Carl took a bite of one of his two unknown-meat skewers that his new friend had acquired for him from a street vendor as the prelude to her revenge, then grunted his approval. Wow, this is unbelievable. It's a pork tenderloin, I think? With some kinda salty, sweet seasoning. Mmm, juicy, too. "This is really good," he said around a mouthful of probably-pork. "Thanks." He chewed, trying to adjust his grip around the two meat sticks so he could continue eating without accidentally poking himself in the face with the second skewer.

"It is, isn't it?" Mina said from in front of him, sounding pleasantly surprised.

They ambled slowly back towards her steam-powered car with Carl following a step behind, deep in thought as he continued to eat. The noise of the market street surrounded them in the daylight which continued to shine despite it being nearly twenty one o'clock.

This is pretty surreal. He stared at the back of the blonde girl's head. I was focusing a lot on what she's been through, but when I think about it she's kinda like a cross between Bobby and Sammy. She's curious about everything and loves tinkering with stuff just like Bobby, but then she's also got a lot of Sammy's recklessness and drive. The resemblance is uncanny.

Carl abruptly looked away, chewing the last segment from his first skewer. Ah, what am I thinking. I just miss my girls is all. Hope they're—

Mina abruptly reached over and stole the second skewer out of his hand, then took a bite. She grinned with mischief in her eyes as she chewed.

Yup, that's a Sammy move. He grinned a little. "Somebody's hungry," he said, feeling amused and, suddenly, slightly lonely.

The girl took a second bite and nodded as she chewed, still giving him the same mischievous look. Then she handed the skewer back.

I'm always eating leftovers, even in games. Carl took another bite of the delicious, realistic-tasting virtual food. That reminds me, I think I still had some leftover pulled pork in the fridge that I was looking forward to. Except now I'm kinda wishing I had some of these meat skewers in real life. Annie would love 'em. Maybe we should try getting out to that churrascaria again…

"That really hit the spot," Carl said after he'd pried the last chunk of meat off the skewer. "What do we do with these?" He held up his depleted skewers.

Surprisingly, Mina chose to litter at that moment. "Anywhere will do," she said as though it was normal to throw garbage into the road. "The street sweepers will manage it."

"Huh." Thinking on it, that was a stupid question. They probably disappear after a few minutes or something. Or, at least, that's what a competently designed game would do. Nobody's got time to be worrying about garbage. He tossed his skewers to the side of the road.

"Well, that was pretty good," Carl said. Understatement, really. Should've gotten a few more for the road. "Where to now?" Still a bit leery of this revenge in case it ends up being some weird thing like what's going on with everyone in the pink collars, but she seems like a good kid. Hurt, abused, possibly traumatized, but still a good kid. Ugh, poor girl. Yeah, maybe revenge is on the menu; I'm still pretty pissed. Almost hoping I've got a little while longer before anyone finds me now.

The girl he was thinking about had already climbed back into her car and was strapping on her goggles by the time he broke himself out of his thoughts.

I should get a pair of those. Really hope she stops driving so fast. Bad enough without seatbelts, but there aren't even doors on this thing. Carl sank down into the somewhat uncomfortable seat, placing the butt of his spear on the floor of the car between his feet.

"You feel like letting me in on your plan yet?" he asked. I guess at worst it'll still be an interesting experience. One more thing for this crazy story.

Mina put her hands on the wheel, ostensibly to cast her fire spell and heat the engine's boiler. Then she turned to him with the same grin she'd had when she'd proposed her revenge. "Of course!" she exclaimed. "We'll be visiting the most important place in the entire city."

Most important? That's gotta be… "The castle?" Why would she wanna go—

"No," she said, shaking her head, "the Creature Marketplace."

Creature Marketplace? I don't like the sound of that. "The what?" Maybe I misheard.

"The Creature Marketplace is the source of this city's nickname," Mina said, her grin faltering.

"The City of Lust," Carl said. She really shouldn't be wrapped up in any of this. Her parents are monsters.

"Yes, that," Mina said, her voice saturated with disgust. "It's the source of all those pink collars you inquired about earlier."

"Oh," said Carl. He tried to remember exactly what she'd said in the moments just prior to an all-consuming rage blasting most thoughts out of his head, but he couldn't come up with much. Collars… So it's some kinda BDSM club? Not really where I figured I'd be headed tonight.

"Yes, I believe you have the correct idea," Mina said.

The car began to move, this time at a very reasonable pace.

This is much better.

"The nobles, wealthy merchants, and even royalty spend a majority of their coin there," Mina said. "Creatures are expensive, you see."

"Creatures," Carl said. I think I'm beginning to see where this is heading. And it's… Yup, it's weird.

"I did not choose the name of the place," she said in a defensive tone. "We'll go there, and you will purchase an item in my name. The result will enrage everyone. It will be the perfect revenge." She slowed down and then navigated onto another street.

Carl frowned. This feels like it's going in a direction I'm not too comfortable with. "Let me get this straight. You want me to buy a person?" Maybe her idea of revenge isn't so well thought-out after all.

"Not quite," Mina said. She brought the car to a stop as a group of people crossed the avenue some distance ahead, then turned to him with a very self-satisfied look on her face.

She's practically demanding to be praised. Carl chuckled at the absurdity of it. "Very safe, Mina," he said, giving her an approving nod.

The girl in the driver's seat smiled brightly for a moment, then seemed to catch herself and frowned. "As I was saying," she continued, beginning to drive forward once more, "It's not quite a person."

"Uh-huh."

"Well…" she paused. "I suppose I can't be completely certain. But I'm reasonably convinced that it's not. More of a magical construct, I think. Like a doll."

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Like a sex doll or something? I guess that's not as bad as I was thinking. Except… Ugh, are there really sex dolls in the game? How did I possibly miss that? I really never pay attention to anything game-related unless it's related to systems or security, do I. I'm positive Annie would've checked it out more thoroughly, though. Always does.

"It should be reasonably quick," Mina said, continuing to drive with a surprising degree of safety-consciousness. "I believe I recall hearing that the auctions begin around twenty o'clock. If so, then we should arrive with ample time."

"So you want me to buy this thing and say I'm buying it for you," Carl said. "Why?"

"In a sense," Mina said, "it's the most valuable thing in the entire kingdom."

Carl's brows rose up his forehead. "How much are we talking? Also what are coins worth?"

Mina snorted, the sound turning into peals of laughter as she glanced at him. "You really would be quite helpless without me, wouldn't you?"

"I was doing fine before—"

"I'm certain you were, Carl," she said in a tone that seemed to imply otherwise. "One coin is valued at one loaf of bread."

"Huh." Carl tapped his thumb on the shaft of the spear. "So how much is this thing we're buying worth?"

"The initial valuation is fifty million."

"Wow." Carl blinked. "That's…a lot of bread." Who the heck even has that many coins sitting around? And how elaborate does a sex doll have to be to be worth that much?

"Yes, it could feed the kingdom quite comfortably for many years," Mina said, her tone displeased. "But it will surely go to auction, as the marketplace will no doubt have received at least three offers for it already, and there's no reason for them to sell for less."

"I see." So it's a BDSM auction house? I think I'm gonna leave this entire part of the story out when I tell it. Mina can stay in, but I'll have to do a lot of editing there, too.

"I expect that were it not for our interference, the Arderne family would be the eventual buyers. We wouldn't want that, would we?"

Carl's grip on the spear tightened, and he looked to his left at Mina's frowning face. "I can't promise not to make a scene if I see that prick again."

Her frown slowly twisted into a decidedly malicious grin. "I don't recall asking you not to. It's not necessary, strictly speaking, for my idea, however. No, their anguish after I publicly purchase it away and vanish will be satisfying enough."

So she's gonna embarrass these rich perverts by buying up this in-game sex doll and running away with it? Carl started to chuckle. "Alright, I'm starting to see how funny this idea is."

"I suspected you would," she said, laughing a bit herself. "The crucial bit will be that our bid will have to be announced just prior to the auction's end. Ah, this is it." She pointed to a large building looming off to the side.

"If you really wanna get everyone," Carl said, "you should park your car a little ways away so nobody sees it. And wear some kinda—"

"Yes! A disguise!" Mina's grin stretched even wider, and she began moving her thumbs restlessly on the wheel. "I can leave my steamcar on a street here…" She turned down a narrow side street between a pair of brick buildings, slowing as she went, then pulled up to the edge of the wide avenue at the end.

"Inventory," Carl muttered. He reached out and began flipping through the pages. "I think I've got something here…"

Mina pulled her goggles over her head and frowned in curiosity at him while he picked through his inventory.

"Yeah, here we go." Carl said, pulling an object out. He held it up for her inspection.

Mina gingerly took the skeleton Halloween pullover mask with both hands and held it in front of her. "It's…horrid," she said, grimacing.

"Perfect, right?" Carl said. He flipped to another page to get the matching jacket for his pants. "Look, I'm even gonna get a little more dressed up."

She watched him pull the jacket out, then blinked. "I must say, I'm noting some discrepancy in the relative completeness of our proposed outfits, Carl."

"Try it on," he urged. "Well, once we get back in that alley. Don't want everyone to see." He stepped out of the car, stuck the point of his spear into the stupidly-soft cobblestones next to him, then swung the jacket around and on over his shoulders. Bobby shouldn't have given up tailoring. This is way cooler than nightvision potions. "Dismiss," he muttered.

"Well, don't you look fancy," Mina said as she walked past him and back into the alley they'd just driven through.

Carl picked up his spear, angled it over his shoulder, then followed after her. "I think this is the best-fitted suit I've ever worn."

Mina looked back. "It does seem to fit quite nicely. Wherever did you have it made?"

"Ah, my daughter crafted it for me," Carl said, rubbing his free hand through his beard. "Last thing she made before she switched to be an alchemist."

The blonde-haired girl in front of him came to a stop and turned, seeming surprised. "You have a daughter? And she seems to be a quite formidable tailor, too, by the cut of that suit."

"Yeah, I've got two of 'em, actually," Carl said, grinning. "My youngest made this." He tried posing a little to show off the fine tailoring work. "She's only thirteen—well, going on fourteen next month—but she's really good at this kinda stuff."

Mina stared. "Thirteen, you say," she muttered.

"Yup," Carl said, swelling up with pride at how impressed she seemed to be with the crafting work his daughter had done. "Other one's sixteen, but she's not really into this kinda thing. More the active type."

"Ah."

"She—Bobby, she's the one who made the suit—also sent me that mask. Told me to try scaring someone with it." Carl chuckled.

Mina moved her attention to the mask with renewed interest. "Well, I believe we'll accomplish that to some degree," she said. She closed her eyes, then pulled the mask over her head.

It was Carl's turn to stare. Whoa, it's a full character effect!

The cute girl's entire form had been replaced by that of a skeleton, perhaps even her own skeleton.

"I wish I could see how it looks," Mina said, her voice sounding raspy and gaining a creepy echo.

"Pretty awesome," Carl said, holding up his hand with his thumb pointing upwards. "Try looking down at yourself."

She did, then she screamed. Due to the mask's effect, however, it came out as a terrifying, reverberating bellow. She looked back up at him, her eye sockets widening comically in a manner that was impossible for real bone to accomplish. After another moment, her jaws closed. "This is quite a good mask, Carl. I've never seen anything like it."

"I'll tell her you like it," he said. I feel like they'd get along pretty well. Bobby would love to tool around in that car. She always loved racing games.

"Please do," Mina said. She ran her skeletal fingers up over her face, then down across her chest and harrumphed. "Well, it still feels normal to me." She beckoned him forward. "Come, let us be off."

This is definitely one of the funnier pranks I've ever been a part of. I wish I could tell Annie about it. She'd probably laugh harder than I will be when we're running out the door with the thing. Carl smiled wistfully as he walked along behind his skeletonized friend. She'd be great to have here, too. She's always way better with the girls whenever they have problems.

"My voice has changed as well," Mina called back. "Do you think it would be more effective if I didn't speak?"

Carl frowned. "Maybe? But how am I supposed to know what to do when we get inside? Or even before that, really."

Mina stopped, nearing the end of the alley. "A good point, certainly," she said, bringing her hand to her chin.

The effect was unsettling, even as Carl mentally convinced himself that it was just an illusion and there wasn't really a skeleton stroking its jawbone in front of him. His gaze traveled down, noting the toe-bones on her left foot tapping.

Mine looked down at her foot, then continued for a short while as she continued to tap her toes. "Hm," she said in a neutral rasp.

"I guess it's good that you're not squeamish," Carl said.

"No, I'm quite disgusted presently," Mina said. "I'm simply forcing myself not to dwell on it."

"Oh."

"As for speaking…" Mina went silent for another moment. "If you behave in an overbearing manner as you did earlier, that should be sufficient to afford you a certain degree of freedom. Simply demand the royal seating for the auction and wave your spear around a bit. Perhaps throw some coin at any who impede you to any significant degree. I'll signal you if anything of importance arises or, if need be, I can speak, jarring though it may be."

Carl was nodding along with the plan as she explained it. Pretty sensible.

"I'm afraid I don't have much knowledge about the inner workings of the Creature Market, so I can't provide any further assistance," she finished.

"I think I've got the gist of it." Carl rested his spear, butt down, on the ground and rubbed his beard. "How overbearing can I get away with being, you think?"

Mina's skeletal head closed its teeth in what Carl now recognized was probably a wide grin.