To be honest, Cedar was pleasantly surprised. His mother had enough energy to get angry and annoy him, so it seemed like he had worried for naught. At least seeing how Camille blamed everyone around her again soothed his guilty consciousness. His mother tried to let her injured arm hang down to act pitiful, but Cedar knew that the injury should already have healed, so he cared less about that. That she had acted exhausted and tired also didn't make him feel too bad when he knew that she was well enough to pick a fight again.
But even then, Cedar felt horrible for reminding Camille of Althea. He knew that it hurt when others attacked his weak spots, so he shouldn't do the same. But then again, his mother had insulted him to make him feel miserable often enough. And it wasn't a lie to say that Althea had been much kinder than Camille had been on her best day.
At the moment, Camille was definitely not acting in a way that would make him want to apologize in general either. “You can't blame me for attacking that girl. She deserved it, and I didn't even touch her because you broke my arm first. You haven't checked up on me despite that at all, have you? You can't imagine how much pain I'm in. My arm hurts, and the things you said to me burn like acid in my veins. You have to apologize for that, Cedar. There is no way that you feel like that. You love me and would never-”
Cedar had listened to that same speech a few times already. He cut her off before she could really begin and focused on the previous topic again. “I certainly can blame you for attacking an innocent young woman. You tried to murder Lucille, hurt me in the process, revealed information that you hoped would make her hate me after, and then you tried to drug me. As far as I am concerned, that is much worse than everything I ever did, and yet, I never heard an apology. How come you want one?”
Camille closed her mouth, but Cedar didn't delude herself into hoping that she would stay quiet for long. As expected, she began speaking again after just a few seconds. “I don't accept her as your fiancée.” That was a bit unexpected.
Cedar wasn't even sure what to say about that. “What?”
Camille looked as prideful as always, even though she was kneeling on the floor and probably hadn't slept in three days. It sounded like she was completely convinced of what she was saying, and that only made it worse. “As your mother, it's my task to choose a fiancée for you. I don't agree with that woman. I will pick a nice girl, and you will marry that person.” Now she was saying stupid things. This not only had no legal foundation, but she also talked about rejecting an engagement that didn't exist yet.
Cedar considered staying quiet to avoid this conversation, but for some reason, he didn't want to do that. He wouldn't allow his mother to say that he should be with someone else while Lucille was listening. “Unfortunately for you, I am already an adult. You are in no position to choose an engagement for me. The only ones who could intervene since they have a higher rank are Theodore and Blanche. Since they agree with us, no one can do anything about this. Especially since the head of our family, who happens to be Theodore, will support my decisions. Besides, did you not see that Her Majesty, the empress of Artias gave Lucille and me a blessing? It would be insolent to ignore that when Lucille and I are rather content with this arrangement.”
Camille's face scrunched up, and her well-known fury came back. She held onto the bars of the gate as if she wanted to crush them. Of course, she didn't have enough energy for that, so no one around her seemed to feel the need to stop her. The guards more or less ignored her and let her yell. “You can't seriously think about making that wench princess consort! She is only trying to use you, Cedar! She will wrap you around her finger and trap you to ensure that she gets what she really wants. Power!”
Cedar didn't bother pointing out that not everyone was as fixated on personal gain as Camille was. “You don't need to be so upset. At this point, I don't think that this engagement will disappear anytime soon. Lucille and I are rather sure.” There was no engagement at all, but Camille couldn't know that.
Lucille next to him noticed that he had lied though. She didn't complain nor try to correct anything and just held his hands a bit tighter than before interlocking their fingers. So, she was fine with him saying this as well.
Camille didn't accept the news so easily. She gritted her teeth before she spoke in a tone that was so grim that she might as well be cursing them. “You can always break an engagement. You won't marry that woman. You will end the engagement by-”
It was pretty surprising that Lucille spoke up. She normally was so quiet, but she actually opened her mouth on her own volition now. “It's impossible.” She had been loud enough to make Camille stop talking and quickly had to add the rest to explain what she meant. “Breaking the engagement would be impossible.” She averted her eyes, and her cheeks already revealed a slight red tint. Apparently, she was embarrassed to lie, but she had delivered those words rather well despite that.
And while there wasn't an engagement, Lucille wasn't wrong about what she had said. It would be almost impossible to end an engagement now because she and Cedar had spent the night with each other a few times already. Of course, none of them would say this out loud though.
Camille was already at her limit despite that. Nothing much had happened, and still, she was shaking. “You...” She grasped the bars tighter and leaned forward as much as she could while speaking with a voice that was trembling with anger. “You...you damned brat. You-” She cut herself off and took a few deep breaths. For a moment, it looked like she would be calmer now, but then she began hissing again. She glared at Lucille and pierced her with her eyes while she spoke to Cedar. “You should listen to me, Cedar. You didn't just use her to get into the palace. She is also using you, and I will prove that to you. Do you know what games her father is playing? He is extremely power-hungry and got involved with countless unsavory businesses. And not just that. He often used his daughter to get closer to others. He sent her to flatter random men, and he made her offend others so that she would receive an apology after the fight. Does that sound like she is an innocent woman? It doesn't. She is trying to use your status to her advantage.”
Was the part about Raymond supposed to be new to Cedar? He was almost a bit offended. After all, he had always been the one to know what was going on in the capital. He had been the one to research Lucille's family and reveal the parallels between him and her childhood. That was why he had known that she would be keen on helping him. He had explained that to his mother a hundred times while coming up with the whole plan a year ago. Why would he suddenly have forgotten about Raymond's interest in power? “Actually, Lord Valerian seems to have calmed down quite a bit after some unknown person sent assassins into his home to kill his daughter. But even if he was still as power-hungry as before, which you don't have the right to accuse him of, that doesn't mean that Lucille is the same. Why would she be?”
Camille replied immediately. “He taught his daughter how to gain power. And she used that on the second most powerful man in Artias to get him into her grasp. She offered everything she had to lull you into listening and tried to win you over with false affection while spouting one lie after the other. Do you not notice how manipulative she is?”
Cedar couldn't hold back the response this time. “If you say that word, it somehow loses its meaning. You know, if you want to bring me and Lucille apart, you would at least need to try to be creative. You keep saying the same things, and that won't change much about our feelings.” Apparently, he had made himself clear with that.
After all, Camille whipped her head around and growled at Lucille. “You arrogant bitch. Why are you still here when I was generous enough to reveal the truth to you last time? Cedar doesn't care about you and only uses you for his plot to overthrow Theodore. You are just a gear in his huge plan to become emperor. Did you forget that already?” It was interesting to see that she invalidated her own statements. If she wanted Lucille to believe that Cedar didn't care, she seemed to know that it would hurt the other woman to hear that. So, she was aware that Lucille wasn't using Cedar and that she really liked him.
Lucille seemed almost offended by that comment. She stepped a bit closer to her lover and hugged him, most likely as some sort of provocation, and Cedar was happy to abide and hugged her back. Surprisingly, this gave Lucille enough courage to voice her thoughts out loud. She glared at Camille and replied with more confidence in her voice than she normally had. “You were the one who twisted the facts to make it seem much worse than it actually is. Cedar didn't use me nor can you convince me that he doesn't care. I love him, and he loves me. We are in a relationship and happy together, so you should stay away. Leave us alone, and get over the fact that Cedar is much better off without you. That's how simple it is.”
As always, Camille reacted to the word she seemed to worship and hate at the same time. For the first time today, she yelled from the top of her lungs. “You don't love him, you whore! He doesn't love you either. He only loves me. Me, me, me! How come you don't understand that, you idiotic-” She cut herself off. For a moment, she just froze completely before she continued in a quieter volume. “Maybe you just need to see what he really is like. You have no idea how violent he is. He probably didn't mention his breakdowns, did he? Once he broke-”
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Lucille interrupted her. “He did tell me about them. I know what they are, and I know that he had them because you physically and psychologically abused a child over and over again. And now you are horrible enough to try to blame him for that. I would never condemn him because he is in pain because of you and your cruelty.” She sounded unusually resentful here.
Cedar couldn't help but melt when he heard her speaking like this. Of course, his lover didn't know his bad side since he had made sure to never show her. But hearing that she trusted him nonetheless was very calming. He was glad that he was holding Lucille in his arms at this moment. He couldn't help but look at her with nothing but affection in his gaze.
Lucille lifted her head a second later and made eye contact. She let her eyes wander across his face before she showed him a faint smile. “I love you.” So, she wanted to reassure him even now.
Cedar almost gave in immediately, but he held on for a few more seconds. He looked into her eyes and told himself that this was a horrible idea. His mother was right here and would see this as a declaration of war, and the guards around them were watching them too. This was a terrible, absolutely stupid idea. And yet, it was so tempting that he couldn't resist. “I adore you too, my beloved.”
He should not do this, but he did it anyway. He leaned his head down to Lucille and gently pressed his lips onto her forehead. He vaguely heard someone, most likely Camille, gasp, but he ignored that.
To his surprise, Lucille didn't ask him to stop nor did she push him away to do this later. She just locked their fingers. They stayed like this for a few seconds before he slowly pulled back to look at her. Lucille's cheeks were red, and she was definitely embarrassed, but she just hugged him and hid her face in his clothes for a moment.
Cedar would have liked to admire her longer, but he was already interrupted. A loud clanging made him look to the side.
Camille had stood up and stood there while holding tightly onto the gate. Her expression was blank once again with pure malice in her eyes. She looked just like she had before the fireplace incident. A few seconds of utter silence followed before she spoke up in a terrifyingly calm voice. “Get your revolting hands off my son. You have no idea what I will do to you if I get you in my grasp. You will regret being born. You will beg for mercy and-”
Cedar had heard enough. “Mother, be quiet. I won't let you threaten Lucille. You will not hurt her. We are within the royal garden for a reason. You will not be able to reach us here.” Apparently, he had said the wrong thing.
Camille stared at him without saying anything. It took a few seconds before she seemed to wake up and replied. “I don't have to be the one to hurt her. You can take care of that. Cedar, do you know what a big disappointment you are?” She had revealed her plans with the first sentence already, but she didn't stop there. She just continued in a cold voice that was dripping with hidden fury. “If only you were just a little better, then you might have been able to reach Theodore's level. But you were always so much worse them him. Completely useless. That's why I hate you, and nothing you could ever do would make me care for you. That's why no one in this world loves you. You understood that already, right? You're-”
Lucille opened her mouth at the same moment before Cedar could even sigh. “Don't say that!” She was unusually loud this time, so she had actually dared to cut off Camille. Yet, she kept yelling at her. “I love Cedar more than anything else, and so many others care about him too! Why do you want to hurt him so badly? You're horrible. Cedar is a wonderful person and one of the most intelligent, kind and overall amazing people I met. You are a monster! You have no right to criticize him in any way!” Now she grew even louder, her eyes narrowing a bit as she had to blink a few times. Even though she didn't need to do any of this, she was about to cry for her lover.
Cedar hated how he still reacted to his triggers. When his mother threw them at him, it stung like a knife that was laced with poison. But as Lucille interrupted Camille, his attention wandered to her. To think that his beloved would stand up for him even when she faced a horrible person like Camille. Cedar didn't try to hold back this time. He kissed his lover again, this time on her lips. When he pulled back, he immediately looked into Lucille's round and wet eyes and lifted his hand to wipe away the tears before they could roll down. He whispered to her in a soft voice. “Thank you for worrying about me, but I'm fine. I won't get upset. Just know that I adore you. I should tell you that more often.” He couldn't help but plant another kiss on her forehead before he turned to his mother.
Camille was as clueless as always. She just stood there and watched her son with obvious irritation on her face. She still didn't know why using his triggers didn't make snap anymore. It was almost ridiculous how selective her memory was. She had seen that he didn't react to his triggers a few times now. Why didn't she understand that?
Cedar tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice while he spoke, but he doubted that he was successful. “How is that sort of provocation supposed to convince me to come back? You just prove that you don't care over and over again. I told you that my last breakdown happened years ago, didn't I? If you paid attention to my feelings instead of just seeing me as a tool, you would have noticed that already. But you don't know. You don't even know when I said it to your face a few times already. That shows how little you care. Along with the fact that you think that insulting me is a good idea, that is.” He considered holding back, but his self-control wavered for a single second, and he resumed. “And please hold back with calling me stupid when I have more political accomplishments than you do. I remember writing every single document that Father praised you for in the end. And...by the way. Did you know that my teachers made a mistake?”
Camille's face scrunched up when he reminded her of that, and a deep frown appeared on her forehead. It was surprising that she didn't say anything yet.
But Cedar wouldn't complain since he could continue. “Theodore was kind enough to show me some old documents. I have to say that it was quite surprising to see that I scored higher than he did. Not just once but multiple times. That's odd, isn't it? Could it be that you didn't know about that yet? Apparently, I am as good as Theodore.”
Camille's face became grimmer with each moment. She knew exactly what he was talking about. And yet, it seemed like she wanted to act like she was unknowing. “You are saying odd things, Cedar. Why would your teachers have lied? This is just one of your brother's plots to make you feel-”
Cedar cut her off there. “It isn't. Theodore could never forge my handwriting that convincingly. And believe me. I checked whether those were the same tests I remembered a dozen times. My papers were the exact ones I had written years ago. And not that it matters much, but I feel like I know why my teachers would lie. That was an effective way to keep me motivated while you made me go through training that would have traumatized most other children. Does that sound logical?”
Of course, this was logical, but no one expected Camille to accept that. “You know that that's not true. Right now, you are just deluding yourself because you want to be better than Theodore so badly. But you should remember that you barely managed to keep up with him, and everyone around you told you that as well.”
Cedar spoke up before she could add anything. “Everyone around me said what you told them to say. I could bring you the tests as solid evidence, but I doubt that you would believe me even then. That's fine. I don't care what you say. I know the truth now, and I am very much content with it.” Even if he had to admit that he was more enraged because he had been lied to his entire life than he should have been. He had been so sure that he wasn't anywhere close to Theodore's level and had done his best to make up for that despite their five-year difference.
Apparently, all of that had been useless. This whole inferiority complex was based on his mother playing her stupid games most of the time.
If one looked at this logically, it didn't even make sense. If Camille had wanted to make Cedar emperor, she should have emphasized his great skills and his accomplishments. She shouldn't have claimed his work to be hers nor should she have ensured that everyone thought that Theodore was better. Instead, she should have done the opposite. By putting Cedar up on a pedestal and gaining the approval of the ministers, whom he had already advised at that point, she would have been able to open the discussion of making the second prince the heir.
But it almost seemed like Camille hadn't necessarily seen that as the most important step. Instead, she had tried to drive a wedge between the brothers because she couldn't deal with her own problems. Once more, Camille had just proven that her hatred was much more important to her than planning for the future could ever be. She had wanted Cedar to hate Theodore as much as she did. Thankfully, that had failed.
Cedar was glad that he wasn't steered by resentment the whole time anymore. That kind of existence would be rather pitiful.
Camille remained silent for a moment before she spoke up again. “So, you will just choose to believe what you want without facing the facts? Those people messed you up more than I thought they had.” She completely ignored the fact that she was the one who usually ignored the truth and that she had caused the most damage to Cedar of everyone in this world. And she seemed to have forgotten that she had tried to trigger her son a moment ago. She had changed her strategy in an instant and now acted like she was the poor woman facing the horrible people who hurt her son again. “Cedar, you need to listen to me. That whore next to you is bad enough, but Theodore is hurting you as well. He killed your father, don't forget that. He will get rid of you when he can't use you anymore as well. That's why he is nice to you at the moment. After that, he will try to kill you as well. He already did it once, remember? After the revolt, he-”
Cedar didn't want to hear that again. He wouldn't accuse his brother of attempted murder when Theodore had attacked him in self-defense. So, he stopped his mother here. “You truly seem to love to play us off against each other. Is it like a personal punishment for you when Theodore and I get along? Why is that? I have tried to understand it for a while now, but I don't understand it. Is it because you can't stand seeing your children happy because you are jealous? I never thought about that, but maybe you truly never were happy because you always want more and are never content with what you have. That might be why you kept using Theodore and me against each other, because you knew that this would hurt both of us. Or you truly did that because you were so obsessed with Father and hating Althea that you despise Theodore and can't let him live happily, so you needed a tool to hurt him. I'm not sure.”
The prince had pondered the reasons for years. He had never understood whether his mother just hated everyone who didn't act like the world was revolving around her or whether she might be full of fury because she couldn't experience happiness. But in the end, it didn't matter much. No reason would justify what she had done, and no reason would make him believe that it was good to continue like this.