“I think it's more than that.”
“More than...friendship?”
It was more than friendship. That was obvious, so it shouldn't have been surprising for Lucille to say it. Still, it created a tenser atmosphere than before.
After an eternity of silence, Cedar spoke again. “Isn't this a bit sudden?” His words might have sounded harsh, but his uncertain tone said everything. He knew better.
Lucille forced herself to give the reply, even though she was already at her limit. “Is it?” Not at all. They had been close often enough. Most friends didn't look so deep into each other's eyes while dancing. They didn't spend the night in each other's arms. They probably didn't feel like their hearts would explode when they were holding hands either. And they didn't tease each other in a way that Cedar teased her until she was a blushing mess.
This time, the silence lasted a bit longer than before.
Then Cedar responded. “No, you are right. We should have seen this coming. There were enough hints. I should just have...” He didn't finish that sentence. She had no idea what his expression could look like, but she heard that he walked around a bit. “Damn it. This isn't...” Cedar sounded so unsure, so vulnerable. That wasn't like him at all. Wasn't he the person who always smiled and talked back without skipping a beat? But now, he wasn't talking as much as he could have.
Steps sounded again, and this time, they came closer. Lucille didn't want to, but she forced herself to open her eyes to see what he looked like.
Cedar showed her a little smile again, but she could see that some strange emotion was in his eyes as he scanned her. “I don't think I am anything like you imagine me to be. A broken pot can't hold any water, can it? So, how is a broken person supposed to make anyone happy?” He truly seemed like he believed that he wasn't someone others should be with. Knowing that hurt.
Lucille hadn't realized how much force she was clutching the flowers with before, but now she noticed. She was holding on so tightly that it wouldn't be surprising if her palms were white as sheets when she opened her fists. But even if she was on edge and could barely compose herself, she had something important to say. “That's not the same.”
Cedar didn't seem convinced. “What's the difference?”
Lucille met his gaze, even though she wanted to avoid looking at him. She would have liked to speak with more conviction in her voice, but she could barely reach an audible volume. She sounded so quiet, but that might have been because the blood that rushed through her veins seemed to drown out everything else. “A pot...is an object. A utensil that is supposed to be used. A human is completely different.” She knew that people had always treated Cedar as some sort of tool, but there was no way that she could accept comparing him to an object. He was so much more than that. “And even if you want to stick to that comparison, even then you would be wrong. Because two broken pots can still hold water together. Or you could fix them. There are always ways to make things work.” She wasn't sure, but she wanted to believe it.
Cedar's expression was hard to read. He smiled, but he didn't seem to put in as much effort as usual. He was serious about this too. “I'm not sure if you really want to say things like that. You shouldn't be that...gullible. Just being close to me is enough to make some people target you. You almost died once already when you were hit with an arrow that was meant for me. There is no guarantee that nothing will happen in the future. It'd be so much easier for you just to turn around to return to your old life.”
Lucille clutched the flowers with even more force. “That's not possible.”
Cedar's eyes wandered to the side as he let out a low huff. “You're right. She already knows about you, so she won't take any risks.” That was the second big problem for him, wasn't it? He didn't just think that he wasn't a good person. He also knew that his mother would never watch how he was happy without doing her best to ruin it.
Both of those problems were the dowager empress' fault. That was enough of a reason to despise that woman.
Lucille's voice trembled, but she forced herself to speak. “That too. But it's also...because I don't want to leave.” She could swear that her heart pounded so loudly that he had to hear it too. She could barely bring herself to say this, but she had to. It was important for him to know that. “Because I like you a lot. I don't want to stop seeing you.” She averted her eyes in embarrassment but quickly looked back at him to see what kind of reaction she would receive.
It seemed like Cedar wasn't going to make fun of her. He still stood in front of her and slowly brought his hand to her head again. He gently brushed his fingertips over her forehead while pushing back a few stands of her hair. “You shouldn't say things like that with such an expression, or I might misunderstand.” He was the one to say that. He always made her feel like there was so much more between them than just friendship. And maybe, just maybe, that assumption wasn't false.
In Lucille's case, she couldn't deny that she had imagined Cedar to be more than a fleeting acquaintance. She tried to ignore that the trail he had drawn onto her skin still prickled even after he had withdrawn his hand and gave the reply in a slight whisper. “There is nothing to misunderstand.” She did see Cedar in a romantic way. Maybe lying would make it easier to continue this conversation, but she didn't want to stay quiet. Not when they were already opening up to some extent. By now, she had noticed that being honest was the most important thing when she was with Cedar. He would pick up on any lie, and refusing to tell the truth could only hurt the both of them in the end. So, Lucille spoke, even though her cheeks were flaming red with embarrassment. “I like you a lot. I don't know what else to say.” She closed her eyes.
For a moment, they were silent. Once again, Lucille feared that she might have pushed Cedar away.
But he neither ran away nor did he criticize her for saying things like that to a prince. Instead, he stayed next to her and didn't move. She could still hear his quiet breathing.
A few seconds passed before Lucille dared to open her eyes. She met Cedar's gaze immediately. She couldn't help but be silent while it felt like he read all of her emotions just by watching her.
Cedar just stared at her before he whispered to her. “What should I do with you? You are making me discard all my plans. I didn't keep my distance very well, did I? It's a bit too late to notice that now. The both of us seem to be very foolish.” Even after he said that, he kept his eyes on her.
Lucille still held on to her flowers, and by now, she was sure that being able to grasp them kept her from being even more nervous. She spoke up in a soft voice, which was even quieter than Cedar's, “Maybe. But is that bad? I mean...it's...” It was too embarrassing to say that, but she needed to underline why she was fighting here. “I...like spending time with you, and...you...like...” She couldn't say it. She was pretty sure that Cedar enjoyed being with her too, but she couldn't bring herself to voice that when he hadn't affirmed it. Her words had been enough to reveal what she wanted to say though.
“I like spending time with you too. It seems that this was enough to...cause this...situation. I...” It was rare for Cedar to be this uncertain, but even now, he didn't avert his eyes and just took in her reaction. “I didn't help you much until now, did I? After you protected me, your home got invaded, and you were hit with an arrow. Now you are being forced to hide here because my hysterical mother sees you as a threat. And yet, I'm selfish enough to want you to stay with me. It's no wonder I'm so careless. But you should know better. Around you, I may be a good person, but...” He still didn't believe that he was actually a good friend.
Lucille was more than displeased with that. “You are a good person. You don't just change into a different person when you are with me. You may have...problems with other people. But that doesn't make you bad.” She knew that he had shown his worst side to his brother, and even Theodore seemed to be ready to get along with the prince. That itself was proof that Cedar was way less awful than he saw himself as. He might not be the simplest person, but he definitely was not someone who wished to harm others nor was he as cruel as others claimed him to be.
Cedar was silent again. Then he moved. At first, she thought that he would leave, but he walked around the table and sat down across from her. It only took a few seconds for him to restore his blinding smile, and then he began talking about some random lighthearted topic. It might seem like he was distracting her at first glance, but in the end, that was his way of dealing with things. Cedar was currently rather unsure about what to do.
But the fact that he had stayed here to speak to her said everything. He didn't want to run away. He had chosen to stay, even after they had admitted that this might be more than what they had previously thought.
Slowly, a smile grew on Lucille's lips. She was still embarrassed and much too emotional, but she couldn't help being overjoyed.
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They spent at least two hours in the winter garden before they had finished their cake. They sat there a little bit longer before they returned to the palace.
As they left the winter garden, Cedar didn't say anything while offering his hands to Lucille. She immediately took it. She couldn't deny how excited that made her, but she wouldn't allow her rapid heartbeat or her nervousness to destroy this. She just allowed Cedar to lead her and looked forward to placing the flowers he had given her in a vase. But they didn't reach the palace as fast as she would have liked.
At one point, Cedar glanced to the side, only to look away immediately. He let out a huff and spoke with a voice that held much more annoyance than before. “Of course.”
Lucille slowed her pace and looked up at him. “What?”
Cedar refused to turn his head while he pulled her after him with a bit more vigor than before. “Every good day has to end with her showing up. Let's ignore her. Don't look and pretend that you don't know that she's here.”
Lucille stiffened at that. She could only imagine one person causing such a reaction, and this guess was only proven to be true when a voice, which was already connected to bad memories for Lucille, spoke up in a loud volume.
“Cedar.” There was probably only one person in this world who could say his name in such an unpleasant way.
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It was no surprise that Cedar had no desire to listen. He pulled Lucille after him without looking to the side. “Just keep walking.”
Lucille wouldn't argue about this. She sped up as well and hoped that they would just reach the palace quickly.
But obviously, that person didn't allow them this. Camille raised her voice again. This time, she was even more upset than before. “Cedar, you will not ignore me again!”
Her son remained unaffected.
The dowager empress wouldn't give up that easily though. She only stayed silent for a few seconds before addressing a different target in a much colder voice, which was dripping with bitter resentment. “Lady Valerian. I am ordering you to come here this instant.”
Cedar slowed his steps for a moment but quickly doubled his efforts to bring Lucille away. “You don't have to listen. I can just order you to stay away from her, and everything will be fine.”
Lucille agreed. But she glanced over her shoulder anyway, just to check.
The dowager empress was surrounded by at least a dozen servants who kept her close to one of the gates toward the backside of the royal property, but no one dared to touch her, most likely because she expressed pure rage that made it questionable whether she was sane. It was obvious that she wouldn't give up now. And she might actually cause problems if she was ignored now.
Lucille turned back to Cedar. “I don't think... Her rank is higher than everyone's here, isn't it? How will people stop her?”
Cedar didn't seem to care. “Theodore is the most powerful man in the nation. We will tell him that she annoyed us, and he will give us an excuse to avoid her. The only thing he might do is come here and throw her out by himself. But we don't have to speak to her.” Just as he said that, the decision was taken away from them.
A servant tried her best to keep the dowager empress from rushing forward. “Your Majesty, you cannot-” She didn't get farther.
Camille yelled at her with a much too loud volume. “Let me go! If that brat chooses to ignore me, I will go there myself. Move out of the way, you lowly imbecile!” She pushed the servant aside with so much force that the poor woman stumbled backward and almost fell onto the floor. Then she stomped toward the couple without anyone else daring to get between her and her target. And that the servants didn't do anything was understandable. The dowager empress only glared at the couple and lifted the hem of her dress to rush over, but that was enough to make her seem terrifying. She acted like she wouldn't mind using violence, and thanks to her temper, that wasn't so unlikely.
Lucille would have liked to say that she hadn't been intimidated, but that was a lie. So, her companion had been a god-sent.
Cedar acted within a single second, too quickly for it to have been a second thought. He pulled Lucille behind him and stood in front of her so that he faced his mother. He was much tenser now, almost as if he expected a physical threat. Yet, he clung to Lucille's hand, which had barely been noticeable, but apparently, that caused a big issue.
Camille glanced at their interlocked hands, and her expression became even sourer, even though that shouldn't have been possible. “You!” She didn't add an insult this time, but the way that she glared at Lucille said everything.
Cedar seemed to notice that his companion behind him cowered since he squeezed her hands and spoke to his mother in a cold tone. “It seems like you can walk well again. I thought you were limping because of your foot.”
The dowager empress gritted her teeth and hissed her response. “It still hurts, but at the moment, there are much more serious issues. I am shocked to see that you are parading around with her so openly. Did having so many bad examples right in front of you cloud your judgment? This is humiliating! How can a member of royalty care so little to touch someone like her in public?” She gestured to Lucille with a quick motion.
Her son didn't take that too well. “What is that supposed to mean? We are taking a stroll, and you are the one interrupting us. Is there something wrong with taking a walk?” Cedar was definitely fuming. Normally, he wouldn't reply in such a sharp tone. Of course, he was still smiling, but he seemed to be pretty angry. “Lucille is a charming young lady and the only daughter of Viscount Valerian. Encountering her with so much insolence is problematic, even for you. After all, the Estien family owes Artias and is supposed to lead noble society. You will have to respect your followers instead of treating them with arrogance. You are the one who is humiliating our family. And in addition, you are embarrassing yourself. Go home.” That might be harsher than anything he had ever told his mother before. And yet, he had said nothing that could be interpreted as a direct insult.
Camille seemed to feel personally offended though. Her eyes widened as she came a step toward them. “This is the royal palace. This is my home. I have the right to be here, and that whore definitely doesn't have it.” She glared at Lucille, who wanted nothing else but to grab Cedar and rush off. This conversation was useless anyway. But Camille wasn't finished yet. “You have no reason to defend her when all she is doing is harming our family and dirtying you by daring to touch you. We won't repeat this history of some wench manipulating you. Your father and brother may be gone, but I won't allow her to use you.” She directed her gaze at Lucille and suddenly seemed much more terrifying than before. “It seems like you are not only insolent but also the most stupid person in this whole nation. Do you still not see what he is doing? He is toying with your head until you are on your knees, and then he will throw you away. Do you think that he would ever marry a viscount's daughter? You are nothing-”
Cedar cut her off there. “I would like to interrupt because I feel like you will only embarrass yourself more. Theodore is married to a commoner. Get over it. Besides, I can assure you that the problem is not her rank. You complained about Althea, who was a count's daughter too. You just hate the fact that someone in your life cares for someone else. But that's not the important part here. I don't understand how you think that you can come here without permission and then complain about whom I spent my time with. I do not believe that you have the right to decide that for me. If I remember it correctly, I am twenty-two and thus an adult by Artias' laws. If I want to see Lucille, who is nothing like what you see her as, I will go meet her as often as I can. This has nothing to do with you.”
Of course, Camille hated hearing that. She gritted her teeth and glared at her son for a while. After a few seconds passed, she slowly turned her head to Lucille again. “You filthy-”
Cedar interrupted her earlier. “Mother, if you keep insulting her, we might really put you on trial for slandering nobility.”
The dowager empress almost would have seemed a bit calmer at that, but the glint of insanity in her eyes made it impossible to see her as anything but a wrathful maniac. “Me? Have you forgotten who I am? My rank is much higher than the one of anyone here. You need to listen to my orders. No one can complain when I rightfully remind insects like her of her place.” Her head snapped to Lucille, and she spoke in a much more aggressive tone than before. “This won't do you any good, little girl. I won't let you sink your greedy fingers into the royal family. I will personally make sure to crush you first and-” It was good that she was interrupted because Lucille wasn't happy to hear any of this.
A fourth voice chimed in from behind the couple. “Your Majesty.”
Immediately, Camille's attention was torn away to the insolent person who had dared to address her first. “Who dares-” She cut herself off, and her rage grew even more. “You!”
Leonard came into view as he walked around the couple to face the dowager empress. He showed a fake smile that didn't reach his eyes when he spoke up. “I sincerely apologize for interrupting. It just happened to come to my attention that we have an uninvited guest here. As one of the inhabitants of the palace, I decided that it would be good to chime in.” He turned to the dowager empress. “I apologize, Your Majesty, but do you have permission to be here?”
Camille pressed her lips into a thin line. She was quiet for a few seconds before hissing her response. “I'm the dowager empress. I don't have to justify anything. Especially not when I face the person who dared to attack me with such force that I still cannot walk properly.”
Leon only beamed at that. “You mean, the former Duke of Vasquez did. He was the one attacking you, do you not remember? I would also like to point out that you were lucky. That man held himself back, or you wouldn't be able to walk at all anymore. But that's beside the point. Do you have permission to be here, Your Majesty? I would doubt that His or Her Majesty invited you.” He glanced at Cedar. “His Royal Highness also seemed confused, so he didn't invite you either, did he?”
Cedar took over at that point. “I did not. I fear that Mother is a bit upset at the moment, so it would be better for her to return home. Leon, please escort her back to her mansion. Only if you have enough free time, of course. I would like to allow the servants here to spare the effort.” Which meant that he was worried about Camille lashing out at the staff members.
Lucille could only lean out from behind the prince's back while she did her best to stay calm. The atmosphere was so tense that she would have liked to run away, but she would only have to endure it for a few more seconds. Then she could try to calm Cedar down and rest assured that they were safe from that awful woman.
As expected, the dowager empress didn't take this suggestion well. “What? There is no way that I will let you send me back with that man! The last time you ran away, he almost broke my bones. Cedar!” She balled her fists while glaring daggers at her son.
Cedar's smile only became brighter, which seemed to be a mechanism that protected him from getting upset. “I don't think reminding me of that evening will do you any good. Mother, you do remember what happened, yes? Then one thing should be clear. Don't pick a fight with Leon, or you will regret it. Goodbye.” He squeezed Lucille's hand before slowly taking a step back with her.
That was good since Camille took a step toward them a second later. “What? How can you ignore me like that?” She raised her hands and made a rapid gesture before pointing at Cedar's side. “That's all because of her, isn't it?” In an instant, she turned her attention to Lucille. “Don't act so pitiful, you wench! I will tear down your innocent facade, you filthy wh-”
By the gods, this woman had issues. The first few insults had still left an impression, but by now, the surge of words coming out of her mouth seemed to mush together. Lucille barely registered anything anymore as the sentences seemed to lose meaning and logic.
Leonard cut the dowager empress off anyway. “That's enough, Your Majesty. We will leave now.” He reached forward to hold his arm between the two parties. Maybe he waited for Camille to push him away so that he had an excuse to defend himself.
But Camille didn't do that. She just glared at her son and the woman who clung to him while still mumbling more insults.
Cedar saw that as his cue to leave. He turned around and left with Lucille. Every step that came between them and that hysteric woman was relieving, but of course, they weren't granted the right to disappear just like that.
Camille called out to her son again. “Cedar!” He ignored her, so she called again. “Cedar, did you get my gift?”
Cedar stopped in his tracks. He turned around at a painstakingly slow pace and made eye contact with his mother. “I did.” He did his best to seem nonchalant, but he had tensed for a moment.
That was all it took for Lucille's uncertainty to be washed away as she unconsciously fell behind a bit to stand between Cedar and his mother. The image of that box and the metal skewer appeared in her mind, and she became angry instead of worried. The dowager empress had probably hurt him with that thing and now she acted like it would make Cedar come back? How ridiculous.
But Camille didn't seem to think like that. She didn't feel any shame or worry about what she was doing. Instead, she raised her chin and narrowed her eyes at her son. “Did you not understand the meaning of that?”
Cedar beamed back at her. “I did. I just don't think that that day meant the same thing to the both of us. The decision has been made. Don't cling to the thought of me changing my mind because that won't happen. Give it up, and make this easier for us.”
Apparently, Camille didn't get the meaning of those words. She yelled even louder than before. “I'm giving you one last chance-”
Cedar cut her off, but he spoke in a much quieter voice. “I was the one who gave you a chance. I told you to stop targeting Theodore and to live quietly. Everything could have been fine then, but you just won't listen. It's too late now. Go home. And don't come again unless Theodore invites you.” He spun around after that and dragged Lucille after him without looking back once, no matter how often his mother called for him.
But still, he couldn't hide how he got more tense each time his name sounded. As always, Cedar's expression revealed nothing but a radiant smile. And yet, the way that his grip on Lucille had tightened significantly as soon as he had seen his mother told her everything she needed to know. He wasn't half as strong as he pretended to be when it came to Camille.
Lucille was pretty sure that her presence here had been good, even if she had only stood there while being yelled at. At least she could try to cheer Cedar up now. After all, a long time of hugging was what the both of them could need after meeting such a horrible person. She wished that she would be able to do more though.
She already despised Camille more than anyone else despite only meeting her a few times. It would be nice if she could act as some sort of protective wall for Cedar to keep him from being forced to face that woman too often.
After all, he might have been the one being physically strong, but his bright smile told them both the truth.