"Okay, I'm bored. Carl, I know I said we were friends, but I'm feeling like I'm doing most of the friending today while you're just sitting there."

"Not sure what you mean. This is how being friends works sometimes. It's not always gonna be super exciting. I'm not saying you should go, but it's not like I'm forcing you to sit around here and be bored."

"Urgh… Can't you just make something a little interesting happen? Just one thing?"

"You already had something interesting happen when you bought this whole freaking workshop, didn't you?"

"No, that was really boring."

Carl sighed. Sitting around like this is kinda boring, but that's how life is sometimes. Got a nice, comfy chair though, and I can relax a bit, which is rare enough that it's not a bad kind of boring.

"If you make something interesting happen now, I promise I'll never ask again. I'm so fucking bored right now. Even this steak isn't helping."

The sound of chewing reached Carl's ears, and he sat up quickly. "Are you eating in…" He cut himself off when he realized what he'd been about to say. "Oh, I guess it's your chair now. Uh, ignore that."

Vol continued holding a juicy-looking steak over her mouth, eating it in a way that looked almost like a meaty log being fed into a wood chipper. It was actually kinda gross to watch, so Carl stopped watching.

"What would be interesting to you?" he asked.

"I'll know it when I—"

"Hi, Carl!"

Carl started, then looked around while he tried to find the source of the oddly familiar old lady's voice.

"I came to visit just like I said I would. You wouldn't even recognize our dungeon now, partner."

Carl twisted and looked around behind the chair. "Core?"

There was now a small hole in the back corner past the staircase, and a black marble was peeking out, glinting ominously in the daylight that filtered through the windows.

"Yes, it's me!" the core said happily.

"Uh…" Carl panicked for a moment as he tried to recall more details about all the things that had happened leading up to this point in his life, many of which, like the time he'd tried to create a portal dungeon for his youngest daughter with the help of Ir'alith's dad-axe, Seth'tith, seemed so very far in the past already that it was hard for him to even recall the exact details.

"Carl, I know I'm repeating myself, but how're you this fucking interesting?" Vol was already on her feet walking over towards the core, which, predictably—

"Can you please not use excessive profanity?" the core said. "There's no reason for it, and it doesn't add anything to the story."

"What the fuck even are you?" Vol asked as she knelt down next to the core.

"Core, if you could keep it down a little, someone's trying to sleep upstairs," Carl said, pointing upwards.

"Oh. Sorry, Carl," the core whispered at a regular speaking volume. "As I was saying, please refrain from pointlessly using profanity."

"Uh, Carl, why's this fucking rock talking to me?"

"Carl, I would like your agreement to convert this space into part of our dungeon so I can punish this rule-breaker."

Vol picked up the core and held it up to her face. "It's so dark. Almost like it's eating the light that shines on it. Nice color, though, and it doesn't have any imperfections that I can see."

"Your flattery won't work on me, rule-breaker!" the core protested in a tone that sounded both bashful and like flattery was absolutely working on it.

Carl finally found his footing in the odd situation that had developed, having at last recalled most of the relevant details. "Core, this is Vol. Vol, core. Core is my d—partner in dungeoneering. And Vol's my friend."

"What's dungeoneering?"

"Stop petting me!"

I have come to pay respects to the dungeon master, said a new voice, which, for lack of a better word, sounded edgy.

"I as wëll," said another voice, which sounded like a pompous man with a vaguely French accent.

Two more dungeon cores rolled up and out of the hole. One was silver with green spots, and the other was a swirling pinkish color.

"Uh…"

An ordinary-looking rock hopped up out of the hole to land next to the others. "Core," it said in a gravelly voice.

A black and yellow core flew up on what looked like insect wings and landed on top of the rock. It buzzed but didn't speak.

We are assembled.

"Carl, make her stooop!" whined the only core he recognized.

"You didn't answer my question," Vol said while she rubbed her thumb on the core. "We getting attacked now? By rocks?"

"Core," said the only actual rock.

"Er, no, these… I think are all dungeon cores?" Carl said. "How'd you even find me, core?"

"What's a dungeon core?"

"We're linked by the bond of our dungeon partnersh—STOP PETTING ME!"

"Carl, get this fucking rock of yours to stop telling me what to do, or I'm gonna get annoyed."

"Alright, you both need to chill out and be quieter," Carl said, giving the assortment of Vols and dungeon cores a stern look as he finally stood up, with great reluctance, from the incredibly comfortable chair that he really could just spend an entire day lounging around in. "Mina's still resting upstairs. If you can't keep it down, you're gonna have to leave."

He looked to Vol. "Stop petting the core. It doesn't like that."

He looked at the core. "Stop trying to do the whole rule-following thing. Vol's my friend, and this isn't part of the dungeon."

He stood with his arms crossed and fired off a quick Dad's Disappointed to make his point, feeling that it would be super effective in the current situation.

Vol gave him an odd look, then turned her gaze on the core. After a moment, she set it down, and it rolled over next to the other cores.

"Thank you," huffed the core.

"So what are they?" Vol asked again.

"They're dungeon cores. You, uh, grow dungeons with 'em." Carl looked at the hole in the floor. "And…I think my dungeon just came to visit me. But I only ha—was partners with one core."

We are now all cores sharing the edges of a single dungeon, said the silvery core.

"'uoǝƃunp ǝlƃuᴉS" the yellow and black core buzzed quietly.

"I gathered up all the other cores I could find," said the core, sounding proud of itself. "We found many intruders who broke the rules of our dungeon. I banned some."

"Hey, that's great, core," said Carl, recalling once more how the core had talked about banning people from the dungeon. "How was it?"

"It was…okay," said the core.

"C'mon, core, how was it really?"

"ItfeltsogreatIthoughtIwasgoingtohavetostopandrestbutthenIjustkeptbanningthemhahahehehahehehahehahe…" The core trailed off into its insane giggling, which seemed to have grown significantly less endearing than he remembered.

"I mèlted sëveral intruders," said the pinkish core.

"Core."

"˙ǝɹoƆ"

Carl's gaze fixed on the silver core with the unusual way of speaking.

There were many intruders. They saw the edges of their lifespans, it said in a way that gave Carl the impression it was somehow being humble.

"When you say dungeon," Vol began, "you mean a dungeon dungeon? Carl, you have a fucking dungeon?"

"Er, yeah?" Shoot, this is gonna be one of those awkward things, isn't it.

"Not just any dungeon," the core said proudly. "This is the most awesome, challenging, rule-following dungeon of all time!"

"'ǝɯᴉʇ llɐ ɟO" the weird core echoed.

"Carl," Vol said, sidling up to him, "we're friends, right? You're gonna let me look around in your dungeon, right? Right?"

Carl looked down at her, taking in the excitement she radiated. "Well—"

If she enters the dungeon, she will seek the treasure.

"I concur."

"Sorry, Vol, no intruding in our dungeon if you want to live," the core said with a certain snarkiness he'd sort of gotten used to at one point but now had to reacclimate to.

Carl rolled his eyes. "What happened to the dungeon must be able to be completed?"

"Um… W-well," the core stuttered. "It's still… It's very possible to complete, isn't it?"

The dungeon has yet to be completed.

"Core."

"Alright, so what's the harm in letting Vol test it out? She's not gonna take the treasure, are you Vol?"

"What the fuck am I gonna do with some stupid treasure? I only wanna have fun running around in a dungeon. A dungeon that my friend owns." She gave him an amazed look and started fanning herself with her hand while pretending to breathe quickly.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

"Carl doesn't own our dungeon," the core said in a testy voice which likely meant it had lowered its metaphysical librarian glasses on its nose. "We're partners."

"Okay then, partner, we're gonna let Vol try to complete our dungeon so we can prove that we aren't breaking dungeon rules. Wouldn't wanna be breaking rules, now would we?"

The core sighed happily. "No, we sure wouldn't."

The dungeon is at the edge of rule-breaking.

"Good thing you stopped by now before you tipped over the edge into breaking a rule then, huh."

What is it to tip over an edge?

"Well, uh, it's like when you go past one edge and then maybe there's something else beyond it?"

An edge beyond an edge…

"See? I told you our partner was great!"

I was at the edge of belief, but now I have found a new edge.

"So we're gonna let Vol check out the dungeon."

"She's not going to try to take the treasure?"

"Vol?"

"I don't want your stupid treasure."

"I suppose we can let her try to complete it," the core said reluctantly.

"Yes!" Vol cheered at a surprisingly quiet volume while throwing her hands over her head.

"But no complaining if she dies," the core added.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go already before I get bored."

The hole in the floor widened.

"Well," Carl said, turning back to Vol, "have f… She's already gone." Of course she is.

There was an extremely faint sound of someone cheering from the direction of the dungeon-hole.

"She's fast," the core remarked.

"Very fast," added the pinkish core.

"She…has said to tell you that our dungeon is too easy," the core said in an extremely disgruntled tone.

"The dungeon has been completed," said the pinkish core.

Carl frowned and looked down at the core. "You talked it up like our dungeon was really hard."

"But—But—But it…" The core stuttered, then stopped speaking.

This is just like that thing with the walls. I said make 'em strong, but then they weren't… Or wait, maybe they were kinda strong, and I had ten million Strength. Oops. But this is totally different. Carl turned his frown on the core. "I don't wanna be too hard on you, core, but I'm a little disappointed."

The core made an unhappy groaning sound. "Carl, this isn't normal. I promise nobody else could do—"

"Weaak," Vol interrupted, now standing at his side and looking up at him. "Carl, there's barely even anything in your dungeon. Just a lot of boring walls and a couple boxes with boring stuff in 'em."

The treasure is not boring.

"Boring to me," Vol said, sounding bored. "So disappointing," she said with a big sigh. "I thought this was gonna be really interesting, but it's just a bunch of dumb rocks. Sorry, Carl, I'm not trying to talk shit about your dungeon, but—"

"You can't talk like that about our dungeon!" the core whispered angrily, clearly setting its librarian glasses very low on its metaphysical nose to achieve such an angry tone. "That… That completion doesn't count!"

"Am I supposed to care?"

"We'll make the dungeon even more awesome," the core said in a sulky tone.

"Core, how much time did you really put into dungeoneering?" Carl asked with skepticism, recalling how it had just been sitting around the last time he'd seen it despite claiming that it was building the dungeon in some other direction or whatever.

"We—"

"Not much, I'll wager," Vol said. "Lots of long, empty corridors. I always wanted to try exploring a dungeon, but they're fucking impossible to find now. And this was what I got when I did find one." She sighed disgustedly.

"Urk," the core groaned.

"I expected more from you," Vol said, standing with her hands on her hips as she looked down at the core. "Gonna have to have a long talk with Carl about this later."

Carl started to chuckle. Reminds me a little of Annie when the girls get in trouble.

"What're you laughing at?"

"Nothing, you just reminded me a little of my wife there for a sec."

"Carl, you have a wife?" the core asked. "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"I'm sure it must've come up at some point."

"No, it most certainly did not! I'd remember if I'd learned something so important about my partner."

"I'm positive—"

"Carl, tell us about your wife," demanded the core. "We're your partners, so we must know about any other partners you have."

Carl, through extraordinary force of will developed over years of being a dad, managed not to sigh deeply or even place a hand over his face as the annoying dungeon core programming latched onto this particular thing to talk about now. His face was a perfect mask of—

Vol snickered.

"Alright, fine, what do you wanna know?"

"Ooh, I wanna play too! Is she as interesting as you?"

"Er… I think she's probably more interesting."

She must have edges.

"Uh, not really sure what that means."

"Is she human?" asked the core.

"Yeah, core. She's human."

"Is she hot?"

"What?"

"Is her tëmperature high?"

"Oh. Uh… Normal, I guess?"

"Core."

"Er… Core?"

"Core."

"Core?"

"˙ǝɹoƆ"

"Right…"

"Is she like you or does she wear shoes?"

"Vol, I do wear shoes normally. And so does she, not that—Why am I even answering these questions?"

"Could she design a better dungeon than you?"

"I don't know, maybe? She's not really into—"

"Hey, why doesn't anyone ask if I can make a better dungeon."

Carl gave Vol a look.

"What? I could!"

"Prove it."

"You're just saying that."

"Core, Vol's gonna help work on our dungeon."

"I don't know, Carl. I think there must be a rule against that."

"We talked about this, core. Didn't we say we were gonna have the most awesome, challenging, rule-following dungeon ever?"

"Yes, we must follow the rules."

"Is there really a rule that says other people can't help with making dungeons?"

"Thëre is no rule such as this."

"˙ǝlnɹ oN"

"I've never really thought about making my own dungeon, but it could be fun."

"Core, stop sulking. This'll be great. Vol's got a lot of experience doing stuff, so she'll probably come up with some great ideas."

"I'm not sulking."

There is no edge between you and sulking.

----------------------------------------

"How's the dungeoneering going with Vol, core?" Carl asked. He was now lying back in his comfy chair with the core perched on his shoulder. "I hope the other cores can handle stuff without you."

"They are all capable dungeon cores," said the core. "Have you considered my request?"

"Uh…"

"To add this structure to our dungeon?"

"Oh. I don't know, core. Why do we need to do that?"

"Because otherwise I would be breaking dungeon rules by being outside the dungeon like this."

"Well, we wouldn't want you to be breaking any rules."

"So then—"

"But Mina's resting upstairs, and I don't wanna do anything that'd bother her. She's having a really tough time lately."

"Who is Mina?"

"She's, uh, someone I care about."

"Would you say that you treasure her?"

"I guess I might."

"So you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her."

"No, of course not."

"And you want to protect her?"

"Well, yeah."

"Carl, that's exactly why we need to turn this structure into part of the dungeon now," the core said with increasing urgency. "If it's not in the dungeon, how can you really protect your treasure? You said she's above us? How do you know someone didn't sneak in and take her away while you weren't paying attention?"

Carl's eyes widened. How do I know? He leapt out of his chair and bounded over to the stairs, taking them three at a time with his long legs as he hustled up to the second level, just in case…

Mina was laying on her chair with her hair spread, disheveled, over her face, and the sheet halfway off and onto the floor.

The forty nine year-old father sighed with relief, even though it'd been an entirely irrational worry. Or is it? He moved up onto the second floor and stood next to the chair.

Mina blinked at him through her hair, making no sign that she would get up.

"Hey, Mina," he said, stroking her hair back from her face. "Feeling any better?"

She blinked again.

This is like when Sammy thought she didn't make it onto the basketball team last year. Moped around for an entire week until she got the news, and then she was hyper for like, a whole month. He opened his inventory and took out his last cup of tea from the previous day. "Brought you some tea."

When she made no move to accept it, he found himself wishing he'd had the foresight to keep a table in his inventory. Instead, he dragged over a small crate from along the far wall and set the saucer on it. He pulled out a tray of pastries, one of the pork shanks from their first day, a bowl of veggie soup, and a small loaf of bread, stacking them around on top of the crate. "Some of your favorite foods, too."

She didn't respond, but he hadn't particularly expected her to. This was familiar territory now that he thought about it based on a concrete experience he'd had in parenting, and he knew that as soon as he left, she'd probably eat the food, since he was positive that it was all stuff she'd really liked previously. The key now, as best he knew, was to just help her be comfortable. She'd suffered a big setback mentally, it seemed, and he needed to support her while she bounced back. For at least a little while, anyway. There was a point when he'd have to give her a push if she didn't seem to be able to get back up on her own.

For now, however, he gave her knee a little squeeze, picked the sheet up off the ground and draped it over her legs, and then tossed her empty teacup and salad bowl into his inventory before closing it and returning to the main floor.

"Oh, so that's Mina," the core said, still balancing on his shoulder somehow.

"Listen up, core." Carl picked the core up and held it in front of him so he could be extra serious. "We need to add this building to the dungeon ASAP." With everything she's been going through, I wouldn't be at all surprised if someone actually did try to kidnap her or something. Not under my watch.

"Great," said the core.

Nothing happened.

"Uh," Carl said as he looked around. "When are you gonna—"

"I've already finished," the core said, sounding like it was in a good mood. "Don't worry, Carl. We'll protect the tr—Mina. Nobody will ever take her away now."

"Right, we need to start adding traps and stuff in case anyone tries to break in."

"No, we don't need to do that," said the core. "I'm going to make absolutely sure nobody comes to steal your treasure, Carl."

"She's a person, core. Not a treasure."

"Right, that's what I said. Nobody's going to steal your Mina, Carl."

"Uh-huh. And how are you gonna make sure of that?"

"I'm so glad you asked at this exact moment," the core whispered excitedly. "We're about to get our first intruders at this entrance of our dungeon!"

"What?" Carl looked around again.

Part of the wall next to his chair vanished, and a man stumbled through with his fist outstretched as though he'd been punching the wall at the moment it disappeared.

Carl scowled.

The man surveyed his surroundings quickly. "What—"

"Hi, intruder number one!" the core chirped. "Bye, intruder number one!"

The man disappeared, and the wall reappeared.

The core started to giggle. "Oh! There's another one trying to come in through the roof!"

Carl raced over to the stairs.

"Gone now," the core said in a sing-song voice before its giggles intensified. "Ban, ban, ban!"

He reached the second floor and peeked over the landing, but there was no sign of anything amiss, only Mina slowly sipping her soup with a sad expression on her face. He ducked back out of sight, feeling a slight pain in his chest from what he'd seen. She looks really down.

"Three!" the core cackled quietly. "Ooh, and four, and five, too!"

Chewing the corner of his lip and ignoring the maniacal core for the moment, he trudged quietly back down the stairs and let out a big sigh when he reached the main level. Wish I could do something more direct to help, but I think she's a little too far even for a pep talk right now.

He returned to his chair with reluctance and set the softly giggling core back on his shoulder so he could cross his arms over his chest. "Who were those guys, anyway?" he pondered, regaining his earlier scowl.

"All five of them hehe were thinking of someone na—hehe—med Emma," the core said between giggles. "They were filthy hahehe, but not as filthy as many I've seen."

Carl's gaze hardened. "Emma, huh." From Mina's reaction, I'm guessing her sister wasn't actually concerned about her at all. And these guys probably weren't here to rescue her. His hands clenched.

Someone needs to do something about her family. If it wasn't so obvious that she's got some issues there she needs to resolve, I'd say it was time to do some PvP. Once she takes care of that though…

The short remainder of the day was spent in quiet contemplation of several things. Another ten intruders entered his dungeon and were banished by the quietly cackling core in that time.

Something had to be done.

He just had to figure out what.