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CHAPTER 6: ANONYMOUS INFAMY
After a now customary visit to the toilet getting reacquainted with the carrots I ate yesterday for dinner, I am standing in front of the bathroom mirror—again—feeling slightly nauseous—again— and with my mouth frothing with toothpaste—again. In contrast to yesterday, though, I am now clean shaven. Also, my face is split by a large rectangular bruise which reads Albert Einstein.
Not the most glamorous appearance, you’ll admit.
I admit.
Not you.
With a mouthful of water, later spat, the toothpaste is quickly remedied to. The bruise, however, is a little less of a…skin-deep issue. Figuratively speaking.
From the cabinet behind the mirror, I fetch the foundation and concealer Steph gave me. She also passed along some instructions on how best to apply this stuff. She warned me the colour is supposedly a little darker than my skin tone but I’ll have to trust her word on that—because I truly can’t tell.
I wonder sometimes. Do women really see colours better than men? They probably do. Half the time, I can’t even spell fuchsia right, let alone see it…but I’m derailing. And speaking of purple. I prefer looking a bit off-tint than purplish going on sickly yellow.
Yeah. That’s just…just…eww…
Hoy. That’s my face you’re talking about.
Yeah? So what?
…Never mind.
Oh, come on. You know you’re not exactly a ten.
And what am I exactly?
Err…six…six and a half if you actually try?
…Thanks.
Anytime.
Steph also said foundation and concealer were part of what she called a good makeup “base”. That scared me. You need to put on makeup to prepare for putting on makeup?! HERESY!! After hearing that, I felt equally enlightened and horrified. Like I’ve been initiated to some kind of evil cult…or something.
It’s called femininity. You’ll get used to it.
Do I have a say in this matter?
No.
…
……
………
According to the dark priestess—I mean “the nurse”—given my circumstances she was sparing me the “primer”.
I am eternally grateful for her mercy…whatever a primer may be.
Some kind of primordial demon no doubt.
In fact, I think she explained it to me.
She did.
But by that point, my attention had already raised the white flag. Steph lost me the moment she started droning on about “water based” and “oil based” and “powdery” foundation and “liquidy” foundation.
I don't think “liquidy” is even a word.
Is it?
I don’t know. What does the internet have to say about this?
I grab my phone on the side of the washbasin and do a quick search.
Liquidy: adj. Having a consistency similar to a liquid, but also similar to a solid (for example custard). Semifluid.
…
……
………
Well, if it’s like custard, who am I to argue?
I am soooo eager to put that stuff on my face now.
At some point, I remember, Steph also mentioned something called a “beauty blender”---which sounds like a very painful torture device. Don’t laugh! I’ve seen what a blender does to vegetables! I won’t have my face turn into soup! I’d rather stick to custard, thank you very much!
But she said I could use my fingers instead. Are those fish fingers? To go with the custard.
Nick. Focus. Or you’ll have to see the doctor again.
Doctor who?
No, our mother.
Right…Where was I?
Custard—I mean, use your fingers! …Damn you.
Oh, right.
So, apparently, I can use my fingers to apply the concealer, as long as I remember to only bounce against my skin and not swipe the concealer away…or so she said. What’s that supposed to accomplish, I have no fishy clue.
With custard.
* * *
Four attempts, one cleaning of my left eye, and lots of colourful cursing later…
I think I did an adequate job for my first attempt. I have one bloodshot eye and the result looks like I have a very peculiar tan mark, but at least I won’t be confused with a defeated boxer anymore...or a…”bookser”, I suppose.
Is that a thing?
No, it is not. Not even in Toshokan Sensou.
Too bad.
I glance at the clock. Half past three. Half past three AM of course. Eh…I don’t think I’ll bother going to sleep if it’s just for a couple hours. It’ll only be harder to wake up later. I want to try and actually attend classes tomorrow—I mean today.
I grab a bathrobe hanging from the wall and cover myself. I don’t usually wear much inside my gamepod—which I just exited—and it’s a little chilly in the apartment. I keep the heating low most of the time. The gamepod itself is already at an agreeable temperature, so why waste money heating empty rooms? Still, I’ve turned up the thermostat as soon as I stepped out. I’m a little thrifty, not insane.
*COUGH*
…What?
However, even nowadays with all the technological progress, temperature doesn’t rise instantaneously. Plus this building is rather old. Think. The locks still use actual keys. Nobody builds doors like this anymore. I think the heating system could be sold to a museum and Vincent, the landlord, would have enough money to buy a new one. The radiators here still use heated water. Heated water!
What is this, 2030?
But, hey, the rent is cheap.
Dragging my fluffy unicorn slippers down the hallway, I don’t even bother switching on the lights. Not that it have done anything since the hallway lamp is still busted. I’m lazy, I know.
I walk into the main-cum-living-cum-dining room, still staying in the dark—by choice this time. After an idle glance at the glowing stars dotting the ceiling, I drop onto my beat-up couch. I retrieve my laptop and my feet replace it atop the coffee table. While the beast is powering up, I recline my head against the couch. I ponder whether to use the wide angle projector hanging amongst the glowing star stickers to watch a movie. But eventually, I decide against it.
Instead, an idea crosses my mind. As soon as I can, I open my internet browser and go to YouTube. It’s kind of amazing that site is still running as it is. But I guess not everyone can afford a VR-cam. 2D is still going as strong as ever. And they do have a VR-pod plugin now that I think about it.
This morning...or yesterday morning, I suppose, while discussing with Steph, it fast became obvious I don’t have the slightest clue when it comes to makeup. Meaning, even the cosmetics artist Stephany Leblanc struggled with explaining simple concepts to me. So I think, I probably should try to expand a bit my knowledge before coming at her with more questions.
“Alright so...Let’s start with something simple...Lipstick. How hard can it be to apply lip paint? Hahaha—uh? Has it gotten colder all of a sudden?” Ignoring the sudden chill down my back, my hands run on the keyboard. Soon I find myself with a plethora of clips to choose from. Like the good noob I am, I click on the first on the list.
...
No, YouTube, I don't want to fill out a darn survey. Gimme my video already!
...
Okay. For one, I won’t need to care about keeping my lips moisturised or to remove dead skins. The game is realistic, but not that realistic. Everlasting perfect flawless skin is one of the advantages of VR...unless you design your character otherwise. Or when you’re being burned alive…in which case makeup becomes a rather secondary concern. So that’s one item off the list.
Next!
...
What’s this? Lip primer? Lip pencil? Lip liner? Whoa, girl. Hold your horse. I’ve got a medieval vanity with product dating back two millennia—thank god for magic. I do not have access to a Sephora.
...
Why do all these women look like they sniff their cosmetics as much as they apply them on their faces? I knew you were spooky, Internet, but right now you’re freaking me out.
...
Jesus! God knows I’ve got nothing against transvestites, but man, you make Ivankov seem mild and conservative. That’s a positive overdose of glitter.
…
Girl, if you’re going to shoot your little “tuto” in your bedroom and post it online, at least tidy up. That bra hanging in the corner of the frame is super distracting. It’s not even a nice one. That’s clearly your dirty laundry. I have no interest in picturing your plain beige comfy underwear every time I try to define the shape of my Cupid’s bow.
Who knew that part of the lip was even called the Cupid’s bow? That’s so corny. I’ll never be able to look at my lips the same from now on.
I’ll go puke pink rainbows right now.
...
Alright...so there how many types of applicators exactly? Christ. I’m so happy to be a guy right now. The most challenging cosmetic choice I’ve ever had to deal with was choosing a brand of shampoo.
Holly Jynx! Who in their right mind would choose to be a girl?!
I’ve just gained a whole new level of respect for Steph. That woman has balls—Wait.
Wrong choice of words.
She does.
Next vid.
...
No. Just. No. That’s just...Eww.
Nextnextnext!!
…
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
……
………
You know what. I don’t think this is working. Let’s stop here. I’ll just listen to Steph’s advice and put more efforts into understanding them. She can get confusing, but I’m obviously bad at this self-study thing.
I stop the video, pausing a woman who looks like a melted Christmas tree in the middle of comparing some type of brush with some sort of stick. I massage my temples. Glancing sideways at the moon-shaped clock on the wall, I notice I still wasted one hour on this nonsense. The internet truly is a frightening place, where time warps and flows at its own rhythm.
What now? I still have a few hours to kill.
My gurgling stomach answers for me.
“Alright,” I agree. I make the trip to the kitchen and, after a quick snack, come back with a can of diet coke and a cereal bar. Returning to the computer, and the internet, I close YouTube and switch to a gaming news website. I click on the direct video feed.
Slowly sipping my carbonated drink, I watch the wrap-up of an interview of some Untold Tale player, represented in the form of his avatar. The effects are really well done on this show. You’d swear the female dwarf blacksmith really is sitting across the host, who himself is obviously a real man sitting in a studio, wearing a modern formal suit. Sure, it’s not something hard to achieve with today’s technology, but it’s always nice to see a show going that extra mile instead of just shooting everything in a virtual set.
After the dwarf leaves under the applause of an unseen audience, the host directs a bright smile at the camera. It looks so genuine, I can’t help but smile in return. That guy is good.
“In…other news, it has been exactly one month, real time, since last was heard of Elric Walker, a UT player most of you know from events such as the Mermaid Princess Wedding Scandal or the Shitsplosion of Start City.”
I stop smiling.
“That player, most notorious under the monikers ‘Wandering Knight’ and ‘Reckless Imbecile’, gained almost unparalleled infamy for succeeding in feats many considered impossible, but causing unspeakable and often extremely strange mayhem in the process. Some hate him, some fear him, some worship him, but all can agree Elric Walker is a major part of the ever-growing UT folklore, for better or worse.
“However, over the course of the past month, or four months in-game, no cataclysm bearing the mark of the Reckless Imbecile has occurred. Many wonder whether this means Elric Walker’s era of terror has finally come to an end. Has he dropped out of the game? Or is he still out there, hatching some sinister plot to drown us all in custard.” The host wriggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly and the audience erupts in laughter.
I’m not laughing.
I haven’t dropped out, Mister Obvious Wig. If you want to know, I’ve been exploring the kingdom of Erwyn for the past four in-game months. I am not preparing some nefarious plans! And those so-called catastrophes were all either accidents or misunderstandings! Okay?! And, for the last time, I did nothing to that mermaid!
I AM INNOCENT YOUR HONOUR!!
“The guildmaster and vice-master of Horizon, Daniel-san and Winnie Strong, have refused all comment on the situation of their past party member. This—”
I cut off the video. “Annoying,” I grumble. Annoyed, I switch to another gaming website. That one visibly had its video recorded directly inside Untold Tales. It can be done simply by hooking a computer onto a gamepod. The recording can be either first- or third-person from any direction. It does have the advantage of allowing to record VR data—and being cheaper--but the time-flow differential makes it hard to broadcast live.
The host this time is an elven woman with long blond hair and pale sky blue eyes. It’s not hard to guess she chose the elf race to boost the ratings. They are pretty to look at after all. Though a bit too fragile looking for my own tastes.
The woman is standing at the edge of a paved plaza surrounded by elegant but simple medieval houses, none taller than a couple storeys high. I immediately recognise the commoners’ residential district of Start City, Capital of the Kingdom of Firstland, even though I haven’t set foot in that place since…well, since I caused their sewers to overflow.
But, hey, they have running water now. But did they ever thank me? Nooo! What’s fresh water to everyone in the face of a few faeces on your façade? Nothing. Hah. Ungrateful boors.
Clicking my tongue, I push the memories away and listen to the elven reporter.
“…I am here in the heart of Start, the City of Beginnings, where the preparations for Princess Aurora’s Coming of Age Ceremony are already in full swing. The festivities will last a month and a half, and culminate on the night of the princess’ fifteenth birthday, with a grand bonfire for the masses and a ball at the palace. All the important figures of the continent, both players and NPCs have been invited for the occasion.”
I take a sip of my coke and a bite from my cereal bar. “Eh...Little Aurora is already fifteen? Well, I guess it’s been more than a year from the NPCs’ viewpoint.” How nostalgic. “But wait…I didn’t receive any invitation!!” I frown. “They aren’t still mad about flooding the castle courtyard with poop, are they?”
The reporter continues. “For this event, security has been evidently reinforced throughout the capital. The city guards, along with knights of the kingdom, are patrolling the streets daily. A large bounty has also been issued for any information concerning the whereabouts of the Human Calamity Elric Walker, who—”
“OH, COME ON!!”
I change the channel...website. Whatever.
Another in-game recording, also a bustling crowd in Start, but this focuses on another relatively recent news. No reporter appears on screen this time. Instead, a voice-over comments as the image zooms in on a group wearing large cloaks that cover their entire bodies, only allowing an occasional glimpse of red glowing eyes underneath their hoods.
“Months after the introduction of orcs as a playable race, a new race has finally been unlocked for the players: the vampires, Lords of the Night, undead and thirsty for blood. Little information is known yet about the abilities of this race. So far, we know they display high characteristics in both physical and magic, but also suffer from severe drawbacks, like the constant need to consume blood and extreme debuffs during the day. They also appear to burn from the slightest contact with sunlight. People are debating whether this new race is game breaking or broken itself.”
I take one more bite of my cereal bar and chew slowly. The image changes to a tall Cathedral-like building. The architecture is not exactly gothic, but close enough. The structure is all in white marbles and is shining of an almost blinding light. Men and women in immaculate robes and sparkling armours walk in and out through imposing stone doors.
Another location I recognise. The Grand Temple of Order in Lumière, the capital of the Altor Theocracy.
I blew it up, once. They did a good job rebuilding it.
Magic, you know? A great help to labour of any kind.
“There is talk of an on-going debate amongst the high spheres of the Temple of Order, on whether those sentient undead who suddenly started to appear should be considered a threat and thus declared unholy. It is not impossible that in the near future any vampire character will find themselves hunted by the templars and their associates, adding another drawback to this decidedly imbalanced race.”
I roll my eyes. Those templars are ridiculous. They’re so completely off-mark it's almost laughable. I’m aware the confusion of order, light, and good is symptomatic of humanity, but that knowledge doesn’t make it less irritating. As a long-time follower of Chaos—although not on my own free will—and now a spawn of Darkness—even less my own idea—and as a human of questionable morals in general, I call hogwash!
You're not making a very compelling case...
I don’t care!
“It remains unconfirmed who is the player who unlocked the race. We remind our newer audience, less familiar with the game, that a race only becomes available after a player makes contact with a member of said race and fulfils certain secret conditions. That player then is granted the opportunity to convert his avatar to the race, with special perks, making it one of the most sought-after rewards of the game.
“Notable examples of this include ‘Red Gloves’ Daniel-san and ‘Mad Bear’ Winnie, master and vice-master of the guild Horizon, who together made the first historical contact with the beastmen. And ‘Dark Harrower’ Ahnold, the player who more recently unlocked the orc race and is now leader of the only orc-exclusive mercenary guild in the game.”
I wonder. Does being possessed by the insane spirit of a dead half-vampire princess from two-thousand years ago count as “making contact” with a vampire?
Seems like it.
I suppose it does.
Well, in any case, they’ve got no way to find me out. I shrug and move the pointer of the mouse with the intent of closing the browser. Suddenly the image changes again, this time to a grand mansion. I pause my gesture. The mansion looks rather normal for its kind, if obscenely luxurious—except for all the shutters of its wide façade being shut despite the brightness of the day.
Or, I guess, more likely because of the brightness of the day.
“Eh…” I let out a sound midway between surprise and disinterest.
The voice-over quickly confirms my suspicions. “It’s in this mansion, on the outer edge of Start’s noble district, that the presumed first vampire player has been gathering more and more of the struggling players who chose to join the ranks of the undead.
“The new guild, Night Walkers, does not welcome only vampires, but players from all races, so long as their alignment leans to darkness. The intentions of the new guild master, known only by the name of Dusk Lord, are still shrouded in mystery. However, the name of the guild itself is already leading to numerous speculations. Obviously, when one hear the name Walker, only one man comes to mind. And many have voiced concerned that the infamous Reckless—”
A click shuts off the feed.
My left eyebrow is twitching.
That son of a FUCKING BITCH!!!
This is annoying.
Fuck yeah, this pisses me off!! Let's get to Start and shove a wooden spike up his arse! Then we'll see who's the First Vampire! Stealing our achievement and giving us a bad rep! Let him taste shit and die gutless like a bitch in a ditch!
Okay, now, before you start rapping. How do you propose we get there? We’re stuck in that tower.
Shit!
Quite.
Plus, I don’t really care who’s claiming that title. He can have it for all I care. I don’t really want more attention than I already have.
OH COME ON!! Nick, you can’t let that piece of shit leech encroaching on your turf like a filthy roach! Grow a fucking pair!
Mine work quite well, thank you.
Really, I don’t care.
But—
Shut up.
I throw back the can of soda and gulp what’s left of it. A sound of crumpling metal echoes in the dark apartment. I lower the empty twisted container on the coffee table. It takes several seconds for my grip to uncoil.
I don’t care.
Really. It’s true.
I’m a very chill kind of guy. I don’t hold grudges. They’re tiring.
I don’t even get mad that often.
Well, let’s do something else.
“I wonder what's new on the forums,” I ask out loud to an empty room. Closing the tab of the gaming news website, I click on the official Untold Tales forum page in my bar of favourites.
I skim a bit through the most recent updates and check my news feed to see if any of the users I subscribed to posted anything interesting. But most of the new entries relate to what I just saw: i.e. me, the Princess’ birthday, and the unlocked vampire race. Rather dull, or irritating depending on the viewpoint, but I might come back in a few days to read what people will have found out about vampires. I’m still trying to figure out my abilities as Victoria. I’d like to compare with normal vampires.
There are also rumours of a new hidden dungeon. An old man would appear randomly, ask someone a question, then teleport them to place where the poor sot would then get killed almost instantly.
…I frown, then read a bit more.
Some are saying it’s only a troll quest. I’m more sceptical. Fake trap quests happen, but players very rarely die in them. Death is quite a serious outcome just for a practical joke. The penalty loss of levels and stats are definitely not funny and the ensuing twenty-four hours ban even less.
What more, the description of this “dungeon” seems eerily familiar.
A bowl-shaped valley covered in a vortex of thunderclouds, filled with enormous trees and surrounded by glowing rainbow cliffs...Rings any bell? I have a hunch about the identity of this old man too, even if I can’t tell what he’s trying to accomplish. I’d like to see a copy of that quest, but no one posted any screenshot yet. So I’ll have to wait.
I eventually end up in a section of the forum aimed at beginners. Spotting a cooking thread, I write a quick warning about the explosive properties of chicken-onion pie—true story—and then suggest the use of a hang-glider to a newbie in search of a melee weapon. The content of the messages isn't actually relevant. I’m sincere in my advice, but what I’m doing is, in fact, akin to emptying a bucket of blood in a sea where sharks are known to dwell…
Now I wait. Patience is the key to fishing. Though, this shouldn’t take too long.
Beginners’ armoury. Questions, advice…Trolls shall be banned!
(Pg. 727 of 727)
Fenis Llamma XD! Come on, man, don’t be such a troll! EmmJayKayJay WOOOOOOOOO! He’s gonna send the enemies flying! Angony’s End Seriously, it’s not nice to make fun of newbies. Ashen-Shugar Like your one to talk. Moron. Gram ArNah’zi *you’re Nein Den HEY! Wiat! “Elric Walker”, isn’t that the Wandering Knight?8!! O.S.P. It is! Is it? I mean, is it really him? Olivia1906 OH SHIT!! HE’S ALIVE!! Luke Ainsworth (OP) Oh… Right! Elric! Glad you’re still playing! Thanks again for last time! …but, seriously? Hang-glider? Elric Walker Try being trashed by an ice witch wielding one, and THEN tell me it can’t be used as a weapon. (And do I know you?) Elric’s Follower682 MAAAAAAAAAASTEEEEER!!!!! You got killed again? Elric’s Follower544 Elric-sama!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re back! HE’S BAAAAACK!!
Should I go beat that witch, or kiss her? Or both? In which order? Elric’s Follower807 GLORY TO ELRIC! *trumpet* Elric’s Follower78 Oh, Sage of the Wild, please bestow upon us Your holy word! Elric’s Follower1 I hear You, my Lord. I shall forsake my sword for a hang-glider right this instant! Elric’s Follower259 Hail Elric! And hello too you to, High Priest. Elric’s Follower1 Hello, my son. You too, heed the word of God, and follow the way of hang-glider mastery. Elric’s Follower259 I shall, High Priest. And I shall also alter my regimen to chicken and onions starting today. Here’s the link to master’s words of wisdom: pie Elric’s Follower1 Thou art a true believer, my son. Elric’s Follower666 Mwahahahaha!!!! Hang-gliders, chickens and onions shall rule the underworld! Luke Ainsworth (OP) …you guys are so banned. ??
“Hehehe…Those guys are as lively as ever.” I laugh dryly with a wry smile which probably looks more like a grimace.
It's their fault. It's definitely their fault.
Ever since the function was added to the forums for users to subscribe to another user’s publications, I’ve been virtually stalked by dozens of…err…fanatics.
Yeah…there’s really no other term to describe them. I really hope they are merely your average band of organised trolls—because they have started getting creepy as of late. They’ve gathered hundreds of members, and are turning into some sort of underground cult. After I received in-game the title [Cult Founder] through no actions of my own, I stopped posting altogether.
Honestly, I didn’t even need to post anything this time either, but I was lazy in looking for the user ID I need. And, although it’s true I’m a tad scared by this group…if this is the price for seeing hordes of players roam the land wielding hang-gliders and smelling like onion, I can endure.
And you claim you don’t know why Chaos chose you…
When I’ll want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.
You can’t run from your own subconscious, Nick.
Whatever.
Well, I’ve gotten what I was looking for.
Now…
Compose a Private Message Sender: Elric Walker Recipient: Elric’s Follower1 Subject: Just a little question…
Hi! God speaking.
Tell me, have you heard of a guild named Night Walkers?
And…sent.
“Hehehe…”
Sitting in the dark on my beat-up couch, under a night sky made up of a blue-painted ceiling and glowing stickers, I join my hands before my mouth and cross my fingers, achieving the ever-famous Gendo Pose. The shine of my computer screen bathes my face in a ghoulish white gleam. Out of my lips escapes a soft chuckle.
“Fufufufufufufufufu…”
Grudges?
Anger?
Nay.
I’m a happy person.
In my mind, there is only a fun, fun, fun world.
Come on, friend…
Let’s play a game.
“Fufufufufufufufufu-mwahahahaHAHAHA—argh-*cough**cough**cough*…Evil laughs are bad for my throat.”
* * * * *