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CHAPTER 33: OUT OF THE DARK… (AND INTO THE SLIGHTLY LESS DARK.)
A concentrated burst of wind smashes the [Mantoid Ghoul] into a wall. Its shell, already damaged by many blood shards, fractures and pieces of decayed flesh splatter all around in an explosion of gore.
*ting*
An icon in the corner of my sight flashes, reminding me I have notifications pending. I choose to ignore it. I’ve never really cared for actual game mechanics, and lately, I find myself caring even less. I’ve been numb this past few in-game weeks. Most of the time, my body has been moving like on auto-pilot, while my brain dwells on increasingly dark thoughts. I’m more distracted than usual.
Sometimes, I just find myself somewhere with no clear recollection of how I got there. I wouldn’t say I blackout, though, more like I daydream gloomily.
I step up to the motionless undead and pick up one of the massive chitinous scythes that the thing has for hands. Normal ghouls only have sharp claws, but the variant found in this dungeon looks like a hybrid between a ghoul and a praying mantis. Maybe they’re the corrupted remains of some kind of undiscovered beastkin race. It doesn’t really matter.
I discard the curved blade, sending it clanking on the tunnel floor. It’s trash anyway. I turn away, my long white braid wiping the air behind me. “Burn it.”
A noise comes from the puppy who’d been lazing on a nearby rock, pretending to sleep. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool. He’s both an undead spirit and a stuffed toy. Sleep definitely isn’t something he needs. But I guess the love of naps is a common trait of most dragons.
Most people don’t know that.
It is rule 141. “Dragons love naps.”
The possessed puppy lifts an eyelid and looks from me to the corpse. After a couple of seconds, he sighs and, as if reluctantly, stands up and fakes stretching—extending his front legs and raising his butt up. Seriously. You’re made of stuffing. What’s there to get sore or stiff? He eventually jumps off the rock and swagger his way to the dead monster. Soon the blue lights of [Soul Fire] bounce off the walls of the tunnel.
Meanwhile, I return to observing one of the wards I’ve spent the past month perfecting.
The glowing carvings spread and swirl over a vast portion of the rock wall in a mandala-like pattern of runic symbols. I’d say, I’m relatively proud of myself. Nothing should be able to detect us past this. I’ve made sure to cover all the bases I could.
The usual weakness of such wards is that they tend to create bubbles of “invisible space”. Like a black spot on a radar screen. Any experienced mage would undoubtedly notice the oddity. I’ve taken this into account, and my ward makes the area appear empty rather than block detection. It’s more complicated than it sounds, but I’ve been unprecedentedly idle lately. I’ve had plenty of time to experiment.
I’m thankful for the distraction, too, no matter how tedious and frustrating that distraction is.
It gets me away from Athena’s comatose avatar.
I say frustrating, because all my attempts at making my wards reroute enemies away ended up in failure. Undead cannot find us on purpose, but some always wander in by chance. Generally, I would use some subtle Mind Magic runes to mislead monsters and people away, but the low-level mobs around here are pretty much mindless. Soul Magic would do the trick. The fog barrier that used to surround Kansas is an expert example of a working undead-proof repulsion field. But my mastery over that aspect of magic is still lacking.
Well, I don’t mind dealing with the occasional intruder. It’s only another welcomed distraction as far as I’m concerned. The wards have an alarm spell woven in, anyway, so getting caught by surprise isn’t an issue. There was one time when a large group appeared and things got a little tensed, but once I managed to lure them to a narrower stretch of tunnel, picking them off one-by-one was child’s play. And since Toto and Appleseed arrived, I don’t have to worry about what might happen when I’m offline. That plush always plays hard-to-get, but in the end, he’s trustworthy.
Having confirmed that the short fight with the ghoul didn’t damage the ward, I nod in satisfaction to myself.
A grunt by my foot prompts me to look down. Toto comes sitting next to me and shoots the ward a critical once over. He then looks at me. I can’t read his expression. He could be thinking anything between “not bad for an amateur” to “go kill yourself for daring to make something so shabby, you sickening peon,” and I wouldn’t have a clue. Knowing the little mutt, though, I’d bet on the latter. As an ancient dragon, I’m sure he has much rare and lost knowledge about magic, including runes, but so far he’s not been in much of a sharing mood.
Toto and Appleseed found us… a week ago, I think? My memory is a bit spotty. Toto was as tight-lipped as usual as to how, only grunting and snorting at me when I asked. However, I managed to get out of Appleseed that the familiar bond liking us bypassed most shielding spells, allowing them to track me down. Something to keep in mind. I don’t want someone to use that link as a medium to bypass my defences and cast a curse on me.
Even with the bond, though, it took the pair almost three weeks to find their way through the underground maze. Apparently, it’s much more expansive than I thought. Good thing we took a shortcut to the boss, I suppose.
“Any comment?” Scratching my hairless chin, I ask the puppy still observing my runic carving. As I half-expected, he only snorts, a puff of smoke huffing from his maw, then he stands up and walks away without looking back. I sigh. “Guess not…” I shoot one last glance at the ward, then follow after him.
“Let’s head back.”
* * *
As we walk towards the small cavern that has been our encampment this past month, I think back to yesterday—as in, real world yesterday.
Dinner at Eva’s was a strange affair. Imagine dining with a girl who treats you like you’re about to eat her rather than the food and another who glares at you like a lioness who thinks you may or may not plan on eating her cub.
Well, weird people asides—
*COUGH*
What?
Oh, nothing, nothing…
O—kay?
Anyway. Apparently, these two live alone. Their aunt, named Alice I was told, and who is also their legal guardian, is currently working overseas in the US to pay off some debts left by the girls' deceased father. Looking around the house, they didn’t strike me as people in need, but I guess debts don’t always mean crippling poverty.
Like living in a dump with prehistoric technology doesn’t make you a penniless bum.
Exactly—Hey!
Hehehehe.
Besides, it wasn’t my place to pry further—not in a room where Hellen had easy access to sharp objects.
We really need to meet less violent women.
Do you think I don’t try?!
Ahhh… my life is a perpetual death-trap.
A-ny-way, that’s about as much concrete information I got during the meal.
The rest was mostly small talk: weather, school, dogs, food—those kinds of things. No one addressed the elephant in the room, the fact Eva had just spent a whole week shut in. Despite our talk, Hellen avoided any subject that might upset her younger sister. Habits die hard, I guess. I didn’t ask about it either. Eva’s issues are her own to deal with. I thought it better to follow my own advice and simply treat her like a normal person without prying. She’d come to open up by herself as I trick her into trusting—Err, I mean, as I showcase my trustworthy side.
Besides, it’s easier for me too. I’m awkward with sad stuff. And Eva’s mind is one can of worms I’d preferably not open right now.
Eva spent the whole meal with her head down. Sometimes, she looked at her sister when they talked. It was rather intriguing watching those two interact. There’s a sort of implicit understanding and reliance between the two that I had a hard time not to envy. Eva never looked at me, though. Not even in my general direction. Her chair was also the furthest away from me.
I suppose I should already be glad she didn’t freak out from having a man in her house.
I know I get irked when people come into my house without a specific invitation from me. The Jakande’s have a permanent standing one, so that’s another matter. But even with Mary, I would be unhappy if she barged in uninvited. I believe there’s a sanctity to one’s own home that shouldn’t be breached. Home is a place where things should be as expected and where you can let your guard down. I can’t imagine how it must be for someone as neurotic as Eva to have me suddenly appear in that safety bubble.
It wasn’t our fault, though.
Well, I was abducted, so no.
But I guess I still felt a bit guilty regarding her—her, Eva. Not Hellen. I would never feel guilty towards Hellen. That darn woman nearly killed me again with fright when she drove me back to my flat right after dinner.
I am so unfollowing her on Twitter.
* * *
We reach the cavern where Thena’s avatar has been lying motionless for weeks, and I freeze in my tracks.
Thena, who didn’t move a muscle for so long, is now sitting up and softly patting a purring Appleseed resting her horned head on the semi-orc’s lap.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Wha… How… Eh?
I wasn’t quiet when I came in, and she looks up. Our eyes meet. There is a beat of awkward silence, and she opens her mouth. “I—”
“I’M SORRY!!” Before she can complete a sentence, I leap down and perform a sliding dogeza. “I’m so sorry! It started as a joke. I didn’t mean any harm. I really should have told you earlier, but I couldn’t find the right moment, and I knew you’d be angry, so I was afraid to tell you, and the more I didn’t tell you the more you'd be angry, and it all just snowballed out of proportion. I—”
“Vicky.”
“I’m a coward, I know. I really, really didn’t mean to upset you—”
“Vicky!”
“Yes?!” I sit up straight on my shins and look at her with angst. She returns my gaze, her expressive golden eyes unreadable and her mouth tensed. We stare at each other for several long seconds.
She is the one to look away first. She sighs. “I want to apologise as well. What you did wasn’t right, but I behaved childishly and overreacted. I took it more personally than I should have.” Her brows scrunched-up in thought. “I didn’t even realise it until someone called me out for being self-centred.”
Please tell me who is it so that I give them a hug.
*facepalms*
What?
As the personification of your subconscious, I find you tiresome.
O—kay?
“I shouldn’t have shut everything out without even asking for your side of the story,” Thena continues. She looks back at me, and we once again share a long stare. “Please tell me?”
I don’t need more prompting. I retell everything from the beginning—since I found the village of Kansas. I skim over my time with Martha and Dorothy, because that’s irrelevant, but I explain the result and my “reward” being a quest to go to Bluerose Castle and obtain a subclass.
She listens attentively, nodding in understanding when I mention the dangers of Nowhere and the castle. Toto grumbles something when I narrate in a few words my victory over the dragon—him, basically. Eventually, I get to the part of how I got cursed.
“And when I woke up, I looked like this, and my character had been changed to a level 20 caster.” Thena grimaces at that last bit. So it’s the loss of levels that affects you the most, uh?
Typical.
“So... You took on the appearance of the princess?”
“That how the curse works, apparently,” I answer carefully. The one thing I left out of the tale is... my gender.
I know! I know...
It’s a really shitty decision.
But what am I supposed to do?
“Oh, by the way, I know we just had this whole issue over my lie about being an NPC, but in fact, I’m also a man!” …there’s no way I could say that.
She’d never talk to me again.
Besides, it might seem like a bigger deal than the NPC thing, but really, it’s not. I mean… My real gender doesn’t affect the game, does it? Unless the curse gets broken, and that seems unlikely in any foreseeable future.
And we don’t want the curse broken, don’t we?
I’ll admit I’ve grown rather fond of this body, regardless of Thena’s reaction.
But that’s beside the point.
So, anyway, really, I mean… it’s not that big of a deal.
You keep telling yourself that.
......
“What do you really look like, then?”
“Wha-What?”
“Your avatar, before you were cursed?” She pauses and frowns. “–No. Wait, that’s not my place to ask. Forget I asked.” She tries to wave it off, but I stop her.
“No, no! It’s fine… Err… Ah—Well... T-Taller, I guess? About... your size? Take one inch? Or two? No more than three. And with more muscles… than the current me, I mean. Definitely not than you. I was more the part of a spellsword more than pure caster. I certainly wasn’t as squishy. Ah, also, I was human.” As I speak, my voice becomes gradually steadier. “Well, being a glass cannon has been an… interesting experience, in fact. I might prefer this build, in hindsight… since I like blowing stuff up so much… err… It’s just not exactly viable as a solo player.”
She nods in agreement, showing no other reaction than absorbing the information I give her.
After a small silence when I finish my concise description, I risk, “Err… Yeah, so… are we good?” She tenses. Her sharp eyes find mine and narrow. I tense in return, like a deer staring down a shotgun barrel.
“Don’t misunderstand,” she starts in a low voice. “I’m willing to look past your lie because you didn’t mean any harm. I’m not entirely blameless in this situation as well, given my reaction. But you can’t just pass off any misdeed because of lack of intent. I’ve not entirely forgiven you yet. It’s going to take a lot more to earn back my trust.”
I briefly stumped, but eventually, all I can do is nod wordlessly.
I understand. I really do.
I don’t believe I’m that trustworthy in the first place.
Meh. Earning stuff is lame. I say we just take what we want. We’ll get her trust, eventually.
Shut up. Just… shut up.
What? Guilty conscience, Nicky?
Hah. If I do have a conscience, she doesn’t sound at all guilty to me.
Hehehehehe.
I repress a sigh.
What’s wrong with me, really?
Fucked up childhood.
What?
Oh, nothing, nothing.
Thena seems oblivious to my complex mood. “I must say. It’s much more comfortable hearing you speak normally like a modern-day person.”
Putting aside my gloomy mood, I chuckle through a smile and raise an eyebrow. “Not a fan of roleplay?”
“No. Really not.” She shakes her head, short red braid swinging. “…I don’t like playing this game in the first place.” She says the last part in a barely audible mumble. I don’t think I was supposed to hear it. It might have slipped her mind how good my hearing is.
I frown. She’s not enjoying the game? That just doesn’t sit right with me.
Just you wait, Miss Grumpy Pants!
“Shame. Roleplaying can be loads of fun, even if it’s only a little.”
“I prefer practical people.”
“Man… you lucked out with me, didn’t ya?”
She doesn’t need to answer out loud. The look of tired resignation on her face says it all. I chuckle awkwardly, scratching the back of my head.
You don’t have to be this honest about it!!
Without regard for my sorrow, she stands up and pulls me up to my feet without asking. Not that I mind. Is it bad that I enjoy being treated like a ragdoll by her so much?
Don’t try and fight it.
“You do know the way to Start, don’t you?” The suspicion in her tone hurts, but it’s not like it is unwarranted. I repress a twitch.
“Sure. I know at least two. One shouldn’t take much time… if we can get out of here. This place is a real maze.” Well, I’ll acknowledge it is indeed more comfortable to speak like this. All this dancing around had become quite tiresome. I like to roleplay, but I found out it’s only entertaining as long as I can switch it off when I feel like it.
She frowns. “You don’t know how to get out?”
I raise my hands helplessly. “Hey, I don’t know everything.”
“Woof!”
“Hmm?”
At the bark, we both turn around. Seated atop Appleseed’s head, Toto is imperiously pointing a paw towards a tunnel. Thena and I share a glance.
“I guess… he wants us to follow him?” I raise an eyebrow at the possessed toy with that last word. His answer is to snort in ridicule. He taps on the goat’s head with his paw and Appleseed obediently takes off in the darkness. “Hey! You’re my familiar!! Stop listening to him! …ahhhh.” I sigh, shake my head, and turn back to Thena. “Well, they came through once already…”
She shrugs. “It's not like we have a better option either.” She hesitates. “Are you okay, blood-wise?” I’ll pretend I didn’t notice the blush on her green cheeks when she asked.
“Yeah… I should be fine…” Okay, maybe I should avoid mentioning I helped myself to a few snacks while she was unconscious—I mean offline?
I mean, I wouldn’t have lasted the month otherwise.
She nods, thankfully not prying further. “Then we should get going.” Matching actions to words, she equips her cursed armour and strides past me. “The sooner we get to Start City, the better. I have a class to get rid of, and I’m sure you have better things to do than follow me around as well.”
“…Not really,” I mumble to myself.
She looks over her shoulder. “What did you say?”
“Nothing! Nothing. You’re right, let’s’a gooo~" I singsong cheerfully as I skip past her and into the tunnel. Looking back, I see her scratch her eyebrow, then shrug and follow.
I turn back forwards with a firm smile plastered on my face.
Let’s enjoy this while it lasts.
* * *
[ Narrator ]
In the dark darkness of a deep dark cave, a dark hooded figure and an armoured gathering of the undead were staring fixedly at... a wall, a dead end to be exact, a sight that had become frequent for the group in the past month. Had the undead knights been capable of complex emotions, they might have been sharing awkward glances behind their leader’s back.
Speaking of said leader, if one were to look closer, the vaporous shadows oozing from the sleeves and underneath the hem of the figure’s cloak appeared to simmer softly and coil and uncoil nervously like contained anger.
After a long moment of silence, the shadows eventually calmed down, and the figure slumped slightly.
An unmistakable gravelly voice echoed in the deep dark darkness, sounding weary.
“Why... am I... so bad at… this?”
* * *
Somewhere else.
The boulder groans and trembles under the strength of Thena’s bulging muscles. With one final creak of pained resignation, it finally collapses, revealing—I want to say daylight… but it’s only Erwyn’s terrible cursed weather and eternal pseudo-night again. Also, the smell is barely better than underground.
Well, at least it’s outside.
It’s probably good it’s not daylight in fact. I tend to forget that I’m a vampire… even if only half.
Thena walks out first, followed closely by Appleseed, who sticks to the imposing semi-orc like a duckling to its mother, her glowing red eyes scanning the surroundings fearfully.
I’ve had this suspicion for a little while now… but this goat is a real coward! She does know I can summon her back from the dead in case she gets destroyed, right? That’s the whole point of making her my familiar—I mean aside from keeping her from reverting to a mindless monster. I’m sure I explained it to her… didn’t I?
Oh, well… I guess she’s just that much of a poltroon. I reckon she only came charging to our rescue in Kansas because Ambrose magically compelled her.
I should have called her Scooby-doo.
The aforementioned surroundings, which Appleseed is so frightful of, are merely dense woods and underbrush. My [Soul Sense] doesn’t pick up anything nearby, so I think we should be fine in the immediate future. Thena is always on high alert anyway. She’ll catch anything I might miss.
Still sitting atop Appleseed’s head, Toto looks back at me and huffs with all the smugness a toy puppy can muster—which is surprisingly a lot. I was expecting it, however, and don’t give him the satisfaction of reacting.
Instead, I look back at the exit we just stepped out of. It’s in the side of a small rock formation in the middle of a large thicket, and probably nothing would have betrayed the entrance to an underground maze before Thena knocked down the boulder that used to block it.
Which begs the question...
“How did you know there was an exit here?” I inquire to the possessed puppy, who suddenly freezes mid-smug pose.
“Go-o-o-ot lo-o-o-ost. Fou-ou-ou-ound e-e-exi-i-i-it. Naaah!” Appleseed admits without remorse. Toto casts her a murderous look, and I erupt in cackles.
He spits a ball of [Soul Fire] at me. When the magic fireball harmlessly disperses against me, he huffs haughtily and jumps from Appleseed to Thena’s shoulder… and miscalculates by a couple of inches. He barely catches himself to the semi-orc’s shoulder pad and cutely agitates his hind legs as he struggles to climb up.
I don’t see if he succeeds because I’m on the ground, holding my stomach and laughing mercilessly. The feeling of another clump of soul flames washing over me confirms he probably succeeded and is not amused by my reaction. My giggles only double.
A hoof stomps a hair’s breadth from my face, and I choke on my laughter. I look up, startled… only to discover a panicked Appleseed hurrying to extinguish all the small fires which Toto’s flames lit up in the magic-saturated grass. Once finished, the goat heaves a very human sigh and then turns to us and bleats reproachfully.
“Naaaaah!!”
“Pffft—” Only Thena’s stern glare stops me from another fit of laughter. I slap my hands on my mouth and stifle it to a muffled giggle. “Come on… It’s funny!” Thena sighs, resigned. Appleseed is pouting—and you haven’t seen everything until you’ve witnessed an undead goat pouting.
Shoulders still shaking with laughter, I scratch my outraged familiar behind the horns as an apology and offer her an apple from my inventory. She accepts it while purring and rubbing her head against my hand.
Seriously, are you a goat or a cat?
How is she even feeling the scratches? Undead don't have working nerves.
Pavlovian response? As a matter of fact, where is she putting all those apples?
I think it’s better not to question it.
The rules about undeath seem pretty lax in this universe anyway.
Almost as if the one who came up with this world couldn’t be bothered with straightening them out…
I’m picked up from the ground like a kitten by the back of my red leather suit. I glance up at Thena as she puts me down on my feet, and I cock my head. She keeps her eyes on the woods around us. “Enough, let’s go. I don’t want to run into anything like those [Death Knights] again. This area is way too high level for us.”
I nod in agreement. “Right. I was above level 100 before I was cursed, and even then I ran into quite a bit of trouble.” I don't miss the quick look of surprise Thena shots me before her expression sets into one of determination.
Looking up, the high cliff where we had our face-off with the Shadow Fiend’s bunch is visible through gaps in the canopy. Even from here, it looks slightly charred. …Oops? Well, anyway, using that landmark as a reference, and my memory, we somehow deduce the probable direction of the road crossing these woods—a road I walked in the past, before a series of thoughtless actions led on the path to Kansas.
…fond memories?
A dead squirrel almost killed you.
Hey! He was a very powerful squirrel.
Right.
What’s that supposed to mean?
As I lose myself in self-argument, we set off without delay.
* * * * *