Being in the palace again felt strange. Especially when Cedar didn't do anything but lie around right now.
It had been an unproductive day today.
He had trained too much last night, so he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep and had stayed in bed longer since he didn't have anything to do anyway. After all, his complete schedule consisted of training and visiting Lucille right now. Since she was forced to visit the tea party at the other end of the palace, he couldn't do the second thing, which meant that he didn't have a reason to get up. He was still tired after training for five hours before sleeping for maybe four hours.
It was afternoon by now, and Cedar should really eat so that he could train after, but today, he had absolutely no motivation. Trying to sleep a bit more before going out had also failed since he couldn't calm down his mind. That might or might not have been because of his realization that he would need to push away Lucille more. Today, he only noticed that it was even more crucial for him to do that than he had previously thought.
He hadn't seen Lucille for one day, and he already missed her. How pathetic was that? He knew that he wanted to see her to apologize for running away two days ago, but it was still worrisome that he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Cedar blankly stared against the wall before forcing himself to sit up. If he couldn't sleep, he could stop trying as well. He didn't need to waste this whole day just because concerns filled his head to the brim. Normally, training helped him clear his mind, so he would have to do that. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and sat there for a moment before standing up.
The prince only took one step for the door before he paused and glanced at the balcony. He could swear that he had seen someone there behind the curtain.
There was no way, right? No one would be that stupid. But if it was that man, maybe it wasn't so surprising after all.
Cedar sighed and turned to open the door to the balcony. As soon as he pushed aside the curtain, he saw Reeve, who was lying on the floor while trying to hide from any guards who might be gazing up from outside. “Can you explain what you are doing there?”
Reeve looked up, and his face was overcome with surprise. “Uhm... Your Royal Highness. I can explain.”
The prince's smile widened as replied. “I surely hope so. Are you trying to get yourself killed? I knew you were stupid, but coming into the royal palace in the middle of the day almost makes it seem like you may be suicidal after all. Should I fulfill your wish? Don't you know that we are enemies right now?” He pushed open the door to go back inside and turned around to wait for the other man.
“Only officially, you know. I'm still your guard.” Reeve followed him and sighed in relief when he closed the curtain behind him. Then he sat down on the small table and crossed his legs while looking around. “The palace is rather fancy. Do you really like stuff like this? I would find it infuriating. Besides, you don't need to insult me like that. I'm not stupid.”
Cedar tapped his foot on the ground while watching the other man with a bright smile. “Maybe this is so fancy because it's the royal palace. And you coming here in the middle of the day only shows that my insults are much closer to the truth than you want to admit. Shouldn't you come at night? If you get spotted, I won't help you. Remember that.”
The guard nodded but didn't seem that worried since he calmly picked up one of the cookies from the plate next to him and ate it. He then spoke without even finishing chewing. “These are...good. I should...come...here more often.” He swallowed and immediately took a second cookie.
The prince watched that with crossed arms before he leaned back to rest on the door frame to the dressing room. “I assume you didn't come here to eat. What do you want? Except for risking your life in case some guards see you in your completely inauspicious black clothes. That you didn't even change into a servant uniform, even though I'm very sure that we have some lying around, tells me that you didn't think this through. Sometimes, I'm wondering how you even managed to get this job.”
Reeve acted like he was offended. He pouted and glared at the prince. “I'm not that unskilled. I got here without dying, right? In any case...” He finished another cookie before reaching into his jacket. He pulled out an envelope and waved it around while wiping the remaining crumbs off his face. “Surprise, surprise. It's another letter.”
Cedar stepped away from the door frame and came closer to the table. “Do you have any idea how this would seem to others? Mother wants to kill me, and now she is sending letters? Does this contain threats again, or has she restrained herself enough to be nice?”
Reeve shrugged. “This time, Her Majesty refused to tell me anything. It's a surprise that she even waited a month before sending this though. She already prepared it a while ago. I think she read it thrice before giving it to me.” That meant that this letter seemed to be important to Camille.
Cedar could already guess what it was. He extended his hands to the other man and received the letter before going to the dresser to retrieve a paper knife. “I see. Then I guess that I will have to read this carefully. How is the maid who was hit with a bowl? I think you said that she was almost dead last time. Did you exaggerate?” He focused on opening the envelope while Reeve replied.
“Well, that girl is fine. I think. She was allowed to leave the mansion and probably received a nice sum as compensation from your brother. You should be more worried about all the others who were hurt while you were gone. Your mother is becoming more unstable each day, you know? She really can't keep her cool without you by her side. She's been having more and more fits. I think I witnessed three yesterday alone. All serious ones, of course. The first two times, she yelled before beginning to sob in her room, and the last one consisted of her pushing a young man down the stairs because he called her hysteric. I don't know how that poor servant is doing right now. I had to leave while they took care of him.”
If it went on like this, Camille might end up killing someone because no one dared to touch her. Why wasn't Theodore restraining her a bit more?
Cedar sighed and pulled out the letter. “Don't you think the servants should start fighting back? That one guard threatened to beat me up. If Mother meets people like that, she might learn to hold back too. Theodore would never punish anyone for hitting her.” He didn't wait for a response before reading through the letter. It was exactly what he had expected. “She changed her strategy after all, huh?”
Reeve let his feet dangle off the table as he replied. “I guess so. She was much more careful this time. She knows that threatening you won't help now. You ignored it last time after all. And it may be because of something else too. She really is worried, you know? She thinks that you are abandoning her.”
Cedar let out a snort and lifted his head. “Really? That's funny. What she actually means to say is that she's jealous of Lucille. She hates the fact that I'm spending time with a person who isn't her. So, she pulls out all of her manipulation tricks. I never saw so many versions of ‘I love you’ and ‘You are important to me’ in a single letter. If I didn't know her, I would almost believe her.”
Reeve nibbled on another cookie while speaking up. “I understand what you mean. She isn't the type to...write things like that. Will you keep the letter, or will you throw it away?”
“I'm not sure yet. I don't think this will help me much for now.” Cedar had to admit that keeping it might be better so that he could use it to prove that he didn't listen to his mother anymore, but he didn't want this thing near him. He was used to dealing with Camille's attempts to lull him into being loyal to her, but he didn't need to be reminded of that when he just managed to get himself some rest. Besides, this didn't quite fit together with his story, the one everyone had to believe in. “I will think about it later.” He put the letter onto the dresser and made eye contact with Reeve again. “Was that it, or was there something else too?”
Reeve looked like he wasn't sure what to say for a moment, but then he spoke up. “Your Mother told me a few things you need to know. But all in all, it's just a bunch of desperate inquiries for you to come back to her in a while. She even generously allows you a vacation if you swear that you will not leave her alone after that. I think you get the gist. I don't need to explain more to you. You really don't want to hear that. But I do have one important thing.” He paused and brought his hand to his jacket again. He shuffled around a bit before he pulled out something. “She also told me to give you this.” He held his balled fist toward the other man.
Cedar almost wanted to refuse, but he extended his hand and allowed Reeve to drop the item into his hand. He looked at it for a moment before a bitter laugh escaped him. “Honey candy? She surely is desperate. It's been years since she last got me one of these.”
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Honey candy consisted of small, hard, golden spheres that tasted like sugar and honey and nothing more. For some reason, Cedar had adored those as a child. So, his mother had made it her task to reward him with them whenever he had done something good. She really worried right now, or she wouldn't send this.
Cedar lifted his head. “She must truly be afraid of Lucille.”
Reeve jumped off the table and put his hands on his hips while watching the other man carefully. “Definitely. That and the fact that she is like a wreck without you caused this. She is much more dependent on you than any of us imagined, even though we knew she clings to you. Aside from that, there may be an issue with her mental health right now because the plan failed. As you know, she didn't imagine that you would bring that lady out of the building. Your mother didn't like you killing her men either.”
Cedar replied without skipping a beat. “I didn't like her trying to kill Lucille. Now we're even. I don't have the energy to write her a letter right now, but you can tell her that I'm quite upset about her sudden change of plans. Attacking a house full of innocent people without giving me a chance to show myself to the assassins was the most cowardly thing she could have done. Many people died for no reason, and Lucille was hurt. I'm not happy about that at all. In the future, she should think twice before deciding something like this. If she ever wants to see me again, that is.” He only noticed that he had become much harsher near the end. He had never threatened his mother like this, had he? Well, she had never attacked a person he truly cared about either. There was a first time for everything.
But apparently, that hadn't been expected by others.
Reeve gazed at him with skepticism before he spoke up in a low volume. “Are you serious?” He didn't receive a response and glanced to the sides before leaning a back bit. He sounded like he was full of worry while continuing. “You know that she won't like to hear that. That will make everything much worse. I'm completely honest when I ask you to reconsider that. I don't want to see her when she hears about that.”
Cedar could imagine why. He normally wouldn't ask another person to do this either. But he needed this to be delivered. And he needed to hear the truth too. “Reeve.” He stared at the guard with a little smile that didn't reach his eyes. “Did you tell Mother about Lucille?”
Reeve's hesitation was enough of an answer. The guard ran his fingers through his hair and looked to the side. “I'm...sorry. I didn't mean to.” He was quiet for a moment before he turned to the other man with a serious expression that seemed so unfitting on his face. “But it wasn't my fault that Her Majesty learned about her. I only said that the young lady was the one who found you and brought you your meals. But your mother had some informant. She began to ask questions about the lady all of a sudden. They were so specific that I knew that she had already guessed that something was going on. I didn't say anything about you cuddling, but I admitted that you were spending a lot of time together. I knew that lying would only make her suspicious, so that's why I had no choice.” He waited after that as if he expected Cedar to say something.
The prince didn't have any response though. The situation had been horrible. But in the end, Lucille had still been in danger because Reeve had spoken up.
Surely, another informant, that traitorous maid, might have said enough to make Camille understand. But even then, Reeve should just have insisted that Cedar was using Lucille for his gain. If the dowager empress thought that her son was only playing a game, she might have gotten angry but probably not that much. At least Cedar told himself that his mother wasn't that sick yet.
A few seconds of silence followed before Reeve began again. “I know that I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Really. I didn't want the lady to get hurt either. I never had a problem with her. But...” He paused and rubbed the back of his head while shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “About that girl. You should make up your mind about how you feel about her soon. There will be a lot of problems in the future. I understand that you don't want to tell me and that you are in a bad position. But you have to choose a side. Between that lady and your mother, you can only support one.”
Cedar stood there without moving and met the other's gaze with an unusually neutral expression. “Maybe I already have. Maybe I already made up my mind. And what will happen then? I can't decide everything at this point, but I do know one thing. If Lucille had died that day, if she had died because of me, it wouldn't have been pretty. Neither for me, you or Mother. So, you should be glad that she survived.”
Reeve froze for a moment before he walked closer to the door to the balcony door. “I see. I am glad that she survived, but I didn't think about it like that yet. You really like her, don't you?”
Cedar didn't answer that question. Instead, he asked one himself. “The assassin that shot that arrow. Do you know him?” He already guessed that he wouldn't be able to meet that man anymore. But he had memorized his face just in case.
Reeve shook his head and turned to the side. “You know that giving others such information is unacceptable. I signed a hundred contracts. If your mother finds out that I talk about this, she will personally deal with me. I can't-”
The prince cut him off. “Do you know him?”
A few seconds of silence passed. Then Reeve replied in a weak voice. “Yes. I do. Or rather, I did. I can tell you his name if you want to.”
Cedar watched the other man while taking in the guard's reaction. “I don't think that will help me anymore. What happened to him?”
Reeve let out a deep breath and averted his eyes as he replied. “You can't admit to knowing this. Your mother was upset about him failing. He neither killed the target nor did he hit you. So, he was taken care of along with the others. None of the people involved will be able to receive another punishment. But I think that your mother was more direct than you would have been.”
Camille had always liked using new assassins to kill the old ones. It was a wonder that there were still people working for her when they knew what could happen to them. Some people did everything for money.
Cedar looked down at the paper knife in his hands. “Good for them. I didn't necessarily plan on doing much. But I know some people who would have been happy to deal with them. The families of the victims got really angry, you know? But it seems like they won't be able to get revenge on the assassins anymore.” That only meant that the people who held a grudge would directly turn to the person who had ordered this. It seemed like Camille might have caused more problems for herself with this move than she could have expected. The prince set down the knife and closed the drawer before turning to his guard. “It would be better if you leave now. Even though it's stupid to run around in the royal estate during the day. Get out without alerting anyone, or you will end up in a cell within five minutes.”
Reeve weakly nodded at that before he opened the door to the balcony. He glanced outside and made sure that no guards were visible before stepping out. Then he turned around one last time. “I... I hope that the lady recovers quickly. Wish her well for me.”
Cedar didn't respond and just waited for the man to leave. When Reeve began climbing onto the roof, he closed the door and sat down at the table. He put the honey candy onto the empty plate in the middle and stared at it for a moment before getting lost in thoughts.
Why had he gotten so angry at Reeve?
Logically speaking, telling Camille the truth was the only thing a guard could do unless they wished to die. But still, Cedar felt bitter upon knowing that the one person he had dared to trust a bit more had ended up doing something like this. Reeve could have warned him at least. Then the prince could have prepared and expected that his mother would cause a lot of trouble. But he hadn't guessed that Camille knew about Lucille and thus hadn't expected her to go to such lengths.
In the end, Reeve could have prevented most of the deaths in the mansion by saying that Cedar was playing with Lucille as well. The guard had had multiple chances to avoid this, but he had been too cowardly. And now Lucille had gotten hurt because of that.
Though, the prince was at fault even more.
Cedar closed his eyes and leaned against the backrest of the chair while letting his head fall back. Why did this bother him so much? He had never cared much about people getting hurt as long as it didn't endanger his goal. There were too many examples.
His former guard had been a young man with great skills. That man had followed the emperor during the hunting festival and had been killed upon being found. Cedar had spent six years in confinement with that guard. He had talked to him regularly, and yet, his death hadn't left much of an impression on him.
It had been the same when Cedar's father had died seven years ago. The prince hadn't done more than console his devastated mother without really caring much.
All of that had made him feel like there was something wrong with him. Unless one counted some smaller attempts at limiting the damages done by his mother, the first time that he had truly done his best to prevent someone from getting injured had been during the revolt. He had expected and anticipated that he would lose and done his best to avoid bloodshed.
For that, Cedar had even kept an eye on Blanche, who had heard about her lover's alleged death, to keep her from doing something rash. He had ignored how his brother exchanged one of the guards after the other and had waited until Theodore had come close enough. He had even allowed his brother to knock him out while needing to ignore his automatic reflexes, which had been harder than anything else he had done that day. But even then, he hadn't been this invested.
Now that Lucille had gotten hurt, he was furious. Even more so than he deserved to be.
Cedar had put her in danger, so he should blame himself instead of acting like he had any right to condemn the people who had attacked her. It was infuriating that he had become so sensitive over the course of just two months. But at the same time, he didn't want to turn back either. He liked caring about Lucille, no matter how strange that sounded. He knew that this was foolish and would only cause problems for the two of them, but he couldn't help himself. Finally having someone he could spend time with in peace was wonderful.
And that was exactly why Reeve's comment had annoyed him that much.
Cedar hadn't made up his mind yet. He wasn't sure what he felt or what he was allowed to feel. He was even certain that he wouldn't have the chance to stay this relaxed for long. It felt like something was bubbling below the surface and threatened to create more problems than anyone could imagine.
The prince opened his eyes with a sigh. He looked down at the table and stared at the golden drop again. He didn't want to eat it. And yet, he reached for it, unfolded the paper and put the candy in his mouth. Immediately, a sickeningly sweet taste filled his mouth.
He hated honey candy.
It was so sweet in his mouth, and still, it only left behind a bitter taste afterward.