Chapter 9: Bluerose Castle

~ Part 6: It’s a birdy?! ~

✴ Previously in our weekly segment “Practical Applications of Murphy’s Law” ✴

The emblematic monster of any fantasy universe—although in undead ghostly form—is now standing before me.

“Hahahaha! A dragon!? They took out the freaking Soul Dragon!?” Elric, shut up. “Really?! Reeeeally?!” Elric! “Come on! What did I say about clichés?!”

ELRIC!!

“WHAT?!”

…Nothing. It’s too late now.

At the sound of my voice, the massive [Soul Dragon of the Abyss “Kalameet”] turns its huge ethereal head in my direction. We lock gaze for a few heartbeats, I gulp, and then the dragon opens its maw and inhales. Purplish blue flames gather at the back of its throat.

…

……

………

Uh oh.

Shit.

✴ End of recap ✴

With a strained smile, I turn around…and start running for my dear life.

Behind me, I hear the roar of flames bursting from the open maw of the ethereal monster. Not good. Noooot gooooood!! This thing might be a ghost dragon, but I can feel the heat, so I’m not going to try and test if its fire-breath is real or not. Thinking logically—a dangerous pastime, I know—it’s a boss monster, so it should be very real…and painful.

In fact, this is even worse than a normal dragon. I might be fireproof, but it’s already been proven that my resistance is useless against undead fire. Stupid squirrel.

And…I don’t think I can run fast enough. I can feel the heat gaining on me! “Darn, darn, darn…” What the hell do I pay you for, legs?! …Right. I don’t pay them.

Elric…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RUNNING IN A STRAIGHT LINE??

Because I went to the Prometheus School of Running Away From Things!!

STOP JOKING AND TURN SIDEWAYS! SIDEWAYS!!

Stepping on a large rock that likely was once part of the ceiling, I propel myself to the left, diving behind a column and out of the trajectory of the flames. Just as I land rolling on the stone ground, a blast of scalding heat washes over the central aisle where I stood instants before. I bet it’d have singed my hair if I had any left.

“Hehehe…Fooo…That was close.”

Moron.

*crack*

…Did you hear something?

Before my inner voice has time to answer, the column I’m hiding behind brutally shatters! A translucent bluish squamous tail with streaks of purple whips through the cloud of dust and falling debris, swiping straight at me. It’s too late to avoid it.

“Uh-o—oooochhhhhh!!”

Blunt trauma [–1,977HP]

Pain makes my mind go blank, and it’s again pain that reboots it an instant later when I crash violently through the next column…

Blunt trauma [–186HP]

 …then through another…

Blunt trauma [–200HP]

 …then another…

It hurts [–220HP]

 …then another…and the damages are compounding.

It’s only after four more pillars that the fifth holds. Buried a good inch into the stone, I stick to it for a few seconds before dropping limply like a pancake from the ceiling and faceplanting on the dusty tiles.  

Floor trauma [–87HP]

 “Ha-ha-ha…argh.” Coughing a mouthful of blood, I push myself up. I really felt that one. I think I have a few cracked ribs and internal damages. I can only thank my armour that nothing more important got broken. Like my skull…Though I actually don’t have a helmet anymore. So maybe that [Luck] stat is doing something right for once.

I glance at my remaining health.

[HP: 1,011 / 4,970]

…eh. What do I say to that? Oopsy?

Well, it is a dragon. So, are you going to start being a little serious, or let yourself be squashed like an ant?

I frown. Who does that fictitious sassy subliminal self of mine think she is? I’ll show you who’s an ant!

Yeah, yeah. You are a big, strong boy. Waaah. Scary~ Go, Elric! Make Big Sis proud!

…I have a headache.

Crashing through eight pillars of solid rock does that to a man.  

Through the darkness and several broken columns—it’s a wonder the ceiling hasn’t fallen down on us already—I distinguish the glowing form of the dragon glaring at me, a courtesy I return. I’m almost certain it’s a smirk I see on its snarky reptilian face. Maybe I could try to communicate with that [Universanimal Language] skill, but I don’t wanna. Very mature, Elric. Shut up!

After a couple seconds of this staring contest, Kalameet opens its jaws once more and inhales deeply. But I’m ready this time. “Oh no, you don’t! I am the warrior of the Sun! The light titan, and YOU. WILL. BURN!! [Sun Guardian]!”

As soon as I complete the incantation…I explode.

…

Or, at least, I’m sure it looks that ways from an outsider’s point of view.

My body is suddenly engulfed in a storm of burning light pouring from inside me, like a miniature sun erupting in the throne room and blowing the darkness away—and also the nearest tattered banners. Some even spontaneously combust from the abrupt rise in temperature, while the ground under my feet and the closest sculptures begin to melt. In no time, I am standing in the middle of my own little personal Hell of flames and magma.

And I’m certain the fact I’m laughing uncontrollably only enhances my badassery—of course—and in no way makes me look like an insane villain.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

It’s nice to have hopes and dreams…

“………”

Ahem…After expanding to the size of a small two-storey house, the giant ball of gaseous fire then violently twists, whirls, and wraps itself around me. Quickly, it takes the shape of a huge red-orange blazing armour easily rivalling the [Soul Dragon]’s bulk. Meanwhile, I rise in the air and end up floating inside the fire giant’s chest, which in turn mimics my every move.

The process completes just in time too, because Kalameet releases its breath the very instant my [Sun Guardian] finishes forming. I think that dragon also read the book that says it’s a bad idea to wait for the enemy to finish their transformation sequence. I never quite noticed how annoying it is when you are on the receiving end. Such rudeness!

However, I don’t have time to complain. Ghastly blue and purple flames pour relentlessly over my huge light armour. In response, I slam my two palms together. The guardian follows with only a breath of delay—its movement slightly more sluggish than my own. The resounding clap creates a blinding flash and a shockwave that instantaneously dissipates the dragon’s flames.

Sliding my right feet forwards, I make a batting motion with my hands still joined, like slicing through the air but instead launching a giant scythe of light towards the invoked monster. Kalameet, however, easily deflects it with a sweep of its tail. The attack bounces sideways and slices a half-collapsed column, adding to the general disorder of the dilapidated throne room.

You might wonder how one can possibly physically deflect an attack made of pure light, but—one—that dragon isn’t exactly physical and—two—I’m inside a giant armour made of sunlight, fighting a dragon ghost. Therefore your argument is invalid.

After ending the first exchange on a tie, we two colossuses return to glaring at each other while the huge, neatly cut pillar slowly, very slowly, slides to the ground—as if the flow of time was being quelled.

…

In a thundering noise, the falling stone shatters on the floor. Time brutally resume its normal course. We charge forwards, both roaring, ghost maw opened and burning fist raised.

Reaching the translucent beast, I abruptly halt my dash, take one last heavy step forwards, transferring my weight onto my right forefront foot, and twist both my whole real and immaterial bodies. The fiery right hook I throw swoops on the likewise incoming [Soul Dragon]’s head, in a merciless blow capable of shattering both physical and magical defences.

This will be intense.

However…

*clink*

Did you hear something?

What?

Just before my attack could connect, a light crystalline sound echoes with an odd clarity over the chaos. Kalameet’s body suddenly flickers like statics on a bad hologram, then blinks out of existence.

“Uh?!” The surprised gasp escapes me as my punch blasts through nothing but air. Not encountering the expected resistance, I lose balance, tumble down and smash into the floor. The [Sun Guardian] absorbs all the damage from the fall, but I lose focus and the armour dissipates, dropping me from a few feet high.

Faceplant [–7HP]

 “Ow...Da’it.” For my current level, this spell is a little OP, but conversely, it’s kind of unstable. So it’s still difficult for me to maintain it. I usually use it only when I have no other option or wish to finish up quickly.

I stand up, snap my bloody nose back into position, and look at my dark surroundings. Very dark. The torches are still burning, but the magical circle isn’t glowing anymore. Nor is the shiny dragon spectre anywhere in sight. “What happened?” It didn’t look like a teleportation. Teleportation sometimes flashes brightly, but it never flickers. Imagine if you encountered statics when teleporting. You’d reach your destination in small pieces. Nobody wants that…for themselves.

Still, I unsheathe my sword and take up a guarding stance, just in case. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Unless being safe involves measures that are too bothersome. Then it’s always better to be comfortable than to be safe. Rule 2bis. “So…Where are you, Scaly? Scalyyyy~” Slowly turning, I scan the obscurity. Although, I highly doubt a giant glowing lizard has the ability to hide in the dark. But then, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I ever encountered.

However, after several minutes without a single ghostly squamous butt in sight, I am forced to admit my playmate the phantom reptile isn’t coming back. Not that long downtimes never happen in boss fights—the game is a bit too realistic that way—but Kalameet didn’t strike me as the stealthy type—dragons rarely are. And this one is called Calamity, for Heaven’s sake! Who ever heard of a stealthy cataclysm?

Isn’t there a copyright on that name?

Dunno. I ain’t part of Whatever, so why would I care?

Just asking.

Eventually, I lower my weapon and am left standing a bit confused in the empty room. “Err…Seriously, what happened? Maybe…” Sheathing the sword, I make my way to the destroyed throne. As I pass next to the magical circle, I cast a wary look at the inert carvings, but they don’t suddenly spring to life and I reach the broken seat unhindered.

As expected, the purple barrier that blocked the exit has disappeared too. “Err…” I scratch my bald head. “I don’t know what’s going on but…” If I’m right, all I have left to do now is go through this dark tunnel, climb up the tower, and claim my prize—whatever that may be. “Well…might as well…”

I am about to take a step into the tunnel but I stop. Not because I felt any sort of danger or feared a trap, but because this doesn’t feel right. I can’t help but feel frustrated by what just happened. I mean…I was all fired up! And now I’m left with a huge feeling of disappointment. “This can’t be right.” I shake my head.

Resolutely, I turn away from the exit and walk back into the deserted throne room. I won’t be able to accept this “victory” if I don’t find out why Kalameet suddenly went *poosh*. It just doesn’t sit right with me to be handed things on a silver platter. I’m used to struggling for what I want…in the game world at least. I don’t have enough things I want in real life that I’d need to struggle for any of them. I know, I know. What can I say? I’m a spoiled brat.

But this? This feels like my fun was stolen away from me.

And if there is something I don’t let slide, it is people messing with my fun.

Nobody, ever, messes with my fun.

I stop first by the pillar the dragon destroyed with its tail—in that blow which sent me flying earlier. I don’t know what I’m expecting to find here, but I don’t know where else to start looking.

As I stumble around the destroyed columns in the dark, I mumble to myself to fill the oppressive silence. I don’t like silence. “Seriously, disappearing like this is just rude. What did I even save my mana for? Ahhh…This is annoying. Chaos? How do you justify this?”

*ting*

Chaos the One and Only: Maybe Kal-chan remembered he left cookies in the oven?

I roll my eyes. What was I even expecting from this guy?

“Yeah…Right. I’m sure a disembodied dragon has much use for cooo-oOO-OH!!” My left foot lands on something round. It rolls away, causing me to trip and fall.

Butt trauma [–1HP]

 “…Chaos. Stop messing with my windows.”

*ting*

You are trying to reach the Embodiment of Randomness. All our direct lines are currently busy. Please retry later. To speak with an intermediary, please hit your head against the floor.

This tiring. “Why do I even bother? *sigh* This what I get for…Okay. In dark I walk, none is aware. For light I hold, but do not share. [Lantern of the Selfish One]”

The close surroundings immediately brighten as the small orb of light appears hovering around my head. I then get up and search the ground for the round object I just felt under my boot and tripped upon, thus tumbling majestically upon mine bottom.

My eyes eventually fall upon an oblong, sapphire-like crystal—about the size of an ostrich egg. Inside are swirling fleeting blue sparkles. My expression immediately stiffens. I know what that thing is. And I also know now what happened to the dragon. Although, I sincerely hope I’m wrong.

Turning around and carefully inspecting a nearby column, I notice a cracked recess in the stone. Its shape vaguely matches the gem, looking just deformed enough that it’d slip out if the room was shaking too much…

I close my eyes and massage my temples with both my hands. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me…” With a sigh, I press a hand next to the alcove. “Vandalism or passage of time, leaving it broken is the worst crime. [Sculpture Restoration].” Even though this isn’t technically a “sculpture”, the spell works well enough on any kind of worked stone. In no time, the damaged setting has taken back its original form.

I still can’t help but mumble discontentedly. All this trouble because of worn-out infrastructure. “Just how unkempt is this place? Wait until I meet that princess, I’ll tell her what I think of her hospitality.” Bending down, I pick up the large [Mana Gem] and thrust it back where it belongs.

As soon as the column and the crystal near, a mana arc snaps between the two. “Blast it!” I jerk my jolted hand back, letting go of the stone. But the latter is quickly sucked up by its repaired niche before it can hit the ground. Rubbing my numb hand, I glare at the stone as it gains a soft purplish-blue glow before the pillar grows as if organically to swallow it.

A low buzzing sound then echoes through the vast throne room. The same I heard back when the magical circle was powering up. And in this case, “powering up” is the right term. That [Mana Gem] is obviously the power source for the summoning circle.

So now that I repaired the circuit…

“ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR!”

“Hehehe…” I chuckle darkly.

*ting*

Chaos: You…

Ignoring the message of the incredulous god, I guzzle down one mana potion and another for health restoration, then stepped away from the pillar to avoid damaging my latest restoration work.

“I am the warrior of the Sun. The light titan, and you will burn. [Sun Gardian].” Back into my fiery mecha, I slowly turn to face a very pissed Kalameet. I raise a finger and shake reprovingly at him—Chaos referred to the dragon as male, didn’t he? “You should be ashamed. Leaving your guest all alone like that and forcing him to fix your home. Tss-tss-tss…I’m warning you. I grading this and you just went down to two.”

“RRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRR…”

“Hahaha. Right. Let’s do this Lizzy! HAHAHAHAHAHA…”

And, accompanied by the sound of overjoyed laughter, the blazing giant and the ghastly dragon once again both charge at each other.

And this time, I don’t forget to utter the battle cry anyone should utter when battling in a mecha.

“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!”

* * * * *