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CHAPTER 3: THE LEGEND OF THE PANTY IMMORTAL?
< MAIN POV >
Under Archibald’s chaotic navigation skills, we manage—if not to shake our pursuers—at least to stay ahead of them.
The chase drags us inexorably deeper into the shadiest parts of town. Start City may be a rich and bustling metropolis, but every shiny coin has its reverse side. There is no true misery, thankfully. Newbie players keep the market overflowing with starter mobs loot, driving prices into the ground. All basic necessities can be bought dirt-cheap. Wolf pelts abound; apothecaries practically give novice herbal medicine away; horned rabbit stew has long since become the staple food for the poor of the city.
And poverty is present, which means shady, derelict neighbourhoods do exist as well. This world is still a game, after all. Where else would wannabe edge lords enjoy the thrill of an unrepentant life of crime otherwise? Where would the most unsavoury elements of the population congregate? And where would the Thieves and Assassins Associations set up their local headquarters and petting zoo?
Beggary people—all rags and shifty eyes—litter the ill-paved and grass-grown streets. Skinny children with sunken cheeks watch us pass, their gazes curious, somewhat greedy and altogether far too adult. Shutters creak and dirty curtains part in our wake. In the shadows, people dressed like bad cosplayers of a certain assassin-based franchise are being way too obvious about their choice of profession.
I catch sight of Archibald hand-signing at a band of urchins, who quickly runs off. The fox meets my gaze and winks at me. Not a minute later, a clatter of heavy things collapsing and rolling resonate behind us.
I recall the large barrels we just ran past.
Ouch.
Clever.
“Damned brats! Just you wait!”
Giggling laughter, taunts and insults answer the guard’ curses, mixed with calls to run away.
“GET BACK HERE, SCALLYWAGS!!”
This call isn’t met with more obedience.
“Come, this way.” Archibald abruptly stops in front of a palisade which spans the gap between two of the sturdy shacks that pass as houses in this neighbourhood. Under the foxkin’s push, a section of it pivots vertically; not a soul in the street bats an eye at the reveal. My eyebrows climb up, but I abstain from commenting.
Archibald directs us through the secret hatch. Thena puts me down, and I duck through the opening. She follows close behind, though she barely fits in the gap by crawling.
We emerge in a small yard tightly enclosed by the back walls of several houses. Wooden crates, jars, barrels and bags pile up around us, leaving only a small free area next to the trapdoor. None of the houses has a visible backdoor. Without a street map or a keen sense of observation, it would be hard to notice this enclosure even exists.
I smell contraband.
Really clever.
Toto hops off Thena’s shoulder and goes sniffing near one of the crates. A powerful sneeze shakes his entire body and forces him into retreat while he growls and eyes the wooden boxes suspiciously.
…I don’t recall designing his body with a working nose.
……Nor working vocal cords, now that I think about it.
How mysterious.
Yes. Who knew using a powerful and untested ancient ritual to trap an Elder Dragon’s soul inside a plush toy could produce unexpected results?
………How mysterious.
With a soft creak, Archibald shuts the trapdoor then sticks one of his large fox ears against the wood. A finger moves to his lips to intimate silence. I nod and pull an imaginary zipper over my mouth. I have many questions, but I’ll swallow them for now.
Because, good girls—
Don’t you dare finish that statement.
Using my enhanced senses, I too listen attentively to the noises beyond the fence.
Nothing happens at first. Through our bond, I keep track of Thena’s presence quietly moving around the tiny courtyard. She diligently checks the space between each crate, looking for potential danger.
Dats ma gal.
Shhhh! Someone’s coming!
Metallic boots stomp down the paved street outside. I feel the semi-orc behind me stiffen and stop her search. My heart rate picks up as well as I lean uselessly closer to the fence.
“By Order, where did these caitiffs evaporate?!” Thesaurus’ upset voice booms through the fence.
“They can’t be far!” another voice snarls. This one belongs to the yummy elven guard.
Well, she’d be yummy if she removed that barbed stick from up her arse.
Seriously, why are all the guards in this city so tense?
The princess’ Coming of Age Ceremony?
Oh. Right. Right.
And a certain someone’s propensity to raise hell during important events.
Oh. Right. Right.
“Hey! You!” the elf calls out to someone. “Did you see a dirty foxkin, a half-orc in dark armour, an albino vampire midget and two teen gorgons pass this way?”
Midget?!
Two gorgons?
My gaze slowly pans around and meets twin pairs of slit yellow eyes. I blink. They blink. I blink again. One of the two snake-girls waves at me with a cheeky grin, the other with a deadpan stare. Each is waving with the opposite arm like a mirrored image.
I blink again, again.
…were they following us?
I didn’t notice…
Why did they follow us?
Because of our winning personality and flawless looks?
…
Hey. It could be.
Why do I collect weirdos wherever I go?
Birds of a feather—
Do not finish that thought either.
It’s true, though.
“Go’gons? S’ry ma’am. Didn’t see no go’gon here. And a vamp? Heck, dem bladsucker woul’ nay come out here in da day, woul’dey? Har!” Outside, a gruff voice replies to the guard’s inquiry in an undefinable and potentially offensive accent.
Whoever these beggars are employing as a vocal coach, they should fire them.
Still, I silently sigh in relief.
That fox has some connections. Shame. I was looking forward to kicking a few guards’ butts.
I’d rather not bother Thena anymore than I already am.
Riiight. Fighting law enforcement wouldn’t sit right with Miss Straight Laced from Good Girls Bootcamp over there.
Good Girl with a Temper Bootcamp.
You do love her temper.
What can I say? She’s attractive when she chokes me.
You, have a problem.
I glance back at my big girl, who’s leaning against a pile of crates, arms crossed, muscles enticingly tensed. She stares down, all silent and broody—as if trying to dig a hole into the ground by the sole power of her glare.
Knowing her, I’m not betting on the ground.
What’s on her mind? I wonder…
“Well, that particular bloodsucker walked in the sunlight alright.” I catch the elf guard’s grumble through the fence. “Dammit! Stupid bitch!” There’s a hard crack. I think she kicked something. Judging by the sound of it, the something lost. “Now I’m pissed off!”
“I concur! This is rightly infuriating!”
“Calm down, Keya, Thes,” a new and androgynous voice timidly chastises the two overexcited guards. “We should go back and inform the chief.”
So that third one wasn’t mute after all!
“Forsooth! Let us return at once. We shall submit a thorough report. Nightkins walking with impunity under the day star brings tremendous alterations to the status quo. This must be notified without delay!”
That guy has way too much energy.
“Yeah… Yeah…” The elf woman agrees but keeps mumbling to herself, “Bloody hooligans. I hate those suckers. Think they own the place. Arrogant, moronic, fucking…” Her voice fades as it moves away. “…I catch that albino midget…”
Who’re you calling a midget, uh?! You overgrown tree-hugger on steroids! If you weren’t so sexy, I’d show you who’s the fucking midget!
No, we really are small…
It’s not about who’s right! It’s about respect and attitude!
And you’re forgiving her because she’s attractive?
Of course.
That’s sexist.
Do I sound like care?
………Why do I bother?
I honestly don’t know.
And why am I the one getting blamed for this?
Because you ran from the authorities?
It was a reflex!
That’s sad.
I’m traumatised from past experience!
I’m the victim here!
Sure. Sure.
I am!!
…
I really am!!
Once the guards have moved out of earshot, I slump against the fence. I gather my knees in a hug, fold in a foetal position, and heave a tired sigh.
Why can’t I have a quiet, peaceful day?
Maybe try not to blow people’s heads up first thing in the morning?
You did that!
Did I now? Hehehehe… I am but a part you, dearie. If I’m guilty, then so are you. Quod erat demonstrandum.
Latin won’t save you from my wrath.
Whatever you say, kitten.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Cute.
My forehead hits my knees. Twice. “Umgmbrgrmbl…” I pull at my hair in frustration.
But my all-important wallowing soon gets interrupted. “Vicky!”
“What?! I’m innocent, officer!” I blink up at the red-faced semi-orc towering and glowering above me. “…Yes?”
Oh, she’s feeling better. I’m so glad.
Let’s try to survive her betterness, shall we?
I agree.
A large hand runs through my hair… and grabs onto it. “OwowowowOW!! Thena! My hair! My hair! You’ll rip it!” She pulls me to my feet and releases me, and I stagger trying to recover my balance.
Thena brings a fist to her hip and shoves her other hand in my face. I squint cross-eyed at that massive index menacing my nose. “It’s your head I’m going to rip!” She pokes strongly at my forehead—repeatedly.
“Ow. Ow. Ow.” I slip away and bring up a boxing guard, peeking around it. “Wha— Why would you do that?! I like my head! Even if it’s empty!”
“For the last time. If you’re going to sit like that, put on some underpants!”
“Ah…” I scratch my head awkwardly. Underpants? Who speaks like that? “Well, I—”
“And don’t try to change the subject this time.”
“Ah, no…” Dammit. Foiled. “No, err… I…” My eyes roam the cramped courtyard for salvation. They fall onto Archibald staring at us with impish interest. A light bulb flashes on in my mind. I cast a finger at the foxman. “I… did put on some when we left the plaza, but… he stole them!”
I lie shamelessly!
Athena rolls her eyes. “How is that even poss–”
“I did?!” A startled Archibald cuts her off. It’s the first time I see his composure break.
…
……
………
Wait. Why was that a question?
The foxkin’s snout contorts thoughtfully. “How odd… I’m almost sure that… I know I act without thinking sometimes, but still… I should…” He raises a finger. “Give me a moment, please.” And then, under out stupefied stares, he takes out of the satchel slung across his chest a varied array of female undergarments. Some of them are so daring, even I feel my cheeks heat up. Archibald doesn’t bat an eye.
That shameless pervert.
“No, no, nope… not that one… oh, that’s from that succubus lady who asked for directions… no, no…” Thena, the two gorgons and I continue staring, unsure what to feel as he takes panty after panty out of his bag.
Though the most stoic gorgon seems to have an idea of her own. She raises a clawed finger towards the distracted Archibald. “…pervert.” Her sentence is irrevocable. The fox freezes. Both snake girls and Thena look at him as one would at a particularly dirty cockroach. I almost feel bad for him.
Almost.
Archibald waves his hands in defence. “What? No, no. There is a perfectly rational explanation.”
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
Eh. I’ve heard that excuse before.
His plea would be more convincing if he weren’t holding a pair of knickers in each hand.
Deaf to his attempt at justification, the quiet gorgon inexpressively spreads the fingers of her pointing hand. “Guilty,” she states. “Divine punishment.” One of her armbands exudes an eerie green glow.
The fox finally looks a bit concerned. “Ah—! Wait! Young lady, I really can explain!”
The girl doesn’t listen. “Pervert. Die.”
She flips her wrist; the ground rumbles. Cobblestone under the fox’s feet shatters as roots erupt from below. The wooden tentacles slither up his tight like a nest of angry snakes. Too fast for him—or us—to react, they cover him from head to toe.
Then they start squeezing.
*skrkrkkkkrrrrrrrsss-squirtsh*
Something gives with a sickening squelching scrunch, and the roots abruptly contract. Blood spurts from every gap in the vegetal cocoon. Everything in the courtyard is splashed with red: the crates, the walls, Thena and I—and also Toto. Only the gorgons are spared, protected by a sphere of light that appeared to shield them.
The chattier gorgon snaps her fingers, and the shield vanishes.
I blink, vaguely conscious of the blood dripping from my hair, eyebrows, nose, chin and fingers. It smells too sweet, with a weird aftertaste of… overripe raspberry? Bleh. The petrified cocoon of root-snakes is now far too tight for anything vertebrate and alive to remain inside.
More blood trickles from its coils to the ground. The pitter-patter of droplets bounces off the walls of the courtyard.
“Wow! That was super harsh, Lea!” The gorgon’s giddy exclamation sounds eerily discordant after the butchery that just occurred.
“No mercy for perverts,” comes her sister’s flat response, underpinned by a smidgen of dark satisfaction.
“Hahaha! Good one!” The brash one slaps the other’s back heartily.
“Lia, stop. It hurts.”
“Oh! Ah! Sorry!”
“Brute.”
“Waaaaah! Don’t hate me!” Lia clings to her sister and cries big crocodile tears.
“My back is broken now.”
“Noooo! I’m sowwwwy!!!”
……What is this?
What’s going on?!
Now you see how annoying it is when others do it.
I gape at the absurd comedy routine. “I– Err, girls?”
The loli gorgon sisters instantly stop their careless chatter and turn to me in perfect synchronicity.
Creeeeeeeeepy!
I think it’s pretty cute.
Yes, but you’re mental.
You’re mental.
The chipper one—Lia?—seems about to say something, but instead, they both twitch and straighten. Their gazes focus on something invisible to me as they quickly check their interface. They share a look. “It’s this late already?” Lia asks.
“Nurse Claudia will be mad. Again,” Lea replies. She sounds ever so slightly concerned at the prospect.
“We need to hurry!” In contrast, Lia goes into full-on panic mode, waving her arms around incoherently, spinning in place, and earning herself a dispassionate look from her sister.
“Lia, stop. Friend request first.”
“Oh, yes.” Lia instantly calms down. It’s jarring how fast this girl switches emotions. Even I don’t have this kind of mood swings, and I have prescribed medicine supposed to prevent that—which I’ve been ignoring.
Never mind those. Those meds are useless. We don’t need them.
You think?
Yes, yes. Trust me.
If you say so.
*ting*
[ Player
[ Player
A pair of notifications pops up in the corner of my sight.
“Accept, Big Sister!” Lia claps her hands excitedly.
Why does she keep calling me that?
“Do it.” Lea’s smile reminds me of a porcelain doll—perfect and lifeless. It also never reaches her dull, unblinking eyes.
Christ on a cracker. When did this turn into a horror novel?!
She’s a creepy little fuck. I like her.
Speak for yourself! At this point, I’m just waiting for her face to split up to her ears. She’d shout, “Be our friend, Big Sister—or DIE!!” Then she’d jump on me to swallow me whole with her huge monster mouth full of concentrically rotating rows of chainsaw-shark teeth. And there’d be even more of a mess.
Your overactive imagination keeps amazing me.
Says the imaginary friend?
Well, I am amazing.
…right.
And… done.
Another pair of notifications flashes, telling me I’ve accepted both invites. The gorgons whoop happily and high-five each other. I frown at my raised finger.
Ariel…
Helpful contacts are always good to have.
Please don’t do that without asking.
Plus, they’re cute.
…yes, they are.
Just remind me never to ride a tricycle near them.
“Bye-bye, Big Sister!” Lia shouts.
“It was fun, I guess…” Lea mumbles.
Before I can place a word in, their necklaces flash. Poof! They both vanish in a cloud of acrid green smoke, which has me coughing and fanning the air. When it dissipates, the only trace the gorgon girls were even here is a perfect circle of clean dirt amidst the blood splatters.
A beat of silence passes.
“Well… That happened,” I breathe out and take in the grim, bloodied courtyard. “Now what?”
We probably should get moving.
Yes. I don’t think the black market types who likely own this stash will appreciate us making a mess of the place… I glance at the wooden cocoon still sluggishly dripping …or wringing their ‘Pops’ dry.
So rude of Lia and Lea to have their fun and then dodge the clean-up.
Who were those girls, anyway? This kind of instant teleportation artefact isn’t something just anyone can whip out on a whim. I thought I’d at least heard of all the big names in the game, but theirs doesn’t ring a bell.
A very good question. One for another time. Right now, we have someone else to worry about.
It finally hits me how utterly silent Thena has been. I’d have expected her to start asking questions and menacing me of bodily harm for the answers by now.
Instead, she’s standing petrified, like a dead tree. Her face underneath the mottles of fox blood is an unhealthy pale shade of boiled Brussels sprouts. Her eyes are wide open, fixed and haunted, staring into the distance. I don’t like the look in them. I don’t like it at all.
The same happened back in Cali. We found the entire town slaughtered, the bloodless corpses of its inhabitants pile in the central square—where they’d been needlessly sacrificed in a failed ritual to open the safe containing Markus’ mystery runic sphere which now sat in my inventory. Dried blood carpeted the whole area. Thena had reacted pretty badly then too.
The [Water Ball] I summoned splashes against the semi-orc’s face. Startled, she jerks her head back and frantically looks around. Her expression circles rapidly through shock and fear and settles on anger. Amidst rivulets of water and blood and wet hair, Thena’s murderous gaze snaps in my direction—not entirely lucid yet. Her lips curl back and part open for a shout.
I intercept her outburst with a hug, burying my face in her breastplate.
“Don’t space out like that. It’s scary.”
Thena’s body is stiff at first, still on edge. Unmoving, I listen to her heartbeat gradually evening out. Tension finally leaves her muscles with a tired sigh. She awkwardly pats my back and gently pushes me away. “Come on, don’t be so clingy. We’re both bloody as fuck.”
“I don’t mind.” I grin up at her. “You look good covered in blood.”
She gives me a weird look.
I lick some off my upper lips suggestively. “Tastes good too.”
“Stop that.”
Tsk.
Stoic green lady: one. Vicky’s sensuality: zero.
The blood doesn’t even taste that good.
The fox’s subpar. Or maybe the blood of Sexy over there spoiled us.
Amen.
“You’ve got more here.” Thena rubs blood off my cheek with her large thumb. Her skin is rough. It’s my turn to grimace. Not that I mind her touch, but the gesture was absolutely devoid of any sensuality. It felt more like a mother wiping jam off her messy-eater daughter’s face.
…
Well, that’s nice in its own way, I guess…
Fetish unlocked?
Oh, shush…
Clueless to my disappointment, Thena scans the messy courtyard again. “What are we going to do about this mess?” I try not to dwell on how my heart fluttered hearing her say, “we.” I’m still sane enough to know this can’t end well.
Whatever ‘this’ is.
You mean falling for the lesbian girl whom you’ve hidden your true gender from after already abusing her hard-to-earn trust once?
Nah, it’ll be fine. Just keep being a selfish liar.
……right.
Thena glares at the dark corners of the bloodied courtyard. “Where are those gorgons?”
Wow, she really was out of it.
Yeah, well…
“They’re gone.” I leave out how I exchanged contact info with the murder twins. That little titbit might not go over too well. “They used some kind of teleport artefact. Pretty bold… actually…” I trail off. “Teleporting without a fixed target is tricky at best—can be downright lethal if you don’t know what you’re doing… and even if you do, it’s still pretty suicidal. So I guess their necklaces must be tethered to a specific location… and the range would be very limited too. They must still be within the city. Wow. Even as a last resort escape plan, it’s kind of… I mean… if their base gets compromised, setting up the teleport station anew somewhere else isn’t easy. The components alone are a pain to gather, or just ridiculously expensive. There’s also the very real risk of being ambushed at your destination. To use it this casually, they must be very confident in the secrecy of their hideout. That, or it’s well protected enough that they don’t have to worry.” I rub my chin, trying to figure it out—for a second or two before I give up.
I pout and stomp my foot. “Why have I never heard of these two before?!”
Thena looks at me weirdly.
“What?” My pout deepens. “I may not look like it, but I’m still an experienced player, you know?”
“Right.” She nods, slowly. Somehow, I feel like she’s not completely convinced. She ignores my indignant glare and looks away. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she assimilates the new information.
I’m somewhat amazed you remembered teleportation could be dangerous.
Hey! I do learn from my mistakes!
…you do?
Shut up.
“Why did we run from the guards?” Thena asks suddenly.
She’s truly catching up with the past half hour, isn’t she? Just how distracted was she?
“Err… Why, you ask? It’s because… err…” I scratch the back of my head, nervously. “Hehehe… Reflex?” I try an awkward smile, accompanied by a helpless shrug.
My answer is met with a blank stare.
“Sooo,” Thena drawls. “Your first reflex when seeing guards is to run away. Hmm?”
…ack! The judgment in Thena’s glare. It hurts!
“Hahaha… ahah… hehhhh… well… I—”
*FLASH*
A burst of light interrupts and briefly blinds me. Muttering PG curses, I rub my eyes and follow the remaining glow to the source.
I have to rub my eyes again to make sure I’m not hallucinating.
On the blood-soaked ground, next to the cocoon of squeezed roots, a light is pulsing from deep within the bigger-than-you’d-expect pile of underwear Archibald spilt earlier.
From the bright pulse emanates a distinct impression of holiness, feeling like unpleasant prickles on my exposed skin. Slowly, gloriously, a tiny triangle of blue-striped cloth rises from the heap and floats into the air surrounded by a divine halo. The glow intensifies, as does my discomfort—mixed with a fair amount of disbelieving disgust.
What has that old fox been doing with these women’s underthings? I was not prepared to withstand the almighty holiness of a pair of floating striped panties.
Few ever are.
A faint, epic choir tune plays in the background for extra confusing effect.
(AN: https://youtu.be/k7ZymBge-_Y?t=1m3s)
When the radiant garment has floated up to a man’s height, the glow spreads down and gains in density as it morphs into the shape of a man. The holy choir clamours stronger than ever before. Arms form, followed by hands, legs, feet, and a bushy tail. An animalistic snout and ears grow out of the head before the glare becomes too much for me to stare at.
I shield my eyes just in time for an ultimate grandiose flash that would have seared my retinas.
“MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I HAVE RETURNED!! FOR, AS LONG AS I HAVE PANTIES, I AM IMMORTAL!! HAHAHAHAHA!!”
Crazed laughter echoes around me, prompting me to peek past my hand.
Archibald has revived, resurrected and unscathed. He stands in the middle of the bloody courtyard, fists raised to the sky… and butt naked save for the striped triangle he is wearing on his head.
At least his now-clean fur covers all the unsightly bits.
““……””
Thena and I stare in silence. Our faces share the same expression—one of silent judging.
Archibald looks back at us, a proud grin on his underwear-clad face.
“……”
We keep staring.
““………””
“………”
My (un)holy verdict falls.
“Pervert.”
“Ugh!” Archibald, the Panty Immortal, clenches his hands to his heart and loses balance under the blow of my sentence. He falls in slow motion. His head hits the cobblestone with a loud crack.
He doesn’t get up.
““…………””
Thena and I stare in silence.
* * *
[ LIA MARTINEZ ]
Lia pushed open the lid of her custom-designed gamepod and stepped out with her sister’s help. “That was so much fun! Big Sister Vicky is even funnier in person!” Exclaiming loudly, she pumped a fist. Lea sighed from her right. But Lia could tell her twin had enjoyed herself as well. Their emotions were an open book for each other.
Lea passed her a glass of water. “Is she even older than us?”
“Well…” Lia trailed off, downing the glass.
“Slowly.”
“Sorry. Well, she’s obviously a more experienced player than us! Reactivating that abandoned teleport? Amazing! I don’t even know how she did that. She is our gaming senpai, so she’s Big Sister!” Her eyes widened at a sudden revelation. “I should have called her Senpai! I’ll do that next time when ran into each other.”
“Big Brother?”
Lia pouted. “I don’t care what he says. Senpai is more fun to be around than him.” Lea rolled her eyes and offered a one-shoulder shrug, but Lia knew she agreed. They rarely disagreed on anything—if ever. An entire life of sharing everything could do that to people.
“How late?” Lea asked. Lia shot a glance at the blood-red Dali clock up the wall. The old, art nouveau, mechanical timepiece cut a stark contrast against the dull off-white that dominated the rest of the room. The clinic allowed its residents to decorate their quarters, but the twins never felt the need. The clock was an exception. It was a gift from their older brother.
“Seven fourteen,” Lia read.
“Poop,” Lea deadpan.
A cold voice drifted into the room, echoing the statement. “Poop… indeed, young lady. Poop, indeed.”
The twins froze.
As if summoned by Lea’s mild curse, a lanky, bony and pale blonde strode into the room, preceded by the sharp clacks of her short heels. Nurse Claudia was in her late thirties, but prematurely greying hair, a tight French twist, and painfully angular features granted her the gravitas of a woman twice her age. Her pasty white face looked carved into granite with a machete. The unflattering blue scrubs she wore didn’t soften her image any.
Only her eyes tempered her severe appearance. The colour of the ocean, they sparkled with humour. They almost seemed to belong to another person entirely. Lea had an ongoing theory the nurse had used witchcraft to steal them from another person.
That fleeting hint of kindness vanished instantly the moment Nurse Claudia pinched her lips in a thin line and put her hands on her hips in a practised scolding posture. The twins had childhood nightmares associated with that pose. Even now, a mere glare from her usually sufficed to cow them—like it was doing right now.
Her stormy blue eyes met each the sister’s gaze in turn. “Why are you girls not ready yet?”
Lia quickly averted her eyes and whistled an off-key tune. Lea chuckled emptily. The silence stretched uncomfortably. Eventually, Nurse Claudia sighed indulgently. She glanced at the watch on the inside of her wrist. “I’ll let it slide this once. But I don’t want to hear a peep of complaint during the examination. Do we have an agreement?”
The twins readily nodded. With a tight, brief little smile, the nurse walked to the closet and retrieved a large hospital gown. She also took out something that Lia was convinced to be the monstrous lovechild between a horse collar and a medieval torture device.
“No! Not the brace!” Lia attempted to run, but Lea kept her grounded in place. “Leaaaaa!” she wined.
“Brat,” her heartless sister responded.
“I am a brat if I want! I hate that brace! It’s ugly.”
“Don’t want neck pain.”
“And that is why I’m the more fashionable twin!” Lia concluded with a victorious grin. Lea rolled her eyes again and clicked her tongue, but she didn’t try to convince her twin further. Lia accepted the neck brace with an exaggerated grimace. She could feel Lea mentally shaking her head at her behaviour. One of their rare but ongoing disagreements was Lia’s constant overreactions, to which she opposed Lea’s slothful apathy to most of everything.
It’s like she wasn’t even trying to emote!
“Planning?” Lea asked the nurse, unconcernedly.
“You have a meeting with Dr Harold.”
““Ugh.”” Both sisters groaned in perfect unison. It wasn’t that they disliked the man, but Dr Harold’s experimental brain scanner was very uncomfortable.
They sat down in the wheelchair Nurse Claudia had unfolded. Lia accepted the pills from the nurse and fed a couple to Lea, who again handled the water cup. Lia thought it was awesome to be so in synch with her sister. Others pitied them. They only saw their condition—making her scoff. If anyone was disabled, it was them. Those people would never have what she and Lea shared.
All these people, Lia loathed them to the full extent of her stunted emotions. They all should choke on their pity and die. Lia felt Lea’s hand squeeze her own. Her growing anger faded away, and she squeezed back thankfully.
We’ll always have each other.
“Oh, also, Young Mr Renolds is visiting in the afternoon,” the nurse spoke as if an afterthought. If was a façade, however, as she knew pertinently well the news would cheer up her charges. And indeed, both girls whooped and shared a high five. Lia continued to hum happily afterwards, while Lea was subtly clenching a fist with excitement.
Nurse Claudia wheeled their chair by a window that offered a great view of the front gardens of the facility. Near the gate, a massive engraved stone slab proclaimed the “Renolds Institute for Extraordinary Medical Cases”—a place nicknamed the “Renolds’ Freak House” in jeer by the locals.
“Did you have fun playing today?” Claudia asked.
“Yeah! We killed a fox!” Lia chippered.
“Well, that’s nice,” the nurse commented idly with a smile.
Lea just sniggered.
* * *
< MAIN POV >
Thena and I stare at the fallen body of the foxman, butt-naked save for the panties on his head.
“He’s not getting up,” I state the obvious.
“He’s not,” Thena’s agree. “I think he just knocked himself out.”
“………”
“………”
“………”
“Eh.” I shrug and lead the semi-orc by the hand towards the secret entrance. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Will he be alright?”
“Sure. He’s a pervert. They’re like cockroaches. He’ll be fine.”
From Thena’s shoulder, I hear a certain dragon-pup snort mockingly.
…you were particularly useless so far, so don’t act all smug.
“Wait.” Thena pulls me to a stop. “We can’t go out there looking like this.” She gestures at our bloodied appearances. My dress just absorbed the blood without a trace—as did Thena’s cursed chest plate—but my face and hair are covered in the stuff. My bare feet as well. In the past, I’d have burnt the filth off with a [Holy Flame] spell, but that’s not an option at present.
However, I have an alternative.
I glance up at the dragon-puppy. “Toto, could you—”
The blue fireball hits me in the face before I can finish my demand.
That… annoying… little... fluffer!!
I blink and cough. I might be immune to his flames. But that doesn’t mean I like moonlighting as a roasted kebab! I shake my head and look down. “My fee–” More flames hit me without warning. “Stop that!!” I glare at the stuffed puppy. He merely smirks back mockingly.
This insufferable stuffbag is having entirely too much fun with this!
Can’t deny it worked, tho. All the blood evaporated, and I’m intact.
I need to examine more in details what his soulfire affects and what it doesn’t. It could come biting me in the face one of these days.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
While Toto sets himself and Thena on fire, I fetch a mirror in my inventory. I don’t put it past the little rascal to have controlled his flames to leave lewd blood drawings on my forehead or something.
But he didn’t. Good boy.
I don’t know. I’m a little disappointed. I would have done it.
That’s because you’re a bad person.
Thank you.
“…tsk.”
As I store the mirror away in the honeycomb window of my inventory, I notice the runic stone ball we’d retrieved in Cali which I was just thinking about. I take it out and stare it ponderously, turning it around in my hands. So many runes crammed on such a small surface… I can barely begin to understand what they might do.
“So you do have it. I thought it might have been left… there…” Thena’s voice trails off. I look up at her conflicted, blood-free face. I’m a little disappointed somehow.
Blood does become her.
“What does it do?” she asks, nodding at the runic sphere.
“It does… Well…” I pause and frown, looking back at the thing. “Ennn… Maybe this?” I poke at a particular rune.
Nothing happens.
I shrug and shake my head. “Nope. Not a clue. I mean, the runes, I can decipher them. But they make no sense whhhat-soever. Like, here. ‘A cloud duck chamberpot praises the sun spirit within the lewd pond of dubious eternity under my grandmother tomato tree.’ And that’s already a pretty free translation. It makes even less sense literally.”
Thena and I stare at the glowing scribbles ponderously. She scratches one of her tusks. “Maybe it’s a code?”
“That’s what I thought yes, but it’s beyond my ability to decrypt.”
She seems to hesitate. “You know… There’s someone I– Vicky!” Sadly, her warning shout comes just a beat too late, as the orb suddenly vanishes from my hands.
“Woah!” I jump in shock then spin on my heels just in time to see of a cloaked, masked figure dive out through the secret exit… with my incomprehensible artefact underarm!
Oh, Hell no, you don’t! Nick! Get them!
“YOU!! Stop right there!” I leap after the thief and somersault through the trapdoor and into the street outside. Springing to my feet, I trip, stumble, but recover my balance—only barely chafing my bare sole on the rough pavement in one heck of a semi-controlled sideslip.
Catching sight of the thief’s flapping cloak further down the street, I shift to second gear and dart in pursuit. “HAAAAAALT!! THIEF!! Someone call the guards!— Wait. No. DON’T CALL THE GUARDS!! Ugh! Never mind! Fudge! GET BACK HERE AND GIVE THAT BACK!! NO ONE STEALS FROM ME!! NO ONE!! I’m the one who steals weird stuff from other people! I mean, come on, let’s be serious for a second, it could be dangerous! HEY! I’M TALKING TO YOU!! STOP, I TOLD YOU!! STOOOOP!!”
What is WRONG with today?!?!
Isn’t it Tuesday?
I just wanted to go shopping!!!!
Just think of it as training for Black Friday.
But we order most of that stuff online?
……eh.
“Vicky, wait! WAIT!!”
* * * * *