Chapter 2: Like A Very Lost Soul
~ Part 4: STATUS QUID ~
Acid bile gushes up my throat and I quickly bend down. With consternation, I witness the remains of my meagre supper pouring down on the humus. It’s rather disgusting. Yet, some analytical part of my brain can’t help but admire the graphic details of the game, which goes as far as making puke seem real.
I remain hunched for a while, heaving wheezily.
You see, it’s because of grossnesses like this that I don’t like to wear helmets… if you get what I mean. I’m glad I wasn’t in my armour. Although I probably wouldn’t have felt nauseaus in the first place, had I been wearing my enchanted helmet… I hate logic.
And… Um... I’m all for being thorough, but the designers really didn’t need to go that far in realism. Glad they didn’t feel like implementing all bodily functions. Leaves make horrendous toilet paper. Also, female players would likely protest en masse if they had to endure their period four times a month…
Can players get pregnant? That’d be messed up… and ethically troubling. On second thought that seems unlikely. Then can a player impregnate an NPC…? Gods I hope not. That’d be problematic for a whole bunch of other reasons.
Papa?
A shiver runs down my spine. Gods please no.
At that moment, the system finally acknowledges my situation.
*ting*
Congratulations! You are the first to discover the [River of Lost Souls].
+75 Fame.
Congratulations? Is that the game’s idea of a joke? And something “lost” again?
We’re lost too.
Don’t remind me.
But that isn’t all the system has in store for me. Right after another window pops up.
*ting*
You have levelled up!
+5 stats points.
I straighten up and wipe my mouth in slight annoyance but relax quickly. This is better. Much better. I must have come pretty close to levelling after trashing Fleshless McNutty.
In Untold Tales, discovering new places, atop of additional fame, also gives measly experience most players won’t even consider. Like copper coins fallen in front of a king. Worthless, but still there. However, as my primary occupation is to explore around uncharted areas, those measly XPs do pile up not so irrelevantly.
Even then, I can’t help but grumble. I really would have appreciated being rewarded for the discovery of location a little less disgusting. I puked because of this place.
Well, my mood won’t suffer from this much.
“Level up~… Level up~…” I repeat merrily in a singsong voice, while stepping away from the soiled ground. Even if I don’t care much for levels, I still feel happy when I gain one. It is human nature to be content when receiving rewards. We’re a greedy species.
Now. I gained five stats points along with that level. What shall I do with them? Let’s see. Last time I increased my strength… so… I should… Oh, who cares? It’s just five points. I’ll probably just lose them with my next death anyway. Let’s go with two in Vitality, one in Strength, and the last two in Intelligence. Yeah… That’ll do.
I say put all five in Wisdom. That’s your lowest stat.
…Are you insinuating something there?
I wouldn’t dare.
I’ll do what I want okay?
Of course, boss. What do you want to do then?
Err… That’s a good question.
Despite being technically a knight-ish character, I’ve always sort of behaved more like a jack-of-all-trade magical swordsman. My character is usually evolving based on my interest of the moment. Not the most stable guideline. That, coupled with my tendency to court Death like an old mistress I can’t give up on, should normally result in a pretty rickety character. However, by constantly overexerting myself, which contributes to raise my stats…
…as well as trifling with powerful and unstable artefacts, curses and pissing off random archmagi…
…I’ve sort of managed to even things out. I dare claim my ad-libbed approach to character raising has resulted in a pretty well-endowed avatar! …If an unfocused one. Which suits me, as I am an unfocused person.
Add the points now. You’ll forget otherwise.
Yeah, yeah…
Standing motionless by the shore of the putrid satire of river, a few feet away from my regurgitated meal, I cast a fast glance around. It would be stupid to get ambushed when distracted. Abnormal landmarks tend to attract dangerous mobs. And a torrent of souls flowing against the natural slope of the ground is nothing if not abnormal. I ain’t about to re-enact the “Sacred Grove Fiasco” – definitive official name, less embarrassing than “Solar-Knight-Getting-Nearly-Axed-Off-By-A-Dead-Squirrel Fiasco”.
Although, despite the river, it seems right now there isn’t any mons–
“GRAAAAAAAA…”
Ah. Wait. The world is contradicting me.
“…RAAAAAA–” *SLAM* “–AAAAAAaargh!!” *splash*
…
……
………
Although, despite the river, it seems right now there isn’t any monster in sight.
That said, there might be some lurking in the shrubbery – shrubbery is evil – so I quickly switch back to my more reliable silver armour – helmet and everything. The terrain looks easier to tread near the stream anyway, with much less trees. It’s as if even plants know to stay away from the ominous plasmatic gush.
The padding inside the helm scratches the top of my head, but I force myself to ignore it.
I still think we should address the fact–
THERE’S NOTHING TO ADRESS!!
…
……
………
*sigh*
My hair. My lovely blond hair. Why? I loved my hair.
…
*sigh*
“UT. Status Window.”
Dejectedly, I call out a command, and a familiar blue window silently pops up in front of me.
Status Window
Identity Name: Elric Walker Race: Human Gender: Male Level: 127 Class: Solar Knight Affiliation: – Alignment: Sun, Chaos Titles
Army Slayer, Cannibal, Chaos’ Apostle, Cult Founder, Death Addict, Defender of Cuteness, Demon Slayer, Destroyer of Relics, Dragon Slayer, Enemy of Order, Exhumer of the Past, Experimenter, Explorer, Flower Enthusiast, Free Spirit, Gambles with Fate, Happy-Go-Unlucky, Harbinger of Subjective Justice, He Who Stops Children’s Cries, Heretic, Human Cataclysm, Indirect Slaughterer, Legendary Daylight Seamstrer, Lich Slayer, Lilith’s Toy, Living Legend, Loved by the Sun, Merfolk’s Public Enemy, Mermaid Princess’ Trusted Confident, Myth Slayer, Phoenix Slayer, Sweet Tooth, Royals’ Least Favourite, Salami Slayer, Suicide Warrior, Suspicious Candyman, Temple’s Bane, This is not what it looks like I can explain, To The Last Breath, Trickster, Under Influence, Unlawful, Watched by the Gods.
Body & Soul Health: 4 968/4 970 Mana: 2 701/2 720 Stamina: 4 230/5 150 Fame/Notoriety: 36 730
Basic Stats Strength (STR): 215 Wisdom (WIS): 133 Agility (AGI): 182 Intellect (INT): 172 Vitality (VIT): 197 Charism* (CHA): 100 (+36)
Intuition:45 [/tr]
Additional Stats* Dexterity: 78 Leadership: 14 Divine Affinity: 219 Luck: 40 Endurance: 102 Perception: 57 Erudition: 69 Tenacity: 98
Magical Affinities Prime Fire: 2E Nature: 1M Water: 1M Void: 2E Air: 1M Light: 2L Earth: 1M Darkness: 1L Sub Holy (Light): 2L Mind (Dark): 1E Ice (Water): 1M Poison (Nature): 1E Lava (Fire): 1E Runes (Void): 2E Lightning (Air): 1E Soul (Dark): 1E
*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.
Remaining points: 5
I survey the display with mixed feelings. I do believe I’m quite powerful, but I can’t seem to feel happy for many obvious reasons. Although, on the brighter side, compared to many components of Untold Tales, a player’s [Status Window] is quite straightforward. For once.
First a basic ID card: name, race, gender, level, class, affiliation, alignment, and also titles. Can’t be more explicit.
It has to be mentioned that in the vast majority of cases, the gender of the avatar must match the player’s in real life. It’s a company policy of Whatever. Supposedly something about how the highly advanced feedback from the virtual body could potentially mess with brain chemistry otherwise, leading to possible mental damages.
I’ve heard from an acquaintance that one can however contact Whatever Incorporated to demand a derogation. But according to him – well to “her” since he goes by Stephany – it’s a long and complicated process, including an interview with a company-sanctioned psychologist to prove the request is justified.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Well, that doesn’t concern me.
Fun fact though, some races are gender neutral. Golems for example. Those are the sole “exception” to the gender policy, even if it’s not exactly an exception. Must be weird, being neither. I wonder how that sciency brainistical stuff fits into that?
I guess animated stone don’t have hormones to begin with, so… Wait. Then what about the races that are barely human? How does the brain handle the so-called feedback from an arachne body, uh? That’s three pairs of legs too much! And as many supernumerary eyes. And don’t try to make me believe a lamia has the same hormonal makeup as a female human. To begin with, snakes are cold-blooded.
Wait… are lamiae actually cold-blooded? They’re half human. I never actually checked. Dammit. I must get my hands on a lamia.
Oh yes. That should be fun. But let’s get a living one this time.
Hey. She was alive when I got her. She’s the one who committed suicide for nonsensical reasons.
Try a less frightening approach?
“Hmm…”
I ponder on the issue for a couple seconds, then shrug it off and distractedly add my five stat points to WIS before dismissing the large blue window. Luckily I haven’t been attacked yet. I wasn’t really paying attention. Oh well. I turn back towards the [River of Lost Souls].
Speaking of cold-blooded. Do souls feel cold? Unlikely. These ones do seem to be in pain though. How do you torture a soul anyway?
With a lot of imagination, and a bit of magic.
“Salagadoo lamechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo…” I mumble, while considering in which direction to follow the nauseating flow. I could also jump across the body of water and continue straight forwards. The other shore is too far for me to reach with my strength alone, but I know a few spells that could help in that regard.
However this is the first landmark I’ve encountered since leaving the ruins of the [Sacred Oak Grove], and I’m quite interested in where this river leads, or where it comes from. I’m not about to just ignore something so odd. Which leaves me with one simple question: left or right?
“I think left is the best option.”
Yes?
That’s what the depressed blue cactus with the poncho and the top-hat said.
Oh. Yes. The talking cactus. Obviously a very trustworthy source of advice.
…
……
………
“Alright.” I’ve decided. Slapping down the visor of my helm, I turn around and resolutely start walking along the riverbank… towards the right.
What? No way am I listening to the opinion of a suspiciously clad vegetal. Or to anyone’s for that matter. “Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Don’t let anyone tell you what to think. Only your opinion matters, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Rule 32.
And I’m not playing the maybe-he-knew-that-I-would-not-listen-so-he-advised-the-opposite-of-he-would-have-advised game. That game leads to madness. I have no reason to go there.
Been there, done that.
I dispel the [Lantern of the Selfish One]. It’s getting close to midday and, since no tree grows in the direct vicinity of the so-called river, the visibility here has improved by a lot.
The thick storm clouds above still block off about 98% of the sunlight. However the surrounding area possesses this typical faint luminosity of a new moon night, which also prevails everywhere else in this cursed country.
Moreover the mass of suffering spectres is emitting a faint ghastly white glow. Not much, but enough to get by. Even if I don’t have any night vision per say, my eyesight still far surpasses that of a normal human. I think it’s an effect of the [Perception] stat. My hearing too is much sharper than it should be. All my five primary senses are affected in fact.
Unfortunately I can’t shut it off. So it tends to be a little annoying in bright, noisy and/or smelly places. Pain is also amplified along with my sense of touch.
And don’t get me started on taste. I shiver at the memory of some ignominious things I inadvertently put in my mouth. Not to mention all the other abominations whose “savour” I could have died happily without ever knowing, but instead died very unhappily with clear knowledge of.
Too much realism, game. Too much realism.
My pace is brisk and I’m keeping an eye out for surprise attacks from the woods to my right, and the flowing atrocity to my left, and the air above me, and the ground, and back, and front– Well, from pretty much every direction available. Hey Macarena~
With no pressing matters to occupy my mind, this unruly child quickly wanders back from consideration about the Perception stat to the rest of the information provided by my status window.
The difference between [Affiliation] and [Alignment] is a subtle one, though nothing too complex. The former pertains to “mortal” organisations, like a guild, kingdom, weird cult worshipping tomatoes, etc. and the later concerns tutelary entities, which include but aren’t limited to gods. The Spirit King or the Hell Lord for example aren’t gods. Nor is the Sun, technically.
Obviously, I’m not affiliated with any mortal group. The Deep Explorers aren’t an official organisation, more like an officious denomination for a bunch of independent individuals doing roughly the same thing, each in their own unique way. We don’t even keep in touch with each other, though I do have a couple friends amongst them who I meet up with from time to time.
Or try to avoid, lest you suffer a gruesome and fiery death?
Well, I do have a very broad definition of the word “friend”.
And that woman is hot.
That she is. A little too hot actually, even for a Fire Mage.
A Fire Mage with a grudge and a hobby to throw us into active volcanoes.
It’s all in good fun though.
Masochist.
Shut up. It’s not like it actually hurts me. Lava tickles.
We still drown in it though.
…yeah.
Well, moving on.
I want to mention, in regard to [Alignment], that although I willingly pledged myself to the Sun to gain my class, the God of Chaos never asked my opinion before “blessing” me. He… She… It? They.
“It” is good enough for that stalking creep.
Well, anyway. They just showed up randomly one day before me and declare me their follower.
On that very first meeting with the aforementioned being, I was tranquilly performing a ritual, an ancient noble ceremony involving a complex upside-down choreography over an anti-gravity magic circle, naked and covered in pickled mustard, busy with yodelling and juggling thirteen pineapples, while a one-legged gnome warped in salmons wrestled a shaved moose painted purple under the full moons after sacrificing a blind goose.
Quiet a common situation, you will admit. Although please don’t underestimate the difficulty of getting your hands on actual pineapples in a fantasy world based roughly on medieval Europe.
Then, suddenly, for absolutely noooo reason whatsoever, a hovering semi-liquid swirling rainbow popped into existence in front of upside-down me and shouted the following.
“Mwahahahahohohihuhaheheho-and-gabogabo!! Your randomness amuses me, mortal! Persevere in your haphazard ways and I, the Great God of Chaos, the Ultimate Entropy, the Transcendental Nonsense, the Primordial Disorder, also sometimes called Bob, I shall, maybe, perhaps, if I feel like it, I don’t know, probably not, grant – HAAAAAM!!!! – you My help, maybe someday! So see that you do it, whatever it is you do. Sayonarasta luego!”
And *poof* they’re not there anymore. And *poof* I get the title “Chosen by Chaos”, that evolved into “Chaos’ Apostle” at some point. And *poof* I get the [Luck] stat, whose purpose I still have no idea of. Seriously, that “blessing” has concretely granted me nothing but a divine stalker and the undying hatred of the Temple of Order.
Well… I don’t really mind. Hahaha. I mean… HAHAHAHAHA!!!
The Temple – feel the capital T – is only, only this world’s largest and most influential religious organisation!!
Nothing much, right?!!
HAH-HAH-HAH!!
Hilarious!
…Thanks for nothing Bob.
Oh, sure, those priests are mostly snobbish racists – let’s be real, this is a medieval fantasy, of course the tantamount Church are going to be a bunch of prejudiced bigots – and I couldn’t care less what they think of me. But that doesn’t mean I like being pummelled with beams of holy light every time I walk in close proximity of a temple!
What if holy magic basically causes me no damages? It still hurts. My feelings mostly. And my eyes. [Divine Punishment] is very bright you know. My poor, poor enhanced retinas.
Wait. Isn’t the reason why the templars all try to kill you on sight… because you blew up their sacred headquarters? Chaos doesn’t have anything to do with that, does it?
…
……
………
Shut up. I blame my troubles on annoying stalker gods if I want to!
Childish brat.
Cynical geezer.
Back to the [Status Window], the titles are part of the I.D. They’re pretty much self-explanatory.
I actually got many more titles in the past two years than those currently displayed, but opposite titles cancel each other out and higher level titles swallow weaker ones. For example, [Vegetable Slayer] would overwrite [Carrot Slayer] and [Lettuce Slayer]… Not that I think such titles exist. It probably doesn’t. Otherwise I would have obtained them already. At least [Watermelon Slayer].
“Watermelons…” I whisper, shivering.
Wait. How did we get [Salami Slayer] then?
Second after [Identity], there’s [Body & Soul].
Don’t ignore me!
Again, pretty straightforward information. Health, mana, stamina, and fame/notoriety, which are fused because… well… when people know you, they know you. Reputation is self-sustaining and public opinion is so easily swayed. As such, players haven’t access to any precise data quantifying how much they’re liked by the masses. They must gauge it themselves. I personally measure it as the ratio between people asking for my autograph when they recognise me, and those who run away screaming or try to kill me.
That’s sad, you know.
I know.
[Basic Stats] are just that. Strength is muscle power. Agility is for movement. Vitality is what makes you not die too fast, though everything is relative. Wisdom does jack shit… Okay. It helps with mana regeneration. I don’t like the name of that stat for some reason. Intellect determines the maximal quantity of mana one can have. And charism… Well, it reduces the number of people who run away, I guess.
That’s sad, you know.
I know.
[Additional Stats] can be obtained through special feats – or granted by powerful beings apparently – which is also the only way they can be raised. Their meanings and purposes are more nebulous too. They evade me most of the time. [Tenacity] also confuses me a little. Did the game just decided I was so stubborn that required quantification?
That’s sad, you–
Stop that.
Finally, [Magical Affinities]… Does it need explaining?
Each affinity has tiers that match the complexity of the spells one can master, and each tier is further divided into [Early], [Medium], and [Late], which basically mean the spell will be more powerful, faster, use less manna… one of these, or several at the same time. Typically, [Spell A] can be learnt only if [Player B] raise their [Magical Affinity C] to tier XE, but [Spell A] will be better if [Player B]’s [Magical Affinity C] reach XL. But [Spell A] won’t grow further even if [Player B]’s [Magical Affinity C] grows further up to (X+1)E, but [Player B] will then be able to learn new more complex spells.
Easy to understand, no?
…Please never become a teacher.
Oh fuck you.
Language.
“Urgh.”
I sigh and massage the sides of my helmet. It does nothing to help my migraine, but I still do it by reflex.
Well, like everything in this game, those values in the status – for straightforward they can be – are just purely indicative and circumstantial. If my leg suffers from an open fracture, I can have as much points in AGI as I want, running would still be out of the question.
It’s better not to rely on stats too much and to just go by instinct and the feel of your virtual body, rather than calculate your chances. In my opinion at least. Too many players just give up when they learn their opponent stats surpasses their own, instead of trying to exploit weaknesses.
As I like to say: “Something is only impossible if you believe it is.” Rule 33. I think it was the Mad Hatter who said it. And of course, someone wearing a nice hat is to be trusted, as long as they aren’t a cactus.
Besides, you also have to factor in the various buffs and debuffs of your equipment, plus possible spells, curses, terrain-based advantages, et cetera. All which aren’t included in the status window. Why, I don’t know. But it’s basically impossible if you’re not a calculator in human disguise. And even then it’s a bloody headache.
Instinct. There’s no greater adviser. “Always trust your guts. They know what your brain hasn’t figure out yet.” Rule 19.
How do I even remember all those rules I make?
Because you’ve got a mind fitted for gathering useless shit. And filled with it. I’ll start demanding you hire a cleaning lady. No way I’m taking care of all that crap myself. And please hire a sexy one.
That’s sexist.
Like I give a fuck…
Groaning, I shake my head and increase my pace to a light jog, intent on reaching the end of this river of tortured spirits as fast as possible.
I wonder what I might find this time.
More troubles, most likely.
Oh, shut up.
* * * * *