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CHAPTER 37: THIS GIRL IS ON FI~RE!!

“Aaaaaah!! My leg!! My leg!”

“Ugh. My head. Stop shout—Shit! What happened to your leg?!”

“It’s over there!”

“Over… Oh, bloody hell.”

“Bring it here! I think I can reattach it!”

“This is ridiculous.” Thena curses and grumbles but still complies. “I thought you said it was safe!”

“Well!” I take my own severed leg from her hand and stick it to my stump even as I use [High Haemokinesis] to stop the blood from gushing out. “It would have been—if that stupid ceiling hadn’t given way! Ugh, that tickles. It’s horrible.”

Teleporting from Cali, we have reappeared at the planned destination, as far as I can tell. So that’s one positive result. Everything almost went without a hitch, except for one tiny detail, the fact our target turned out to be in a far more degraded state than the teleport station in Cali. For those who do not know this, teleporting to a broken location can come with some… unpleasantness. The messy type. Bits don’t arrive together, or get rearranged in the wrong way, or simply don’t arrive at all. If the circle itself is heavily damaged, instant death might be in fact the sweetest result.

At least, it’s undoubtedly the least painful one.

Here, unlike in Cali, the teleportation terminal is located aboveground in the middle of a forest of mangroves and giant palm trees on the eastern coast of the Pandore continent; and one of the said palm trees has collapsed atop the ruin, breached through the roof, and ended partially inside the transfer room. I had the misfortune of having a massive leaf already occupying my re-materialisation spot. Usually, the spell is designed to protect the teleporter, but this circle isn’t in the best of states. Most of me reformed from energy to solid on one side of the leaf, but my leg decided on the other side.

Needless to say, my body wasn’t pleased with this secession attempt.

And the leg doesn’t seem willing to come back much either. I frown. “It’s not working too well… Maybe with a little blood?” I send a hopeful upturned glance at Thena.

She meets my gaze with her usual golden glare. We stare at each other, and she lets out a noise halfway between a grunt and a sigh, rolling her eyes, and removes her gauntlet. I fix my leg in place with a cast of crystallised blood and take hold of her forearm which she’s lowered to my level. “Itadakimasu.” My fangs sink into the softest, squishiest part of her rough palm. Warm liquid floods my mouth, and its luscious fragrance assaults my taste buds. My eyes close, unconsciously, in delight. I distantly hear some suspiciously erotic moans but pay them no attention.

I’m eventually brought down from my high by a sharp prickly sensation of mending tissues in my left thigh. Leaning back, I glance down and mentally order the frozen blood to fragment and part, revealing skin that’s back to white and unblemished. I manage to move my toes. Good news.

When I try to bend to leg, an acute pain quickly dissuades me. “Ow fu—dge.” Bad news. Darn. I guess hoping for a perfect instant recovery is unrealistic, uh? I’m too low-level… or the skill is. I need to take a moment to look through my status in details if I’m actually to use this character.

You had weeks of idle time inside a tower.

Well, I wasn’t feeling like it then!

We are impossible…

Is that a bad thing?

Let me get back to you on that.

No.

Thought so.

My pant-leg is ruined, though. If Martha weren’t dead, she would kill me for ruining her outfit. Well, the cut is quite neat. It shouldn’t be too hard to fix. I’ll need to do that as well when I get some time.

Anyway, in the meantime...

Let’s make this busted garb a little comfier.

Using the wall of the room and avoiding to put weight on my injured leg, I pull myself up. “UT Command. Unequip current set.” My leather outfit dissolves in particles of light. I open my inventory and take that same outfit out manually. I place the severed pant-leg in a separate slot and the rest back where I took it from. “UT Command. Equip pre-set ‘battle dom’.” The red grab reappears on my body, minus the leg.

There. Much faster than normal changing, especially with a lame leg.

I nod in satisfaction and turn to Thena. “Alright, where were we—Thena why are you holding your nose?”

“…34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987, 1597, 2584…”

“Arara?” I tilt my head in confusion. “Thena? Is something wrong?”

Her eyes are closed, and her meaty lips are tight, only letting out a strained whisper. “Don’t...”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t you have any shame?!” she shouts and gestures angrily.

I blink. “What?”

Shame? I don’t think we have that item in our inventory. Check out again to be sure.

Mmmh… Let me see… UT command. Sort inventory. Alphabetical. …hmmm… [Shark teeth], [Shallot], [Shammy], [Shampoo], [Shimmer snake skin], [Shoelaces of Fate]… Nope. No shame.

Thought so.

……

……

Hehehehe…

Hehehehehe…

I look at myself, frowning, then it finally clicks. I laugh. “Oh! That? Come on, Thena dear. I just changed clothes. Hahaha. Don’t tell me you’re this easily flustered by a bit of skin? These aren’t even our real bodies. What’s there to be ashamed of?”

“It-it’s a matter of common sense and public decency!” Her cheeks are flushed, and despite her attempts at appearing furious, her eyes are looking everywhere but at me. It’s almost too cute to bear.

Gods, this woman doesn’t realise how cute she is.

Makes one just want to eat her up. With whipped cream. I’ll let her do the whipping, though.

My left eyebrow rises and teasing smirk forms on my lips. Leaning against the wall, I tug at my neckline. “Could it be… that you want to see some more?”

“Don’t be absurd.” She glares. This time, real anger comes through, no sign of embarrassment visible. I raise a second eyebrow in honest puzzlement and stop toying with my clothes.

At times, I really can’t figure out this girl’s buttons at all.

Makes one curious.

I am.

Thena shoots me another annoyed glance. “Can you walk?”

Now, now, dearie~. Is that a way to talk to someone who had her leg cut of a minute ago?

I tentatively push myself off the wall and walk a couple of steps. I wince. “Err… one sec’.” From my inventory, I retrieve a crutch—kind of. It’s supposed to be a tall cane, but that was when I was two feet taller. I stick it under my armpit, and I manipulate the blood to once again form a hard casing around my leg, keeping it straight and steady. Not exactly the most solid of casts, but effing handy to make.

I hobble a few steps, spin to Thena and point at her with the cane. “It’s not lupus. It’s never lupus.”

She only stares blankly at me. “…What are you doing?”

I shrug with one shoulder, turning my palms up, smiling half of a smug smirk and raising an eyebrow. “Being awesome?”

“……”

I’m no expert, but I believe that look in her eyes translates as “I’m getting real tired of your shit, Vicky.”

Err… good point. I lower the cane and shrug again, in a much less showy manner. “Should be fine. Don’t ask me to run, though.” The monsters in the area shouldn’t prove too much of a threat this deep in the newbie zone. Speaking of weak monsters… “Where is Appleseed, by the way? I wasn’t really attentive when we arrived.”

Your attention was… legging?

Go kill yourself.

Suicide is never the solution.

“Woof.” Toto’s bark makes me look down. The possessed puppy is sitting on the floor and pointing a paw at a large bloody smear on the portion of the palm tree trunk invading the perimeter of the teleportation circle.

“…Oh.”

Is that a piece of broken horn I spot amongst the fleshy bits of fur floating in the puddle of blood?

I think that’s a hoof.

O dear.

“……eh.” Suddenly, I notice a notification reminder I’d missed so far, flashing softly in the corner of my sight. I mentally select it. “………ah.”

Your familiar has suffered irrecoverable damages and died. You are a terrible owner!

No need to be mean about it.

Err... Alright... Then... Where is that window...?

There.

Ah. Thanks.

BloodSoul Familiars List Name Species Level State Toto Soul Dragon of the Abyss

(curr. Possessed Toy Puppy) 578 (sealed) Summoned Appleseed Black Undead Goat 12 Dead ☠

(23h51m12s)

Appleseed, cowardly and unlucky ungulate addicted to apples, perished today in a most unfortunate accident. Let us observe a minute of silence, in memory of her.

...

......

.........

A minute is too freaking long.

The minute of silence was shortened due to whiny inner voice issues.

Hey!

“Meh. I can summon her back in a day or so anyway. This much should be enough.” I close the window, avoid meeting Thena’s judgemental gaze and turn to the exit, which thankfully wasn’t smashed by the sequoia-sized palm. I’m in no state to crawl out of a pile of rubble. Leaning on my improvised crutch, I hobble out. After a few seconds, I hear an annoyed click of the tongue, and heavy footsteps follow me.

Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

Sorry, Appleseed. I'll buy you a whole cart of apple when we get to Start.

A short hallway later, I exit the ruin to find myself atop one of the many hill-like islands that dot the mangrove. Dense vegetation is creeping everywhere. The roots of the mangroves plunge into the slow flow of salty water. Their leaves form a canopy above our heads, and the foliage of giant palm trees claim the sky even higher. Barely any sunlight is reaching the ground. However, this darkness has a very different quality to the one in Erwyn. Here, it isn’t gloomy and oppressive. Instead, it’s welcoming like a spot of shade on a scorching day. It’s warmer.

Much warmer, in fact. The time is around midday, and the season must be summer if I’m not mistaken. It’s hard to keep track of it with the time differential between the real and the virtual world and all the microclimate areas around the continent. I once stepped off a snowy mountain to sink right away into quicksand—a rare magical anomaly, but a good example nonetheless. The temperature here is a bit too hot, to be honest, but that’s a minor thing.

The main difference is the sounds. In Erwyn, outside of towns, the silence is only ever broken by the wails of the undead. Here, the forest is alive with the trills of birds and the cries of small animals, all too faint and distant for my [Universanimal Language] skill to spoil everything. The wind isn’t howling ominously through the branches and isn't accompanied by the omnipresent background of rumbling thunder. The little breeze isn’t chilling. It is refreshing.

I take my first breath of fresh, curse-free air in weeks—months if you don't count the brief interlude in Kansas. I spread my arms and let out a delighted laugh. This is also the magic of virtual reality. You don’t get air this pure in the real world unless you go to nature reserves.

A noise up above catches my attention. I look up, meeting the circumspect gaze of a [Flying Beaver], a local monster. The critter doesn’t show any aggressiveness, however, settling for observing this new and strange being encroaching upon its territory. I smile and wave at it, causing it to disappear back into the foliage. I woefully ignore its cries of “Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope…” A second later, I spot the beaver jumping off another branch and gliding away, limbs spread to stretch the membranes between its wrists and ankles and its flat tail working as a rudder.

That’s right! Flee! Flee from our mighty selves, beaver!

Still laughing, I turn at the sound of twigs snapping. Thena is standing at the entrance of the small tumulus hiding the teleport station. She’s looking a bit dazed in my direction, a hand in a visor to shield her eyes from the sudden light. I smile at her. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

She stares at me, blinks and looks around. “It is, yeah…” She shakes her head. “Where are we exactly?” With sharper eyes, she glances my way and vigilantly scans the surroundings.

“The [Krakot Delta]. [Start City] is a three-to-four-day walk north from here, through the [Schuim Plains]. A couple of months of travel cut down to mere days! Isn’t that great?! Worth the gamble of a slightly uncertain teleportation, wouldn’t you say?”

Appleseed would probably disagree on the details.

Aw, she’ll be fi~ne.

My momentary distraction makes me miss the first part of Thena’s reply. I quickly refocus. “…and how do we get there? I’ve never been to these parts.”

“Mmh? Oh. It’s… err…” I look around. “That way.” I gesture towards one of the giant palms, one which makes the sapling that fell onto the teleport station look like a pinkie to its middle-finger height and thumb girth. Wide steps stick out perpendicularly from its trunk and form spiral stairs. I point upwards. “Footbridges lead from tree to tree to go over the watery parts. They are only on the thickest trees because the beavers tend to fall the ‘small’ ones now and then.” I illustrate the relativity of the word ‘small’ with air quotes.

Following my finger, Thena frowns slightly then nods. She looks back at the tumulus. “Why hasn't anybody found this place yet? An unclaimed teleportation circle so near to the capital seems like a huge liability.”

“Well, this area is just far enough that by the time new players reach it, they are just too high-level for the monsters here to still be of interest. …Not many like to explore a mosquito-filled mangrove for the heck of it,” I add, seeing the semi-orc swat a pea-sized insect flying a little too close to her face. For some reason, the local pests have been leaving me alone.

Respect from one bloodsucker to another?

Who knows?

"Besides, if anyone does find this teleport station, they probably wouldn’t recognise it for what it is. They would only see a stone bungalow covered in scribbles in the middle of nowhere. There are countless such ruins everywhere on Pandore. Why would this one attract more attention? Or why would any player report it to the authorities? The kingdoms are still too focused on fighting monsters and securing their newly-reclaimed borders to worry about stuff like this for now.”

“Makes sense… Seems imprudent, but I guess it makes sense. They are still too focused outwardly,” Thena mumbles, swiping at the mosquito again. At that point, Toto, who’d climbed back onto her shoulder, finally loses patience for the buzzing annoyance and roasts it with a concentrated burp of flames. Thena pats his head in gratitude. “Good boy.”

I stare at the scene with… disinterest. Yes. Disinterest.

Because I am absolutely not jealous of some furry prick of a stuffed mutt who’s being praised by my Thena for something I was about to do.

Not jealous at all.

Let’s strangle that dragon.

With a consequent effort of will, I ignore the suggestion. I spin around and hobble grumpily on the uneven ground towards the stairs, stabbing innocent fallen leaves with my improvised crutch.

Then, from behind me, I hear a smug snort.

“Your head stuffing is wool from the butt of a sheep,” I snap without deigning to look back. The snort turns into a sputter, and I cackle in an absolutely non-petty way.

Serves you right, buttface.

Passing by one of the few scattered patches of daylight dotting the hummus, I’m struck by a thought. I’m technically half-a-vampire, but since my transformation, I’ve yet to encounter sunlight. Would it affect me as badly as a full-fledged vampire? I might be only a half, but I also carry the blood of the Eldest Vampire. How does this all factor in?

Without thinking much, I move my hand into the bean cutting through the shadows. Even though my hands are gloved in leather, the gloves are fingerless, so they don’t interfere. Sunlight touches my bare skin. “Ashhh!” Immediately, I pull back with a hiss. I stare at my fingers, which have been charred black. “Poo!”

Shit!

That’s what I said.

No, it's not.

“Vicky?! What happened?” Thena asks anxiously. She is already lifting her shield and shifting to a fighting stance.

“No, no. It’s fine.” I hold my hand and blow on it—as if that would do any good to the charred black flesh. “It’s just the—” My mouth snaps shut as all the hair on my body suddenly stand on end. Ever got the feeling of being watched? That feeling when you walk into a room and every gaze shift to you, and you can feel them weighing on your shoulder almost like a physical pressure? Well, imagine that dialled a hundred times.

Big drops of sweat pearl on my forehead—and not because of fear. It’s not only me. Thena too has dampness dripping down every harsh line of her rough, handsome face. I fan myself with an open hand—the healthy one. “Lord Almighty, I think I feel my temperature rising. Was it this hot a second ago?”

“No. I feel it too.” Thena looks up, frowning.

I pant, pushing a sticky wet strand of hair off my face. In no time, I’ve already become drenched. “It’s getting higher and higher. It’s like it’s burning through straight to my soul.”

“Stop being such a drama queen.” She stops, a strange expression briefly passing on her face, then frowns. She steps in my direction. “But I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Let's get out of here.”

I can only nod vehemently. Whatever’s happening, staying here doesn't seem like a viable plan. I throw the cane back in my inventory and hold up my arms to be picked up. Increasing, her pace, Thena sweeps me off my feet—literally—and carries me towards the palm tree and then up the stairs, not once breaking her stride. In no time, we reach the top of the tree, even as the temperature continues to climb alongside us. Free from focusing on walking, I take the opportunity to don a hood, put on round sunglasses and change gloves to full ones. My burns don’t seem to be healing either, at all.

Ugh… this could become slightly detrimental to daytime activities.

A change in rhythm and movement direction informs me my carrier stopped leaping up the stairs and started running on the horizontal walkway. How she manages to maintain her balance on wobbly rope bridges at this speed and altitude is beyond me, but right now I don't feel like questioning it.

Rather, I feel like questioning the flaming meteorite heading straight for us through the thin layer of summer clouds.

It’s coming from behind us, and thus Thena cannot see it. I only can because she’s carrying me over her shoulder facing backwards. “Err... Thena, don’t think anything of me asking but... did you piss off a meteorite lately?”

“What? No. How would I even do that?” she asks back without slowing or looking.

“Ah, thought so. It’s… probably my fault then.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It usually is.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“Oh, nothing, nothing... But do you mind increasing your pace? And, please, don’t look behind us. There absolutely isn’t a giant ball of fire crashing from the sky in our direction.”

“WHAT?!”

“Now that I look at it…”

“DON’T IGNORE ME!! What giant ball of fire?!?!”

“Hmm…” I squint my eyes, trying to look into the fire. Even with the tinted glasses on, I can feel my eyes heating up painfully. I cover them with my gloved fingers. I’ll have to see if I can enchant the lenses later. “It almost looks like—“ I pause, tilting my head. “Did you hear something?”

“Something like what?”

“Like a scream? I think?”

“Daaaaaaa…”

“I think I do…”

“…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

We keep running—well, Thena does. The next giant tree is getting closer, but the blazing object is faster than us. Through the fingers covering my face, I finally get to distinguish something at the centre of all that fire. It’s…

“…a woman?”

“What did you say?” It’s now hard to hear each other over the roar of the fire. It’s truly massive. The heat is washing over us wave. Still, that strange voice echoes even louder.

“There is a woman on fire falling from the sky!”

“......”

“......yes.”

“WHAT?!”

“Yes! And what’s strange is I don't think it’s the one I expected!”

“Expected? HOW MANY WOMEN ON FIRE DO YOU KNOW?!”

“Well, only one, really…”

“THAT’S ONE TOO MUCH!!”

“Hey! I don’t seek out weird, violent women! They just find me!!”

“DID YOU JUST INSULT ME?!”

“WHY? YOU FEEL CONCERNED?!”

At that moment, the woman with her aura of flames crashes into the island where the teleportation station is—err… was. The impact sends tremors through the bridge and Thena is forced to stop to hold onto the ropes. Bits and pieces of flaming stuff are blasted everywhere as the island is vaporised along with much of the surrounding water. A cloud of vapour and burning debris rushes towards us. Before it engulfs us, I barely have time to catch sight of the giant palm tree toppling down. Scalding mist hits us and the rope bridge brutally tenses, nearly sending up flying.

By some miracle, Thena manages to hold onto it, and I to her. A loud snap echoes. Tension leaves the bridge behind us, and we start falling, or rather, swinging down. I want to do a Tarzan Yell, but I’d prefer not to distract Thena. Something soft clings to my ankle and something hot sticks to my head. I look down and meet Toto’s wide, panicked gaze as his four little legs are wrapped tightly around mine.

Hah! Serves him right! The material that makes him up are all 100% fireproof, but he doesn’t know that. For a dragon to be afraid of fire must be utterly humiliating. Hehehehe—

Your head is on fire.

“HAH!!! My brain is flaming!!” Some burning piece of something must have found its way to my hood and set it aflame. I urgently throw it away, but fire clings to the end of my braid!

Thankfully(?), the hot mist surrounding us keeps the sunlight at bay, or I would already be toast. BUT I’M STILL ON FIRE!!!

Help me, I’m flaming~ ♪ I must be a hundred and nine~ ♫ Burning, burning, burning! And nothing can cool me~ ♩♩ I just might turn into smoooke~ ♪ 

“Not helping!!!”

“Daaaaaaaaaaaarliiiiiing!!!!!!!” a scream breaks through the haze, sending cold shivers down my spine despite the ambient suffocating warmth.

Who was that?!

I’ve got sort of a feeling…

Our swing reaches its lowest point and highest speed—basic physics, really. Potential to kinetic energy conversion and all that—WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?! I’M ON FIRE!!!

A strong arm wraps around me. I’m held tightly against a hard metallic chest-plate. “Careful.” I hear Thena’s unmistakable husky voice near my ear. Usually, it would calm me down… but need I remind that I AM ON FIRE!!! I AM NOT CALM!!!

I’m mocking Toto for being afraid of fire, but as a former paladin of the Sun, a Solar Knight, this is equally humilia—wait a second.

“My daaaaaaaarling!!! I’ve finally found you!!!”

…Ariel?

Yes?

Wasn’t the Sun a male god?

……Nothing was ever explicitly said in the books we read.

………I always thought those vowes of paladinhood sounded suspiciously marriagy.

A sudden feeling of weightlessness breaks my train of thoughts. Thena just let got of the bridge-tuned-swing, and I cling to her with all my puny might.

“MY LOOOOOOOOOVE!!!”

The voice echoes louder.

It’s coming closer~ ♩♫

My braid is still burning.

♫♪ The flames are reaching my body~

I try to ignore the burning sensation on my back—where my consuming hair is touching it—as Thena shifts her posture in prevision of the imminent and expected-to-be-brutal landing.

♪ Please, won’t you help me? ♩♪ I feel like I'm slipping away… ♩

STOP THAT!!! I’m clinging to her just fine!

We hit the ground. Thena rolls into a ball, protecting me—and that dumb dragon, I suppose—as we tumble through the bushes.

A sadly unrealised innuendo.

The shock expels all the air from my lungs. My gaze happens to fall on my HP bar.

[ Blunt trauma –20 HP ]

Ugh. That hurts…

Our mad roll ends with Thena on top of me. I’d make a lewd comment, but—

It’s hard to breathe, and my chest is a-heaving~ ♩♫

Yes, that—BUT STOP WITH THAT BLOODY SONG!!! IT’S REALLY NOT THE TIME!!!!

You’re the one who started it, you know?

…did I?

“Are you alright?” While I was daydreaming, Thena already jumped up and is leaning down to grab my arm. I let myself be pulled up. With one metal-clad hand, she casually grabs my braid and extinguishes the flames.

“Yeah, I think…” I stare up at her, losing myself in observing her determined expression for a moment. I quickly realise what I’m doing and slap my cheeks with both hands. There’s no time for that. “We can’t stay here! We need to run! I know who’s after us! I don’t think she’s got bad intentions, but if she gets close I’ll end up worse than a burnt steak!”

I can’t even handle a touch of sunlight. I don’t want to test what would happen in the direct presence of the actual personification of the day-star!

You’d be just a hunk, ♫ a hunk of burning—

“LOOOOOOOOOOVE!!”

Don’t make it a chorus!! –oh, Scheiße.

I only have time to turn around with eyes widened in fascinated horror—you know, that deer-in-the-sunlight look—and witness the appearance of a blinding female form with hair of harshly bright flames. She runs towards us at beyond inhuman speed, leaving afterimages and a trail of fire in her wake like some old cartoon. The singing hot wind that she generates blows the mist away in a mini-hurricane. This all is making for a pretty amazing picture, which I undoubtedly would be appreciating much more enthusiastically if that very picture wasn’t also that of my personal fiery reaper.

“Darling!!” Shouting this with... ardent joy, the woman jumps and captures me in a crushing hug. From up close, she is surprisingly short.

But I don’t really have the opportunity to make many more observations.

“UuuuuUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!”

[ 7000000th degree burns –999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 HP ]

*ting*

New Title: [ Too Close to the Sun ] Be it on wax wings or on foot, you really should mind the safety distance.

*tutu*

☠ You have died. ☠

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WHAT?!?!

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