do that. But it still...” It felt like she talked much more with her father now. At home, she had barely had a conversation with Raymond. “You stay for three hours at most, and that isn't so much. So, I wanted to ask whether you...maybe could...come once every two weeks. Only if that is fine for you with your schedule, of course. When I can leave the palace, you won't have to do this anymore, but for now...”

She had been prepared to tell him that it would be fine for him to refuse if he had too much to do again. But that wasn't needed at all.

Raymond just stared at her. He took a moment and blinked at his daughter before he replied. “That is... That should be fine. My schedule is full, but I can make time to visit you. If His Majesty grants me permission, I will come whenever you write a letter too. And next time, I will stay longer as well. It's just that...today is problematic.”

Lucille felt her heart skip a beat. That had gone quite well. Her father had agreed, so she would be able to see him a bit more often. She liked having conversations with him like this, so that was very pleasant for her. “Thank you. I don't want to keep you from arriving at your destination on time. I wish you a wonderful day and that you may arrive home without any trouble on the way.”

Her father still stared at her. Then he suddenly seemed to snap out of it and immediately averted his eyes again. “I thank you for your concern. The weather is nice, so there shouldn't be any issues. I hope that you have a nice day too.” He seemed like he wanted to turn away, but he stopped and glanced at his daughter again. He stayed silent for a moment before he resumed in a voice that sounded oddly hoarse. “It would be good if you quickly put away all the things I brought. You shouldn't leave the items in the suitcases for long to ensure that the fabric won't wrinkle.”

Lucille had intended to do that. The only question was why her father suddenly cared about that. “Of course, Father. I will make sure to hang everything in my wardrobe.”

Raymond nodded at that, but he seemed like he was mentally absent. He stood in front of her without saying anything for a few more seconds. He just watched his daughter for longer than normal before turning away. “I...wish you a nice day. Take care of yourself.” He hesitated a bit again before he left.

Lucille could only look after him and waved once when he glanced over his shoulder.

Her father quickly left after that. It seemed like he was already thinking about what he would deal with now. He truly acted like there was something important going on.

Lucille hoped that it wasn't anything bad. She focused her attention on the two servants who had carried the suitcases and instructed them quickly. The men brought the baggage to her room before leaving again.

So, Lucille stood in her room with two full suitcases of clothes. By now, she had already brought all of her dresses with her, so her room at home had to look barren. She hadn't been there in eight months. Lucille opened the suitcases and began hanging her dresses into the wardrobe. She moved quickly in hopes of finishing before Cedar came back, so it didn't take long. She was already done with one of the suitcases after a few minutes and had been able to unpack half of the other one as well.

But at one point, she was distracted when she pulled out another attire.

She almost jolted her hand away when she hit something hard. Lucille stared at the suitcase before slowly pushing the fabric that was covering that object aside. The whole baggage had consisted of clothes, so it was odd to find a dark wooden box all of a sudden. It was a rather big one too. Lucille was pretty sure that she had never seen such a box anywhere at home, but she assumed that some piece of her jewelry had to be inside. Why else would her father give her this? She opened the box and froze when she saw the contents.

There were letters. Not just one or two. Lucille could barely guess how many those were, but it seemed like there were more than a dozen ones. Those couldn't have gotten inside on accident. But why would her father send letters like this?

Lucille picked up the first one and turned it over. As soon as she read the sender, she felt the blood freeze in her veins. She would recognize that name anywhere. Just reading those two words was enough to make her heart double its pace while it pounded in her chest. She felt like throwing up while holding up the letter with shaky hands. She had waited for a sign of her for so long, and that was how she got it? After twelve years of silence, this arrived?

There, in cursive letters, stood the name of her mother, who had left when Lucille had been six years old.

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Emily Valerian.

Why had Raymond brought letters from Emily?

Lucille stood there in shock and stared at the letter for at least five minutes. She barely dared to move while her brain went through different memories she connected to her mother. She swallowed. After what felt like an eternity, she finally managed to move. Surely, this had been a coincidence.

Maybe those had been old letters that Emily had written back when she had lived in the Valerian estate. It wouldn't be surprising if she had forgotten to get rid of some of them before running away overnight. But it didn't make sense for Raymond to suddenly put them in Lucille's suitcase. Had this been an accident? Or had a servant thought that this was a funny joke? If so, those people deserved to know that this wasn't funny at all.

Lucille already felt tears pricking in her eyes just because she had stared at that stupid name. She was prepared to put the letter away to give it to her father when he came back again, but then she saw her own name on the letter, and her blood went cold. This had been sent to her. Why would Emily have sent this while living in the same house as her daughter? In an instant, Lucille changed her mind. She opened the letter while barely being able to keep herself from destroying the envelope completely. She unfolded the paper and read immediately.

‘My dearest Lucille,

I wish you a happy seventh birthday and that you may enjoy this day to the fullest. Mama loves you, and I am so very proud of my little girl. You are finally seven, despite me still remembering exactly how you looked when you were a baby. Time passes by so quickly.

I hope that you are content with the gifts you received. Did you enjoy the strawberry cake the chefs made you? I am sure that it will be just as good as the one from the previous years.

Hopefully, this letter arrived in time. I apologize for not writing you earlier. I took a while to settle down, but now it seems that I can finally able to send you some letters. Thankfully, I will be able to write you from now on, so you can rest assured that I will congratulate you on each birthday.’

The letter was much longer than that, but she gave up after a few lines. This was ridiculous.

Lucille could only stare at the text that was right in front of her. The cursive letters had all been written with blue ink and were clearly shown on the white paper. There was no mistake here. Lucille went through it once again, but the meaning didn't change. She dropped the page onto the bed and opened the second letter to read it.

‘My dearest Lucille.

Another year has passed, and now you are eight. You have been growing up splendidly, so it won't take long until you become a beautiful young lady. You will impress everyone with your intellect and your kindness.

I apologize for not being able to see you, but I sent a small present. I hope that it will make this wonderful day a bit nicer for you.’

Lucille put that letter away too and grabbed the third one. By now, her hands were shaking, so she barely managed to open it up. When she finally did it, she almost ripped the letter apart while trying to read it.

‘My dearest Lucille,

may the gods bless you with yet another year full of health, happiness and joy. I hope that your ninth birthday is wonderful once again.

It seems like my sweet daughter will grow up quicker than expected. It may seem overwhelming to you sometimes, but I can assure you that everything will be fine. You have many good people on your side, so you are never alone.

I deeply regret not being able to stand by your side during these times. But you can rest assured that your mother will always support you from afar.

I love you with all of my heart.’

Lucille felt tears run down her face, but she didn't stop. She opened each letter and read through it.

The message was always similar. It was a greeting and a birthday wish for each year up until Lucille's eighteenth birthday. Then Emily wrote something about how quickly time passed and apologized for not being there. But she never mentioned why she had left in a single word. She didn't apologize for leaving without a goodbye either. Instead, she just wished Lucille a nice year and acted like she hadn't deserted her child without a care.

To be honest, Lucille wasn't sure whether she was crying out of grief because she had lost her mother or out of anger because that woman had run away without her. The fact that Emily left and never contacted her child would have been bad enough, but this made it worse. Had her mother seriously had the nerve to congratulate her daughter after leaving her behind overnight? Emily really thought that a few apologies and nice words were enough to make up for her disappearance? That was ridiculous.

Lucille had never felt a mix of emotions this toxic. She plopped down on the bed and refused to move even the slightest bit. For years, she had imagined how it would feel like to contact her mother again. She had thought about whether she would be happy, sad or indifferent. But nothing could have prepared her for the overwhelming bitterness she felt now. She let out a dry laugh as she stared at the letters that were spread on the bed.

Why had Emily written that? Had she done it to feel better about herself? Maybe. That didn't seem too unlikely. Why else would she leave behind her child and disappear into thin air, only to send a single letter each year?

Lucille let her upper body fall back. She aimlessly grabbed one of the letters. It was the one for her sixteenth birthday. Her mother had wished her the best for her coming-of-age ceremony. Lucille still remembered how unfair she had found it that all of the young women around her had been accompanied by their mothers while she had been all alone. The empty words of the letter hadn't helped her when she had hidden in the bathroom to cry until Fiona had come to console her. That was enough to ruin her mood, but it got even worse.

The letter was dated back two years. That meant that this letter had been written in the year of Lucille's birthday. It seemed like all of the letters here had been sent around the time that she would have celebrated.

But she had never received any letter on her birthday.

She stared at the number on top of the letters until they blurred in front of her eyes. Her mother had sent her a letter each year. Why hadn't she ever caught a glimpse of them? There was only one explanation. If something was sent to the Valerian mansion, Raymond would be the first one to receive it before he agreed to hand it over to the concerned person. He had to have seen those letters, and he had kept them instead of throwing them away or giving them to Lucille. Had he been that uncertain because of that? Because he knew that he had withheld something important from his daughter for a decade?

Lucille wasn't sure, but she didn't believe that the letters had gotten here because of a coincidence. Her father had probably given them to her on purpose. Why had he done that after hiding them for twelve years? It didn't make sense. Lucille's reaction might not make much sense either though. She wasn't angry at her father for hiding this. After all, she only felt bitter after reading those letters. If she had gotten them when she was younger, she would have been much more upset. Even now, she felt horrible. She just lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling while hugging herself. She wasn't sure how much time had passed until someone knocked on the door. That was perfect.

Lucille jumped up. She almost stumbled on the way to the door and opened it with more force than necessary.

Cedar showed her a bright smile, but that immediately faded once he saw her face. “Lucille?” Cedar was here. He had come just in time.

Lucille stepped forward to wrap her arms around him. She quickly leaned against him and tried to keep herself from crying.

Cedar carefully maneuvered them into her room before closing the door. Then he hugged her back and whispered to her. “Are you hurt, or did something happen?”

Lucille lifted her head for just a moment to nod toward the bed. “I...got letters.” She could barely say that without sobbing. It was almost pathetic how quickly her mother's writing could break her down.

Cedar probably had no idea what those letters could mean to her, but he didn't judge her. He just held her close while pulling her to the bed. He sat down there and settled her onto his lap. Then he allowed her to lean her head onto his shoulder and patted her back for a few seconds. After that, he spoke up in a soft voice. “Can I read them?”

That would be much easier than trying to explain it in her state would be. Lucille weakly nodded. “Please.”

Cedar moved slowly as if he didn't want to scare her. He picked up one of the letters and skimmed the text. He got the gist after just a few lines. “I see.” He carefully put the letter into the box and gathered the other ones that were lying around to put them there as well. Then he brought his arm to his lover's body again and just held her so that she could calm down. “I am right here. I can talk to you or distract you. Or I can be quiet. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I will help you.”

Lucille wasn't sure what she wanted. Maybe she would just like to forget her anger and her disappointment. Maybe she also wanted to finally bring this behind her. She had suffered for years because her mother suddenly decided to leave. And now those letters were supposed to make up for that? There was no way. Those were nothing but a few written lies on a worthless piece of paper. They didn't mean anything. The fact that Lucille knew that and still got so upset because of them made her angry at herself too.

Cedar was completely unaffected when it came to his father by now. He had been able to get over the fact that he had been ignored. He had moved past that when he had been much younger.

Lucille should have understood that her mother didn't care twelve years ago as well, but she was still sobbing because of a few letters that were signed with the name ‘Emily Valerian’. Even though she knew that this was just some sort of excuse for Emily to feel better about herself. Or maybe she was upset because of exactly that. If she hadn't heard anything from her mother since twelve years ago, she could have assumed that Emily had just moved on. But like this, she had found out that her mother did feel bad in some way but didn't seem to know that she had effectively broken her daughter's heart by just running away. Those letters didn't change anything about that.

Much like Lucille crying and complaining and being angry wouldn't change anything. So, she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to think about a person who clearly didn't want her in her life. She would forget her mother as well if Emily liked it better that way. Her head was content with that decision, but her heart ached. It would take her more effort to get over this.

But for now, Lucille couldn't just flip a switch to forget. So, she would need to distract herself. She lifted her head and made eye contact with her lover.

He was already watching her and simply gave her a little smile to cheer her up.

That reminded Lucille that she couldn't waste time grieving the past when she had such a wonderful future in mind. She would rather use her emotions to feel love for Cedar instead of bitterness because of the past. So, she leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his. Her lover returned the kiss immediately and shared his warmth with her as he kept her in his safe hug.

Here, Lucille felt wonderful, even if she had received unpleasant letters.