[https://i.imgur.com/38CRSq0.gif]
CHAPTER 27: I’M A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY!
“Okay. As far as I can tell, this thing is not very versatile, but those tendrils are the issue. They’re extremely resistant and efficient in both attack and defence—probably. There’s a mouth in there. I saw it when it tried to eat me. I’ve memorised the speed and overall movement pattern of the tendrils, so I should be fine just rushing if you can open a path or at least distract them a little. Stay out of its reach and cast long-distance spells. Once I’m in contact, I’ll force open the slit where the mouth is and you’ll cast a large finish. Don’t worry about hitting me, enduring is my strong point. How confident are you in your accuracy?”
Thena turns back to me, only to be met with a wide blank stare.
She sighs. “Can you at least throw a [Fireball] to check something?”
I cast another look at Thena, then at the wrapped turd of wriggly silk—flammable silk. “Oh—Oh. I see what you’re thinking. Okay. Sorry, I was just processing. One sec’. Hear my command, fire mighty, form a sphere to burn my enemy. [Fireball].”
I raise a hand and aim approximatively. It’s not like I could miss such a big target, even at a distance. Hey! Just because I’ve become useless at anything physical doesn’t make me psychomotorly inept.
Is that a word?
I don’t have the slightest clue.
The fiery projectile jumps out from my outstretched palm, flying towards its target…and is slapped harmlessly out of the air by one of the silk tentacles. The tentacle doesn’t even catch fire.
“……”
“……”
“…Is it a good time to bring up that I’m literally dying of bloodthirst?”
Before Thena can answer—or more likely just punch me—a large vertical tear suddenly appears on the cocoon and a blinding light gathers in the tear then erupts from within, jumping at us.
Holy crackers! HESA FIRIN HIS LAZOR!!
Forsaking all defence, the fearsome Vampire Queen bravely ducks with all her might.
Did I ask for a running commentary?!?!
But I indeed jumped behind a stalagmite as soon as I saw that light. I might suck at planning ahead, but I do take so pride in my reaction time.
To tell the truth, though… I tried to jump for cover. I miscalculated the distance versus the power of my current muscles. I would have slammed in the ground midway to the chalky rock formation if a strong hand had not grabbed me and pulled me along in a roll. The burning light beam hums just behind us, turning the stone floor where we stood a second before in boiling magma.
Well, good thing I moved so fa—
“STOP TAKING INITIATIVES!! What kind of fucking glass cannon jumps away from their tank?! We move when I say we move!”
…or not?
Great, now she’s pissed again. Just how big is that chip on her shoulder?
To be fair, it’s kind of your fault this time.
Mea culpa.
…
But that was a freaking laser.
It was.
Why do all bosses always have lasers?
Beams me.
It’s quite distressing really. At least this one had some charging time and was pretty telegraphed because, otherwise, I would love to see you try to dodge something that moves at the speed of light, Miss “we move when I say we move.”
Of course, I’m not saying that out loud.
I can’t dodge her fists after all, even if they’re slower than light.
A second horizontal pillar of wailing greenish white light impacts the stalagmite that serves us as cover, causing the whole cave to shake. I can smell stone melting. That can’t be good.
“Why the fuck does light cause physical impacts? This makes no fucking sense,” I hear Thena mumble near my ear.
Well, your guess is as good as mine. I never really bothered pondering about the issue. I always assumed it was magic and questioning it was pointless.
But I guess it could be that heating the air so abruptly leads to high-speed gaseous displacement of the atmosphere into a physical force. Maybe? Photons are stupid anyway. I mean, what kind of particles sometimes acts like… well… particles and sometimes like immaterial waves? Stop confusing people, Light! Are you material? Are you not? Decide!!
Not to mention magic probably messes up everything anyway.
It’s the same question as, “Why does a transparent force field stop light-based attacks?” It’s kind of counter-intuitive.
And why am I attempting to scientifically theorise a laser beam shot by an elephant-sized mummified turd?!
“I think it’s better to apply logic selectively,” I reply sensibly.
“Do you ever apply logic, even selectively?”
Ooooooh!!
Jeez. I was just trying to help.
Forget sunlight, I just found something better to burn vampires.
That’s enough. I get it.
That girl got some spike.
You finished?
Yes.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
“……”
Cracks have appeared on our improvised stone shield. Thena peeks around it. “Oh, shit.” She suddenly grabs me and runs to another stalagmite, just in time for yet another beam to strike our former safe haven, turning it into a puddle of molten stone.
“Doesn’t this thing have a cooldown time?!” Thena shouts, along with several more curses.
My thoughts exactly. “That’s—”
“If you say one word about selective logic, I use you as bait.”
…We’re so in sync.
Our new cowering spot soon succumbs to the same fate as the previous one and we’re on the run again. Thankfully, this cave is full of stalagmites.
Glancing towards the [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul-Eater] in between two aggressive flashes as I’m being carried from one cover to the other, I catch a glimpse of something laboriously dragging itself out of said putrid cocoon.
“Thena! The cocoon! Something’s coming out!”
“I know! Do you think I’m blind?!”
Oh… Eh. Of course, she knows.
Well, not everyone loses sight of the boss in the middle of a fight.
Keep your opinion to yourself.
“What do we do?!”
“I’m a little busy here. You find a way to deal with it!”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
…eh?
Err…I’m going to jumpstart the brain.
You do that.
I think I hear a door open and slam shut in my brain, but I think I’m just trying to escape reality.
Alright, what do we have here?
From the boss’ name, [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul-Eater], I can only guess that this emerging thing is the nominative “Soul Eater”. Well, it looks more like a brown-grey decaying giant fat butterfly to me… but who I am to judge soul eaters on their aesthetic tastes?
Can it at least turn into a Death Scythe?
It’s not that kind of Soul Eater!
Oh, you’re back.
The brain is functional… sort of.
Who would you be then? The Kishin?
I’m more of a Medusa type of gal… But that’s not the point!! Focus!
Right. Right…
So, we have a fat, hairy and sluggish butterfreak—
This will take at least a Master Ball to deal with.
Who’s the one who’s distracted now?
Sorry, sorry.
The thing has dull dirty grey wings. Right now they are uselessly twitching on the ground, sticky with some sort of viscous fluid. I don’t think it can fly in this state.
Besides, flight would be of limited use in here if we consider that thing’s relative size to the cave and a number of obstacles.
The thick viscous sap-like substance actually covers the entire monster. At least what’s visible of it.
Is it like amniotic fluids?
Does it apply to eldritch butterflies coming out of cocoons?
What do I know?
Where its proboscis—
Its what?
The trunk thingy.
Oh, right.
Like I was saying, where its proboscis should have been, a large lipless mouth opens instead, drooling puke and filled with fangs which gruesomely removed the “ta” from “nec-ta-rophagous”.
Oh, nice one.
Thank you. Although that mouth isn’t about to eat any corpse, occupied as it is by spitting lasers like a hyperactive Stormtrooper.
Unfortunately, its aim is way better than a Stormtrooper.
Unfortunately.
So, how do we deal with it?
…err…
Helpful as always, the game interface provides the thing’s name.
[Stillborn Corrupted Moth Demigod “Monarch the Soul Eater”]
…
……
………Whom did I offend in my previous life?
Probably a reincarnator MC. Those are self-righteous dicks.
A monarch is not even a type of moth!
Go home World, you’re drunk!
Jokes aside, do we have the firepower to go against a demigod?
I would take on Maui…
I said: “jokes aside.”
Yeah. Right. Well, how powerful can the demidead demigod of fat moths be?
I don’t know. Have you tried asking the dozen of stalagmites this thing’s already turned into puddles?!
All the more reason to deal with it before it’s completely out of its cocoon.
Good point.
This whole exchange takes a long time to describe, but really it passes at the speed of thoughts. Not as fast as a light laser beam, unfortunately, but still pretty fast.
Just as I conclude my inner pre-planning time-wasting self-briefing, bad luck strikes—just had to go for that moment, didn’t it? Bloody thing. Anyway. The next stalagmite is too far and we find ourselves—Thena and I—caught off guard in open terrain. My orcish comrade/bodyguard/ride immediately stashes me behind her broad back and spins to face the next blast.
“[One-Man Fortress]!”
Shouldn’t it be [One-Woman Fortress], really?
While I’m thinking nonsense, the thundering bright laser slams into Thena’s shield and parts on both sides like a wave on a breakwater, but harsher. With her black armour oozing darkness, she looks pretty awesome, I must say, even from behind. Especially from behind, in fact, considering the way her armour hugs her—
Point is, she looks like a demon knight fighting the overwhelming power of the Holy Hero of Slightly-Green Light.
[http://i.imgur.com/UNdHfcm.jpg]
That deserves a screenshot. I’ll ask Lautrek to paint it for me to add to my
Wait… If she’s a demon knight, does that make me the Demon King? Or Queen? I thought I was the Vampire Queen, not the demons’. I’m lost. And Lilith’s going to flip if she gets wind of this. She’ll have my hide. That one’s a really killer queen. Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam?
Oh. Right. Laser beam.
Is Thena alright?
Apparently, she is—for the most part. The beam eventually stops and she drops on one knee, panting. Whatever skill she just used must have been draining on her stamina. Dammit. She doesn’t look like she’s ready for another run.
I try to get up, but a wave of dizziness hits me. I fall back on my bottom, curse softly in Suomi and glance at my interface.
[ Bloodthirst: 99% ]
Oh, for frock’s sake.
And now my personal sexy blood bag is in no state to sate me. She’d probably faint. Then I’d die because I wouldn’t last four seconds in a boss battle without support in my current state. Ugh.
Did I mention how frustrated I was with how this curse reset my entire spell list? I have this ludicrous mana pool. I should be able to blast this turd of a half-moth with one flick of my hyper-charged mighty middle finger, but no.
Imagine having a huge stock of high calibre bullets, but no appropriate guns to shoot them. Highly irksome.
That’s not helping, Nick.
It’s helping my nerves.
But I get your point.
I look around in semi-desperate search for something—anything—that may help us defeat this monster in our less-than-optimal situation… Really, if it were just me, I’d just die and come back a little wiser. But I don’t think Thena would consider that option, even discounting the whole pretend NPC thing, which is honestly starting to get on my nerves.
As my thoughts wander again despite my best attempts at focusing them on the present predicament, my eyes do a better job at staying on track and eventually they stop on the ceiling of the cave, just above “Monarch” still extirpating itself from his cocoon.
Eh. There’s an idea.
It’s worth a try.
Giving up on standing on two feet since the world still reeled around me at the slightest movement, I crawl up to the still kneeling Thena. Her face is cramped, with bulging veins crisscrossing her forehead as she tries to force her exhausted body to move.
I tap on her shoulder. “Hey, I got an idea. You up for one last effort?”
She shots me a glance. “I can’t move my legs.”
“I just need your arms.”
“Maybe. What is it?”
“You see that huge stalagmite just above the cocoon?”
She glances over there. “It’s a stalactite.”
“That’s not the point! Never mind. Just throw me at it.”
“Pardon?”
“Throw me.”
“…What?”
“You throw me up there, I use a spell to make the stalactite fall on fugly bug there, and if it’s not dead, you can finish it off by hand.”
She frowns. “What about you?”
True. This haphazard plan has about 80% chances—give or take 20—to end in me either squashed or eaten or both. So, of course, I shrug.
“Meh. I’ll be fine. Or do you have a better idea?”
Her expression is conflicted, but time is short. Based on the pattern up to now, the next laser will be shot any moment now. And I know she doesn’t have a better plan, or she’ll already be putting it into practice. Eventually, she has no other choice but to reluctantly nod. “If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
Not.
Thena lets out a sigh of resignation and turns around, now facing the putrid Lepidoptera, which is now more than halfway out of its cocoon. I don’t want to know what will happen once it’s fully out, so we better hurry.
Apparently, Thena shares my concern for schedule, because she suddenly grabs me, lifts me up, takes a second to aim…
“Eh. Oh! Wait! I’m not mentally prepa—”
…and fires.
“—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!”
I soar through the air like a red-clad white-haired missile—Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Superman? Nope… just a wailing bat—screaming with undeniable courage… all the while cursing whoever reckless imbecile came up with this joke of a plan…
It’s you, though.
I don’t need you to remind me, Ariel.
*ZWEEEEEE* (That’s the sound I make darting through the air, by the way.)
“Hahaha!! ? I believe I can flyyyyyyyy-UGH!!”
The world, that prick, disagrees with my brilliant idea to turn this tensed fight into a musical number, and the stalagmite materialised said disagreement with uncaring violence upon my frail person.
[https://i.imgur.com/iSXA8BO.gif]
I see my health bar flash red and more than half of it instantaneously vanishes.
“’ena ‘ou ‘aw a bwute.” Face pressed against the stone, I mumble my discontentment.
I really am too weak for this.
As I start slowly peeling away from the stalagmite after my glorious horizontal faceplant, I hurriedly hug the spike of stone with all my puny strength. Thankfully, the surface was quite uneven and coarse, so handholds aren’t an issue—my ability to hold up my own weight is.
Better hurry then.
Right.
Before I get the silly idea to look down and wonder how well I would fare the fall, I start incanting. “There’s a crack in your rug! What’d you say? It’s a drug! [Crack]!”
All the archmages in this world are nutjobs.
This one seems more like a junkie to me.
Right the second my pitiable strength at short last fails to continue supporting my own mass, the spell takes action and a small crack spreads from the edge I had been clinging to and around the stalactite. Under the efficient cooperation of Mr Mass and Mrs Gravity—a nice couple, if not from a mechanical standpoint—the crack quickly deepens, and soon the whole stalagmite becomes baseless.
Like most of your reasoning.
…
Thus the stone spike it fell.
And so did I.
…damned. I didn’t plan further than this.
Well, there’s only one thing to do then.
Yes.
Let’s scream like a pussy.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
*BAMSKWRSH*
*tutu*
Warning:
Your [Bloodthirst] has reached 100%!!!
Oh, bloody hell.
Pun intended?
* * * * *