Side Story: Nutrek Odysseus
~ Back from the Dead ~
❝ Mysterious Narrator ❞
While our fearless hero was diving blindly into the foggy unknown…
Elsewhere, although not too far, unbeknownst to the blissfully ignorant citizens of the world, Fate and Chaos were at work, calling back from the grave one of their most faithful apostles.
Over the wrecked soils of a devastated sacred ground, ominous black thunderclouds gathered, darker than even the soul of the cruellest murderer. Torrents of acidic rainfall flooded the surrounding ancient woods, now infested with roaming festering corpses, and rapidly turned the area into a putrid marsh. Berserker whirlwinds tormented trice-centenarian trees, and blinding lightning erupted in the sky like the drums and trumpets proclaiming the End of Time.
The unbound elements saluted the return of one of the Lords of Darkness, the immortal warlock who trough Death had achieved eternity, the demented necromancer who had strayed the land for centuries, leading his hordes of merciless reanimated decaying minions, the evil psychopath who even his late master in the forbidden arts had attempted to put to definitive rest, but also one who, by the sword of a champion of Light, had ultimately met his end… but only for a time.
Clusters of unholy magic sinisterly crackled in the congested, overcharged atmosphere, inflating until they burst into one unique humongous bolt of ghastly purple fire that tore through the heavens, coiling disorderly on itself like a mad snake, distorting the very boundary between life and death, resounding with the agonising shrieks of a hundred thousand damned souls, and blazingly struck the centre of a muddy jagged clearing, leaving behind a fuming crater swarming with sparks of corrupted power.
Suddenly, the earth in the gloomy pit bulked. Four skeletal claws broke the surface. The twitching appendages soon were followed by a fleshless paw, then by an arm, then a shoulder blade. Eventually a sniggering skull emerged from the smelly muck. Its eyes shone with ghastly greenish foxfire and sharp short pointy fangs filled its lipless mouth, clattering deliberately in a vicious threatening manner. Using his free limb, the creature savagely dug out the rest of his body.
Slowly, laboriously, the lich extricated itself from its detested imposed grave.
The revived necrotic sorcerer twisted the darkness into a cloak of pure abyss and covered his naked yellowish bones. Then he looked convulsively at his ruined surroundings.
He recognised the grotesque theatre of his humiliating, if short-lived, demise. A heinous wheeze filtered through his gritted fangs and the flames in his empty sockets flared in hatred. He started raising a talon curled up towards the stormy heavens, as if to utter some esoteric curse… but he abruptly froze, struck by a perverse foreboding.
Anxiously, he palpated his whole undead body, searching for something and reaching even inside his own ribcage and braincase, but to no avail! He could not avoid the hurtful truth. His most prized possession, his misfortune-bringing artefact, the cursed source of his boundless Dark Magic was nowhere to be found!
Falling on his kneecaps, he threw his fists at the sombre sky, and let out a loud screech of raging despair: “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–
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– [PAUSE] –
*Larsen*
… one … two? ... one two … test test … Does this thing work? ... Yes? What? … It’s already on?! Oh. Sorry.
*cough* Hi everyone…. Author here… really hate to do this, breaking the fourth wall… more than usual… Yeah…
But it came to my understanding that, perhaps, some of you don’t fluently speak Squirrel. Don’t be ashamed, it’s more frequent that you might think. I’ll admit myself that my Platypus and Dugong are a little rusty. So be assured you’re not alone.
Therefore – and I apologize in advance to the die-hard fans of original versions – I reluctantly decided that Nutrek’s lines would be dubbed in English. However, only his. Don’t try to make me believe you don’t understand Horse language. I’m not stupid.
Well… that’s all. Sorry again. Now back to the story.
– [PLAY] –
–OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Where?! How?!! WHO?!? Who dared dispossess the grrrrrreat, the miiiighty, the faaaantastic, the MAAAAAAGNIFICENT NUTREK ACORNAZIETH?!? Who?! Who! Who? Who? Who? Who? WHOOO?!! …AH!”
As if struck by lightning – again – Nutrek the Hyperactive Magnificent froze – again – then jumped off the ground and on his metatarsi, and exaggeratingly slammed his bony fist into his cupped bony palm with a bony “tack”.
“HIM! Of course! None content to lay waste to my paradisiac dwelling, thou miserable fiend, thou nithing, thou VILLAIN dareth flee mine domain with what to this one rrrrrrightfully belongs?! Kikikikiki! Verrry well. I deem thee my nemesis! Thou shalt soon halch the whole extent of my wrath. Just wait, thou miserrrable buffoon!”
Relapsing into his never-cured habit to speak silly when emotionally strained, and his overly dramatic tendencies, the miniature necromancer struck a tentative lordly pose, and called out in a hysterical high-pitched voice: “COME FORTH!! ANSWER MY CALL!! COME TO ME!! RAISE, MY UNDYING MI-MI-MI-MINIONS!!!”
…
……
………
*sound of windy silence*
“…my minions?”
*inexistent cricket*
“He couldn’t have killed them all, could he?”
* * *
Three hours later, Nutrek Acornazieth was running on all four through the [Lost Woods], his cape flapping in the moderate wind and him swearing in every way he knew, while ineffectively cursing at the sunlight-clad swordsman that had taken his Precious away from him.
“Squeeergh…. Why! Whywhywhywhywhy doesn’t the location spell works. IIIIIIIIIIIH! It’s like something is interfering with my eeextraorrrrdinary Power! Is it him? That flaffery filthy firefly thief! It has to be him! He must have realised, yes yes he, that felon, he must have, how much power mine artefact holds! YES! Tsk. I can’t let him keep it! Nononono... It. Is. Mine. MIIINE!!!”
Incapable of detecting the presence of his stolen power source, now engulfed into the protective misty barrier that had swallowed the thieving paladin, the critter overlord with performance issues was reduced to guessing the probable direction his declared arch-enemy had left, two days ago.
Utterly devoid of any non-magical tracking skills, Nutrek somehow ended up dashing with all his might… in the completely opposite direction.
This events marked the beginning of the little lich’s travels, an epic journey that would bring him to places that he never even nightmared of, a fated tale that might derail destinies, doom nations, start wars, destroy entire civilisations, and forever change the face of Pandore, and the World!!!
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…or not.
* * * * *