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How To Tame Your Princess
Xmas Eve Bonus! "Interlude - Plants vs. Zombies"

Xmas Eve Bonus! "Interlude - Plants vs. Zombies"

[https://i.imgur.com/VkkP4T2.gif]

INTERLUDE: PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES

“Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.”

– Horace

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[ Prince Orchid ]

Prince Orchid paced inside his command tent.

The expedition of his guild [Dragonheart Flower] to the [Tiamat Mountain Range] was a disastrous failure. They had been stuck for months, doing nothing but extensive mapping of the area while remaining unable to cross the mountains, and ridiculing themselves while [Horizon] grew more famous by the day.

Their backing within the Temple was displeased with their lack of progress, as shown by the growing pile of increasingly curt letters piled on his campaign desk. His guildmates too had started voicing their complaints more openly, caring less and less he might overhear. Their supplies were running low, and their funds threatened to join the formers soon. Empty coffers would spell the premature end of their expedition—unless the Temple recalled the paladins first, which would render any financial concerns irrelevant since they’d be then fucked regardless.

Moreover, there was absolutely no reason to presume anything would get better in the foreseeable future.

Prince Orchid’s mood couldn’t get any better!

“Ahhhh... Today truly is a good day.” As he walked across his deserted mobile headquarters, a glass of wine in hand and a smile on his lips, Prince thought about a beautiful young woman with hazelnut hair and brown eyes. In his mind, her figure overlapped with an equally gorgeous high elf, but the latter possessed silky jet black hair and forest green eyes instead.

“Ah, Lily, dear cousin,” he toasted alone. “I do hope you are enjoying your stay at your grandparents’ farm… far, far away from any access to the web. And do not worry, I will take care of my guild in your absence.”

The maiden occupying his thoughts was Lily Snapdragon, vice-master of DHF. It was a well-kept secret that she was also the guildmaster’s real-life cousin. Only a select few were privy to that information. Any outside of their trusted circle who’d discovered it had been sworn to secrecy and most ended up quitting the game because of this and that. Prince preferred not to pry. He would not pry. He could only sympathise and turn the other way.

She had begun squatting his apartment seven months ago, allegedly to save up on lodging money since he lived close to her chosen college. She had then proceeded to take control of every single aspect of his life—from the time he ate his meals to the hour he went to bed and the clothes he wore each day.

On the one hand, his life had never been more organised; and since she’d started playing the game, his then small but ambitious little guild had soared to meet those ambitions.

On the other, he lived in fear.

At least, he still had some leeway as guildmaster, so lately he spent more and more time in the game.

Fortunately, that woman would be at her grandparents' home for the whole weekend, lying her ass off about her fabulous student life. Moreover, paramount of divine grace, the old couple lived on an actual farm, in one of those weird communities still rejecting the conveniences of modern technology, which granted Prince with almost ten days of absolute freedom.

“Now... What do I do today? It isn’t likely anything new will occur, so let’s go visit Melany,” he said, his lips curving into a practised lady-killer smile.

He drank his wine, put the glass down on a table, and readjusted his military suit of white, gold, posing in front of a cheval glass with his gloved hand resting on the pommel of his enchanted rapier. Sky blue eyes, toothpaste-commercial smile, wavy blond hair growing slightly past his ears, perfect face, his avatar was everything expected from someone named Prince. He’d spent hours crafting this image of masculine perfection.

He tried to see some of his real features in his modified visage, but to his greatest joy, he saw none.

He plucked a fraxinella—also known as “burning bush”—out of a nearby vase and set it up in his breast pocket. Dictamnuses were not the most pleasing to the eye amongst flowers, but he did not wear it purely for aesthetic purposes. He took one last look at himself and nodded, satisfied. He was about to turn to leave when the entrance flaps flew open.

“Guild Master Prince Orchid!” A man rushed inside, dressed in a cloak covered in plants—mainly ivy—and with a pair of antlers on each side of the hood that hid his face. Seeing his leader was alone, the newcomer of druidic appearance continued on a less pompous tone. “Greg, we found—”

“Name, Mistletoe!” the guildmaster interrupted. He put great importance on separating reality from the game.

“Right. Sorry ‘Prince’,” the other replied, his rolling eyes almost audible in his tone.

“No prob. Speak. Whassup?” As fast as he’d snapped, Prince dropped his pretence at decorum. Mistletoe was a close friend in real life, despite his flawed character and even though they’d not physically met each other in months.

“We found a passage!”

“What?” Prince blinked, all ideas of sweet flirting vanishing. “What did you say?”

“A passage. Under the mountain!” The [Druid] was obviously excited, so this was likely more than another false alarm. The guildmaster’s smile broadened even more.

Could this day get any more perfect?

* * *

“So you say there was a rock slide?”

“Yes. Team Cornflower was investigating the new room found by Team Dandelion when a portion of the wall collapsed and revealed a tunnel.”

Prince and Mistletoe were each carrying a torch and running along a narrow cave, towards a natural cave-hall they had found a week prior. The room was huge—a small church would have probably fit inside—and the walls were covered in abstruse scriptures. Three months ago, the discovery of such a place might have excited the members of the expedition, but after dozens of similar sites and no substantial gain, their enthusiasm had severely cooled down.

“A tunnel?” repeated Prince, as if hearing the word for the first time. “Are you sure it isn’t just another dungeon?”

“Affirmative. We sent Team Poppy to explore the inside. They confirmed it wasn’t a dungeon. And two different Air Mages from Team Cabbage also confirmed there was another exit to the tunnel, albeit a very distant one.”

“When is the Megazord due to arrive?”

“As soon as we manage to get people out of that damn Ferris wheel.”

“Good. Let us hurry.”

“……”

Prince could feel his friend’s gaze on him.

“What?”

“How long are we going to make that joke every time something happens?”

“As long as it takes for me to get used to those colour-coded flowery teams… Seriously, wasn’t there anything else green beside cabbages? I can never understand what that woman is thinking.”

“You have it hard, Guil’ Masta,” Mistletoe commented with a smirk and a suggestive movement of his eyebrows. “Being fawned over, cooked for, fed, washed, clad, looked after in your sleep…”

“Why don’t you try it?” Prince snapped back with irritation.

“You should just give in. If anything, she’s hot.”

“I still value my life.”

“My point exactly.”

“……”

They continued to run in silence after that, Mistletoe still grinning and Prince contemplating his dark future.

The pair soon reached the dark natural chamber lit up by torches. Prince immediately rectified his brooding face. Mistletoe was one thing, but in front of his other guildmates, he was the Master of Dragonheart Flower, confident, competent, and above all, charming.

With a measured pace, he crossed the vast space, the Druid following a few steps behind on his left. If Lily had been there, she would have been on his right. Proper decorum was something the cousins agreed on, at least on the surface.

The entrance of the newly discovered tunnel was guarded by a trio of players. One was a human girl in mage robe. The other two were guys, a human swordsman and a tall half-orc in plate armour. From their equipment, decent but subpar compared with many in the guild, Prince could tell they had barely passed the minimum level requirement for this quest. That, and the fact he couldn’t place a name on their faces, designated the three as fairly green recruits—no pun intended.

As the Guild Master approached, they straightened their postures and gave him an approximate military salute.

“Good evening,” Prince said with his whitest and sparkliest smile. “Thank you for your hard work.”

“N-N-No! We just d-d-did our job,” the mage stammered, clearly blushing.

Prince ignored the death glares from the two others players, as well as Mistletoe low chuckle behind him, and took the girl’s hand to land a soft kiss on its back. “No. It is my pleasure to have such diligent comrades. Does this beautiful maiden have a name she would be so kind as to grace me with the sound of?”

“I-I-I’m Kamille. Kamille Belladone.”

Cute… Well, I guess we are bound to gather all the flowery names around, aren’t we?

“And who might your companions be?” he asked again, prudently shifting his gaze away from Kamille’s eyes before the girl blew up a vein in her face from blushing too much.

“Ah! This is Marc Hops,” she said designating the swordsman.

At least that’s manly enough, Prince thought as he stepped away from the cloud of pheromones and gave the man a firm handshake. “Always a pleasure to meet a fellow practitioner of the sword. Please feel free to come to me for a spar when you feel bored. I might be able to entertain you.”

Despite his earlier hostile reaction, Marc couldn’t help but relax his guard, being directly talked to in such a friendly manner by the esteemed leader of one of the mightiest guilds in Untold Tales.

“It would be my honour, Guild Master.”

“And this is Moss Fernz,” the girl continued with the introductions.

Moss… Because he’s green? Can’t comment on that. Prince kept his mouth from cringing. Naming sense was a lost art.

The tall half gave Prince a curt nod, which the latter returned as respectfully as possible.

“There is also Chloé Ginger, the healer of the party, but she is offline right no— Ah!” she caught herself mid-sentence and covered her mouth with her hands. “I mean... I-I-I’M SORRY!! We were on guard duty, but she had a familial obligation and she—”

“It’s alright,” he cut her off. “This is a game, not the army. If you cannot be online, you cannot be online. That’s all there is to it. If you stress yourself over the game, that defies its initial purpose, does it not? But please, try to inform Mistletoe here, or someone else on the planning staff, if someone gets held up. The higher-ups are not there only to give out orders. We are also supposed to organise the guild so that our members can enjoy the game to its fullest. But we can only do that if we know who is available and when. So please, be careful next time. Okay?”

“Ye-YES!!”

Prince smiled broadly, and Kamille all but fainted. Prince could almost hear the Druid behind him figuratively roll on the floor laughing inside his own twisted hooded head. Yeah. People these days are too serious. A game is meant to be fun. That’s the only thing that damned bastard is right about. Just because I can't enjoy the game doesn't mean I can't help other relax from their daily lives.

Seeing as Kamille was out of commission and Moss was not the talkative type, Prince turned towards the swordsman Marc to ask, “Are you a new team?”

“Yes, Team Razzmatazz... sir?”

“Sir’ will do if you want. But there’s no need to be so formal.” The guildmaster smiled, but inwardly, he was smacking his forehead. The fuck is "razzmatazz"? When did we run out of flowers?

Thankfully for him, Kamille suddenly came back to life and pointedly found pertinent to add, “It is a sort of double-flowered coneflower. It’s reddish pink. I… I thought it was cute.”

“Oh. Interesting.” KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!! Damn you, World! How many shades of pink are you going to inflict upon us until you are satisfied?! Prince was a bit overworked. Not letting his inner outcry filter out, however, he finally addressed the main point of his presence, “So, Team... Razzmatazz, is everything alright around here?”

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“Yes sir, we—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” A loud scream interrupted her, coming out of the tunnel. The three recruits jumped in fright while Prince just sighed. I had to ask, didn’t I?

Mistletoe, in turn, whispered, “You jinxed it, Guil' Masta.”

“Shut up. I know that,” Prince whispered back. In a louder voice, he ordered, “Go fetch reinforcement in case anything unexpected happens. I’ll go see what’s going on with Team Poppy.”

Mistletoe nodded and turned heels. Prince watched the Druid take off, then turned back towards the trio. “You three, come with me.” They might be weak compared to the other members of the expedition, but they weren’t total newbies if they got admitted in the expedition.

Indeed, Kamille, Marc and Moss rapidly recovered from their surprise and responded with another improvised military salute. “““Yes Sir!”””

“Alright.”

Resolutely, he stepped in the tunnel…

*bang*

[ Blunt Trauma: –2HP ]

…only to stumble backwards after someone running in the opposite direction slammed into him.

“Ow. Who… Holly? Shit, what happened?!”

Holly Wood, the leader of team Poppy, stood before him, unsteady and panting. Her eyes were haggard, her priestess garb in tatters and covered in blood. She also very noticeably was missing an arm. The wound had been closed, however, benefits of healing magic.

“I… I don’t… We found— and then— Oh God, all the others… Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my god…”

Shit. Tell me they didn’t excavate a Balrog or something.

“Holly, calm down. Explain what you found. I promise we will avenge your team.” He assumed, seeing her state, that her teammates were in no better condition. The woman seemed to come back to her senses a little.

“I-I don’t know what it was. Undead I think. But I never heard of anything like that. The others shielded my escape. I…”

Undead is it? Prince’s eyes flashed in ponder. Undead were rare as monsters in the area discovered so far. However, that would explain the unexplained spontaneous support from the Temple to their expedition. The religious group must have been aware of information their guild ignored. But what kind of undead could inflict this kind of damage on a healer even with her teammates sacrificing to help her flee?

Shivering, the priestess was muttering to herself, something about being a failure as a leader. Prince grabbed her shoulders and forced her to face him. “Holly. Tell me everything you can.”

“Ah… There… There was a—”

*ROOOOOAR!!!*

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!”

Loud and strange noises burst out of the tunnel, and Holly paled. “It’s coming.”

“What it?” Don’t play the pronoun game, woman! “Holly, what’s com—”

*BANG*

Suddenly, a black blur bolted out of the tunnel and collided with the two players.

[ Blunt Trauma: –30HP ]

Rolling on the cave floor, again, Prince cursed. What was with everyone rushing into him today? He somersaulted backwards on the ground a few times and ended his course very un-princely laying on his upper back, legs over his head.

[ Corruption Damage: –40HP ]

A prickly feeling on his face made him open his eyes, and what greeted him was a tiny skeleton staring back at him.

“HAAAAAA!!” Prince screamed.

“SQUEEEK!!” the skeleton followed.

“HAAAAAAAA!!”

“SQUEEEEEEEEAK!!”

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!”

“AAAAA—GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!”

“SQUEE-EEEEEEeeee—” *crack*

Thrown away by the player, the little animalistic bone monster slammed into the nearest wall, which was still quite far, and scattered in pieces.

Prince stood up and took the scene surrounding him. The Razzmatazz trio was still beside the tunnel entrance, standing stunned. Holly… Holly’s corpse was laying a little further. She had been in bad shape already, and she’d borne the brunt of the impact. Next to her was a large black horse oozing black smoke and unhurriedly trying to get back on its hooves.

“Sque-heee-heeeakargh…” Sounds came from the direction of the scattered bones, which were already reassembling themselves into something resembling a rodent. It briefly held its tiny head in pain, and then jumped back on its tiny feet and made a victory sign with both bony paws.

“…a squirrel?” Puzzled but prudent, Prince unsheathed his sword. However, he was completely ignored by the undead rodent, as the creature rushed to the fallen horse and began admonishing it with high-pitched squeals.

The situation was utterly weird, confusing, and potentially extremely dangerous. Prince’s eyes fell on Holly’s corpse.

This feeling… O god, no.

At that moment, Mistletoe, followed by the Mages of Team Cabbage, made irruption in the room. Prince spun around. “Code EW!!” he immediately shouted at him.

Under his hood, the Druid’s face paled. He nodded back to one of the Mages, who ran back out of the cave at full speed, looking equally shaken.

“Code EW? Are you sure?” Mistletoe confirmed with the Guild Master after reaching his side.

Without answering, Prince sternly designated the little bone rodent, now clad in darkness, arguing with the smoky horse.

“Oh sweet lord…” Mistletoe simply commented.

“Excuse me… err…” This was coming from the reddish-pink trio. Kamille was looking at the two higher-ups with a confused face, also casting brief glances at Holly’s body and the absurd scene.

“Yes?” replied Prince.

“What is code EW?”

The two shared a look; then Mistletoe answered. “Oh, right, you’re new. Code EW is a full mobilisation of the available guild members. It is the standard procedure in case someone encounters something that defies the commonly accepted logic of the game. It is mostly to prevent things to go South if that guy is involved.”

“That guy?”

“Elric Walker,” both experienced players whispered in a tone of defeat.

“Eh? The Deep Exp’? Is he so dangerous? I heard he was harmless and funny.” Kamille’s gaze almost hurt Prince. Was he ever that innocent?

“FOOL!!” Mistletoe shouted. “You do not know the true terror of the Harbinger of Odd!”

Prince shivered, looking into the distance with dead eyes, “I remember the [Chickentulla].”

“And the army of… were those smurfs?”

“I don’t know. Very aggressive smurfs maybe. What still bugs me is those anthropophagus broccolis they were riding.”

“Aaaah! Don’t remind me!” Mistletooe grabbed the sides of his hood. “I still can’t eat vegetables without checking if they have teeth.”

“And that time with the [Meteorite Shower]. How did he summon that?”

“Hell if I know. All I remember is a huge boulder in a towel screaming ‘Kyaaaaaaa!! Ecchi!!’, then she started throwing [Rock Bullets] at us.”

“[Fiery Rock Bullets].”

“Oh, right. How did she even invoke fire from under a waterfall?”

“How could I know?! Ask Elric!”

“I’m not going anywhere near that guy! I value my humanity.”

“Oh… did we ever manage to turn that lord’s daughter back?”

“Yeah. She still bleats now and then and sometimes goes out to graze her father’s lawn, but aside from that she is mostly back to human.”

“Ah… good.”

Both of them sighed loudly in unison, lost in their little traumatised world under the confused eyes of Team Razzmatazz. Marc the Swordsman snapped them back to reality. “Hem. Sirs, the little guy and the horse are coming this way.”

Everyone turned around and looked at the rodent riding the shadow horse, walking closer.

Once a mere five metres away, the mount turned sideways, and the diminutive bony figure faced the small crowd. Its elongated fist-sized skull snickered, lipless mouth filled with sharp pointy fangs clattering viciously. Ghastly green fire burned in the depth of its empty sockets, and veil of pure darkness covered most of its skeletal body. The creature looked dangerous and threatening, yet couldn’t help but foster a feeling of pity into those gazing upon it.

“Squeeeeeeak!! Squee squeeee squeeeeeak!! Squeak squeak Sque-sque-squeeeeeaaaak!!” the creature declared grandiosely.

“……”

“……”

“What?”

Prince felt a headache coming.

“He said ‘I am Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth. Fear Me unworthy mortals. Serve the great I or die under My army of minions.’ I think that’s the rough translation. But I’m paraphrasing. The tone was more arrogant.”

Everyone’s gazes once again shifted, this time towards Mistletoe. Even Nutrek looked taken aback.

“You speak squirrel?” Prince asked, doubtful.

“I am a protocol druid.”

Silence answered that statement.

*cough* “Err… right… Forgot about that…” The mentally tired Guild Master sighed again. “He’s an enemy then?”

“…I suppose so?”

“Okay. Then… Charge… I guess?”

The much unmotivated order took some time to take effect, but the mages eventually began casting their spells. However, before they could finish throwing them at the self-introduced Nutrek Acornazieth, a loud roar shook the cave.

*ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!*

“SQUEEEEEAK!!”

Then, under the astounded eyes of the assembled players, a tide of decaying monsters spewed out of the tunnel. Prince noted four half-moles spilling their organs, a rotting creature made of dogs stitched together, a baby duck lacking both its eyes, a brown snake, a swarm of ghastly butterflies, what looked like a giant shrimp with spider legs, and a couple of rabbits covered in blood before any attempt at individual recognition was lost in the sheer number of the horde.

The druid was the most confused. “Are those the aforementioned minions? It looks like their fearsome overlord just fled, though. And did he just screamed ‘shi—”

“Shut up Mistletoe! Try to slow them with your magic! Team Cabbage, battle formation! Kamille, join them. Moss, protect Mistletoe until he finishes incanting. Marc, with me! We need to plug that tunnel before we’re overwhelmed.”

““““Yes!””””

With now a clearly hostile enemy in front of him, Prince Orchid gathered his wits back and organised his troops.

Then he charged.

Bout to come into contact with the small army already in the cave, Prince reached for the fraxinella still hanging from his breast pocket and crushed it. Fire surged forth and covered his rapier. Obtaining different power form different plants was his ability as a [Florist Swordsman]. As much as he found his class stupid, he couldn’t deny its versatility. Plus, girls liked cool flower dudes, although having been both laughed at and called “awesome” by Elric Walker left a weird taste in Prince’s mouth. He didn’t know whether ridicule or praise from the crazy man was the most hurtful.

At least if that guy could get my name right!!

Focusing his rage on his current opponents, the Guild Master plunged into the mass of rotting monsters. Good thing he had chosen the “burning bush” as ornament today. Undead were notably weak against fire. It was not as efficient as holy magic, but it was better than a mere steel sword. He just wished he had his silver weapon, or the mithril one, but he was careless and had left them at the commanding tent.

But, seriously, who could expect a sudden undead outbreak after no sighting of the Reckless Imbecile for several months?

Slightly behind him, Marc covered his back by defeating the remnants of his leader’s victims. On both sides, AoE magic began to rain, courtesy of Kamille and Team Cabbage. Moss continued to protect the Druid from stray monsters, and soon Mistletoe finished his incantation.

The mob became instantly more sluggish—if only a little. The Druid’s taming magic was not as efficient as it should because of the sheer number of animals and their undead nature. But victory was built on small advantages. That was Prince’s deep belief… and the reason why a certain individual who always charged ahead without any plan and still came out unscathed tended to especially infuriate him.

In no time, Prince and Marc reached the entrance of the tunnel. They left the cleaning of the cave to their guildmates and proceeded to slaughter any new monsters who arrived. More precisely, a slightly crazed Prince murdered them frantically while Marc cut up any who passed through his Guild Master’s blockade.

* * *

The long minutes passed, and the flow of abnormal undead did not seem to dry up. Corpses piled up at Prince’s feet, but the monsters kept devouring their fallen brethren and surging forwards. He was beginning to tire. The effects of the burning bush had run up already, and he was now fighting with only his swordsmanship.

Damned, I need more. Can’t they take a break? Just the time for me to run to a real florist?

The [Florist Swordsman], despite its silly name, was a very potent and versatile class, as it enabled the player to use an absurd variety of techniques as long as the corresponding plant was available. However the plants had to be fresh, and unfortunately, the inventory did not froze items in time. Milk would go off, meat rot, and flowers wither.

Usually, that was not a problem, but today…

“Where are the paladins?!”

“They are praying!” Mistletoe shouted back. “It’s midday.”

“Well, could someone pray those armoured fuckers to get their faithful asses over here?!” Except for Mistletoe, everyone looked shocked to hear their ever-polite Prince spit such rude words. They would be ever more flabbergasted at the things going through his mind. Fuck you rotbags!! How dare you spoil my perfect day!? You shitty useless arseholes! If I could—

However then, a powerful yet melodious voice echoed over the cacophony of gargling beasts. “Cover the world with child’s beauty. Call Innocence and Purity. [Daisy Haven]!” From cracks in the walls and even seemingly out of thin air, a garden of daisies suddenly covered the stone of the cave.

Prince felt his blood freeze, but at the same time power surged through him, along with a blinding white light which made him look like a miniature sun. With a scream of rage and despair, he began piercing one monster after the other. Under his shining rapier, the undead were annihilated without even leaving ashes behind. And, each time one monster was obliterated, a flower flared up.

Rapidly, the tunnel was cleared. Sweating and out-of-breath, Prince turned around. Every single one of his guildmates were looking at him with awe, like he was some vengeful god of light or something, except again for Mistletoe whose wry smirk could be seen under his hood.

However, Prince saw none of them, having eyes only for the [Forest Maiden], a beautiful high elf in simple green dress standing in the middle of the disappearing garden of daisies.

“Prince!”

The beauty ran up to him and looked at his body, worriedly checking for injuries. Finding none too serious, she sighed in relief, a hand resting on her bountiful chest.

Prince smiled nervously. “Lily… I thought you would be gone all weekend? What pleasure brings you back so soon?” To his great pride, he managed to keep fear out of his voice.

“I just knew something was going to happen. Besides, I could not stay a full weekend without seeing you!” In a sudden fluid movement, she delicately slipped her arm around his neck, leaned forwards, and gave him a passionate kiss. Prince knew better than not hug and kiss her back.

She let go of his lips and slid to his side, clutching his right arm between her two mounds, resting her head on his shoulder, and smiling blissfully. “You would have missed me too, right?”

“……”

“Right?”

“Of course! Of course, my love.” Maintaining a trained poker face, Prince looked over the people present in the cave. Kamille was blushing heavily, but her admiring gaze was as focused on Lily as on the Guild Master, so she was probably safe. The rest of them showed various expressions of respectful envy at the sight of the mighty couple—again, except for Mistletoe who was busy choking with silent laughter. That guy’s bad personality was probably why Lily allowed him to stick around even though she’d driven all his other friends away. Unlike the others, he enjoyed seeing Prince in trouble too much to try to separate the cousins.

“Prince…” Lily, close to his ear, murmured in a way only he could perceive. “I’m afraid we will have to replace the leader of team Dandelion. I crossed path with Melany on my way here. It seems she suddenly decided to quit because of family obligations. The poor girl, she even deleted her avatar. It’s sad. She was such a good girl. You liked her, didn’t you?”

“Me-Melany?” Prince gulped. “I don’t recall such a person. Was she one of our Team Leaders?”

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter anymore. How tragic.”

“Yes…”

“Oh! And I also met a weird little thing running away earlier. Since I’m not too good at fighting, I used one of those teleportation scrolls we found last month.”

“The random ones?”

She nodded with a sheepish malicious grin.

Oh… I almost pity the rodent. He didn’t seem like too bad a fellow.

“By the way, Prince, what do you want to eat this evening?”

“Anything you cook is always the most delicious meal I can hope for,” he replied with trained affection.

“Ooooh~ You! You know me best.”

“That’s because I love you.” Hearing this, the high elf snuggled closer with a delighted smile, and Prince screamed inwardly, feeling the Devil’s shackles lock back around his soul.

* * *

[ Narrator ]

Somewhere far away, on top of a mountain covered in ice and blizzard, a bony squirrel looked around in disbelief. Beside him, a black horse was frozen in place. Literally.

After a short while, a shadow passed over the pair. Nutrek raised his gaze, and he squealed in fright. If he had had any eyes, they would have bulged out in refusal to admit the situation.

The huge red dragon landed loudly fifty metres away from them, the movement of its impressive wings sending a wave of snow in their direction. The little overlord immediately jumped atop Asparagus’ head and in-extremis avoided being buried. The frozen stallion did not escape this fate though.

However, immediately, a ring of fire materialised around them, melting the snow and defrosting Asparagus. The abrupt upwards current of vaporised water blasted Nutrek off his perch. He fell on the ground, now dried earth. He laid there, stunned and unable to react while a woman slowly stepped off the dragon.

Her hair was a fiery dark orange-red, and she was brazenly wearing a lose miko outfit despite the freezing temperature and even though she didn’t look the slightest bit Japanese. Her massively exposed skin had a healthy tanned tone. Her expression was dangerous and temptress, and her lips full and red. Her eyes too were ruby, but her pupils were as slit as those of her dragon. She walked without hurry, half-naked yet unfazed by the cold gusts of wind, the air around her instead undulating under the presence of extreme heat. Each of her steps revealed the ground under her bare feet in a crackling cloud of steam.

One could say that, for all intend and purposes, this woman was… hot.

She crossed the wall of flames encircling Nutrek and his mount like it didn’t even exist and crouched beside the fallen squirrel overlord.

“Hello, pet. I’m Hime. You look weird and unusual. Tell me, where is Elric Walker?”

* * * * *