Okay, maybe this wasn't my best idea. Might have to—
A blue status window appeared.
New class acquired:
Jumper now rank 1!
1 unused skill point remaining
"Dismiss." —change my clothes when I get there if I don't land it just right…
Carl had awoken after another great night's sleep and decided to check out the lake in D-one before Mina woke up—though obviously his motivation had nothing to do with any form of contest or competition with Rex, who had proven himself to be an able fisherman and beaten him in both of the low-key non-competitions they'd had over the past several days—by using, for the first time, a Vol-approved method of travel.
Specifically, he'd gone outside from the workshop, waited until the street was clear, and taken a running jump as fast and high as he could. The result was that he was continuing to soar over the city with no signs of losing altitude even after traversing a considerable distance and several seconds had passed.
Also he had no idea where or how he was going to land.
This freaking bug is the worst. How the heck do I always tilt forward like this? Oh, who's that?
A slim, armor-wearing woman had appeared in the air before him with a hand outstretched. "Halt," she called in a booming voice.
"Uh…"
The woman clapped her hands, and Carl's momentum stopped completely. He began to fall. You've gotta be kidding me.
As had been the case in every prior instance, he tilted downwards and crashed into the ground head-first. So freaking stupid! He grumbled to himself as he pushed himself to his feet, adjusting his sunglasses in the process. It's like I'm a freaking cartoon character or something.
"Entering District One without authorization is against city law, and I didn't see a badge visible on you," the woman said, standing just in front of the city-dividing wall with her arms crossed. "Badge, stats, or challenge?"
"Uh…" Carl rubbed his beard. Shoot, this is gonna be harder without Vol here to do her thing, isn't it. Stupid side character energy. After this race I think maybe it's gonna be time to go somewhere else next time I log in. Was fun for a while, but now I'm just tired of this city. "What badge do I need?"
"Are you a citizen of the Empire?" she asked.
"No?" They really enforce stuff like this? "Shouldn't you be off having fun in the arena or something?"
"Today is my turn to protect the city. I'll fight and find victory tomorrow," she replied. "If you aren't a citizen, you don't have stats, so your only choice is a challenge."
"Wait, who says I don't have stats?" Carl protested. "What kinda stats do I need to get in?"
"Twenty five points in a single stat or seventy five in total," she said with a small smirk. "But if you aren't a citizen of the—"
"Status," Carl said confidently. This is the real test. No idea who this lady is, and she doesn't know me, so there's no way she's gonna say my stats are bad. Gotta be an in-joke. Gotta be.
A blue status window appeared.
Name: Carl Level: 1,000,000 Next: 823,279,681,592,111 Health: 600 Strength: 10,000,000 Agility: 10,000,000 Stamina: 10,000,000 Intelligence: 10,000,000 Wisdom: 10,000,000 Luck: 10,000,000 Predaceousness: 2 Concomitance: 2 Precipitate: 1 Rebarbative: 1 Mendacity: 1 Delectation: 1 Autochthonosity: 1 Zestibulity: 1 Inchoateness: 1 Fissep: 1 Logorrhea: 1 Hexteria: 1 Bistup: 1 Classes Valet: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Parking Garage: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Laborer: 7 Skills: Skill Points: 7 Arranger: 2 Skills: Skill Points: 2 Peon: 3 Skills: Skill Points: 3 Drudge: 2 Skills: Skill Points: 2 Drone: 10 Skills: Skill Points: 10 Grunt: 2 Skills: Skill Points: 2 Dogsbody: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Toiler: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Employee: 5 Skills: Skill Points: 2 Load-bearer: 3 Skills: Skill Points: 3 Chef: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Conversationalist: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Seamstress: 6 Skills: Skill Points: 6 Angler: 6 Skills: Skill Points: 6 Fisher: 8 Skills: Skill Points: 8 Fish Conservationist: 3 Skills: Skill Points: 3 Monster Hunter: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Monster Slayer: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Card Player: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Kicker: 4 Skills: Skill Points: 4 Puncher: 5 Skills: Skill Points: 5 Furniture Hater: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Dungeon Master: 2 Skills: Skill Points: 2 Trap Builder: 3 Skills: Skill Points: 3 Side Character: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1 Jumper: 1 Skills: Skill Points: 1
Whoa, that's a lot bigger than I expected. Carl checked the giant window over. Don't even remember getting half this stuff. Kinda hard to read with how everything runs together, actually. Should add a note about that to the feedback I'm gonna send Roger…
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
The woman was giving him a curious look. "Your stats are…"
Carl waited with anticipation as she thought it over with the sound of another quiet-ish steam-powered car chugging along behind him. Yeah, there's no freaking way Vol was right about that. And sure, maybe I had to job a little to the empress so she could look cool—seems like there's maybe more to that than just having a fancy title on your status screen—but there's absolutely no freaking way that ten million Strength is—
"Why—How do you have so many points in such useless stats?" she asked with a disgusted expression. "From what I've heard, Strength doesn't have any effect."
"Can I go in or not?" Carl asked, feeling the Strength leave his body.
She nodded. "Your stats, strange as they are, are more than enough for you to enter."
"Where's the lake?"
She turned and pointed. "If you go in this general direction alongside the edge of the district, you'll reach the lake."
"Thanks." Carl sighed deeply as he trudged a little ways to the side and passed through the gate, feeling suddenly way too old to be playing games of any kind because apparently even basic stats like Strength weren't good anymore like they had been back in the day when he'd been at the peak of the gaming hierarchy and had known how things worked—something that was seeming harder and harder with every second that he stayed logged in since every time he tried to do anything, he always discovered that he was an even bigger noob than he'd previously thought, no matter how impossible that seemed given the levels his previous noobishness had reached.
----------------------------------------
At last, Carl arrived at the lake.
It was a lake. Not the biggest he'd ever seen—though also not the smallest—but still very much a lake and not a pond judging by how deep it looked in its center. There were four docks set up, one on each side, and a man wearing a big hat was fishing off the closest one.
"Carl, glad you made it," Rex called without looking back. "Great day for fishing!"
"Hey, Rex," Carl said when he got closer. Too tired to even yell. Maybe sticking around to be here for Mina was… No, definitely not a bad idea with how happy she was looking last night. He sighed. So hard to stay with it though. Really should've hooked my phone up at least so I could… Well, I guess it's not like I could call Bobby and Sammy since they're in school. But Annie's at lunch, so I could've at least called her. He trudged down the wide dock to the end. Only a couple more days…
"Come on, the fish are—Oh, here's another one!" Rex pulled back on his rod and started reeling quickly, working the line with speed and efficiency. "The fish are a bit bigger here, Carl." After a brief battle, he hauled up a giant, purple-scaled fish that had to have been at least as big as Carl.
Whoa! Carl tipped his sunglasses up and goggled. That's freaking huge!
Rex looked over at him. "Not even the biggest one I've caught today," he said with a little smirk. "We'll start with this as the one to beat since you just got here though, how's that sound?"
"You're on," Carl said. Feels like I got my second wind just now. "Inventory. Gotta warn you though, I'm not gonna hold back today. Clear out your schedule, because you're gonna be making me a fishing rod later."
"Big talk, Carl," Rex said as he tossed the giant fish back into the lake. "Not sure you're…"
Carl took out his can of worms and fishing spear, bathing himself and his surroundings in its green light. "Don't mind me, just gonna put some bait on my fishing spear while we talk," he said. No way I'm gonna lose at this. I can deal with being a noob at game stuff, but this is fishing. He's gotta be using some kinda magic fishing lure or something, but he can't beat me if I'm using this. Definitely not. No freaking way. He grabbed a worm and brought it up to the spot at the top of the spear where the fishing line deployed out of, pulling out the hook and an appropriate length of line.
"What, uh…" Rex stared at him. "What's that?"
Carl decided to give it a minute while he slowly and meticulously baited the hook with a worm. After what he judged was an appropriate amount of time, he looked up. "Oh, this?" He raised it in the air. "Nothing special, just my Fishing Spear of the Sea God."
His first cast was beautiful. It might even have been the best cast of his life. The line took off across the placid surface of the lake to land perfectly in its center—which was maybe even a little bit too far, but at the same time it was a distance that would never have been possible in real life, making it perfect for showing off that he absolutely, definitely wasn't a freaking noob when it came to fishing.
"Don't usually use it," Carl continued in an overly casual tone. "Kinda flashy, you know? Sometimes I just wanna catch some fish without everyone staring." He felt a slight nibble. Never really thought about it before, but I think this thing actually gives a better feeling of the line? It's like I can feel the fish biting more directly somehow. So awesome. He jerked his fishing spear to his left to set the hook, and the line started being drawn in automatically.
"Can't help but notice there's no reel on it," Rex said, still spectating.
"You're not wrong," Carl said. He grinned as he easily kept pulling in whatever he'd just caught. "Huh, this one's pretty big." He hefted the end of the spear, dragging a big shark-thing with two fins on top of it out of the water.
It was at least a foot longer than Carl's height.
Deliberately not pumping his fist at having taken the lead on his first catch, instead choosing to invoke his Acting Like He'd Been There skill, Carl shrugged in order to double the move's effectiveness, scoring a critical hit in the process and creating an opening to fire off another Speaking Slowly For Effect to fill his limit break gauge further. "Well, looks like this is the one to beat now, I guess."
Rex's jaw tightened. "Yeah, seems that way." He pulled himself together, still overtly afflicted by a number of status ailments, and tossed his line out again in a cast which was definitely not nearly as far or as amazing as Carl's.
----------------------------------------
The hours-long battle was fierce, as could be attested to by the two levels Carl gained in his Angler class, the one level he'd gotten in Fisher, and also maybe the extra level in Fish Conservationist—though he still wasn't sure what the heck that even was or why it existed.
Back and forth the title of Biggest Catch went, and Rex was definitely, one thousand percent cheating out of his mind. Carl didn't know how the man was doing it, but there was no freaking way his stupid fishing rod with its baitcasting reel and tiny little lure should've been anywhere near as effective as they were.
Game stuff was the worst like that.
Carl grasped his Fishing Spear of the Sea God once more and let fly with another perfect cast towards the center of the lake. Yeah, game stuff's pretty awesome. And this lake has so much cool stuff in it! I mean, nothing yet that's worth sending to Bobby, but still cool.
"This one's gonna be the biggest one all day," Rex muttered. "No fucking question." The shorter man had grown increasingly agitated as the contest progressed. Sweat trickled down his face under his hat, and he'd been using increasing amounts of profanity along with his increasing amounts of muttering to himself.
Guy's kinda losing it. Carl glanced down at him out of the corner of his eye. Must be one of those sore loser types. He shook his head. You hate to see it. Some people just never grow out of that, I guess.
Rex fought with whatever he'd hooked, and Carl let him have the moment rather than casting his own line back out immediately. The hat-wearing man yanked his fishing rod from side to side as he continued to reel.
"Looks like a big one," Carl remarked.
The hook came out of the water, but the massive, horned fish, due to the height of the dock and Rex's lack of height, remained partially in the water. The shorter man reached out and grabbed his line, walking back to pull the fish onto the dock. "There! Look at this!" he exclaimed excitedly as he exposed more and more of the fish.
The fish shot water out of its mouth, but Rex slapped it on the side of its head, producing a loud, wet, clapping sound, and it became more normal-fish-like and started flopping around.
"That's it," Rex said, nodding to himself as he gestured to the gigantic fish that had to have been three times Carl's height in length. "That's the biggest one today for sure."
"Sure seems that way so far," Carl agreed. "Where do all these things come from if it's a lake, anyway?"
"Underwater tunnel at the bottom of the lake," Rex grunted as he unhooked the huge fish. He rolled and flipped it off the dock. "Leads to a big underground aquifer with all types of leviathans."
"Huh." Carl rubbed his beard. "That like…some kinda dungeon or something?"
Rex looked up at him with his brows drawn down. "Dungeon?" He shook his head as though the answer was obvious. "No, it's just an underground body of water." His hands worked to reel the line in, and then he hooked it onto one of the guides. "Anyway, I think I'm going to head back now," he said, showing a slightly smug grin. "Looks like it's my win again, Carl. Better—"
This guy's trying to catch and run! "Hold on, hold on," Carl said, frowning down at him. "If you'll recall, you were catching the first fish when I got here."
"Yeah, so what?" Rex held his rod up over his shoulder, visibly edging towards shore.
"Means I should get one more catch, doesn't it?" Carl asked, firing off a Speaking Slowly For Effect.
"Well, I can't help it if you're slower on the draw than me, Carl," Rex said with a small chuckle, continuing to sidle away from the lake.
"I don't know about that, Rex," Carl said, affecting the expression of someone deep in thought, even though he already knew exactly what he was gonna say to this flagrantly cheating, poor sportsmanship-having fisherman. "Far as I can remember, we've been alternating the whole time since I got here, which means you've caught one more fish than I have."
Rex's expression soured, and he refused to meet Carl's eyes. "Might be right."
"Do you really think this is fair if we're competing?" Carl asked while Maintaining Eye Contact, simultaneously executing his stealth finisher move, Do You Really Think This Is Appropriate Behavior In The Workplace?, after sensing that his limit break gauge was full.
Rex sighed. "Okay, alright, fine," he said as he needlessly adjusted his hat. "One more for you to even it out so we can have a fair contest."
Works every time. "I'll do my best," Carl said. Really gotta make something happen now though. He grasped his fishing spear and took a couple small mock-casts before letting fly with another perfect cast into the center of the lake. So satisfying.
A minute passed, but Carl wasn't about to rush things.
Another minute passed. Rex had returned to stand next to him, leaning from side to side with his arms crossed while he waited.
The thing about fishing was that it wasn't a fast activity. Sometimes it just required the fisherman—not that Carl had any problem with people who weren't men doing the fishing, obviously, because Carl was very aware that fishing was an inclusive activity that any and all people could participate in whenever they wanted or if they wanted, but also there were a lot of people who didn't have the patience for fishing, just like there were probably a lot of people who also wouldn't have enjoyed listening to his views on the topic of fishing as an inclusive activity, even though it definitely was, and he'd never try to—
Carl felt a bite. Whoa! This is something different.
Unlike his past catches, which had, to varying degrees, tended to grab his hook in their mouths as they swam by, this bite gave the distinct impression of something deciding to chomp on his line. He pulled his spear hard to the side—but not too hard, since he didn't want to accidentally pull the fish slightly out of the water with his ten million Strength, which was probably the limit of what a garbage stat like Strength could accomplish—to set his hook, and the battle began.
"Looks like you got something, I suppose," Rex said, sounding disinterested.
"Heck of a lot more than something!" Carl exclaimed. He struck out to the right with his fishing spear, but the fish moved with him, forcing him to immediately move back to the left. The fish was swift, however, and it quickly darted back. Not even sure I'd be able to catch this thing without my fishing spear. Moves way too freaking fast to reel normally. What is this thing?
"Hey, Carl, didn't expect to find you hanging out here."
"Hey, Vol, kinda…" Carl continued to fight the crazy fish he'd hooked, the act requiring his full focus to avoid having his hook unset even with his fishing spear.
Rex spun around towards the shore. "Oh. It's you."
Carl didn't have any time to pay attention to that though. He was locked in a war with this fish-monster-thing that he'd caught, completely unable to focus on anything else.