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CHAPTER 8: HOW TO COMMIT SUICIDE 101

[ LEEGIL KELNORIN ]

Alice Duchesne, as her elven persona Leegil Kelnorin, faced her niece in silence, affecting an air of calm she didn’t truly feel.

Behind her façade, she still burned with embarrassment over her unrestrained reaction to reuniting with her adoptive daughter. She usually tried to project a sterner and more respectable image. But a prolonged separation when, in the real world, they now lived continents apart had taken its toll on her nerves – nerves also further strung out by a certain Director Dickhead she’d rather not think about.

Of course, she met her two girls – young women, she corrected – at least once a week over VR chat. But those apps couldn’t yet perfectly render physical interactions – not the way Untold Tales could. Until Whatever Inc. decided to release its own chat software, Leegil was forced to twist her tight schedule to match her daughters’ avatars’ visits to Start City. She did so gladly, but in her youngest’s case, that hadn’t happened much recently.

Why the company hadn’t released such an app as a proof of concept for their technology prior to the launch of this much more complicated game, Alice had no idea. It irritated her, but there was nothing she could do about it. That’s W Inc. for you, she guessed. Trying to understand the CEO’s policies was an exercise in futility. Alice’s job was merely to ensure all of it was financially viable, not to wonder the ‘why’ of things.

More to the point, the unrivalled performance of Whatever’s program meant Untold Tales avatars, inhuman as they might be, felt infinitely more genuine than even the most realistic virtual conference software out there. Thus for Leegil, this was her first “real” interaction with her daughter in months. In her shock, she hadn’t managed to curb her enthusiasm.

An awkward silence had fallen over the table as they all sat down. Athena’s brawny form squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, her aggressive features set in a pensive scowl. As always, the unappealing appearance her daughter had chosen for herself brought a swell of guilt in Leegil’s heart. The elf wanted to talk to her, but she felt hesitant due to the stranger present at the table.

Leegil’s gaze shifted to the quiet albino sitting next to her daughter. Athena had introduced the girl as Victoria. According to her, they’d helped each other out of a troublesome situation and had been travelling together ever since. The specifics of the situation remained vague, however, igniting Leegil’s suspicion.

In stark contrast to her daughter’s harsh semi-orc physique, the girl looked like a soft porcelain doll given life. She had unblemished alabaster skin, long, silken white hair falling down her back in gentle waves, slender limbs that moved with a shy grace, and a cute, delicate face that held a perfect symmetry very pleasant to the eye.

The girl’s own two large eyes, of a deep royal blue, were staring down demurely at the heavy tome taken from Leegil’s pile. She was nervously turning the pages while muttering inaudibly to herself. Sometimes, she would glance up at Athena ­– as if to check the silent semi-orc was still there – before returning her attention to the book.

Leegil was torn between gladness to see her daughter making a new friend and worry over her little girl possible being taken advantage of. Despite her motherly bias, Alice had no illusion regarding her youngest daughter's personality. Anyone willing to put up with her temper was either peculiar in their own right or had ulterior motives. Leegil reserved her judgement as to which category this new girl fell in.

For now, the albino’s fangs didn’t play in her favour. With rare exceptions, every vampire in the game had flocked to that man’s guild. It would be entirely in the sleazebag’s style to send one of his groupies to spy on her daughter – if only to spite Alice.

She blamed herself every day for letting the bastard figure out her in-game identity. Edward Dabbler was a lot of things, none flattering, but sadly, stupid wasn’t one of them. One badly worded insult had sufficed for the slimy arsehole to put the dots together. From there, since Leegil didn’t interact with many people in UT – be them NPCs or players – finding out who was related to her was only a matter of time.

It made her skin crawl to think of the disgusting rat even looking at her daughters. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could do. Nothing he’d done so far was illegal, and even then, the application of harassment laws within VR remained nebulous.

Leegil’s hands balled into fists, and her eyes narrowed at the short vampire. Why did the brat have to look so cutesy and fragile, anyway? In her light white sundress next to Athena’s massive bulk, she made the semi-orc look even more crude and brutish. It irked Leegil to no end. Then there was the fact this girl – this outsider – was shamelessly intruding upon Alice’s already scarce time with her niece.

If the elf had to be honest, it hurt her that Athena felt comfortable enough to reveal their family ties to someone whom Leegil had never heard of. Though she admitted the fault lied entirely with herself. This only served to exacerbate how Alice had lost touch with the latest developments in her youngest’s life. She suddenly wondered if there might be more than mere friendship between these two. Certainly, the petite, unassuming white doll would be a nice departure from the brainless, oversexed types her daughter usually dated. Alice hated that her little girl didn’t believe she deserved any better. But that didn’t mean she was ready to accept the albino until she proved herself.

Unbeknownst to Leegil, her eyes had narrowed to angry slits, her glare rivalling Athena’s at its meanest. Only it was filled with less self-recrimination and way more angry-mama-bear protectiveness. A nervous twitch overtook the corner of her mouth as she started finding all the faults imaginable in the girl. Her smooth white skin was too pale. Her figure wasn’t so much petite as frail and sickly. Her eyes were… too… blue… somehow. Look at her, trying to act all pretty and cute. I’m onto you girl. Let’s see how long you can keep up the little angel act. Leegil scoffed inside. What are you even doing, pretending to read? This book is written in ancient runes. There’s no way—

“Shebanedra has five eyes, not six. And she’s female. Who wrote this rubbish?” Leegil’s sharp elven ears jerked as they caught a whisper from the girl, who faintly shook her head and turned another page. Confused, the librarian leant down slightly to peek at the book title. It read Great Bestiary of the Calamitous Monsters of the Past and Present, by Yzal the Hermit Sage, indeed in ancient runes.

“You can read that?” The stunned words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

The vampire looked up, glanced briefly at Athena, then back at Leegil and shrugged hesitantly. “Err, yeah? The prose is kind of pompous and overly periphrastic, but it’s readable. Though, if you’re interested in powerful beasts, you should read Petting My Way Through the World: a guide to find the perfect friend by Lulu Hübscherblutigerleichenfeldschmetterling instead. The author gets a bit carried away at times— and I wouldn’t recommend following her advice to anyone below level 150— but the writing is much easier to digest. The information is also far more accurate than this rubbish.” She tapped the book in her hand with a grimace. “Dangerous and Delicious Creatures by Gazelor the Butcher is fine too, but it’s a cookery book, not a bestiary.” A guilty blush coloured her cheeks. “I’ve never managed to finish reading it. I get way too hungry.”

Leegil blinked, unsure how to respond to that. The vampire girl seemed to take her silence as the end of the conversation, and she returned her attention to the book… only to get swatted over the head by an annoyed semi-orc. “Stop that,” Athena grumbled.

“Ouch!” The albino ducked, holding her head with a glare in her teary eyes. “What was that for? What did I do?!”

“You’re being rude.”

“Well, you’re being a brute.”

What?! Leegil’s hackles rose at the comment— but she was surprised to see her daughter shrug it off with an eye-roll. She watched the exchange, bemused, and held back the spell she’d been about to cast. Burying Athena’s new friend under an avalanche of books on a first meeting for no obvious reason seemed like poor form.

“Quit being a brat.” Athena’s brows furrowed disapprovingly. It made for a pretty intimidating expression. However, the vampire didn’t appear cowed.

“Bat. I’m a bat, not a brat.” She sighed theatrically. “And what if your big paw messed up my hair? Look how soft and luscious it is. Do you have any idea how much work it is to keep hair like this?”

“None. It comes with your avatar.”

“Ugh! That’s beside the point! I swear, Thena, you have no awareness as a woman. And trust me when I say, coming from me, that’s something!”

“I have no interest in conforming to your outdated stereotypes.”

“There! That’s exactly your problem right there. You always take everything too straightforward and absolute. You need to add more colours to your mental diet, more nuance, flexibility, some subtlety!”

“Oh, so making people’s heads explode counts as subtlety?”

Exploding heads? Leegil’s brow furrowed.

“That was art!” The vampire paused, raising one eyebrow. “…Wait. Did you just attempt humour?” Athena sent the albino vampire a murderous glare, which the latter only answered with peals of melodious laughter.

“Vicky…” Athena warned.

The elf’s mouth twitched, again. These two are on a nickname basis, now?! Who is this girl? How have I never heard of her before?! Guilt was once again warring exasperation in her mind. She found herself reconsidering this might be her daughter’s new girlfriend. Though that would be the first time one was so casually introduced to her. In fact, in the past, she’d had to resort to using her older daughter for spying on her youngest’s love life – not her proudest achievement. And the odd little bleached imp still didn’t match at all the profile of her daughter’s typical dates – vapid, easy girls, without enough personality to fill a matchbox.

“Vicky, we came here for a reason.”

“…ugh.” Under Athena’s unrelenting glare, Victoria eventually sighed, finished her biscuit, and turned to the puzzled elf.

When did she get the sweet?

“Soooooo,” the vampire dragged on, then broke into a wide, innocent smile – made only slightly creepy by the sharp, oversized fangs jutting from her small teeth line. “I know this is sudden, but ma’am would you do me the honour of giving me your daughter’s hand in mar— hoomph!!” Her sentence was cut short by her face slamming into the tabletop, sent there by a slap from a flushed semi-orc.

“CAN’T YOU BE SERIOUS FOR ONE DAMN SECOND?!”

Without rising from the table, the vampire raised a finger and simply declared, “No!”

“Urghnhrmgrngh!” Athena’s response was a garbled growl filled with both anger and frustration as she ran her hands down her face.

The pale girl finally lifted her head back up, holding her nose. “Ow! ‘o mean. Wou bwoke ma nowse!” Uncaring for the six feet of irate half-orc glaring down at her, the small girl produced a mirror from her inventory and carefully inspected her face. She quickly perked up. “Oh. Never mind. It’s fine. Arara. That was a close call.” She threw the mirror back into her invisible storage then directed a clueless smile at the fuming green woman. “What? Isn’t that how you’re supposed to greet your girlfriend’s parents?”

“Who’s whose what now?!” Athena seemed to implode. It was quite spectacular to watch, actually. Her face turned an impressive shade of dark green, and her expression was a sight to behold. “In what universe is that how you— And since when are you— are we— What?!”

“Oh, don’t be shy, you!” The vampire girl slapped the semi-orc’s arm, then cupped her own blushing cheeks. “Gosh. You were so virile when you stopped that ugly man and his friends bothering me at the fountain. I was so scared! What were they going to do to me, defenceless and beautiful maiden?” She swooned dramatically. “But then you appeared, and you were all ‘Get lost, poopbag. She’s with me.’ Kyaaaaaaaaa! So cool!”

Athena’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “…that’s not quite how I remember it.”

“And when these guys attacked during our date, you gallantly swept me off my feet and carried me to safety.”

“No. Again, you’re deforming.”

“And then, we were alone in that bedroom—kyaaaa! Oh gosh, I can’t stop thinking of how you stared into my eyes. You were so intense!” The vampire’s voice dropped to a deep faux baritone, “I want this relationship to work, baby, but we need to both put in our best effort. I won’t stand for any less.’ Kyaaa! So forceful!” She looked down and flushed crimson. “And then we became one in that bed.”

“Stop twisting everything!” Athena exploded, then she noticed the gaping elf. “I swear, Mum. This isn’t what happened— Well, kind of— but she’s making it all sound weird! We did nothing in that bed!”

A dreamy sigh came from the vampire. “Your warmth inside me back then… and even just now, in the Library…”

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

“STOP IT!! Blood! I FED YOU BLOOD!! Nothing else!” Again, Athena’s head swivelled to the girl, then back to her mother. She looked panicked. “I swear that’s all that happened!”

By then, Leegil had noticed what her daughter was still failing to see: the merry vampire having troubles containing her hilarity. Their gaze met, the pale girl winking, and after some hesitation, Leegil decided to play along. Her cautiousness lingered, but at the same time, she hadn’t seen her daughter this lively in a long while.

Composing her sternest motherly face, she linked her fingers before her chin. “Well, daughter, this being the case, obviously you need to take your responsibilities towards this young lady.”

“But nothing happened!”

The vampire’s face fell. She sniffled, staring up at the semi-orc with a trembling lower lip. She looked awfully like a kicked puppy. “Hubby, are you… Are you ashamed of me?”

Athena was taken aback by the sudden shift. “What? No! That’s not— Why would I even— And who are you calling ‘hubby’?!”

As abruptly as they’d showed up, the puppy-dog eyes were replaced by a compassionate expression. “Well, Thena dearest, let’s face it. You’re way more husbando than waifu material.” She bit into a cookie that had suddenly manifested in her hand.

Athena stared at her for several long blinks, then sighed and sagged in her chair. “Why are you always like this?”

“Because I’m a bad person?” She waved the half-eaten cookie around, an unsettling smile briefly playing on her lips. “And because someone needs to offset your chronic grumpiness.” Seeing no reaction from the semi-orc, she swallowed the sweet and patted the much larger woman’s arm. “Aw, come on. I’m sorry, okay? I’m not laughing at you. I’m just making a fool of myself as usual. I just couldn’t resist. You’re just too cute when you’re flustered.”

A golden glare matched the green flush of Athena’s cheeks.

“There, that’s my grumpy Thena. Be angry at me if you want, but don’t go all gloomy on me again. Hmm? Alrighty?” The vampire tilted her head cutely and went from patting Athena’s arm to drawing small circles on her green skin with her thin white finger.

This went on for some time until Leegil started feeling awkward, like she was intruding on something private now. Athena seemed to notice eventually, however, because she pulled her arm away with a self-conscious cough. “Couldn’t you at least try to behave in front of my mother?”

“Nope!”

“You’re impossible.”

Sitting opposite them, Leegil was at a loss over what to think of all this, the comedy routine and what had followed. Without warning, she’d been exposed to a side of her daughter she hadn’t caught even a glimpse of in years – not quite playful, but certainly less guarded than her usual self. The elf was left very confused for a moment.

“So, ma’am?”

“Yees?!” Leegil was startled out of her stupor, and her voice came out a bit of a yelp. She quickly coughed in her fist to regain countenance, annoyed at herself for slipping a second time. And the annoyance was exactly what she needed as an anchor to get herself back under control. “Ahem. Yes?” she repeated, more cooly. You’re an accomplished businesswoman, dammit! You deal with insane and annoying people on a daily basis and own it! Don’t let one girl startle you like that!

Though she begrudgingly had to admit it was hard not to get sucked into the strange girl’s pace. She was like a mixture of hurricane and slippery floor wrapped in a cute, deceptively harmless-looking bundle.

The girl—or rather the young woman in question smiled cutely, like the little devil masquerading as an angel that she was, grin wide and blue eyes sparkling. “Sorry ‘bout that, ma’am.” She threw a thumb in Athena’s direction, while casually taking a bite off a chocolate-chipped muffin. “But this big oaf is always too serious. If I don’t cheer up the mood once in a while, the multiverse might fall out of balance… or something.”

“Or something.”

Ignoring Athena’s grumble, the vampire nodded in self-agreement. “Yep, I am absolutely a force for world peace.” She licked her fingers clean ponderously.

Why do you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself? Leegil shook her head, finding it hard to hold onto her wariness. There was something disarming about the girl’s shamelessness.

“Get to the fucking point,” Athena snapped, still staring at the ceiling.

“Language, darling,” Victoria casually retorted, receiving another annoyed groan in response. Leegil had a hard time repressing a chuckle. “But alright, whatever. Sure, be a party pooper. Ma’am, I have this… well… thing.” Out of her inventory, she fished a sphere covered in what Leegil instantly recognised as ancient runes. They were pulsing with a very faint inner glow.

The librarian elf repressed a startled gasp. Despite her class, and the fact she spent most of her time in the Library, she could count on the fingers of her hands the number of true artefacts she’d seen whole and functional. Virtually no one knew how to craft them anymore, making them an extremely rare and sought after commodity. Enchanter classes could magic passable imitations, but those enchantments typically either faded away with time or had a finite number of uses. True runic enchantments, as far as anyone knew, were permanent – at the very least, no one had ever managed to exhaust one.

And yet, the girl in front of her was handling this priceless relic as if she were holding a cabbage! It took all of Leegil’s self-control not to leap across the table and rip it out of her careless grip. The vampire eyed the sphere with a pout, juggling it from one hand to another – and Leegil’s heart with it. “It’s a kind of artefact– a key I think– maybe? Could be a—”

“To. The. Point. Vicky.”

“Ah. Err… Well, I can read the runes alright, but there seems to be some kind of cypher. And my skills aren’t high enough to, well, de-cypher it. So I asked Thena, and she said you might be able to help?”

“Yes!” Leegil hadn’t meant to sound so eager, but she urgently wanted the girl to stop tossing the invaluable artefact around. Ignoring her daughter’s weird glance, she held out a hand. Victoria dropped the sphere in it without a hint of hesitation. This startled the elf somewhat. Leegil herself wasn’t sure she would have so casually handed over a rare artefact to someone who was all but a stranger. The money to be made alone would be a deterrent. Sure, this was only a game, but the incredible realism of Whatever’s technology made that easy to forget at times.

Well, another point for the young woman.

Leegil turned the sphere in her hands. There didn’t seem to be any opening, not even a carved edge. The ball of stone was completely smooth except for the many runes running all over its surface.

She gave a shot at reading some of it. “The ancient… mice… dance lewdly to the nostril… for the humdrum poetic… shark?” She looked up, confused, at the two women before her – and at the strange puppy sitting on a chair to her daughter’s left, which she only now noticed. Is that a… living plush dog? She pushed the thought aside, fearing a headache. “Are you sure this isn’t a joke?”

“Unlikely,” Athena replied gruffly. “Considering where it was hidden, I doubt anyone would put in so much effort for a mere prank.” For some reason, the vampire girl made an odd face at that, but Leegil chose to ignore it too – again, for her tranquillity of mind. She nodded and refocused on the sphere, gesturing to the other two – three? – to be silent.

For a while, she rubbed and prodded the artefact, invoking various skills and spells. Some caused reactions, others didn’t. One backfired badly. The shockwave sent her chair tumbling back along with its occupant and, in Leegil’s opinion, the last shred of her credibility.

At last, she set the orb down and rubbed the bridge of her nose, tired from the mana she’d just expended. She let out a frustrated sigh. “The bad news is that this might be the most complicated runic lock I’ve seen yet.” In fact, two of her skills had levelled just from inspecting the damned thing!

“And the good news?” Athena’s vampiric companion leant anxiously over the table, her blue eyes shining hopefully. For the first time, Leegil noticed the pulsing red outer rims of her irises. She got lost in them for a few heartbeats, before shaking the trance off.

She authorised herself a rare smile. “The good news is I think I can figure it out if you let me keep it for a little while.” She took the girl’s whooping cheer as an agreement and found herself almost smiling again. This young woman’s cheerfulness was infectious. The elf could somehow see how her company could have affected her daughter as it had.

Leegil allowed her grin to bloom privately as she watched the vampire girl leap at Athena, attempting to hug the uncooperative semi-orc. Although the much stronger woman wasn’t putting in much effort to push the smaller one away. Good for you, Eva. Good for you.

*creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak*

The noise of a door opening far too dramatically broke through the moment of companionable cheerfulness. And then an unwelcome voice dripping with smug irony eclipsed the elf’s bittersweet happiness with a ball of pure loathing.

“Well, well, well… I must apologise. Am I interrupting something?”

* * *

[ DUSK LORD ]

Dusk Lord swaggered into the room as if he owned the place. The grin on his perfect face matched the jubilation in his stomach, and both grew with each step he made towards the three women. All the frustration he’d felt at the day’s setbacks had vanished as soon as he’d seen the smile slip of that cold bitch’s face.

And, icing on the cake, his prey had miraculously appeared right before him, delivered into his claws on a silver platter. He had his guild members watch all the known exits of the Library, because it was theoretically implausible to find anyone in this ridiculous labyrinth of rooms without their precise location. Yet here she was, ready for the picking. Lady Luck was on his side after all!

And she was a beauty. Her petite, fragile appearance almost demanded to be dominated. This was the kind of female who needed a strong man to take charge of her. He wanted to see the worship in those big, doe-like blue eyes, to leave his mark on her flawless porcelain skin, and grasp the fresh melons pushing out the sheer front of her dress, perfectly sized for his palms but appearing oh so deliciously bigger on her tiny frame.

Dusk licked his pale lips in anticipation, almost forgetting the reason he’d wanted her in the first place.

Almost.

However, figuring out her immunity to sunlight could wait. She must have lucked into some rare variant anyway. That was the most likely scenario. If an artefact existed that could counter the vampire’s one crippling weakness, then Dusk’s agents would have at least found hints of its existence by now. By studying her, they might be able to replicate the effect. Even if we can’t, she would still be a great ass…et. He chuckled to himself.

Approaching the table, Dusk noticed how his appetising ticket to power was hanging off the neck of that repulsive half-orc monstrosity. He twitched in disgust, repressing a full-blown shiver. He’d had the nagging suspicion since hearing their descriptions, but this confirmed it. So my little sunny treasure is the bitch’s dyke daughter’s new girl-toy. What a small world this is. He hid a snort of disdain by rubbing his nose.

Well, no matter. He’d have whipped the little cunt into shape soon enough. Pussy-lickers were merely misguided lambs waiting for real men to teach them true pleasure – real men like himself. Like any disease, it just required the proper cure to get rid of.

Seeing how the girl was already watching him unblinkingly – no doubt enraptured by his handsomeness – he guessed he wouldn’t even need to bring out his A material to get her wrapped around his fingers. And he couldn’t wait to have his fingers wrapped around her throat. She’d learn to like it rough, like all his bitches.

Stopping by the table, he smiled sweetly at the three women – if that orcish creature could even be called a woman. “Young ladies… and Leegil.” He greeted charmingly, fishing the name of the icy slut’s avatar out of his memory and masterfully letting none of his hatred seep out.

“The fuck are you doing here, shithead? Fuck off,” Alice barked, reacting exactly as he’d expected her too. The more confrontational she reacted, the better his act would sell. Too easy.

With a sigh, he affected a confused and wounded expression, fully confident in his ability to sell his acting. “Why are you always so hostile? I was only trying to be polite. But since you’re taking it like this, I won’t talk to you anymore. I’m not here for you anyway,” he lied through his fangs. Well, he liked to think of it more as an interpretation of the truth.

Without waiting for a retort, he switched his attention to the vampire girl. Meeting her gaze, he subtly activated [Bewitching Eyes], causing his eyes to simmer with an inner crimson light.

The enthralment worked differently on player characters than it did on NPCs. Affecting a real person’s mind directly was, of course, impossible. Used at full-force, the skill could rob a player’s control over their avatar, switching it to a temporary AI. It was, however, a crude method, unsophisticated and contrary to Dusk Lord’s principle of style. He only applied it when lacking other options.

Wielded more subtly, [Bewitching Eye] filled the target with a comfortable sense of warmth that increased when they thought of obeying the caster. The feeling was purely physical and benign enough not to alarm the player. But in conjunction with Dusk Lord’s honed charm and selective interpretation of the truth, the skill could become very effective. Very effective indeed.

Dusk’s smile brightened as he watched a soft flush fill the girl’s cheeks. “Hello there, pet. My name is Dusk, a Vampire Lord and the leader of the Night Walkers. We are a guild who gathers both vampires and sympathisers, with the common goal to learn all the intricacies of our race and help each other rise to our true potential.” His tone was poised, warm and rational, the same he used for conferences and business meetings. And he seldom failed to convince his interlocutors.

Edward’s friends joked that he could persuade a mother to sell her newborn child, and she’d even thank him for it, convinced she had come out on top in that deal.

He smiled, turning up the seduction to eleven – even if she was easy picking, it wouldn’t do to be sloppy. “We’re quite powerful if I may say so myself, and we’re always looking for more recruits. One of my guildmates spotted you this morning – beauties like you are hard to miss – and so I came to invite you personally. Are you interested?”

This much should be enough. Dusk had little doubt he could lure the girl in. He knew her type, stupid little gold-digging bitches who seduced stronger players for protection. After all, why else would the girl possibly hang around that overgrown hulking parody of a woman? Edwards’s information was detailed enough that he knew of the bitch’s daughter’s shitty personality and her taste for rather shallow and stupid girls. As for her looks in-game… Ugh. Merely standing near to her was making Dusk Lord nauseous.

He was undoubtedly a far superior alternative as a protector. He was sure that with a bit of flattery and the promise of power, the vampire girl would be putty in his hands in no time.

“Ah… nah. I’m good. But thank ya, dude.”

Dusk Lord grinned victoriously. “That’s settled then. Why don’t we… go…” His voice trailed off, his million-dollar smile slipping off without his notice. Confused, he stared blankly at the girl, who had produced a piece of toasted bread while he spaced out for a second and was now busy spreading red jam all over it.

He blinked, recovering his smile – though it sat on his face a little more unsteadily. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” He must have misheard. He checked, but his [Bewitching Eyes] skill was indeed active.

The girl glanced up from her toasted bread. “I said, no. I’m not interested in joining a guild right now.” She shrugged, waving her knife around distractedly. “Besides, Dan would kill me if I joined another guild without talking with him first.” Some jam flew off her tool and landed squarely between the stunned Vampire Lord’s eyes.

“Ah… Sorry, bro,” the girl deadpanned.

“Pffff-HAHAHAHAHA!!”

Already livid, Dusk Lord almost lost his shit when the elf bitch started laughing her ass off. In the months he’d known Alice Duchesne, he hadn’t seen her as much as crack a smile – let alone laugh. The shock somehow compounded with his feeling of humiliation. A nervous twitch overtook his right eye as he failed to fully cover the hatred in his voice. “What’s so funny?”

The insufferable woman shot him a pitying smirk. “You, Mr Jam Lord.”

“What?!” His mouth twisted hideously. He was usually far more controlled, but this frigid shrew had a way of getting under his skin even on his best days. And this not, by far, one of his best days. All the heady relief he’d felt when first entering the room had long been flung out of the proverbial window!

“You’re wasting your time here. Get the fuck out of my sight. This is a family affair. You’re not welcome.” Leegil nodded towards the door as if she was dismissing a misbehaving subordinate. Dusk temper flared, his eyes narrowed dangerously.

He was hissing when he spoke next. “I’m afraid that choice isn’t up to you. This room doesn’t belong to you, and I wasn’t talking to you.” He turned back to the short white girl, somehow managing to reform his princely smile – though it was now noticeably strained. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us, pet. I’m fairly certain we could see to your need much better than this ugly beast sitting next to you.”

“What?!” Leegil snapped, and Dusk Lord shot her a little smirk, glad that he was able to get a rise out of her.

Still, he pretended to be clueless. “What? What did I say? I—”

*tack*

His sentence was cut short by a jam-covered butter knife narrowly missing his face and stabbing into a bookshelf behind him.

“That’s my line, shitface.”

A voice colder than the arctic sea rippled across the room, and Dusk Lord’s next words froze in his throat. Shifting his gaze, he saw a cold, empty smirk and met a pair of blood-red eyes with slit snake-like pupils staring unblinkingly back at him.

“What did you just say... Jam Lord?”

* * * * *